Title: Punk'd Up

Main Characters: CM Punk/Jeff Hardy

Other Characters: Members of Raw/Smackdown/ECW
Rating: Slash/R (rating will vary throughout the story)

Summary: Falling off the wagon and a one night stand has a lasting effect.

Disclaimer: Story idea is mine. CM Punk and crew belong to WWE and themselves. Jeff Hardy Belongs to himself. Written before he left the WWE.

Notes: Part "Knocked Up". Part "Pregnant Man". Part my craziness. The WWE storylines in this story are way off and brand rosters and champions are not true to current WWE rosters. This story contains M-Preg. I know some people are turned off by that, but please give my story a chance. I'm my own beta, so I apologize if a mistake slips through. Oh yeah, this story is dedicated to my friend Daria. This is my first story in two years and I want to thank her for getting me started again.

Chapter 1: Stupid Things

There's a reason why CM Punk doesn't drink. Stupid things can happen. And sometimes, those stupid things can come back to haunt you. Punk's stupid thing is in the bed, staring him right in the face.

They sit up slowly. The marching band in their heads is still having a concert. Messy strands of black match messy strands of purple, red, green and blond. Bloodshot chocolate meets muddied emerald. And enough ink between them to open their own art gallery.



They cringe after getting a whiff of morning after booze breath. While thinking of a slow and painful way to kill the marching band, Punk regrets letting Miz and Morrison drag him to that bar. He didn't even want to go! That was the first mistake. The second was taking that drink from Miz. Fucking Coke country. Did he actually think he could pass off that sweetened battery acid as Pepsi? What happened to his "straight edge" creed? Randy Orton. If Randy hadn't pissed him off- again- Punk wouldn't be were he was. In bed. With Matt Hardy's brother.


"I'm sorry…I….gotta go." CM Punk stammers out as he moves quickly yet gently out of bed. He yanks the top sheet off to wrap around his waist.

Jeff starts to get up, "Punk wait-"

"No! You stay there." Punk says. He holds out his hand to halt Jeff's movements while the other hand holds up the sheet.

Jeff obeys the command, but still has the hurt look on his face. He watches the other man gather his discarded clothes then head out the room. Before he leaves, however, Punk gives Jeff one more lingering look. The click of the door signals the Rainbow Haired warrior to groan in pain. Yep, this was a very stupid thing.

Later on at the arena

Maria is standing near the make up area taking to the Bella Twins when she hears her name being called. She turns toward the sound to see Punk walking toward her. She excuses herself from Twins to join him. Although they aren't a couple anymore, Maria and Punk are still good friends. Her smile is replaced with concern after seeing him covered up with a black hoodie and wearing shades.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"Don't know." Is his response.

Maria reaches up to remove his shades, but Punk stops her.



A few seconds pass before he lets out a defeated sigh and removes the shades and hoodie himself. Maria gasps openly at his bloodshot eyes and sloppy hair.

"I did something really, really stupid last night."

Maria's mouth snaps close, but she still looks at her friend in confused awe. Stupid is not in CM Punk's nature, at least, as long as she's known him.

"Describe stupid," she ask of him.

"I went out with Mike and John last night." Punk begins.


"I think I got drunk-"

"You think you got drunk?" Either you did or you didn't. What happened to be straight-"

"Maria." Punk groans pitifully. Right now he doesn't need the "straight edge" lecture.

"Sorry." She apologizes. "Go ahead."

"Anyway," he continues. "I didn't wake up alone this morning."

Again, Maria is shocked. This definitely something he would not do!

"Please tell me that you didn't screw a ring rat."

"No!" Punk snaps. "I would have seen that shit from a mile away."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said and the answer is not even on my worst day."

"Ooookayyyy." Maria tries another approach. "Was it one of the divas?"

"No." Punk shift uncomfortably. 'It was Jeff."

"Jeff? As in Hardy!?"

"Shh! Could you not tell whole world?" Punk growls out.

