Author's Note: What can I say about this one, hmm…well, it's sort of a distraction from a distraction I suppose. The final chapter of my Riso fic is too daunting for me at the moment (I promise I'll finish it soon though!), and this kind of bubbled out of my head and onto the screen, so here you have it! Hehe xD
Why am I so fixed on homophobia in my fics lately? I blame it on my classes. Oh women's studies…such a downer sometimes. Lol xD;; I'm satisfied with the dialogue between them as it is now, but I'm sure I'll find things no nitpick later…and I'm sure I'll change my mind about my choice of flower later on too. xP
I hope you enjoy it! Comments are, as always, greatly appreciated.
"I want you to marry me." Axel stated, fingers ghosting over the blonde's small, perpetually cold hands.
"Wha—what?" Roxas stammered, blinking as if chasing confusion out of his azure eyes.
"You heard me, Rox." The redhead replied, voice dipping to softer levels, but his grip tightening around those slender hands.
"Axel…you shouldn't…say things like that." The blonde said lamely, attempting to reason with his heart to reduce its hammering inside his chest. Behind them, the winter wind had picked up force again, whipping Roxas's back with lashes of cold that his wool coat did only so much to fend off.
"But I mean it Roxas. Don't you think that I—"
Roxas sank teeth into his bottom lip, guilt bubbling in his stomach at the pained confusion in Axel's eyes.
"No, I know you mean it. But I don't think you understand…" Roxas's voice was carried away into the bluish black of the night sky as Axel's eyes narrowed in frustration and just barely concealed despair.
"What? That I love you, that I've loved you since the second I laid eyes on you and I want you to be the last thing I lay eyes on in this world?" Axel's hurried monologue fell short as his lips clamped shut, thinning in a mortified grimace.
Roxas moved in close, breaking the hand-to-hand contact and pulling Axel toward him, his fists buried in the redhead's black bomber jacket and his lips brushing over Axel's own. At a sudden loss for words, Axel did nothing more than allow the smaller boy to hold him, unconsciously wrapping his long arms around his lover's back.
The streetlight illuminated their silhouettes, now blending together on the deserted city sidewalk. Axel could feel the blonde's rapid pulse against his chest and he swallowed around the lump of dejection steadily growing in his throat.
"Rox…do you not…want to? You don't want to marry me?" he heard himself get out, steady voice not betraying the swirl of emotion coursing through his body. When the blonde did not respond within several moments, Axel swallowed twice more, pleading with his voice to keep its even tone.
"Because, you know, it's…not that big a deal, anyway. I understand if you don't want to take that step. I mean, lots of people don't…want to." He finished, hands involuntarily twitching from their place on the small of Roxas's back.
But Roxas lifted his gaze from Axel's chest directly into his eyes, and shook his head, over and over again until Axel's hands stopped their trembling.
"Don't trivialize it. It is a big deal. And it's not that I don't want to, Ax…" Roxas lost his words again, absently brushing a few wisps of snow from Axel's jacket.
Axel restrained an exasperated groan, hands falling from the blonde's back and hanging limp at his sides.
"I don't understand what you want here, Rox." He said, tone breaking with just a hint of desperation.
Roxas raised his hands slowly, cupping both Axel's cheeks gently. They locked gazes and the blonde gave him a smile so beautiful and so sad that taking a breath was no longer possible. He remembered thinking nothing that gorgeous should ever hold so much melancholy.
"Don't you already know? I want you, here with me, forever." Roxas replied.
Axel opened his mouth to speak.
"And safe." The blonde's voice was soft but cut through the night like a blade, effectively giving Axel pause to rearrange his thoughts.
Axel's lips parted once again but his voice gave out under the light pressure of Roxas's fingers pressing against his mouth.
"Don't disagree because you know it's true. It's dangerous, Axel, more dangerous than I care to think about. I can't put you in that kind of danger, Ax. Not after what they did to you the last time they saw us…" Roxas shuddered, unable and unwilling to detail the memory.
"I'd take as many bottles as they can throw for you, Rox." Axel asserted, but a shake of the blonde's head and the pain that swam in his eyes told the redhead that was not the answer he was looking for.
