Title: Punk'd Up

Main Characters: CM Punk/Jeff Hardy

Other Characters: Members of Raw/Smackdown/ECW
Rating: Slash/R (rating will vary throughout the story)

Summary: Falling off the wagon and a one night stand has a lasting effect.

Disclaimer: Story idea is mine. CM Punk and crew belong to WWE and themselves. Jeff Hardy belongs to himself.

Notes: Part "Knocked Up". Part "Pregnant Man". Part my craziness. The WWE storylines in this story are way off and brand rosters and champions are not true to current WWE rosters. This story contains M-Preg. I know some people are turned off by that, but please give my story a chance. I'm my own beta, so I apologize if a mistake slips through. I wrote this while Jeff was still in the WWE. Oh yeah, this story is dedicated to lj user="thatdariachick". This is my first story in two years and I want to thank her for getting me started again.

Chapter 9: Special Delivery

Judgment Day – Payback Pt.1

Big Show pushes open the grey door leading to the men's restroom then heads over to one of the white porcelain urinals. While relieving his bladder, the big man whistles a little tune. A few seconds later, he gets a tap on his right shoulder.

"Hey Kinda busy here." He responds.

Another tap on the shoulder.

Show lets out a gigantic exasperated sign as he finishes up. As he turns around to bitch out the restroom intruder, he's smashed across the face! Blood flies out of his nose as he is spun around from the blow. His face bounces off the wall then he slides down, ending up face first n the urinal that he had just used.

Kozlov stands over him, still clutching the bent up metal crutch.

"Payback are bitches." He growls out before is face displays a satisfied smirk.

I Know What You Did

Edge watches Vickie as she paces up and down the floor of the private dressing room, grumbling the whole time.

"….how dare she do this to me…"

She stops for a moment to look at her husband. Ever since he got jumped, he's been very distant. Edge barely talks to her!

"Just because you got beaten up doesn't mean you're off the hook. You better win tonight."

"And what if I don't? It's not like it matters to you" Edge grumbles.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vickie replies.

"I know about your back up plan, 'sweetie'." Edge says the last word with dripping sarcasm.

"I think the knock to your head has made you crazy,"

"I'm not crazy!" Edge barks out. He gets up so that his 6'4" frame towers over the GM. "So how long have you been screwing Big Show? How long have you been grooming him to be your Champion?"

Vickie actually cowers a little under Edge's gaze and accusation.

"You know what? I don't even care." He turns way then walks toward the door. Before going out, he looks back at his wife one more time.

"Win or lose, I want a divorce."

"You shouldn't be there…"

"I have to be there, Matt."

"He was the one that hurt you."

"But I hurt him more by not believing in him. Please understand."

'Be careful, Jeff."

Jeff rubs the bump softly. Even hurt, Matt still tries to be the big brother. After his conversation with Triple H, a lot of things were put into perspective. He doubted Punk. He was so ready to believe a lie. Had an argument over nothing.

Jeff cringes for what seems like the thousandth time. The baby's been moving more than usual today. He continues to rub his stomach and uses a few soothing words. As soon as the movements slow down, he takes a deep breath then gets out of the car.

Payback Pt. 2

Cody and Ted are on their way back to Legacy's private dressing room when Hawkins runs up to them. He's sweaty and panting. Smudges of dirt decorate his face, torso and arms.

"Come on! Orton got jumped!" he announces. "Let's go!"

"What?" Ted questions. "We just left-"

"COME ON! My partner can't hold 'em off for long!"

No further questions are asked as the three men rush to Orton's aid."

"Over here. Hurry up!" Ryder calls out to the approaching wrestlers. 'He's hurt bad." He turns then calls out into the room. "Hold on Orton! Help's on the way!"

Cody and Ted blindly rush into the darkened room. It's not until the door slams behind them then the sound of a clicking lock do they realize they have been set up.

"Randy?" Ted cautiously calls out.

"Hello Boys. Welcome back."

Kane's laugh echoes in the room while the members of Legacy scream for help. Unfortunately for them, no one is around to hear.


