Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass nor Braham's Lullaby.
Claim: SuzaLulu, as in Suzaku/Lelouch.
Warnings: Yaoi/Slash. Vague spoilers. Mentions of Sex. Sort of male!pregnacy, but not really there.
Dedications: To my lovely betareader, Asami-chan37 for being quite fast at replying .
Babblings: This idea probably came from a dream. I dunno, I can't really remember. May actually be some weird mix of all the post-R2 fics I've read, lol. Yes, I do dream of CodeGeass. Anyways, on with the fic-
The Game of Pretend
Vanilla in Wonderland's Productions
There are days in which they feel it.
The grief, the guilt. The overwhelming nostalgia. Days in which they curse their fated fortune, their never ending existence. And when there is silence and nothing to think in, they feel the weight of all those lives they ended. The feeling goes away.
Lullaby, and good night, with pink roses bedight...
There are days in which they think about their past. They lie awake, wondering what would have happened if they had done things differently, said things differently. Those days they spend as far from each other as they can. The feeling goes away.
...With lilies o'er spread, is my baby's sweet head...
There are days in which they feel rather proud of their achievements. They look at the T.V. and read history books and talk and talk about the good ol' times, and they laugh about all the wrong facts the outside has and grin at the right ones. Those days they toast drinking Champagne and Sake until they fall asleep. The feeling goes away.
...Lay thee down now, and rest, may thy slumber be blessed...
There are days in which they forget eighty years have passed. Days in which a Euphy will love this or a pizza night, Witch echoes in an empty house. Lelouch sets the table for four, and Suzaku comes back home with a Cat Food bag. Those days they turn just a little more insane. The feeling goes away.
...Lay thee down now, and rest, may thy slumber be blessed...
There are days in which they turn seventeen again. They spend the morning in bed, laughing and making out and then they play dress-up on each other and go out on a date. Lelouch ends up with a wig in his head and high heels on his feet, and Suzaku in a red and white captain-of-the-football-team jacket. Those days they look just like a pair of teenagers in love.
The running boy collides head first into the person standing in front of him, and falls backwards on the ground. He looks up slowly, worried of what's to come. Two pairs of eyes, emerald and amethyst, look down at him, amusement playing in their features.
"Are you okay, there?" Suzaku asks, helping the kid up. He grins a toothy grin -though several spaces are empty- and nods. His mother is running frantically over to them, limping slightly and muttering something about her damn shoes.
"Oh, Ryuuji!" she sighs, "Have you apologized for crashing into these poor people?" She smiles apologetically and scoops up her son. "I am so, so sorry," she says, wincing slightly. "He needs to be put down for a nap."
"Don't worry about it, ma'am," the young lady says, grinning, in a voice a little too deep for a girl. "No harm done- on both sides," She glances at his companion and he nods.
The woman bends slightly and turns on her heel. As they go away, little Ryuuji asks "They were a nice mommy and daddy, weren't they, Ka-san?"
And the young pair glance at each other, and look away.
The feeling goes away far too quickly.
There are days in which they need each other.
There is kissing and moaning and begging, and thrust after thrust and climax after climax. They explore each other's bodies, taking their time, teasing and tasting. They become desperate, and their touches are like fire and they move as one and they pause only to catch their breath. Those days they rarely go out of bed, and by noon they're completely exhausted- but satisfied.
The feeling goes away, but it always returns.
This time is different, feels different. Lelouch's arms are around him; his legs are around him, forehead pressing against forehead, nails scratching the mysterious bird figure that had slowly taken form in his back, so long ago.
Suzaku groans his lover's name and comes.
Somewhere in the hypnagogia -the lap of time between consciousness and falling asleep- he hears Lelouch sob, both of his hands pressed tightly to his stomach.
There are days in which they pretend.
"Do you ever think of... What might have been if we had... If we could have..." Suzaku half asks, the next morning.
It gets quiet now. Quiet like it's quiet after the glass breaks and you're looking for a place to step without cutting your foot. Lelouch is flushed and breathing hard, curled up under the sheets, looking fragile and small, just as shocked at his words as Suzaku is, his eyes open wide and hurt.
He whispers,"...Do you?"
And Suzaku is silent again. Silent like after your Lelouch asks you if you think about something as impossible as having children. Lelouch is heartbroken, about to apologize, about to let a tear escape or two, about to do a million things to try to fix it and none of it could work.
"Sometimes, I do." He knows what's coming next, and it hurts a little bit to bring it up.
"How would they have been, Suzaku?" Lelouch asks, so softly that he almost didn't catch it. He does not answer anything at first, and the boy in his arms mutters, "I like twins... Twin boys."
Suzaku remains quiet, and he can tell that Lelouch isn't breathing. "They'd have your eyes."
Lelouch begins shaking a little, and something broken, something that pretends to be a laugh comes out of his throat. "We'd call them Hikaru and Tsubasa."
"Japanese names." He smiles mirthlessly at the song Lelouch begins to hum.
"Then we'd have a little girl. She'd have your hair."
"And your lips," he runs a finger against them then.
"But she'd have your eyes," He pauses and rests his forehead against Suzaku's chest, and a single tear runs down his cheek. "And we'd call her Euphemia."
He swallows then, and something catches in his throat. "I think that's enough pretending for today, Lelouch," he whispers. He nods, and leans forward to kiss Suzaku. He responds eagerly, before pulling back as Lelouch returns to the song he had been humming moments ago.
"Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight... With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed, lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed... Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed..."
The feeling never really goes away.
Nor the song does.
There aren't days in which they pretend anymore.
More Babblings: Told you it was weird. Not a native english speaker, so tell me if there are any mistakes.
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