50_Shinobi Theme Challenge:
Flirt
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Author: astonishing ashley, or (LJ – amazing_ash)

Paring: Sasuke and Sakura

Theme: Flirt, # 30

Type: Continuous

Rating: T for mildly sexual themes

Word count: 2,486

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, besides the little plot line.

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Summary: Due to Ino deciding Sakura is going to go on a dating spree before February 14th, Sasuke gets a crash course on flirting in hopes of woo-ing Sakura. Yet, Icha Icha can only teach so much.

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"Sasuke-teme, you really are flirting retarded."

"Hn."

Naruto rolled his eyes dramatically, "Seriously teme, how do you expect to get Sakura-chan when you can't even flirt properly?"

Not even bothering to respond to Naruto, Sasuke walked away towards the edge of the clearing to collect his scattered kunai.

"I know you aren't normal… at all, and that you try and play up that whole tall-dark-mysterious act that women are always fawning over, but you are seriously going to lose your man card if you are incapable of flirting."

Throwing his hands up in the air for dramatic effect, Naruto continued to shout.

"And guess what I over heard Ino telling Sakura-chan today at lunch?"

At this, Sasuke glanced over his shoulder briefly.

Nothing good ever came out of Ino talking to Sakura.

Ever.

"Hn."

"She told Sakura-chan that she set her up with a series of dates before Valentines Day so that she can hopefully find Mr. Right! Do you know what day today is? Teme it is February 8 and her first date is tomorrow! That's five dates!"

Growling in annoyance, Sasuke turned around to face Naruto.

"What do we do?"

At this, Naruto grinned widely, "You try and learn how to flirt, and I'll take care of the rest. Just be ready by the 14th, alright?"

"She isn't going to date them."

"No," Naruto agreed, "She won't date them. But she will go on a date. One. Just so that she realizes when you finally pull your head out of your ass that the two of you are meant to be … and all that mushy-woman crap."

"Hn."

Nodding briefly, Sasuke's eyes temporarily flashed to red before bleeding back to black as he attempted to reel in his anger.

Naruto grinned widely.

"I should have had Ino meddle with 'your situation' earlier… If I knew that's all it would take to get you off of your ass and try, I would have done this a lot sooner just for Sakura's sake."

At this, Sasuke scoffed and turned abruptly on his heel heading towards the infamous Uchiha compound.

"Don't do anything stupid teme! You'll fuck up my plan!"

Raising his hand in a brief wave, but not turning around, Sasuke flipped Naruto the bird as he continued to trudge towards home.

If he stayed any longer he'd kill that dumbass and well… possibly ruin his chances with Sakura.


Shaking his head and grinning impishly, Naruto leapt to the trees and sprinted towards the shopping district, and stopping before the familiar Yamanaka Flower Shop.

Pretending to dust off his shoulders and adjust his black tank top, Naruto grinned at himself in the windows reflection, fully ignoring Ino's indignant screeches at him to 'knock that shit the fuck off'.

Pushing open the door, the cheery jingle of the door as he entered was a little foreboding, especially since Ino was leaning agitatedly against the counter, fully prepared to give him hell.

Putting on his nicest smile, Naruto winked at her, "Why, hello Ino, I didn't think I'd meet you in here."

"Cut the shit Naruto, I'm not canceling Sakura's dates."

So she was waiting for this confrontation.

Naruto's eyes twinkled with mischief, "I'm not here to ask you too."
Arching a pretty, delicately groomed eyebrow Ino narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously, "Just what do you want then?"

"Besides hot sex with Hinata? I'd love it if you'd add someone onto Sakura's list of dates for the fourteenth."

"Who?"

Rolling his eyes, Naruto leant on the counter, "Care to take a guess of who'd be too emotionally stunted to ask her out?"

Not quite catching his drift immediately, Ino looked at him blankly.

Crossing his arms before his face, in a similar fashion to Sasuke, Naruto stared at her blankly before grunting.

"Hn."

Ino was surprised, "Really?"

"Sasuke?"

Nodding his head, Naruto grinned, "Yeah."

"Oh wow."

Excitedly, Ino leapt to her feet, "Should I cancel her other dates? She'll be so excited!"

Smirking, Naruto shook his head, and motioned for her to settle down.

"No, keep the dates up – just tell Sakura that you're saving the best for last."

Tapping her nails on the counter, Ino cocked her head to the side and regarded him with genuine interest.

"And why is that…? Do you have any idea how happy she'd be to know he's interested?"

Shrugging like it was obvious, Naruto straightened.