Hawkins and Ryder are rounding the corner when they bump into Randy Orton.

"Hey have you seen Cody and Ted?" he asks

"Um, no. We haven't seen them." Ryder tells him. He tries to keep his composure as Hawkins crosses his arms then looks down at his boots; his smile is itching closer to reveal everything.

"Yeah uh…" Randy has a feeling something's up. "If you see them, send them my way."

"We sure will." The cheesy grin that Ryder gives him was not helping the feeling.

"Tell Edge I need to see him too."


The Edgeheads brush past Randy. Once they are out of ear and eye sight, they burst into peels of laughter.

Apologies All Around

"I'm sorry."

Punk looks up from his bag. Helms, R-Truth, Jimmy Wang Yang and a few others are standing before him. Helms continues.

"Look, we pegged you all wrong. We were looking so hard for you to mess up that we totally believed everything Vickie said. Really fucked up on that. We are really truly sorry."

Punk rises to his full height. "You guys have nothing to worry about. I'm not going to hurt Jeff or the baby. I will do anything to protect them. As long as he was here, Vickie, Randy and edge would use him to get to me. I couldn't let that happen." His jaw clenches as memories of the attack play in his mind. Orton's haunting words of punishment ring in his ears. "Whether I win or lose tonight, I just want them safe."

Just then Kofi and Miz walk into the locker room. Kofi walks over and greets Punk. Miz makes his way over slowly. His cheeks are flushed pink as he lets out a nervous chuckle and flashes a lopsided grin.

"About what happened-"

"It's alright man."

After a few more minutes, the group breaks up and Punk continues to get ready. He has a few minutes before he has to discuss the match, so he decides to find a quite spot to think.

He puts the breaks on his walk when he sees someone he was not expecting. Melina, who is wearing her newly won Divas title, the Bella Twins, Mickie, Kelly and Maria are partially surrounding someone he thought that he wouldn't be seeing for a while. Punk sprints down to join them.

"We'll see you later to you later, sweetie." Maria tells Jeff as she and the other Divas move away when Punk arrives.

"Hey." Jeff says to Punk.

"Hey." Punk wants so much to reach out to Jeff and pull him into his arms, but he wasn't sure how Jeff is feeling toward him now.

"We need to talk." Jeff turns away and waddles off with Punk right behind him. Neither says anything until they're inside an empty dressing room.

"You shouldn't be h-"

Jeff turns around then places a finger on Punk's lips to silence him.

"I'm sorry." He begins. "I'm sorry for doubting you. You were only looking out for us. I now understand that." He removes his finger.

"But you could have told me that over the phone or texted or emailed" CM Punk tells him.

"You know that I don't operate like that." Jeff replies. "I wanted to tell you face to face. I want you to feel every word." He steps closer. "I thought I was losing you. I was more scared that mad. I love-"

Punk pulls Jeff into his harms and gives him a gentle loving kiss. At first it catches Jeff off guard, but then he returns the kiss. Punk's hand is on top of Jeff's and both rest over the baby bump.

Punk is the first to pull away. He then places his forehead against Jeff's; their pants are in perfect sync.

"I love you." He whispers. "Both of you. I will kill Orton before he does you harm again." He steps back and kneels in front of Jeff so that he's eye level with his stomach. He pushes up the back t-shirt to expose the skin. He softly brushes his fingers over the swell before placing a kiss on it.

"I can't wait to see you." He says. "But right now Daddy has to beat up the bad guys."

As he gets back to his feet, he asks Jeff will he be okay.

"I'll be alright." Jeff tells him. "I'll just head back to where the Divas are." He cracks a lopsided grin. "They'll totally wait on me hand and foot."

Punk chuckles. "Want me to walk you back?"

"No, I can do it. " Jeff's tone then gets serious. "I don't care about the gold. I just want you."

"You'll get me. I promise."

With one last kiss, CM punk walks out.


