So, yeah, I know this is complete schmoop but I was in the mood for some schmoop after that last episode. And I seriously believe Dean wants to forgive his brother but he just doesn't know how.

I also think Dean doesn't realize exactly how broken his brother is inside.

If you like the schmoop, remember: Reviews rock my world!


Dean awoke to the sound of Sam tossing and turning in the next bed. He threw back the blankets with a sigh. A week. It had been a week since the convent and every single night was turning into this.

Bleary eyed, he stumbled to his brother's bed. "Sam," he whispered, laying his hand on his brother's chest.

Sam whimpered and immediately opened his eyes. No matter how angry Dean was with his brother, the stark terror in Sam's eyes made his heart ache.

"I'm sorry." Every night, the same apology. The apology that covered so much more than the sleepless nights Sam was causing for them both.

Dean studied his brother's weary face. He still felt betrayed by Sam but damn, he hated to see the kid suffer. If there was one thing Dean understood, it was nightmares.

Sam pushed himself up in bed, squinting at his watch. "Go back to sleep, Dean. You still have a few more hours."

"Sam, this has to stop. You're killing yourself."

"Tell me how," whispered Sam. "I just….I can't………I don't know how to stop it. Every night I see it happening again and again."

"I don't know how, Sammy, but Lucifer is more than a dream. He's here and if you don't get some rest….."

"Lucifer's not what I'm dreaming about." Sam suddenly seemed to take a great interest in the bedspread pattern.

"Well, then what the hell are we losing sleep over?"

Sam had begun to tremble uncontrollably.

"Are you jonesing again?" demanded Dean.

Sam shook his bowed head.

"Then what is it?"

"Everytime….I….dream….." A strangled sob escaped Sam's throat. "I….see me s-s-slamming the d-d-door….."

Of all the things Sam had to keep him awake at night, the one he chose to focus on was the very thing Dean couldn't forgive him for.

Dean felt part of his hard exterior crumble. "Sammy…"

Sam raised his tear-stained face to look at Dean. "I can't change it, Dean. No matter what I do……not even in my dreams."

Sam began to weep and it was unlike anything Dean had ever heard from his brother. Deep, agonizing sobs that came from his very core. No matter what had happened, Dean couldn't let his brother suffer alone. He put his arms around Sam, rocking him until the sobs finally quieted and his little brother was sleeping against his chest.

I have to forgive him. If I don't forgive him, he's going to slowly kill himself. But how can I? How can I forgive the one person I trusted more than anyone in this world? How can I ever trust him like that again?

Dean struggled to hold back his own tears as he cradled his brother against him. God, please, if you're there….please help me. I don't know how to forgive my brother…..but I want to. I really want to. So, can you help me, please. Help me forgive.