Boulevard Of Broken Dreams.

Summary. . . . . . . . . Sam's thoughts as he walks alone after Bobby's words, and again as he stands there after Dean's.

Disclaimer. . . . . . . . Nothing recognizable in this story belong to me.

A.N. . . . . . . . . I just couldn't leave that episode without a tag, it just screamed for one to be written so here's my two pennies worth. As always thanks for taking time out to read, Peanut x

Song; Boulevard of broken dreams, by Green Day.

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk these empty streets, on the boulevard of broken dreams

Where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone, I walk alone, I walk alone.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find my

'Til then I walk alone

I turn from the motel with Bobby's words ringing in my ears and stabbing needles in my heart. I take a quick look around yet don't really see that I'm alone, and pull my collar up higher against the chill wind that's lightly blowing in an attempt to stop it from finding ways to freeze my heart even more, at least that's what I tell myself. In reality I'm trying to hide myself, burrow my face even further into the cotton confines in an attempt to stop people from seeing the man who has doomed this planet to hell, and brought Armageddon to it's people. I feel the prickle of tears in my eyes, but stubbornly choke the emotions back down, I don't deserve to feel comfort, and crying should be left to the innocent victims in all of this mess, not to me the stupid, arrogant, gullible puppet who created it. I stumble around the corner as though I'm drunk as I remember the man who has become a father to me shouting at me to lose his number, the words breaking me just as much as my real father's had all those years ago.

I have to figure out a way to fix this, but I'm alone and struggling and I don't think I can. I've tried apologizing, even though I know no words will ever be strong enough, I've tried researching in an attempt to figure out a way to stop what I have started, but no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it's not enough and I don't think it ever will be. I realize now I should have heeded Dean's warning and kept my mouth shut and my secret buried, but I just wanted a little bit of understanding. I never wanted this to happen. I never thought it would turn out like this. I just wanted to help, to stop this before it all started, to gain a little revenge maybe, to make those pay for what had been done to me and my family, but truly to just help out, to not be the one who always has to be rescued, to stop Dean from making a sacrifice for once. Some help I turned out to be though, instead of stopping it, I created it, hell upon earth; losing everyone I ever cared about in the process.

I'm walking down the line, that divides me somewhere in my mind

On the borderline of the edge, and where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone, I walk alone, I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find my

'Til then I walk alone

I stand there in the middle of the street defeated, lost, and feeling more alone than I have ever felt before, Stanford, Jess' death, my Father's death, Dean's death, all of them pale in comparison to how I feel right now. Dean has walked away from me, the rock that I thought would always support me has crumbled and left me to face my decisions all alone. I'd thought no words could hurt me as much as the ones viciously spat from Bobby's mouth earlier, how much had I got that wrong. Dean's quiet, emotional confession that he doesn't trust me any more has torn a chasm wide open within me that I don't think will ever be closed. I try to gulp down breaths through a blockage in my throat, a blockage I bitterly swallow refusing to allow it to surface and break free in emotions I feel I have to keep hidden now, nobody cares anymore how I feel anyway. I made my choices, turned my back on my brother, and instead chose a path manipulated by a demon, now I must deal with the consequences. As I hear the Impala's door open and close it feels like the gulf between me and my brother just got a whole lot wider.

I look to my left and right feeling the need to flee, to find a hole, a rock, and crawl my way beneath it, hide myself away from the mayhem I have brought down; but my feet refuse to listen to my brain and instead I find myself just standing there, forlorn, lost, alone, broken. I know deep down I can't go, I've tried before to run away from this life and look how that ended up. No, I have to face this battle I have started, I have to protect Dean even if he doesn't trust me to do so, I have to make things right again between us. I drop my head and find myself wishing I had never been born, or that Dean hadn't come back for me that day the fire tore through my apartment, or that I had listened harder to Dean as he begged me in his own way not to leave, but most of all I find myself wishing Dean had allowed me to die in peace in Cold Oak and not made that stupid deal that has cost more than it was worth; but I had, he did, I left, and he did again. I lift my head back up and stare surprised at the Impala idling in it's parking space, I truly thought Dean was leaving me here to face this all alone, I guess I should have really known better. As the realization hits me I slowly start to walk to my rightful place beside him, one thought starting to heal the fissure in my heart, no matter what we do, or how far we fall, one thing will never change, we will always be brothers.

The End.

A.N. . . . . . . . . I hope that you enjoyed my little tag. Thanks again for reading, catch you all soon, Peanut x