Title: Things to Look Forward To

Rating: NC-17

Author: darkalbino

Well. This is crack. Pure and simple. I wrote it fast, gave it little thought, and it's unbetad, so read at your own risk.

It was sudden inspiration that came from a little experience I had at college yesterday, explained here:

So I just had the pleasure of discovering the most fantastically distracting and uncomfortable thing about dorm life -_-

People having sex.

Seriously, you'd think these fucking walls were really made of paper. I'm sitting here quite innocently, trying to do homework, and all of sudden, I hear the bed upstairs start creaking rhythmically. I paused for a minute, looked up at the ceiling, rolled my eyes and kept working. And then a couple of minutes later, the noises started, "Oh, ooooh, ah, oh! Fuck, oh!" I put up with it for a couple of more minutes before just giving in and turning on my TV to try and drown out the noise, yeah, that didn't work. That bitch was fucking loud as fuck, jesus DX

This whole thing basically turned out like a bad porno XD

Warnings: SasuNaruSasu, yaoi, language, crude, CRUDE humor, general OOC - it's CRACK guys, c'mon -_-

Disclaimer: Pffft, this thing gives ample reason as to why the characters aren't mine.

Beta: This story's not worth it -_-; Although Mimi is rockin' the title ^3^

Things to Look Forward To

"Oh! Ooh! Ooooh!"

Naruto Uzumaki glared at the ceiling of his and Sasuke's dorm room; the cheap, thin layer of what might as well be nothing failing to keep the girl's constant moaning within the confines of her own room.

"Oh! Oh baby yes! Right there!"

Naruto clenched his jaw and whipped his pillow from under his head, pressing it over his face and groaning into the plush material.

"Oh, pound that pussy baby!"

In pure frustration, Naruto tossed his head from side to side and kicked his feet out at the air, causing the blanket to fly off both his and his boyfriend's body.

Beside him, Sasuke awoke with a soft, irritated moan, his hand grasping at the empty air around his thighs, searching for the blanket. Finding nothing, Sasuke growled and turned onto his side to find Naruto sitting up in the bed, breathing heavily and glaring absolute murder at their ceiling. "The hell are you doing, Naruto?" Sasuke grumbled.


Naruto turned sharply to Sasuke, looking furious. "Four nights, Sasuke, four fucking nights!" he hissed. He turned back to the ceiling where the amorous couple above continued their activities. "You may be able to sleep through this bullshit but I can't take it anymore!" He yelled at Sasuke even though he wasn't looking at him.


Naruto clapped his hands over his ears and screwed his eyes shut. "She sounds like a goddamn cat in heat or some shit!"

Sasuke's eyes were narrowed with minimal interest at the other boy. He snorted and began looking around for the blanket as he said, "And just what do you propose to do about it?"

"I've thought about it," Naruto replied quickly. "We're gonna fight fire with fire." He turned and grabbed Sasuke's legs, tugging him in slightly.

Sasuke let out a little grunt of surprise before swatting Naruto's hands away from him. "What are you talking about?" He stiffened when Naruto's hands slapped down onto his thighs, the sex noises from upstairs still playing in the background.

Naruto grinned down at his boyfriend and squeezed his thighs. "I'm gonna fuck you and while I am, you yell out the nastiest, most embarrassing things you can think of. We're gonna out fuck them!"

Sasuke's expression hadn't changed at all. His eyes were narrowed and his lips set in a thin line, giving Naruto a look of disdain. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, you idiot."

"Is it, Sasuke? Is it? Or is it so goddamn brilliant that just the thought of even attempting to execute it is enough to blow your mind."

Sasuke stared at him. "…Fuck you. Go to sleep." As he tried to turn away, another obnoxious groan filled the room and Naruto jerked Sasuke back.

"Sasuke! I need them to SHUT. UP. Why won't you do it?!"

Sasuke grit his teeth and spoke tightly through them as he leaned up close to Naruto's face, "Because I'm not going to scream stupid shit with your dick up my ass, Naruto, if that's anyone's job it's yours."


