Title: Helping Hand

Characters/Parings: Bobby/Alex; Logan/Barek; Ross/Wheeler; Falacci/Damian (her husband)

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Can't sue me. You know the deal.

Setting/Classification: AU, Drama, Friendship, Romance

Spoilers: Season 7

Summary: On the outside, Alexandra Eames is tough, resilient and don't take shit from anyone. On the inside, however, she's vulnerable, weak and is hiding painful secret. What happens when her secret comes out and can Bobby help her?

Author's note: Originally, this was supposed to be a one shot, but someone gave me a suggestion in my last fic A Shoulder To Cry On. I thought it was a great idea, so I decided to put that to good use. As I mentioned before, this was gonna be a one shot, but I decided to do a full fledge story because I haven't done on since How To Deal.

Enjoy and happy reading!

Lots of love, hugs and kisses from your resident writer and friend, Nina!

X

Major Case Squad

22nd precinct

One Police Plaza

Manhattan, New York

October 10, 2007

Detective Alexandra Eames sat at her desk, staring at the blank computer screen and looking like a deer in the headlights. A faint sigh escaped her lips as she just sat there and thought about her life. A life filled with turmoil, shame, suffering and never-ending pain. She thought she would be able to be happy again, especially after finding out who killed her husband Joe, but finding out hurt her even more. Plus, her life hasn't been filled with lollipops and fairytales.

Running her fingers through her long blond hair, she thought about her childhood. Growing up as the daughter of a police officer, she knew what she wanted to do when she became an adult. She wanted to be like her father because she had looked up to him. However, her home life was anything but normal and average.

It was filled with pain.

Suffering.

And non stop abuse.

Which lead to her to do something that she kept a secret since her teenage years.

Something that even her partner and best friend doesn't even know.

And she plans to keep it that way.

She didn't want any sympathy or any pity. She didn't wanna be treated as an invalid or a victim. She just wanted to be treated the same just like everyone else.

Wiping a tear away from her eyes and sighing deeply, she got up from her desk and began gathering her things. Since no new cases were coming in, there's no sense for her staying here any longer. She could go home and fix her something to eat, then she'll unwind by reading a book or watching television before heading off to bed. She doesn't have any plans, anyway.

"Hey, Alex, where you're going?" Detective Carolyn Barek asked when she walked in holding a cup of coffee.

"Calling it a night. I'm tired and sleepy," Alex simply said.

"Don't go home yet, honey. A bunch of us are going to get drinks. You in?" Carolyn asked, smiling.

Alex smiled back, but she shook her head. "Can you take a rain check, sweetie? I'm tired and plus, I have to be back here tomorrow, anyway. I have court, remember?"

"That's right; you have to testify in the Johnson case," Carolyn said, remembering the case they worked on a couple of weeks ago.

"Yeah. I need my beauty sleep. So, how about this weekend? Everyone's on call," Alex suggested.

"Sounds good. Good night," Carolyn said as she walked towards her desk.

As Alex was leaving, Carolyn looked over her shoulder and noticed Alex's changing appearance. Something didn't look right with her. She doesn't eat as much as she used to and she has the tendency of going to the bathroom every 2 minutes. Furthermore, her hair was falling out; she even found clumps of blond hair in the waste paper basket. Shaking her head, she thought about telling everyone about what she knows, but she didn't wanna get yelled at by Alex if the information was leaked.

Sighing deeply, she gathered her things and walked out of the precinct.

X

Eames residence

Queens, New York

October 10, 2007

Feeling nauseous after eating a turkey club sandwich and a bag of Lays potato chips, Alex bolted to the bathroom a couple of minutes later and huddled over the toilet. Sticking her finger down her throat, she proceeded to puke out the contents from what she just ate; grunting and groaning as she did this. She could feel strands of her blond hair leaving her scalp, but either she didn't notice or didn't care at this point. In the case, it was both.

When she finally got finished puking her guts out, she sat on the floor and proceeded to sob loudly and openly. She lived alone, so who's gonna hear her? Nobody because she was alone. Truly alone.

Wiping the tears away from her face, she slowly got up from the floor and looked at herself in the mirror. Alexandra Rebecca Eames, a widow and a career woman, can't bring herself to admit that she has a eating disorder; not to mention, she has another secret she had managed to keep for so long.

