A/N: ZOMGIES, my drama teacher lyk totly fanciez Edwud to! I woz lyk, 'no waay' and she woz lyk 'yes waay' and then I woz lyk 'nononoway' and she woz lyk 'yesyesyesway' and omfg it woz just wowee zowee wow!11 So I iz writin moar off this fic cuz yous iz all so nice (yous is pillahs of strength, srsly) and I wanna share my gift, cuz im srsly startin two think that I hav a gift 4 writin cuz sumtyms I can type on the keybored- wivowt lukkin at the keys! :O I can only hit the spaysbar and the enter key (cos their big so I can find them moar eezily) but sumtimes I can do shift to!111 :O:O:O So im gonna share my gift nao!11 =D
My author's note could have been written by Meyer herself. Btw, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this out. I think there may only be a couple of chapters left in the Zebrafish saga… I know, I know… But I'll see it through to the end!
… … …
'OOOowwoooaaaarrrghhhoooaaaooo!' Bella screamed silently.
'Hold on, my darling!'
'…It is no good,' thought Edward. 'We are going to have to touch down.'
Owing to some fortunate twist of fate, the vampire zebrafish just happened to be above Big Ben at this moment, so Edward easily guided Bella down onto the top of the clock. There was an added bonus to this-
'Let us see a zebrafish-hunting mermaid climb up here! Edward thought with a smirk.
"Bloody zebrafish," growled Sephiroth when he found them, somehow.
(A/N: im tyred, just go wit it, LOL!111)
After Bella's labour had persisted for one hundred and eighty three hours, Edward was starting to worry.
'Darling,' he whispered in his head. 'I do not suppose… could the baby be stuck?'
'OOOOOOWWWWWOOOOOOOCRAP, PROBABLY, OWOOOOO!' Bella replied.
Edward cursed. What now? What could he do? He was no midwife! He- wait!
'My darling, I've got it!' he crowed in silent jubilation. 'Hold still!' With a laugh, Edward the zebrafish pressed his face to Bella's scaly belly and gnashed away with his teeth. There was a slight popping sound as her tummy opened and the baby flew out, landing on a nearby rooftop.
'About time,' Bella sighed contentedly. 'Thank you, my love, thank you.'
'Do not mention it,' thought Edward with a blush. 'Shall we go and look for the baby now, or shall we first engage in more pleasurable activities?'
Bella grinned at her gilled partner. 'The baby can wait…'
"That's what I want to do!" wailed Zack, spying on the copulating zebrafish. Sephiroth tutted and knocked the binoculars out of Zack's hands.
"Focus, rookie. First we slay the vampires. Then we get it on."
Zack sighed, chastened. "Yeah, I guess… still, it'd be nice to do a bit of both…"
Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "All in good time, my friend- well, no, not friend, acquaintance- all in good time…" He picked up the binoculars and pressed them to his own eyes. Zack was going to tell him off for being a hypocrite, but then he realised that Sephiroth was looking somewhere else…
"Zackary," Sephiroth said. He sounded vaguely puzzled. "Look over there, for a moment…" He passed Zack the binoculars and pointed. "Is it just me, or has that vampire zebrafish given birth to…"
"… Where d'you mea- holy crap!"
'Oh, our love is like a Shakespearian epic,' Bella thought contentedly. 'Did you ever hear of that one… Rhubarb and Julian, I think it was called…'
Edward nodded. 'Redbeard and Jules… yes, it rings a bell… And yes, I definitely see the similarity. We have a tragic romance that will last the ages here, no doubt about it. Some might say it was the height of arrogance for a couple to compare their romance to one of Shakespeare's writings (and imagine if that couple did so in a written work; it would be similar to an author comparing themselves to one of the Bronte sisters, would it not?) but I would like to see them write a successful teen romance, I mean, have a beautiful relationship. Yes, that is what I meant.'
Bella nodded, too. 'Mmm… Cathy's and Heathcliffe's relationship was rather beautiful in some ways, just like ours, though, wasn't it? And on a completely unrelated tack, don't you just hate it when an author puts their own words in their characters' mouths?'
Edward nodded again. 'Absolutely… should we go and look for our child yet?'
Bella gave a silent giggle. 'Darling… Give it another couple of hours, okay?'
"How the frickin' frack did that one happen, then?" asked Zack, staring through the binoculars.
"… I have no idea…" Sephiroth replied, then pulled his rucksack off his shoulders and started delving through it.
"Er… what're you…?"
"My father was a scientist, before I killed him," Sephiroth answered. "One of 'his' inventions was a device that allowed the user to ask any science-related question and receive a seventy-percent accurate answer. The percentage is so high because my father stole the invention from Professor Gast, a great man, shortly before he killed him… Killing runs in my family." Sephiroth smirked slightly. Zack shivered. Gawd, the silver-haired merman was hawt! Zack watched as Sephiroth finally drew out a small device with a control pad and a screen.
"So-ooo," Zack said, bouncing on the end of his tail. "What's that thing called, anyway?"
"… A Pokédex," Sephiroth answered. "All the great scientists have used some form of Pokédex over the ages- scientists including the Church, T. Gilesbie, S. Meyer… need I say more?"
"Wo-ow!" Zack stared at the innocent-looking device, eyes round. "That's one heck of an invention!"
"… Indeed." Sephiroth nodded. "You can't go wrong with your science if you have a Pokédex in hand."
"Can we fire it up?" Zack couldn't keep the excitement out of his voice. Sephiroth's lips twitched again.
"I suppose we shall."
'Before we look for our baby,' Bella silently purred into Edward's left fin, 'what should we name him/her/it? I was thinking of a noun like Paedophile-Magnet, or maybe a place name, like Trafford Centre, but I think we should decide together. We can't have a true love unless it's equal.'
Edward frowned slightly at that, but he couldn't be bothered to contest it. Let the female have her false imaginings of equality. 'Those names are not quite… brash enough. What we need is something at least three syllables, but all one word, that no parent in their right mind would name their child and- ZOMG WE HAVE TO CALL IT RENESMEE!'
'OMFG YOU'RE RIGHT!' replied Bella without sound. 'Now let's go and find the baby, and tell it the wonderful news!'
They set off.
"They're on the move, Sephi-"
"Shut-up. The Pokédex is about to speak."
Sephiroth held the Pokédex in the palm of his hand as it began in a robotic voice:
"VAMPIRE ZEBRAFISH ARE UNUSUAL IN SEVERAL WAYS, THE MOST NOTABLE OF WHICH BEING THE NUMBER OF CHROMOSOMES EACH VAMPIRE ZEBRAFISH HAS. THEY HAVE TWENTY FIVE CHROMOSOMAL PAIRS, SO WHEN THEY REPRODUCE, THEIR OFFSPRING HAVE TWENTY FOUR PAIRS, NATURALLY-"
"Naturally?" Zack interrupted.
"Do not question the Pokédex!" Sephiroth hissed furiously.
'Oh!' thought Bella, in surprise. 'Renesmee is…'
"- AND SO, WHEN THE BABY IS BORN, IT WILL BE…"
'… A chip,' Edward completed, staring at his carbohydrate-rich daughter. 'Renesmee… is a chip.'
… … …
A/N: ZOMG!111 :O :O :O Wats gunna happun nao? Omg, plz, revooo!111 Nao! Or ull nevah fynd owt wat happuns at da end! =D Bwhahahahahah!111 REVIEWWWWWWWWWW!1