Sasuke blinked. "What?"

"It doesn't matter who's screaming it, just as long as one of us is!"

Sasuke felt a nagging urge to ask why they needed to have sex at all, why Naruto couldn't just scream whatever he wanted, but like hell was he going to potentially ruin a chance for sex, especially when Naruto wasn't going to fight him to be on top. But, "What exactly are you gonna say?" Sasuke questioned suspiciously.

Naruto just chuckled and tugged at Sasuke's bottom lip with his teeth. "I'll talk dirty to you," he offered.

Well that caught Sasuke's attention. There was nothing Sasuke loved more than Naruto talking to him like a cheap slut. Because, hell yeah, you bet Sasuke was into that shit. He rolled over so he was lying on top of Naruto, immediately putting their dicks in contact.

They slept nude, and their beds were pushed together for the sole purpose of midnight fuck sessions. And morning fuck sessions. And afternoon fuck sessions. And brunch fuck sessions, but that wasn't the point. At least when they fucked, they were thoughtful enough to keep their sex sounds to themselves.


Naruto rolled his eyes and reached behind Sasuke to grab his ass, forcing him down as he spread his own legs and bucked into him. He bit at Sasuke's earlobe as his boyfriend slowly began grinding down on him. "That's it you bastard, I want that dick nice and hard when you shove it inside me."

There was a spike of excitement that shot through Sasuke's groin, and his hand flew out for the lube on the nightstand.


Sasuke's head turned at the distraction but Naruto was quick to grab him by the back of his neck to pull his attention back. He was scowling at Sasuke, his hips pivoting violently as Sasuke let out a deep groan. "Eyes over here," Naruto growled, feeling the cool touch of lube being poured over his anus. He tugged Sasuke's hair harshly, almost painfully; their breathing was erratic and heavy. His other hand came up so he could rub his thumb along Sasuke's bottom lip, grinning at him. "You wanna stuff your cum inside me?" He pinched Sasuke's lip between his nails. "Then you keep your eyes on me."

Sasuke shuddered and dropped the lube beside them, lining up his erection.

Naruto chuckled throatily. "Fuck me," he demanded.

Oh yeah, all that nasty talk Naruto was doing made Sasuke one horny mofo.

He slowly pushed in, watching Naruto arch and moan as he pulled out a little before sinking in again. He repeated this until he was fully inside and sighed quietly, beginning to thrust as he whispered, "All right, now what are you-"

"OH FUCK!" Naruto shouted abruptly, causing Sasuke to give a startled jump, but Naruto continued despite it, locking his legs around his boyfriend and shouting to the top of his lungs, "OH SASUKE! GOD, THAT FEELS SO MOTHER FUCKING GOOD!"

Sasuke, as much as he liked…uh…that, he was thrown off by Naruto's enthusiasm, his hips were moving awkwardly as his eyes shifted from left to right. "Uh, Naruto, I think-"

"OH, YEAH!" that woman was still going.

Naruto's face twisted in determination as he yanked at Sasuke's hair. "HOLY FUCK! YEAH, RAM THAT ASS BABY!" He was yelling at the ceiling, basically having a shouting match with the girl, when he suddenly looked back to Sasuke. "SPANK ME!"

Sasuke frowned. "What?"


Sasuke cringed at the order and reached down before lightly and very, very awkwardly tapping his hand against Naruto's ass. He jerked a little when Naruto hollered his approval with a garble of grunted words.

Naruto started ramming his hips against Sasuke's, making the bed creak aggressively beneath them. "YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE?!"

Sasuke's mouth went slack, "Uh…"

Naruto's hands shot down to Sasuke's hips, digging his nails into his skin as he yanked Sasuke in and out of his body, his attention flying back to the ceiling with a huge, shit-eating grin on his face. "THAT HUGE UCHIHA COCK INSIDE ME! FUCK YES!"