Jeff watches Punk disappear down the hall. Before he can make his first step, unbearable pain and pressure suddenly hits him. He eyes blur and he gasps sharply while his hand clutches his stomach. He can feel the baby makes spazmatic fluttering movements. Each jolt sends fire hot pain.

The Match

"This contest is scheduled for one fall and it's for the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships!"

"This Fire Burns" pounds through the speakers and sends the crowd in a crazy uproar. At the gorilla position, CM Punk says a silent prayer before going through the curtains.

"Introducing the challenger…from Chicago, Ill, weighing in at 225lbs…CM PUNK!"

The crowd's energetic cheering surrounds Punk when he appears on the stage. He responds back by yelling back promises of a victory. When he gets into the ring, he takes ownership of the right turnbuckle. His eyes become focus on the ramp. He blocks out the noise around him as he awaits his opponents.

The cheering for Punk quickly changes to boos when Rated RKO appears, each carrying their respective titles. Randy mocks the crowd by doing his trademark pose; Edge does his pose with the rock hands in the air. Punk bites back the urge to roll his eyes. He keeps his eyes on the pair as the make their way to the ring. Mike Chioda takes their championship belts and presents them to the crowd before handing them of to the timekeeper.


Punk wastes not a second. He shoots out of the corner, shoves, Edge out of the way, right after Orton with a series of elbows, punches and clubs. Randy is caught off guard, but manages to shove him away. Punk stumbles a bit, however, he regains his steps and goes right back into the attack.

Edge stays near the turnbuckle and watches his partner fight off the opponent. The only time he moves is after Punk drops Orton with a kick to the checks then an attempted pin. He pulls him off at the count of two. He goes to grab for Punk's hair but gets a kick to the stomach. Punk goes for a pin again. I, 2- Edge yanks him off of Orton by the ankle! He lifts him up by his black hair, give shim a couple of elbows before throwing him into the corner then following up with a running shoulder block to the gut.


The pain faded to a dull ache. Jeff tries to control his breathing as he carefully walks to the end of the hall. Although he has a high tolerance for pain, even he's not prepared for what's happening to him.

"Please baby." He pleads. "Please calm down….do come yet."

He screams as another wave of pain rips through his stomach.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Triple H asks. He raises a dark blond eyebrow. He sees his wife Stephanie gets up,

then starts to walk off. Now curious himself, he takes a few steps to catch up.

"What did you hear?"

"It sounded like someone was shouting." Stephanie says as she walks down a hallway.

"Maybe it's the echo from the crowd."

Stephanie shakes her head. "Not a cheer, but like someone was in-"

A sharp cry, a little louder than the first, stops them in their tracks.

"Okay, I heard that." Trip confirms. He makes the decision to be the leader as he steps in front of

his wife to continue the investigation of the mysterious noise.


Edge breaks up another pinning attempt by Punk. So far that's all he's been doing. He hasn't

really helped out Orton. He's been yelled at several times by the Legend Killer for his lack of assistance. Edge doesn't care. The further the match goes on, the less important becomes to him.

Edge crouches in a corner of the ring as he watches Orton methodically stomp away at Punk's appendages. Each stomp causes Punk to cry out in pain. Orton goes for a pin but the Straight Edge Savior kick's out at 2 ½.

"Come on! Do something!" Orton yells at his partner.

A few seconds later, Edge slowly pushes away from the corner. He takes his time as he makes his way to the action. He lifts the downed man by his hair then does a basic scoop slam. He nonchalantly places a foot on his chest. The ref barely counts one before punk kicks out.

"There. I did something." Edge snarls at Orton. "Happy now?"

"What is wrong with you?" Orton yells back. "We're in the middle of a title match!"

Edge blatantly ignores him as he returns to his corner.

Help is on the way!

Stephanie gasps in shock when she finds the source of the noise. Triple H quickly goes over to Jeff.

"Help me…" Jeff manages to croak out. His hand grips at his stomach.

"Oh Shit!' Trips curses in shock. He scoops Jeff into his arms.

"Go Get Punk." He tells him as he rushes out.

You Gotta Do Something!