Looking down at the sink, she grabbed the razor blade and held it between her fingers for a moment. She can't remember the last time she did something like this, but nothing good was going on in her life anymore and other than her job, she was pretty much complacent in her life now. She doesn't have a man, she doesn't have any children and she hasn't spoken to her family in a long time. Her relationship with her mother was lukewarm at best and she didn't even wanna think about her father. Her sister, however, they were really close, but after Alex carried a son for her, Alana moved away and cut off all sorts of contact.

That tore her up inside. She wasn't the same person ever again.

After scanning the razor blade for several more minutes, she placed it against her left wrist. Slowly and feeling all thoughts leaving her mind and body, she slid the piece of metal deep across her skin, watching in satisfaction as crimson red known as blood started seeping out of her wrist. Before long, at least a fourth of her arm was covered in blood as she continued cutting.

With more tears falling from her eyes, Alex ended up cutting her right wrist with the same blade. Before long, both of her arms were covered in blood.

And, for her, it felt good to release all her pain.

X

Meloni's bar

Manhattan, New York

October 10, 2007

"Guys, I'm worried about Alex," Carolyn said, looking somber.

Mike Logan put down his drink and looked at his girlfriend curiously. "I don't understand, Car. What's wrong with her?"

"She's been acting different lately. She doesn't eat out with us anymore, she barely eats anything; furthermore, I found clumps of her hair in the waste paper basket. And when I asked her to come with us for drinks, she looked pale and her body looked thin. I think something's wrong with her," she told him.

Bobby Goren, the resident criminal profiler of the squad, didn't say anything, but he did listen very well. Like Carolyn, he, too, noticed some not so good changes in his partner and best friend, but he didn't say anything to her about it because he didn't wanna get the third degree. It was eating away at him, though, to see her suffer for something he didn't even know about.

It didn't matter to him. He was gonna get to the bottom of what was wrong with Alex. And he's gonna do whatever it takes to help her.

"Car, did she tell you where she was going tonight?" he asked, finally speaking up.

"She went straight home. She said she had court in the morning," she replied.

He just nodded his head and continued sipping his drink in silence. He didn't know what else to do, so before he goes home tonight, he's gonna stop by her house and talk to her.

It's the least he can do.

X

Eames residence

Queens, New York

October 10-11, 2007

After cleaning up the mess she made in the bathroom, Alex changed into her pajamas and headed for bed. Just when she was about to climb in, she heard someone knock on the door. She didn't want any visitors so she ignored the knocks and proceeded to get comfortable on the bed. A annoying sigh escaped her lips when the knocks on the door soon became loud pounding. Before long, she got upset and climbed out of the bed.

"Whoever it is, GO AWAY!!" she screamed as she headed towards the door. However, her mood changed when she opened the door and found Bobby standing on her front porch.

"W-what are you doing here at this time of night, Bobby?" she asked, being a little more calm.

"Alex, I just came by to talk to you. Are you okay? You don't look like yourself anymore," he said softly.

She lowered her head when he said those words. She refused to even look at him.

"I'm fine. Nothing for you to worry about," she said bitterly.

"Alex, please, talk to me. Look at me. Just don't shut me out," he pleaded with her.

She felt tears forming in her brown eyes. He was trying to reach out to her, but she didn't let him in. She didn't want to let him in.

"Bobby, just go home. I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow," she said. Before he could get another word in, she shut the door in his face. He stood there for a few moments, feeling a tear falling from his eye. He reached over and touched the door before he turned on his heel and walked away slowly. He knew there's always tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Alex slid down on the floor and buried her face in her hands. She wrapped her arms around her legs and felt her body shake violently. A voice in her head called her a fool for not telling Bobby about her painful secrets. He wanted to help her, not criticize her. It was like her heart was ripped completely out of her chest.

Sighing deeply and wiping her face with her hands, she got up from the floor and proceeded to head for bed again. She needed to get some sleep because she's gonna have to deal with Bobby and the rest of the squad tomorrow.

Bobby was sitting in the car, wondering if he should go back and talk to her again. But he didn't want the door being slammed in his face again, so he just sat his car and thought about what he's gonna do. He wants to be there for her, but she's not letting him in. If she's hurting, he wants to help her. He wanted to know why she's looking so sad and weak right now.

Cutting on the ignition, he closed his eyes and felt the night air engulf his senses. He realized that no matter what happens, he's never gonna leave her side.

He's gonna be there for her. Through thick and thin.

Coming up in the next chapter: Alex collapses in the squad room. Stay tuned!

Please review!