The red haired Smackdown Diva flinches but quickly recomposes herself. "Well…hmmm. I didn't know you were gay."

"I'm not. It's just…I was drunk and…I didn't check out what Miz gave me. "

"Ohhhhh." Maria rubs his shoulder and sighs. "Did you at least wear a condom?"

His response is an incredulous look.

"Ok, I'll take it as a no. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Just do me a favor and get checked out. We don't know that much about him outside of work."


About a month later…

Jeff Hardy nearly takes out a crew member as he hurries through the back. When he spots a trash can, he stumbles to it and places his rainbow colored head into it to throw up everything in his stomach.

"Are you alright, Hardy?" a heavily Russian accented voice booms over him.

Another heave is the response.

"What the hell was that?"

Kozlov quickly steps in front of the trash can as Triple H storms up. He puts on a menacing scowl to fend off the Cerebral Assassin.

"Oh knock off the 'Angry Russian' bit okay?" Triple H sighs while rolling his eyes. "Now where is Hardy? If he rushes another finish like that, I'm gonna-"

Another heave form Jeff cuts him off. Trips raises a blonde eye brow then looks around Kozlov's big form. He cringes when he sees what's behind him.

"Again, Jeff?" He groans. "Stop putting it off and go to the doctor."

Once he is done, Jeff stands to catch his breath.

"I will once I get home." he tells Trips.

Kozlov walks off long enough to find a towel. Once he does, he brings it back to Jeff.

"I hope it's not contagious." Trips says. "We're in the middle of a big push. I can't afford to get sick."

This time it's the Russian that rolls his eyes.

"Anyway, go get that shit check out okay?"

Triple H walks away, leaving Kozlov and Jeff alone again.

"Should I call big brother now?" Kozlov asks. He's asked this same question before, but Jeff would tell him no. Maybe this time it'll be different.

"No. I got this." Jeff sees the pleading look the larger man is giving him. "Koz, he has his own thing goin' right now."

"Still your brother" Kozlov mumbles.

"I know."

After bidding Kozlov goodbye, Jeff slowly walks away. He can't deny this much longer. Something other than sex passed between him and Punk that night. His intention was to go our and have some fun, not be ragged on by Edge and his buddies. Bastard. He thinks he's god and has the right to tell him how to live his life. Jeff usually blows off that noise, but when Edge started on him about his house burning down, losing Jack then when Beth left him, it just all built up.

Jeff tosses the towel on top of a nearby metal crate. He makes his way to the locker room. He regrets it the moment he steps in.

"Nice ending out there, Jeff." Edge says loud enough for others in the locker room to hear. "At least, you haven't lost a step in botching things up."

"Leave me alone." Jeff's voice is barely a growl. He walks over to the locker that stored his things. All he wants is a shower, a bed and quiet. There's no way he's getting them in his current location, however. Especially with Edge barking at him.

Suddenly a heavy handed shove causes him to almost topple over. He looks up to see one of Edge's cronies, Hawkins, walking away. The other one, Ryder, is standing next to his owner and they are both laughing. Too sick even try to retaliate, Jeff turn away to collect his things. Besides, Shane and R-Truth are taking care of it. He can hear the warnings thrown to the blonde trio.

"You're alright, Jeff?" Shane asks in concern as he approaches.

"I'm okay." Jeff groggily responds.

"Playa, you sure?" R-Truth questions with the same concern. "I'm done with my match. I'll give you a ride back to the hotel."

Really he feels like a sad lump of crap, but he isn't going to let them know that. They'll just tell Matt.

"It's ok." Jeff smiles to make the lie look good. "I'll be fine."

He tells his friends good bye then heads out. As he walks toward the exit, he makes a mental note to make a doctor's appointment.

CM Punk's VM:

You have 5 new messages. To listen to your messages, press 1 now.


"Um Punk? This is Jeff. Jeff Hardy…..Um, call me when you get this okay? Number's 919-555-0831."

