"And so, we all decided that it trying to get you to change your class was a bad idea," Explained the Soldier.

"A very bad, very painful idea," The Scout added.

"That's why I built you this," Declared the Engineer.

The Heavy gazed at the new machine. It was a beautiful behemoth of destructive power. Every inch of looked just like Sasha, save that it lacked the tiny dents and scratches that the Heavy had come to love about his old love. Still, he could tell that he and this new gun would become very close.

"She's built exactly like Sasha was, based on her schematics," The Engineer continued, "It even does that weird thing where it crackles like it's firing Criticals even though it isn't."

"Thank you so much, everyone!" The Heavy cried, happily.

"It wasn't really a team effort, I did all the construction and…"

"I didn't know you all cared so much!" The Heavy continued, clutching the new minigun, "I will call her… Lyudmila!"

The Engineer sighed, and let the Heavy appreciate the new weapon. Everybody else dispersed, not really caring about what they saw as just another gun. Still, they were all glad that the Heavy would finally stop causing problems for them. Nobody was happier than the Scout, who decided he still needed a final word with the Heavy.

"So, Heavy, you gonna stick to your old class from now on?" He asked, hopefully.

"She has that beautiful new gun smell!" The Heavy shouted with excitement.

"I'll take that as a yes," The Scout said, "So you think you can somehow avoid nearly killing me on a daily basis now?"

"I probably can avoid it," The Heavy reasoned, casually, "After all, I was doing it on purpose."

"…what." The Scout said, shocked beyond all ability to express emotion.

"You called Sasha 'Sara'," The Heavy explained, as if it was the most logical thing in the world, "That made me angry."

"You what?!?! Are you out of your mind?!" the Scout exclaimed, "Do you have any idea what you've put me through?! It was all because I said the name of your stupid gun wrong?!"


The Scout shook with frustration, "Fine! Screw You! Have fun with Ladmiley or whatever!"

The Heavy watched the Scout stalk out. A brief silence passed. He looked around, then leaned down and whispered to his gun.

"I know, I heard. We'll show him for saying your name wrong."


The Engineer sat at the mess hall table, getting one of the sausages that the Medic had made them all for supper. The Scout stormed in and plopped himself down in one of the chairs.

'Somethin' wrong, boy?" The Engineer asked him.

"Oh no, everything's just fine," The Scout said, sarcastically, "This has just been one of the stupidest misadventures that giant oaf has ever led us on."

"What about that time we were on vacation in Las Vegas and he-"

"Stupider." The Scout insisted.

"Well, it wasn't a complete loss," The Engineer said.

He drew the Scout's attention to what looked just like a level 1 sentry, only five inches tall. As he held his sausage bun in front of it, the machine beeped, aimed, and squirted a line of mayonnaise along the sausage. The Engineer took a bite.

"Mmm, perfect amount every time," The Engineer said, "Want one?"

"…Sure," The Scout replied.