"I wouldn't let you take another one for me." There was no mistaking the stubborn finality in the blonde's tone, leaving no room for argument or debate. The tension was palpable as the two boys stood inches apart, the conversation growing heavier with the passing seconds.
"It's because I love you, Ax. I love you too much to be that selfish. So I can't," Roxas broke through the thickness hanging in the air.
A small sigh escaped Axel's lips, barely more than an exhale, but somehow enough to capture the conflicting emotions battling for dominance within his heart. He bent down and pressed his lips to the blonde's forehead, kissing him tenderly. Roxas closed his eyes and felt a sharp stab of pain as Axel held him so gingerly, so preciously, his lips lingering on Roxas's skin and his warm breath ghosting over his nose and cheeks.
"It's okay. It's okay," he whispered, his mouth still pressed to the blonde's forehead, and Roxas startled himself as he felt tears brimming over his eyelids and running a salty trail down to his chin. Axel lifted a hand from Roxas's waist to brush the boy's rapidly falling tears away, still kissing and whispering comforting nothings into his skin, free arm pulling them closer together.
Roxas cried bitterly, the feeling of defeat inescapable and profound. He gasped as he felt warm droplets begin to fall on his forehead and mingle with a few wisps of his blonde bangs, and he held Axel as tightly as he could, standing on tiptoe to kiss the redhead's lips. Their crying was silent, and to any distant observer it would have appeared nothing was wrong. Roxas kissed Axel fiercely, possessively; ran his tongue along Axel's bottom lip and swept the inside of his mouth when his lips parted. Roxas deepened the kiss and refused to let go, trying to reassure the redhead of his love through the action. They only broke the kiss when the need for oxygen became too much, and even then Roxas threw his arms around Axel's neck, holding him so close that Axel felt his short, gasping breaths on his skin.
"Roxas," Axel said, his eyes glossed over but a small smile beginning to form on his lips.
"I love you. I love you, Axel, more than anything in the world. I want to be with you always," Roxas said, his words rushed and a raw desperation flashing in his eyes.
Axel's soft chuckle sent a small shiver down Roxas's spine. Axel bent his head and kissed Roxas's wet eyelashes.
"I know. I love you too, Roxas. And as long as we know that…then fuck the rest."
Roxas returned the redhead's smile and nodded.
They walked along the empty streets after that, holding hands as was their customary practice when they were out of public eyesight. They talked little, all that needed to be said already drifting away in the cold air. Instead, they simply enjoyed the warmth of the other. They were occasionally joined by a bird or squirrel, looking for remnants of human delicacies left in cracks and dips in the road. For the most part, though, they were alone, and Roxas admitted to himself at the risk of sounding antisocial that it was quite nice to roam the streets like this, just himself and Axel.
Suddenly, the pair passed a patch of unfrozen greenery on their left. Roxas watched as Axel backtracked, approaching the brush curiously. The blonde walked slowly toward him as he bent down, his hands lost among the greens and browns of the earth. They appeared a few moments later cradling a soft, vibrant mass in their palms. Roxas's lips parted in a surprised "o" as he recognized the mass for what it was: a pair of small red wildflowers, inexplicably alive despite the bitter cold weather. Axel caught the blonde's gaze and they shared a surprised smile.
Roxas's sneakers made almost no sound as he walked closer to the redhead, reaching out his hands to run his fingers over the extraordinary petals before him. Axel's eyes flickered from his hands to Roxas's face, watching blue eyes go wide with wonder. He swallowed and sucked in a deep breath before curling his fingers around the blonde's own, creating a sort of shelter for the delicate flowers.
Roxas looked up into the redhead's eyes and opened his mouth to speak but quickly fell into puzzled silence as Axel sank to one knee, hands still encompassing the blonde's own.
"Roxas," he began with a slowly creeping smile curling his lips upwards, "will you marry me?"
"What? But Axel, we just…" Roxas floundered, bewildered and upset.
"Right here, right now. With the squirrels as our witness. What d'you say?" Axel clarified, his smile blossoming into fullness.
