A tag to Good God, Y'all, Episode 2 of Season 5. Does contain spoilers for the end of the episode so if you don't want to be spoiled then don't read it!

Disclaimer: Dean's not my. If he was, trust me, he'd be shirtless a helluva lot more on the show! Supernatural ain't mine cuz, again, there would be waaaay more shirtless scenes! ; ) They belong to Kripke who makes them wear far too many clothes! *pout*

OK OK! On to the serious stuff!


I'm Sorry, Sammy

I'm sorry, Sammy.

I'm sorry I've failed you as your brother. I've tried so hard to protect you. To keep you safe from all the evil crap out there in the world. I tried to teach you how to survive, how to fight. I gave up everything, my own soul, to keep you alive.

And I failed. I failed every time.

I see you broken in front of me. I see the pain and self-loathing in your eyes. I wish I had the answers to fix you, Sammy. I wish I knew what to do to make all this better. But I can't. I can't fix you because I'm still to fucked up and broken on the inside to be able to help you. I'm trying to run on autopilot and just keep hunting like I've always done. I don't want to think about anything else. I don't want to think about how badly we're both hurting right now. I just want to keep fighting. Keep fighting so I can just dull the pain.

This is all my fault, Sam. I know that. I didn't prepare you enough before I went to Hell. I should have made sure Bobby would keep a close eye on you after I was gone. Or Ellen. Just somebody so you wouldn't be all alone. So that demon bitch wouldn't have been able to sink her claws into you. You turned to her because I was gone. You stayed with her because I didn't fully come back. Not all of me. Not the part you needed most.

I'm watching you walk away and it's destroying me inside. Every instinct inside of me is screaming at me to call you back. To tell you we're going to fix this thing together like always.

But I don't know you anymore, Sam. I don't know how to fix this new Sam.

You walk away and leave me just like those times before.

And this time I truly have to wonder if I'll ever see you again.