"How else do you think I'd get Teme off of his ass to do something? He needs competition or it will never happen."

Still slightly in shock, Ino nodded and stared at him with disbelief.

"Just don't tell Sakura, and keep this dating plan thing up. I'll deal with Sasuke."

Walking backwards, Naruto paused at the door in thought.

"Oh yeah, and don't tell Sakura anything about Teme yet."

"Okay…wow… oh, hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"You're pretty damn brilliant when you need to be."

At the compliment, Naruto just smiled cockily, "Oh, I know. I just pretend to be stupid."

Leaving Ino trilling merrily Naruto left and rubbed his hands together anxiously as he changed direction towards his own apartment.


Clothes were still on the floor, and ramen cups covered the counter reminding Naruto of Hinata's temporary absence.

Cringing, and knowing he'd have one hell of a day cleaning later, he decided to ignore the mess for now before heading towards his half of the closet in the bedroom.

Squatting, he reached for a tattered and worn box that was clearly labeled 'porn' before pulling it towards him and lifting off the familiar lid.

Fingering the binds of his favorite book series, Icha Icha Paradise, Tactics, and Seduction, Naruto carefully deliberated each volume before pulling out the ones that would most likely … aid … Sasuke in his dilemma.

Snickering as he pictured Sasuke's reaction, Naruto dug through the drawers of his desk before finding a little bag to put the books in and quickly setting himself to the task.

He needed to get these to Sasuke as soon as possible so that he can grab some lunch before tracking down the perverted ex-sensei.

Clutching the bag, he didn't bother to leave through the front door, and instead opted to leap out of his bedroom window and plummet twenty feet, using his chakra to catch onto the wall and slow his decent.

Ignoring the scream of a surprised civilian, he murmured his usual apology before sprinting towards the Uchiha district.

As he got closer, the crowds thinned out slowly, until he was the only person on the road allowing him to increase his speed to an almost desperate sprint.

Leaping over the gate that was always closed but never locked, Naruto rolled his eyes when he spotted Sasuke in Uchiha Training Ground 3 beating the shit out of some wooden dummy.

"Oi! Teme!"

Slowing down to a walk, Naruto grinned at Sasuke when he turned around to glare at him agitatedly.

"The place looks great," Naruto commented, hoping to piss Sasuke off further.

It worked.

Sasuke didn't like talking about the renovation of the district that he worked on obsessively.

"Hn. What dobe."

Shrugging, Naruto dropped the bag of books at Sasuke's feet.

"You need to read these as soon as possible… oh, and we're going to have a team lunch that you are going to cook with Sakura-chan on the 10th so you can try flirting… so make your house, I don't know. Homey or something."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but eyed the bag before him with interest.

"Hn."

"Return those to me when you're done, and I'll send you some new ones."

"Ah."

"Don't jizz on my porn."

Before Sasuke could reply or possibly hurt him, Naruto snickered and sprinted back towards the gate and leapt atop it.

Saluting his agitated and helplessly confused teammate, Naruto relished the situation for a moment before saluting Sasuke and heading towards the ramen stand.


Glancing at the bag at his feet, Sasuke fought the urge to burn what he knew was porn.

Nudging the bag with his foot, he regarded it warily, like something would leap out of it and attack him, before finally reaching down and picking up the bag before making his way back inside.

Heading straight to his bedroom, he dumped the bag upon his bed and picked up a book at random.

"Icha Icha Seduction 3."

Arching an eyebrow, Sasuke sat down upon his bed and regarded the book with mild curiosity.

If it helped Naruto… it would defiantly teach him something.

Opening it to the first page, he began to read.

"After spending three long years in the hostile lands of water country, Nasuke was relieved when he walked through the familiar gates of Konoha.

'It's good to be home,' he sighed, grinning to himself as he caught the attention of women on the street.

Smiling slowly at them, they blushed prettily before turning around and giggling together.

'3…2…1,' he counted in his head, waving when they glanced back over their shoulders at him before giggling again.

Smirking, he continued to make his way towards the Kage tower, knowing that Nade-sama would be pissed at him if he didn't check in with her first, before going to see his precious Kura."

Looking blandly at the boring start, Sasuke had to wonder just how the hell this was supposed to help him.

Marking the page he was on with his finger, he thumbed ahead to another scene, and paused to admire the amazingly complex sexual position 'Kura' and 'Nasuke' found themselves in.

"Hn."

Smirking, he flipped back to the page he was on and carefully paid attention to the interactions between Kura and Nasuke as he settled in to read.