Roxas let out a surprised laugh, giving a moment's pause before nodding enthusiastically. Axel stood, moving in close, keeping the hand contact.
"Roxas. I promise to love you always, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, on good hair days and bad, when we're laughing and when we're crying, when I'm holding you and when we're apart. I promise to cherish you and work every day to be the kind of man who deserves to have you. I love you with everything in me and I always, always will. Will you be my husband?" Axel said, writing off the slight quiver in his voice as manly anticipation.
Roxas's breath hitched and he swallowed a few times before finding his voice, having not expected the serious turn in the lighthearted escapade. He felt the weight of Axel's words like a warm blanket and it brought hot prickling tears to the back of his eyelids, but he kept himself together to look Axel in the eyes and smile.
"I do." He said, voice clear and firm.
He squeezed Axel's hands that held his, feeling that there was more he needed to say after something as powerful as what the redhead had given him.
"Axel, you were the first person who ever had me so preoccupied that I walked into the wrong classroom and took half a quiz that I didn't understand." Axel laughed at the memory, pulling Roxas into laughter of his own. Before Axel could speak, however, Roxas continued.
"I fell for you so hard it had my head spinning. It would've scared me, because you know how I don't like change, if it weren't for the fact that you've been my best friend my whole life. I've never met someone who can make me laugh like you do, or who can get me as worked up as you can, or knows exactly what to say in every situation like you always seem to. You make me happy, Axel. You make me so happy every single day. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. So I promise I'll love you always too, and try to make you as happy as you make me. I love you so much, Axel. I do." Roxas finished, his face lit up in a brilliant smile.
Axel's hands shook with self-restraint as he held up a flower in his fingers, gently tucking it behind Roxas's ear. Roxas giggled softly and did the same, brushing a few of Axel's spikes away to nestle the flower safely in front of them.
When the two kissed it felt like lightning, and Roxas could only recall their first kiss ever sending such intensely electrifying shockwaves down his skeleton. Axel must have felt them too because he let out a small, hoarse whimper into the blonde's mouth, the vibrations of which had Roxas moaning in response, clutching the redhead's jacket as if for dear life. Axel's grip around Roxas's waist tightened as he lifted the boy into the air, Roxas's legs wrapping themselves around Axel's waist automatically as the kiss deepened.
The walk home was a cold and windy one, but neither seemed to notice or mind as they walked arm in arm, hand in hand down identical dimly lit sidewalks to Axel's small but cozy four-room apartment. The climb up the stairs was impeded by heated kisses and a daring touch or two, the late hour lending itself to wandering eyes and hands that wandered further still. Roxas emitted a gasp as Axel pinned him against the inside of his front door, both kicking off their shoes hurriedly as they became tangled in lips and tongues.
Upon Roxas unzipping Axel's jacket and pushing it off his shoulders and onto the carpet, the redhead scooped his newly self-proclaimed husband into his arms and carried him across the floor to his bedroom, kicking the door open and closed again before making his way over to the bed. Roxas threw his own coat onto the bedroom floor as Axel lowered him onto the mattress, sucking in a surprised breath as the blonde's small hands gripped his shirt and pulled him down for another lustful kiss. Axel broke it only to pull his shirt over his head, Roxas doing the same to his own before meeting the redhead's mouth once again.
Axel's knees rested on either side of Roxas's hips as he straddled the blonde, sucking and nipping at his neck which elicited a few strained mewls from Roxas's throat. Roxas ran his hands frantically down Axel's arms and up his back, shuddering as Axel purred against his bare skin. Axel's mouth moved to suck at his collarbone and Roxas bucked his hips forward, pulling a loud groan from Axel at the pleasurable friction. Axel moved lower still to kiss and nip at the blonde's chest and nipples, and Roxas wrapped his legs around the redhead's well-defined hips, resuming his grinding motion that sent the temperature of the room skyrocketing.
"R-Rox," Axel got out from behind gritted teeth, "I'm t-trying to go slow here." He panted harshly as he felt his lover's arousal press against his through the fabric of their jeans.
Roxas moaned, hoarse, strained, and said, "I—can't wait. I need you now, Axel, please."