Next message.

"Hey Mahn! Dis is Kofi. Jeff Hardy called lookin' for you. What's up wit dat, mahn? Hit me back, ok?"

Next message.

"Hi! It's Ria…Uh, Matt and Jeff called me looking for you. Please call them back. Especially Matt. He sounded really mad. What did you do?"

Next message.

"Punk, this is Matt Hardy. You and I need to have a talk...You know what? Fuck it! I'm gonna kick your-"

(sniff) "Punk, please call me back. It's real important." (whisper) "Please…"

You have no more messages.

Punk listens to every message. What is so important that Matt and Jeff wants to talk to him about? How big is it to have Matt to want to kick his ass and for Jeff to sound like it's life or death? He decides to call Jeff first.

"Hello?" the other voice answers softly.

"Jeff? What's wrong? Matt called me and he sounded pissed."

"Have you talked to him?' Jeff asks guardedly.

"No, I called you first." Punk tells him.

A sigh of ease is heard. "We have to meet up. There's something I gotta tell you."

"Why can't you tell me now?" Punk inquires.

"I don't think a phone conversation would work. Besides, I want to tell you before Matt finds you."

Remembering Matt's angry message, Punk doesn't want to be found either.

"Okay, how about after the Smackdown taping?" Punk suggests.

"Fine." Jeff responds. "Just try to keep outta Matt's way until then."

"No offense, but I'm not afraid of Matt." Punk could hear the hitch in Jeff's voice. "Don't worry, I'll stay out of his way."

"Thank you."

"Ya shur you don't need any back up?"

"Yeah, dude. Rumor has it that the elder Hardy has a detailed plain on how he's going to hide your body."

Kofi and Punk look at Miz in disbelief.

'What?" Miz ask innocently.

"What is…wrong wit you?" Kofi asks.

"Guys! I'll be fine. "Punk assures them. " I mean, how bad can it be?"

How bad can it be?

All he needs now is the blindfold and the cigarette.

He was expecting to find Jeff, not Jeff plus his brothers and his buddies. Judging from the way Christian has fingers painfully attached to Matt's shoulders and the eye twitch Matt has, Matt's barely able to contain his vexation. Jimmy Wang Yang, Shane Helms and R-Truth don't look that thrilled either. And Jeff? Jeff looks bad. He looks like he's been missing sleep for days. His skin is so pale that the tattoos that are visible are grotesquely vivid.

"Jeff? What's wrong?"

"Let me go. I'm gonna kill the bastard!" Matt barks as he tries to jump from his seat. Christian pushes him back down.

"Calm down." He tells him.

"At least tell me what the fuck's going on before you do!" Punk says in defense. He turns his attention back to the younger Hardy.

"Can y'all step outside?" Jeff asks his crew. The roughness in his voice is very noticeable.

"'I'm not leaving you with him." Matt argues.

"Matt, please!" Jeff begs. "You can stand outside and guard the door."

Matt gives Punk a lingering pissed off glare as he stands up, in the process shoves Christian's hand away. He glances at Jeff before waking out. The others follow. Once they're alone. Jeff starts talking.

"You might want to sit down for this."

"That's okay. I'll stand."

Jeff gives a little shrug before continuing. "I went to the doctor because I had been really weird. When he told me what was wrong, I thought he was joking. There's no way that's the reason."

"Aw dude. I'm sorry you're sick. Really I am. But what does that-"

"Do you remember that night? Do you remember what happened?"

The color drains from CM Punk's face. He vaguely remembers the night, but he sure as hell remembers the morning after very well.

"You got something?" He asks. Fear is in his voice for only a second. That quickly changes to displeasure. "And you passed it on to me!?"

"No, it's not like that."

"Then what is it? Tell me you look like hell! If I get sick and die for this, I swear to God I will come back from the grave and kick your rainbow a-"

"I'm pregnant with your baby."