The hints to the people who the characters were based on weren't missed on him, and Sasuke couldn't help but toy with the thought of Sakura being actually as… sexually curious as the Kura in the book.


When the daylight started to fade, Sasuke finished the book and set it down among the others.

Standing, he stretched his arms above him before wandering down the stairs and out of the compound, heading straight towards Sakura's house for their weekly dinner.

Sakura was freakishly adamant about having them.

As was usual, he was the first to arrive.

Knocking on her door twice, as was his signature, Sasuke smirked when he heard Sakura's faint frantic call of "One minute!" through the door.

When she answered the door, she was wearing her favorite purple apron, and was thoroughly covered in cooking and baking items such as flower and other unknowns.

"Sasuke-kun," she smiled, waving him in obviously in a hurry to get back to cooking.

"Sakura," he spoke in greeting, following after her and shutting the door.

Glancing over her shoulder, she motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen and he did so at a leisurely pace.

"Do me a favor, Sasuke-kun, and watch over the things on the stove?"

"Hn."

Pulling out large plates, Sakura began to transfer the steaming dishes onto the serving platters before moving them out and setting them on the dining table.

Five minutes later, the eager knock of Naruto sounded on the door and Sakura bounded off to answer it while Sasuke settled himself at the table.

"Oi! Hello Be-a-u-ti-ful!" Naruto bellowed playfully as he gathered her into a fierce hug.

Kakashi popped into the doorway a moment later, patting Sakura on the head when Naruto set her down before making his way to his usual chair.

"Ohayo Sakura-chan."

Sakura giggled, "Hi Naruto, Kakashi."

Following after them, Sakura settled down between Sasuke and Naruto and smiled affectionately at her boys.

"So, how was your week?"

Kakashi shrugged, "The usual."

Naruto nodded, "I've been training with Teme since Hinata is gone."

"Hn."

Reaching for some fried rice, Kakashi glanced at Sakura and cocked his head to the side.

"I heard you have a series of dates soon."

Sakura blushed, and looked down at the food on her plate.

"You heard about that?"

It was at this point that the evening's light mood began to deteriorate at astonding speeds.

Naruto nodded enthusiastically, "Hai, who you going out with tomorrow?"

Quickly spooning some food in her mouth, Sakura continued to blush but refused to answer.

Lapsing into silence, Sasuke looked at her sideways, and rested a hand upon her knee to gain her attention.

"Who are you going out with tomorrow?"

Eyes widening a fraction, Sakura coughed as she swallowed incorrectly.

"K-kiba."

"Dog boy?" Naruto roared, "You can do better than that."

Kakashi agreed, "Even Sasuke would be a better option."

It was at this that Sakura frowned, "Sasuke isn't an option though, so that eliminates him for the equation."

Glancing at her, Sasuke didn't remove his hand and instead squeezed her knee.

"Who said I wasn't an option?"

Snorting, Sakura rolled her eyes, "Really, Sasuke-kun, you made you disinterest in me very clear."

"Hn."

Removing his hand, he collected the empty plates before taking them into the kitchen and setting them into the sink.

Returning back into the living room, he looked briefly at its occupants before moving towards the door.

"Enjoy your date."

Coughing awkwardly after his departure, Naruto grinned at Sakura as she started disbelievingly at the door.

"Does he really expect me to not date anyone just because he doesn't want to date me? What a conceited bastard!"

"I don't believe it is exactly like that," Kakashi soothed.

"He may be afraid you won't spend as much time with him if you get a boyfriend."

Naruto snorted, "Maybe he wants in your pants but doesn't know how to unbutton them."

Staring at Naruto incredulously, Sakura instantly deflated.

"Do you always think about sex?"

Unabashed, Naruto nodded, "All the time, except when talking to small children."

Thoroughly disturbed, Sakura returned to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

"I'm surrounded by weirdos."

"I better go check on Teme," Naruto called out to her, ignoring her insult.

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed, "And I have to make sure Genma hasn't burned our apartment."

Sakura laughed, "Have fun with that, bye boys."

"Bye Sakura-chan."

"Ja."
When she was finally left alone, Sakura rubbed absently at her temples.

"I can't believe I'm going to go through with this…"


Author's note: Just a prelude to the actual bulk of the story. I hope you enjoy it, and Sasuke's future bumbles at attempting to woo Sakura while she's on dates with other men. (:

It's a bit rough and short, but it sets the entire thing up... and well, the next chapter will be up to my usual standards.

Anyone in particular you'd like to see Sakura go on a date with? There are four open slots, and I'm more than willing to take any suggestions. :D