Sasuke was nearly in pain from how hard Naruto was slamming down on him and squeezing around him. He clenched the bed-sheets in his hands and panted as he tried to keep up with Naruto. "Ah, you – idiot, you're – hah – you're gonna end up breaking something that you really enjoy and – and you're gonna be mad later – "(1)

"DAMN IT SASUKE! FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" Naruto yelled, ignoring Sasuke's warning. He let go of Sasuke so he could get up on his elbows and glare at him. "WHAT ARE YOU, A BITCH?!"

Sasuke flushed, his hips still working. "Wha..?"

"A BITCH! ARE. YOU. A. BITCH? HUH?! A BITCH WITH A DICK, IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE?!" Some spittle flew from Naruto's mouth and landed on Sasuke's cheek.

Sasuke stared at Naruto with wide, shocked eyes, an expression he hardly ever wore. "N-No…"



Naruto flopped back on the bed. "THEN FUCK ME FASTER! " He ordered while grabbing the lube beside him and looking back at the ceiling. "I WANT THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD TO KNOW THAT UCHIHA SASUKE IS FUCKING-" he threw the lube so it hit the ceiling and fumbled for the empty soda can on the nightstand. "MY-" he threw the can too and grabbed a book, "TIGHT-" threw that too and ripped the alarm clock off the desk, " ASS!" It hit the ceiling with a loud clink. "YOU HEAR ME FUCKERS?!" Naruto yelled, and then tossed his head back in pleasure. "UHN, YES!"

Sasuke was having a bit of problem here. On the one hand, he had to admit, that Naruto was scaring the shit out of him. On the other hand, watching Naruto writhe around and yell like some psychotic moron (or bad porn star) and order Sasuke around like his bitch on a leash made Sasuke's cock pulse with excitement.

Not that it mattered either way though, because the way Naruto was moving around and banging him like his life depended on it had Sasuke's climax approaching fast. He bit his lip as his thrusts became jerky.

Naruto grabbed Sasuke's shoulders and squeezed, a wild look in his eyes. "COME ON BABY, JIZZ ON MY FACE!"

Sasuke shook his head slightly. "No, no I'm fine. I'm just gonna finish-"


Sasuke flinched and swiftly pulled out; half-afraid his boyfriend might just grow fangs and claws if he didn't obey. He straddled Naruto's chest and stroked himself quickly, the head of his cock hovering just over Naruto's lips.

All they could hear upstairs now was the rhythmic creaking of the bed. The girl had finally shut up.

Oh, but if they thought Naruto was done, they were sorely mistaken. He pumped his cock fast and hard as Sasuke stiffened over him and, with a gasp, squirted his seed onto Naruto's lips, his cheek, and one white streak on the bridge of his nose. He sighed and slumped, catching himself with one hand on the bed as Naruto's tongue poked out and swept up the semen around his mouth. Then he hummed appreciatively and yelled, "OH, THAT UCHIHA CUM TASTES SOOOO GOOOOD." His brow furrowed in a scowl as he looked at the ceiling, where on the other side, the bed was still creaking but slowly losing its rhythm. "IT'S THE MOST DELICIOUS THING EVER, TASTES LIKE FUCKING PEACHES AND CREAM," Naruto declared. "DOES YOUR BOY-BITCH'S CUM TASTE LIKE PEACHES AND CREAM?!"

Sasuke's face went beet red. He slid off Naruto and curled up next to him, facing away.

The creaking had stopped, completely, so silence filled the dorm.

A wide, satisfied smile stretched over Naruto's face. "That's what I thought. Fuckers." He let out a soft moan as his hand slowed over his erection, closing his eyes as short streams of white jetted out, leaking down his fingers.

With one more satisfied breath, Naruto wiped his hand off the side of the mattress and turned onto his stomach, sighing happily, semen still drying on his face. "G'night, bastard."

Sasuke stayed wide-eyed and quiet beside him, curled up in a fetal position, and wondering if the school therapist was free tomorrow.



And that kiddies, is what you have to look forward to in college. UNF UNF B]

(1) Chalex for the ultimate win XD