A/N: Non-explicit, so as not to offend your delicate sensibilities. Reposted because I found some typos. Enjoy
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own no one.
Holly was lying flattened between the mattress and the rug, shield up, eyes closed, and ears flattened. Nevertheless, it did nothing to keep her sharp elfin sense of hearing from picking up the soft creaking of the bed springs, or the whimpers and sighs of the Mud People entangled on top of it.
She opened her eyes and counted the threads in the carpet. Forty-seven. Forty-eight. Forty-nine... Drat, did I already count that one?
She recited Frond-era poetry in her head. And alas, o'er the windblown steppes of Sioddharm bounded the coursers and their riders, swift and fleet as none before them...
But it was no use. Her thoughts kept returning, unbidden, to the debauchery occurring a mere foot and a half over her head.
Holly certainly hadn't meant to end up here. She'd only snuck in through this window because she'd thought it unlikely anyone would be occupying this guest bedroom, remote from the rest of the manor as it was.
So focused on silently slipping through and closing the window had she been that she hadn't even noticed the couple snogging in the corner until she'd heard the woman giggle. Panicked, Holly had gone invisible and dived for the nearest source of cover. Even so, she suspected she'd been seen.
There'd been a thump as the pair fell laughing onto the bed. Clothing had begun raining down in front of her hiding place.
Careless, Holly chided herself. Sneaking in shieldless like that... She had forgotten her training. Minutes passed.
Abruptly, the rhythmic creaking came to a hault. The two people had a whispered conversation, but Holly didn't catch it. She almost gasped when a feminine pair of feet suddenly swung over the edge of the bed and planted themselves ten inches in front of her face. The feet padded around the room, gathering clothing. Holly caught a glimpse of a shapely young brunette with a pretty, freckled face as the woman reached the door, again fully dressed in her maid's uniform. She turned back to face the bed and smiled impishly.
"I have to say, I greatly enjoyed your company."
"Likewise," came the voice from above Holly.
"See you tomorrow."
And with that, the woman grabbed a pile of clean sheets from by the door and slipped out into the hallway.
More protesting creaks from the mattress as the man on top of it started moving. Holly shut her eyes.
Please let him leave please let him leave please let him leave...
"Hello, Holly. Nice to see you again."
"Hello Butler. You, too." She unshielded and cracked open an eye to see Butler looking at her, hanging half-upside down and appearing far more amused than he had any right to be.
"Not the best of hiding places, you know. You might have picked the wardrobe, or even the bathroom, for that matter. More discreet."
"Pardon me for being slightly taken aback," said Holly, blushing rather furiously.
Chuckling, Butler's head withdrew from her sight and was replaced by his feet.
"Of all the windows you could've picked... Stay under there a minute, would you?"
Holly kept her eyes tightly closed and heard rustling as the big man got dressed.
"You KNEW I was under here. That was completely unnecessary."
"If you were male you might think differently. Like I was going to send her away over a silly little thing like you being under the bed... Alright. You can come out now." Holly wiggled out from the tight space like a snake on her belly.
"So, Butler," she grumbled. "Shagging the maid, eh? Not very classy."
Butler shrugged his broad shoulders and smirked. "Maybe not. But wonderfully scandalous, wouldn't you agree?" he asked, buttoning up his rumpled dress shirt. Several interesting bite marks currently decorated the sculpted torso.
Holly's train of thought was momentarily derailed as she noticed the way the fabric stretched over his partially-exposed chest. She supposed she could see how a Mud Woman would find this appealing.
"And this is how I discover that behind that whole pokerfaced, neatly dressed, totally-professional-bodyguard facade, there is a philandering daredevil just waiting to be unleashed," she teased.
"Well, what, you thought I was going to go celibate until my retirement? As Juliet would say, that'd suck."
"Speaking of Juliet, that girl had to be about her age," said Holly, raising an eyebrow.
"Who, Colleen?" He snorted, fitting his tie around his neck. "Hardly. Juliet's nineteen. Colleen's twenty-seven."
"Huh." Well, Holly was bad at guessing the age of Mud People anyway.
"Huh," Butler mimicked. "You know, we weren't really expecting you here so early. It's barely five."
"Yes, well, my last mission wasn't as difficult as I expected."
"Always count your blessings," said Butler. He walked to the bed and slipped into his loafers.
"Don't need blessings when your perp's a goblin," the elf quipped.
Butler laughed, went over to the mirror and checked himself over, smoothing his jacket. "Not missing any buttons, am I? How do I look?"
"Like you were just shagging the maid in the guest bedroom."
Butler adjusted his tie. "Ah well. We'll see what happens."
He headed for the door, Holly trailing along behind him. She vibrated out of sight as he checked to see if the coast was clear.
"Where are we going?"
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to stick some laundry in the wash, go bring Artemis his afternoon tea, take a quick shower and go start dinner. He's in his study, if you wanted to go say hello."
"Alright. Speaking of whom, isn't Artemis going to notice something's, er... off?"
Butler grinned wickedly as he ushered her out the door. "Don't worry. He never has before."
A/N: I wanna know who ya'll thought it was before I told you.
Hey, Butler's a lady's man. You really think he's gone fifteen years without gettin' some?
Besides, we all know girls are suckers for guys with big guns ;)