CM Punk crumples to the mat after crashing into the turnbuckle courtesy of an Irish Whip. Every time he starts a defense, Orton comes back with a harder offense. A few times he finds himself wanting to end the match just so he can go back to Jeff. So what if he's not champion? His greatest reward is waiting for him backstage. His bad ass spirit, however won't let him do it. He kicks out every time.

"Stay down!" Punk hears Orton yell at him. He stomps on Punk already aching body a few time before going for another pin. "Who will protect the freak and the kid once you're gone?" He whispers harshly in Punk's ear. He cringes when he hears Orton's chilling chuckle.

Punk kicks out only to have Orton kick then pin him again.

"I think I'll keep Jeff for myself. Probably let the boys take a turn. Raise the kid as my own. Or maybe put a leash on him it and parade it around like the dog that it will be.'

'I can't let him win!" Punk's mind screams. He kicks out hard. When his opponent tries to grab him, he swings for his face but unfortunately misses. Orton grabs his arm then literally slings him into the turnbuckle. The crash landing echoes through the arena.

Punk stumbles back, tries to catch his breath. He blindly spins around and is grabbed by Orton….


Edge finally knows what to do. If he's going to keep his title, it's going to be on his terms. Right now, keeping it is doing more harm than good. Randy, his wife, Big Show….they only see him as some sort of toy to use and abuse. Not anymore.


Punk stumbles around just in time for Orton to set him up for the RKO, He pulls up enough strength to shove him away before he can execute it.


Randy feels himself being pushed forward. Out of nowhere, he's hit with a Spear by Edge!

"You'll never control me ever again." Edge spits in Orton's ear before standing. He looks down at his partner's curled up form, grinning at the pain that he caused. His personal victory is cut short. He's spun around by CM Punk, kicked in the gut hoisted onto his shoulders then dropped face first into Punk's knee.


"Your winner and NEW Undisputed Champion, CM PUNK!"

Flashback: Backstage

Stephanie skids to a stop. She curses to herself when she remembers the rule she made.

"We need to get Jeff help first." She says over her shoulder.

The backstage area, which was already chaotic with the PPV, becomes even more unhinged when Hunter shows up with Jeff. EMTs rush to get Jeff into the ambulance while Jeff and punk's friend s were designating people to follow to the hospital.

"We have to get Punk." Maria says.

Helms is walking out, already on the phone with Matt. Miz is about to head for the stage when Stephanie grabs his arm.

"You can't go out there." She tells him.

"Come on!" Miz exclaims as he pulls out of her grip. "His kid's about to be born! Just lift the damn-"

The bell sounds to end the match. Stephanie looks over to a monitor to see Punk being handed the titles.

"I'll do it." she says as she walks away from Miz.

In the ambulance…

Every move the baby makes sets Jeff's insides on fire. Cries he's never heard himself make passes his lips. All the sounds around him are becoming jumbled. Every time a hand would grab for him, he would bat it away. His vision becomes blurry with tears.

"Phil!" he whimpers. "Where's Phil?"

Someone answers buts he doesn't understand. More wails fill the cavity of the van.

Champion Material

Punk slides out of the ring. The crowd around him is deafening in the applauds. He grabs the title and places them on each shoulder. The adrenaline is starting to wear off. His body protests as he tries to walk normally down the aisle. He's mid way up the ramp when Stephanie meets up with him.

"Jeff's been rushed to the hospital." she tells him.

Punk doesn't hesitate in his step. He quickly follows the Raw GM to the back. Along the way, the WHC and WWE title fall to the ground. They don't stop until they join Triple H in the limo.

"They took him to Sinclair Medical." The Game informs them.

Stephanie gets on her Blackberry. She looks over at the father to be who is now wringing his hands in worry. It's only after seeing his reflection in the window that Punk notices that he's still in his wrestling gear.

"Crap." He hisses.

"What?" Trips responds.

"They're not gonna let me in looking like this."

"I have some extra clothes in the trunk. You can put those on when we get to the hospital. "

"They took Jeff right into the OP." Stephanie tells Punk once she finishes her call.