Not one to deny Roxas, especially in that particular department, Axel kissed a burning trail down Roxas's taut stomach, pulling down the zipper of his jeans with his teeth. Roxas moaned in anticipation as the redhead slid them down his legs, taking his boxers with them. He felt as if his hands were on fire as he sat up and reached for Axel's own jeans, the redhead allowing him to pull them down halfway before he kicked them fully off himself before attacking the blonde's neck again, running his tongue over marks that would surely blossom into large bruises come morning.
Roxas felt a shiver travel the length of his spine as Axel's hand shot out to blindly fumble for a condom and lube on the nightstand. Roxas reached a hand out and closed his fingers around one of the square packages, ripping the plastic strip off with his teeth which caused the redhead to stop his motions and look up at his lover. Axel bit his lip to keep in a groan as Roxas slipped the condom onto his erection with practiced ease, hands applying just a bit more pressure than necessary to send the redhead into an even deeper haze of desire and need.
Axel quickly slicked up his fingers before pressing one to the blonde's entrance, feeling Roxas shudder pleasantly around him as he slipped the digit inside. He added another after a few beats and attempted to properly scissor and stretch his lover, which became increasingly difficult as Roxas pawed and kissed and moaned and shifted and bucked against Axel's body, too filled with the heaviest emotions imaginable to have room for patience and self-control.
A sharp cry told Axel he had hit the blonde's prostate and he gave several more thrusts for good measure before removing his fingers and placing his own erection at Roxas's waiting entrance. Roxas's legs tightened around Axel's waist and his hands flew to the redhead's shoulders as he felt his lover slowly push inside him.
"I'm okay," he whispered after several moments, and Axel leaned down to kiss the blonde as he began steadily thrusting into his tight heat.
A sheen of sweat broke over each body as they moved in tandem, Roxas throwing his head back with a broken scream as Axel's thrust hit his prostate dead-on. Axel shifted his hips to allow even deeper thrusts, which sent Roxas into a stream of gasped words and cries.
"Ah—ah! Oh god—" Roxas whimpered as he clung desperately to Axel's shoulders.
Axel caught Roxas's gaze, afraid that he had hurt the blonde. He momentarily slowed the pace but the heel that dug into his back and the choked "D-don't s-stop," made him redouble his efforts, driving into his lover as their mouths met in a breathlessly passionate kiss.
"A—Axel…I—I'm close," Roxas managed between his moaning. Axel growled, kissing the blonde hungrily as he picked up his speed even further. Roxas's blunt nails tore into Axel's back as he screamed his name, coming hard over both their stomachs. Axel's eyes fluttered closed as he felt himself gripped by that maddening heat, managing a thrust or two more before coming inside the blonde, drawing out his name with a moan.
Axel collapsed into Roxas's sweaty embrace, their heartbeats quick as birds as they struggled to catch their breaths. Axel breathed into the crook of Roxas's neck, pressing lips to his skin in lazy kisses as they held each other steadfast in the dark bedroom.
Roxas kicked away a tangled sheet and ran his hands down Axel's back, his fingertips brushing gingerly at the newly made claw marks in apology. Axel chuckled as he leaned up to lick the already darkening marks on Roxas's neck as if to say they were even. Axel lifted his head only to be caught in Roxas's gentle, warm kiss, one in which they both could not help but smile into.
As they parted, Roxas gasped suddenly as reached out for Axel's ear. He produced the wildflower, quickly reaching to retrieve his own and setting them on the nightstand.
"They almost got ruined," he said as he placed them side-by-side on the dark wood.
"It doesn't matter. Even if they fade away, we'll always know. We'll always remember." Axel replied with a smile.
The moon was the only witness to the scene, but its pale light shone through the curtains of the window as a pair of whispered I love you's were carried away into the ambiguous atmosphere, who neither approved nor denied the emotions laid bare before its winter night.
Author's Note: Oh, symbolism. Gotta love it! Especially really obvious ones involving flowers and stuff 8D
Why can't I go one fic without Axel getting on top of Roxas? I guess they were just meant to be… *fangirls* owo