Author notes: I was unable to decide on a single ending for this story. I also thought that I'd lampshade the importance of choice in the KOTOR games by giving it two endings. You're free to choose which one seems better or more suited for yourself. I will keep my own opinion to myself. I am merely the writer and it's the reader's decision on these things.
There's something terribly dissatisfying in knowing that you onlydid your best, that you didn't accomplish everything that you wanted to, but just what you could do. But I put the thought out of my mind.
For the time being though, it's enough. We both know that. The Sith Empire has been set ages back as a civil war rages on even as Revan and I flee back to the Republic. Our deaths have very carefully been staged. It had been my idea to involve our Sith apprentices tangentially in the plot. We had told them that about our upcoming departure and they had been offered the choice of playing along or dying. And as much as the Sith are bloodthirsty and wicked they do know how to recognize a good deal when they see one—in this case the opportunity to seize the mantle of Sith Lords without risking their lives.
We had supposedly been killed in lightsaber duels and supplanted by our apprentices who to this moment have been carrying out our unholy struggle. Revan looks preoccupied sitting next to me in the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk. A year has passed. I understand Revan now, as much as anyone can say they understand another person. I reach out and feel the edges of his thoughts, like a child dipping a finger into a stream to find out if the water's cold or not. The water is cold.
"Numbness, more or less," Revan says as an answer to my unasked question. "How do you feel now that it's all over?"
I shrug a little; it's hard for me to pin down a single emotion in my ocean of ambivalence. "I feel like it's done, like we did what we set out to do. And now we get to go home and be proud of what we accomplished."
"Relieved, not proud," he responds sagely. "We can have what we wanted."
"We're close now," I say as I look at the datascreen, which shows us close to our intended destination: Dantooine. "Do you think they'll be there?"
We've informed our closed companions from our journeys of our returns. They've been told to meet us on Dantooine, at none other than the Jedi Enclave.
Revan cracks one of his rare genuine smiles, and I see a scar on his left cheek. "Yes, I think they will," he says, warmly. Warmly is one of those words that I have never had occasion to use in describing Revan, but at this moment, it's the only one that fits. I can't help but be filled with a bit of happiness by Revan's optimism.
Lines turn to dots, and I know we've come out of hyperspace. The Ebon Hawk banks right and Dantooine, great big green ball that it is, comes into view.
In less time than it takes me to say these words we're in the atmosphere, then landing in the middle of a half-repaired Jedi Enclave. The way we land I can't see if anyone's on the ground to greet us. But I imagine that we'll have some kind of welcome given the improved state of the complex.
Revan says, "It's time," and I take his hand. We walk to the exit ramp.
I hunch over as we descend the ramp and I see feet. When we reach the bottom we find the most heterogeneously beautiful group of people I've ever seen. And though they may hate one another they've come for us, come for me.
I tear up a little as some of them rush to embrace us. I have time to see Revan take Bastila in his arms just before Atton squeezes me in the tightest embrace I've ever felt. I can't hold back tears now, and neither can Revan. I'm so overwhelmed that I can't even think of the words to answer all of the questions posed me by my friends. I'm so happy.
I block several blaster bolts with me lightsaber in quick succession. Running up the ramp, I order T3 to prepare the Ebon Hawk for immediate departure. As soon as the ramp is closed, I slump down in the cargo hold out of exhaustion. Delayed pain hits soon afterward. With a great effort I slide off my cloak. It pulls at my skin as I'm taking it off. A mixture of grime, dried blood and sweat, and Force knows what else has practically glued it to me. I've got a nasty blaster scar on my arm, T3 offers me a kolto pack to place on the injured area. It stings as I put it on. I order T3 to take us to Dantooine and execute the agreed-upon final protocols and then close my eyes and fall asleep.
I wake up and I check my datapad. I've been out for 14 hours. I can't remember how long it's been since I slept as well. I try to stand up but I get dizzy and almost fall over. Bracing myself against the wall I give it another effort. It's like the worst hangover I've ever had, but worse. I limp towards the cockpit and sink into the captain's seat once I'm there.
T3 brings be a glass over water. The little droid has gotten to know me rather well, either that or his sensors have come to the conclusion that I'm dangerously dehydrated. I drink it with relish. The feeling is superiorly good, but my mind is still too unfocused to think of an appropriate metaphor. I ask T3 to get me something to eat, he beeps in affirmation and I'm left alone.
My thoughts drift to a place that I've so far been able to keep faraway: Revan. By now he could be anywhere. I remember our last conversation, in a dark hallway on the Sith capital-world of Ziost, just a few days ago…
"We need to leave," I whisper. I had thought first of saying 'we've done as much as we can,' but I decide against it. I feel like that may have been my fatal mistake.
Revan takes off his characteristic mask. His face has aged a thousand years since when I fought with him during the Mandalorian Wars. I suppose that mine must be in similar condition, but I've made a habit of not looking in mirrors. He lights a cigarette and the little light from it shows yellowed but not wholly yellow eyes. Revan reaches out and strokes my blonde hair. "We're not done yet," he responds, whispering.
"We have to go," I insist. "They whole thing is coming apart. The Sith are fighting each other just like they should be…"
"I can't leave just yet, not just yet… I'm not powerful enough yet…" Revan says.
We has become I, and I know that this isn't a question of our goals anymore but Revan's corruption by the darkside. I don't know whether he's truly fallen or not, but I know this is something Revan will not compromise. I understand him like that now.
"I'm going to seize Ziost," Revan hisses. "We'll rule the whole planet."
"We're not here to rule Sith worlds, we're here to destroy them," is my scathing comeback.
"I don't need you anymore. Tell her I love her for me."
"Revan please, you…" I plead.
"Leave before I reconsider eliminating you," he snaps.
I know my cause is already lost. I turn and walk down the hallway…
And now sitting here in the Ebon Hawk, I'm stuck replaying it over and over again. Wondering if I'd said something different, if things could have been different. I understand Revan. I've seen through his eyes, but now it's too late, my cause is lost. Tragedies are a like that, I guess.
I take a bite out of whatever T3 has brought me as I watch the lines of stars stream by. I compose a message, to one person. The only person who wouldn't care, who wouldn't question my failure… I suppose eventually I'll tell Bastila, but I think that for the moment she deserves a bit more time to believe that her long-awaited love will return home someday.
I'm coming home. I'm done. I only want to see you. I only want you. I've done all that I could. Forgive me. I love you. Just you. I don't care how but I just need you.
My datapad is wet with tears when I finish writing. Despondence comes to mind. I start to daydream, and then I daynightmare… but ultimately I daydream… but I'm awoken by lines turning to points and black and white turning to a deep green planet. Dantooine.
I rush down the exit ramp once I'm there, and it's overcast on Dantooine, a light mist is falling all around. Atton takes my hand and pulls me toward him. "I'm sorry, I didn't bring him, I couldn't save him… I failed…" I sob.
He pulls me into a strong hug, and I continue to cry on his shoulder. "Shhh," he says gently. "It's okay. You did good, you did good. It's all over now."
"How could you come?" I say puzzled… I'm looking for any stupid assurance I can find.
"How couldn't I come?" He asks. "I've been waiting for you for two years. I thought about you every day…I love you. I've loved you since the moment I first saw you."
I think of Atton waiting all that time, just making a living. I look up at him. My fool's eyes have a teary mist in them. "I'll never leave you again…I love you."
I'm destroyed but I know that with Atton I can rebuild myself. I'm happy for that.