"Oh god…" Punk's heart drops.

The Game can relate to what the man across from him is feeling. He himself fretted terribly during the last moments of his 1st child birth.

It doesn't take them long to get to the hospital. Once Punk is dressed, they go inside. Everything is moving so fast. Punk is quickly whisked away to he OR while Stephanie and trips took care of the paperwork. The whole time punk is being prepped to enter the room, he asks about Jeff. When he finally goes in, the doctor is beginning the c-section.


Jeff's voice is wracked with tears and pain.

"I'm right here."

"I though I was going to lose him."

The doctor tells Jeff that he would feel some tugging but no pain.

"It's going to be okay." Punk whispers to him as he caresses his cheek.

"Did you win?" Jeff turns his wearing eyes up at an upside down Punk.

"Yeah, I did."

"I'm sorry…I-" Jeff grunts when he feels a tug. "-wanted to be there…"

"This is more important. You and the baby are my championship gold."

Punk leans over to place a kiss on Jeff's forehead.

The next sound the pair hears is the wails of their bundle of joy.

"Congratulations. It's a girl." The nurse announces.

"A girl?" Punk and Jeff say at the same time.

"Well now, that changes things." Jeff softly says.

"We never picked out a name." Punk says to Jeff. "With everything happening-"

"Pepsi Blu."


"I wanna name her Pepsi Blu. I mean…is that okay with you?"

"Yeah. Pepsi Blu is okay."



"Wake up."

Punk frowns in confusion. Why is Jeff telling him to wake up when he's already awake?


The shouting of his name is so loud that he grunts in pain and tightly closes his eyes.

"Wake up, dude! Wake up!"

He's suddenly yanked out of the room. He protests, tries to go back in, but is instantly pulled back.

"No! Let me go!"

"CM Punk! WAKE UP!"


Jeff would laugh if he could. The wild look that CM Punk is giving him is hilarious! It's kind of the same look Matt has when he overdoes it with the Nyquil.

"Man, I told you to take it easy with that stuff." He tells Punk. "You were wigging out all night."

"Where's the baby?" Punk gasps out.

A dusky blonde eyebrow is raised. "Baby?"

"Yeah, you just had a baby. Where is she? Where is Pepsi Blu?"

"Ooooookkkkkk. Now I really know you OD'ed on the Nyquil."

Jeff stands up. He walks over to his bed to continue packing. Punk looks over on the dresses to see the WWE Heavyweight title.

"Why is your name on my belt?" He says as he gets out of bed. He stumbles slightly, the after effects of the green liquid. He was supposed to sleep through the cold he had. Apparently he did more than that.

"Haha, you're funny, Phil. Real cute." Jeff responds. "You still gotta earn my title."

"Wait, what happened last night?"

"Well, let's see. You were hacking all night. I suggested some Nyquil. I told you to not drink it all. You said were miserable and upended the bottle. "He turns around to face his roommate. "Just the fact that you thought I was…preggers means you had a pretty fucked up dream."

Before the Straight Edge Savior could ask another question, Jeff's cell rings. He excuses himself onto the balcony to take the call.

"So it was all a dream?" Punk asks himself. He lies back onto his bed; his brain tries to process bits and pieces. Be rational; he tells himself. There is nothing that can make him mad enough to drink. And then do something stupid as have unprotected sex. Especially with Jeff Hardy. Jeff's got a girlfriend. I don't have feelings for him. Do I? No! I mean….I don't have a problem with that but….Plus, Jeff doesn't have the parts to make a baby. Then again…it is Jeff. But still!

"If that's gonna happen every time, I'll tough out my cold." He declares. His hand slips under the pillow. He slowly sits up when his fingers touches something furry.

"Please don't be a small animal." Punk thinks when he wraps his fingers around it and pulls it from under the pillow. He's relieved when he sees that it's a small hat. A pink, blue and white stripped hat with tassels hanging from the top. He raises an eye brow.

"What tha…." He notices stitching on the folded over brim. In pink cursive stitching he sees the name 'Pepsi Blu' .


The End