Hey GUYS! Shocked to finally here from me? Yeah, so am I =P. Recently I've been getting a bunch of messages from readers though, I'm not sure why, but I decided to toss you guys a chapter. Don't expect another for some time though. I'm in college now, and that means a lot of studying, so probably no new chapters after this till summer time. I'm not entirely sure if this chapter will be any good, because half of it I wrote forever ago and I finished it today... so... yeah. Anyway! I hope you guys enjoy it =)
I hated it when Bella came over. It wasn't that I hate her in particular, I just hated all that came with her. First was the burning knowledge that I had failed in protecting her. Knowing that my one moment of inattention had caused her so much pain, made me feel guilt stronger than I'd ever felt before. The night I'd heard of what happened to Bella, I'd sent Jasper to his knees with all my emotions.
Then there was the depressed thoughts of my family. I tried to block them out, but it wasn't as easy at home as it was anywhere else. There was no other noise to block out their thoughts and having to hear them was painful.
And the last thing I hated about Bella's presence was her smell. It was always so… tortured. It was hard to explain.
Today was one of those day that I had to suffer through her presence. She lay curled up on the couch with Rose and Alice as they watched Jasper and Emmett play some two player Mario game.
I on the other hand, had just walked through the door after hunting. Everything hit me at once, Bella's horrid smell, my family's thoughts. I nearly flinched, but managed not too.
Rose turned as if she'd just heard the door open. "Hey Edward," She said, before looking back at the TV screen.
"Hey guys," I replied, as Emmett waved back at me without turning, and Jasper just ignored me.
"EDWARD!" Alice said, as she jumped off the couch and turned to look at me. "Guess what!" She yelled, smiling from ear to ear, as she jumped up and down in place.
"What?" I asked, as I tossed my coat over the back of the couch.
"Bella's staying the night," She said as her smile grew, and Jasper chuckled as he felt her giddiness.
I sighed, as Bella fidgeted on the couch nervously. "That's great," I said, though I didn't mean it. This simply meant I would have to pretend to sleep tonight, and be forced to suffer through her presence far longer than I wanted too.
However, my mood did nothing to lessen Alice's happiness. "I'm so excited I could diiiie," She said, as she jumped around a while longer before plopping herself back on the couch.
I sighed as I realized it was going to be a long night. So, I did the first thing that I knew could calm me, and maybe make me forget about Bella and everything surrounding her. I walked over to my piano, sat down, and began to play. I started out with a simple song at first, before moving on to harder one and then one's I had written. Before I knew it, I got sucked into my music, and blocked out everything but the melody and my quiet thoughts.
I was shocked when someone sat down beside me, and I turned to look at them. It was Bella. She was watching my hands intensely as my fingers flew over the key's, as if looking for some kind of answer there.
She looked up into my eyes when she noticed I was staring at her. "I didn't know you played," She said, before looking back at the piano. I didn't answer, as I turned back to the music sheet I didn't need. I was already three pages ahead of it.
"I've never heard this song before. It's really pretty," Bella continued.
"I wrote it," I answered, as I looked back over at her.
Surprised shown in her usually dull eyes. "Really?" She asked. I nodded and turned back to the keys. I didn't really need to look at them to play, but it would be suspicious if I didn't. "Can you teach me how to play?" Bella suddenly asked.
I looked over at her, and I'm sure that my surprised showed on my face. "Sure," I answered, without much thought. "If you really want to learn."
Bella looked from me to the piano keys, before looking back at me. "Yeah, I do," She said, with a smile. It wasn't until later that I realized that was the first time since she'd been raped that she'd ever smiled at me. I decided then, that if I could keep making her smile like that, then maybe someday I could repay her for my failure.
I don't know how I gained the courage to sit down beside Edward and actually talk to him. I hadn't been able to do that since… a long time ago. I guess it was the music that did it, I'd always kind of liked piano music. Renee used to play it around the house a lot, but it wasn't anything like Edwards playing. The music recorded on those CD's had no feel to it, no emotion, but watching and listening to Edward play was different. He threw his whole self into his music, and I guess that's why I did it.
The melody sounded broken and sad, kind of like me, and I feel in love with it. I guess it was just another one of those things that told me I wasn't alone. It wasn't until then that I really realized that I was wanted at the Cullen house. They didn't mind if I was permanently socially impaired, or skittish of everything that went bump in the night. Maybe it was because, beyond all the perfection that was the Cullen's there was a dark secret. I didn't even really care what their secret was though, because I was happy here. I was happy when I thought I never would be again.
And it was that realization that made me decide that I would take Dr. Cullen up on his offer, because I knew he only wanted to help me.
I was surprised to see Bella still at our house when I returned home from the hospital that night, she usually went home before the sun set. I could hear her chatting with Alice and Rose about the different kind of bra's and underpants they preferred, while the boys did their own thing in separate rooms.
"I'm home," I called, though it was only for Bella's benefit. The longer she was kept in the dark, the better.
Alice was the first one downstairs, dragging Bella along behind her. "Carlisle guess what!" She said excitedly. Before I could ask, she rushed on. "Bella's staying over for the night! I'm so excited! That's ok right?" The last part she asked with a frown, as if it had never occurred to her till now that I might say no.
I looked over at Bella, whose face appeared emotionless by Alice's side, though her eyes spoke her nervousness. "As long as Bella's alright with it, its fine," I answered Alice, though I didn't look away from Bella. I waited for any sign that she may not want to stay over, however, none appeared.
"I'm fine," Bella said, with a shockingly bright smile. She seemed to have a lot of those to give out lately.
"Then, I'll be happy to let you stay," I answered, as I took off my doctor jacket, and hung it up by the door. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"
Alice gave me one of those looks that say Do you really think I would forget to feed her? as she answered, "Yes Carlisle, we had delivery pizza."
"Dr. Cullen," Bella finally spoke up.
I looked at her in shock. She didn't usually talk to me, let alone initiate a conversation. "Yes Bella?" I asked.
"Can I talk to you… in private?" She asked, as she laced her fingers together behind her back and glanced down at her feet.
Alice's eyes went wide, before she quickly smiled. "Right! I've got something to do… upstairs," She said and turned to go back upstairs.
Bella watched her leave, before turning back to me. She didn't speak for a long time, probably gathering her thoughts together, before she said, "I want to apologize for yelling at you the other day."
Not what I was expecting, but not completely shocking either. "It's alright Bella, I understand you're having a hard time," I replied.
Bella frowned, before continuing. "That doesn't mean I have the right to be a bitch," She muttered, more to herself than me. I decided not to respond to the statement in case my answer made her angry.
"Anyway," Bella said after a moment, "I just wanted to I'm sorry. I know you and your family just want to help me, and as much as it doesn't seem like it, I do appreciate that." Bella stared at the ground as she spoke, twisting her fingers together nervously as if she thought I might be upset with her statement.
I reached out and gently set a hand on her shoulder. Bella flinched but didn't move away, so neither did I. "I'm glad to hear that Bella," I told her with a smile.
She looked up at me through her lashes, and smiled brightly. I lifted my hand from her shoulder and turned to leave when she grabbed my sleeve. I was shocked that she would even consider such a move.
"Wait," Bella said, before quickly releasing my sleeve. "Um… I was wonder if your offer still stood."
"Of course it does," I answered, watching her carefully.
"'Kay," Bella answered with a small smile, as she turned and headed upstairs. I frowned, as I watched her disappear, probably following after Alice.
I sighed and shook my head. Maybe I was wrong about Bella being suicidal, but only time would tell.
Plz tell me what you guys think =D! Constructive criticism is much appreciated! Thanks so much for reading!