Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, I don't own, blah blah blah.
Summary: Ed and Winry have a fight that gets a little too out of hand. Cops are called, and Mustang's night is ruined. Manga based. No spoilers though.
Rating: T for some bad language.
Pairings: Ed/Win and Roy/Riza
Chancellor Roy Mustang was pleased with himself. His paper work was organized and neatly stacked, and it seemed he was actually going to make it home at a descent hour, well, decent for him at least. He had really underestimated how much paper work his new position would entail, but over the past four years he had become quite the organized and efficient ruler, just as he always known he would be.
There was a knock at the door before Colonel Heymans Breda entered. Most of Mustang's former subordinates knew that at this late hour, there was no need to make a formal entrance. Breda was the new head of Military Investigations. In fact, one of Mustang's first commissions as Chancellor was to promote people he trusted to head up different divisions. Even so, finding someone to fill Maes Hughes' old position was sobering.
"How's it going Chief?" Breda asked. "Burning the midnight oil?" There was humor behind his eyes. Clearly there was something he wanted to tell Mustang.
"I'm just finishing up actually. Looking forward to getting home," replied Mustang. Breda could barely contain his smile. Mustang narrowed his eyes, willing the round man to spill whatever news he was obviously eager to share.
"So," he began, "I have this buddy who's a Marshall working out of police headquarters, and whenever he comes across a case where a military officer's involved, he gives me a call to see if Military Investigations wants to take it over."
"Sounds like a good friend to have." Hearing comments like that only bolstered Mustang's confidence in the fact that he had made the right choice putting Breda in charge of Investigations.
Breda scratched the back of his head and chuckled. "Yeah, and it only costs me half my paycheck every other Friday on poker night." Mustang decided Breda was either uncomfortable or amused. Perhaps both. The man couldn't stop fidgeting.
"Alright, Colonel. Out with it." Breda let out a sigh.
"I got a call just a little while ago. Fullmetal's been arrested." A sharp, quick laugh burst it's way from Mustang's mouth. So that's why Breda was amused!
"What the hell for?" Mustang was smirking. Any new ammo he got to infuriate Edward was always a welcome gift.
"Domestic disturbance. Apparently he and his wife were having a screaming match and their neighbor called the cops on 'em. Except when the police got there it got out of hand." Mustang's smirk faded. This was starting to sound like something that could reflect bad on him if the public got word of it. Fullmetal had played an intrinsic part in bringing him to power after all.
"What else happened?" He was almost afraid to ask.
"This is Central Police. We got a call from some neighbors concerned about some fighting." The police were knocking on the front door of the brick townhouse, trying to be polite, but clearly the voices on the other side of the door were having none of it.
"See what you did?! Now the police are here! You ASS!!"
"You're the one who started the yelling! Don't you blame this on me! I should let them in so they can haul your crazy ass to jail!!"
"Bastard! You wouldn't dare!"
"Watch me!" There was a loud, angry scream followed by a crash. The two officers glanced at each other with concern before the larger of the two men began to ram his shoulder into the door, finally forcing it open. Inside they found a furious blonde woman, wrench in hand, standing over an unconscious male, whom they both recognized.
"I can't believe it," said the younger officer. "It's Colonel Elric!" The most senior officer turned his attention to the still fuming woman.
"Mrs. Elric?" He queried carefully. She acknowledged him with eye contact. "You're going to have to come with us." He held up his hands in a gesture of peace and caution as he began to approach her.
"What the hell for?" she boomed.
"Assault with a deadly weapon, among other things." Winry couldn't believe what she was hearing. They wanted to arrest her for fighting with Ed?
"You don't understand!" she argued. "This happens all the time. We're fine! Leave us alone!" But her pleas fell on deaf ears as her wrench was tossed to the floor and her wrists were bound behind her back. All the officers knew was that the Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, had been assaulted, and no one was going to get away with it, not even his wife.
Winry began to panic and tried to squirm free as the officer took her by her upper arm and began to lead her out the front door.
"I guess we should call for an ambulance," the younger officer suggested.
"No need. He's coming to," the officer who held Winry replied. The younger officer knelt over Ed to offer his attention.
"Colonel Elric, are you alright?" he questioned, offering his hand to help him up. Ed angrily rubbed the welt on his head as he searched with his eyes for Winry, eager to yell at her for what she had done. Instead he saw her in handcuffs, trying to get free from the officer who's grip on her arm simply got tighter as she struggled. Suddenly his rage had new focus.
"What the hell is going on?" he demanded.
"We have to take her in, sir," was the reply. "She could have killed you." Whatever anger Ed had been feeling earlier instantly increased tenfold.
"Get your fucking hands off my wife!" was followed by the crunch of automail meeting jawbone.
"So now they're both locked up and charged with domestic disturbance and assault. Technically Ed's charged with assaulting a police officer, so he's worse off than Winry." Mustang could feel a headache coming on as Breda finished his story. It would definitely not reflect well on Mustang if this got out. He could see the headlines now; "Fullmetal Alchemist goes on rampage against wife and police!" He pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb, hoping to ward off the pain.
"How long ago was this?"
"They were processed about an hour ago I think."
Mustang let out a deep breath and grabbed his coat. "Alright. I'll call Riza and have her meet me at the station. Maybe we can get the charges dropped and figure out what started all of this."
To say that Angela Young, the junior officer at the front desk of Central Police Headquarters, was surprised would be an understatement. Her jaw was slack and her heart was pounding. In front of her, asking for her help and smiling was Chancellor Mustang, highest ranking officer in the land and so handsome to boot! Her shift had just started a half an hour ago, and she had just resigned herself to a slow evening when this surprise walked through the door. She was starting to panic. Was her hair straight? Was her skirt short enough?
The sound of a throat clearing caught her attention, and making eye contact with the woman who made it was equal to being doused with cold water. First Lady Mustang of course. What had Angela been thinking? They never went anywhere without each other. Still, what could they want here at the police station? Second shift had just started. There was practically no one there. She shook her head to get out of her stupor.
"I'm sorry Chancellor," she apologized. "Who did you ask for again?"
"I said that it was my understanding that Colonel Elric was here? Would you mind letting me in to see him?" Angela was confused. If Colonel Elric was there then he must have been brought in before her shift started. No one had informed her about it. She pulled out the prisoner log and began to scan the most recent page. Yes, there he was. And another one named Elric too.
"Yes Chancellor. He's in block B, cell 1. It looks like they put him in a private cell."
The First Lady spoke up.
"And Winry Rockbell-Elric? Where is she being held?" Angela referred back to the log.
"Female prisoners are kept in Block D. It looks like she's the only female being held right now."
"Alright," Mustang smiled. "We're going to go make some visits. I would be very grateful if you didn't let anyone know we were here." He gave Angela a wink, and she practically melted in her boots. Mustang knew there would be no gossip coming from this girl's mouth. Riza rolled her eyes. Some things she would never break him of.
"I'll get Winry's side of the story and meet you back here?" she asked. He nodded his agreement and they went their separate ways.
Edward Elric didn't think things could get any more uncomfortable. The stupid fight had interrupted his dinner, so he was starving. It was second shift now, and the new warden on duty hadn't been by to give Ed his phone call, probably assuming he'd already had it. And to top it off, there was no way in hell he was going to use that filthy toilet that was just sitting out in the open!
Currently, he sat on the most uncomfortable bench he had ever had the pleasure of sitting on, his elbows propped on his knees and his chin in his hands. He hoped Winry wasn't as uncomfortable as he was. And just when things couldn't get worse...
"Well isn't this a sight for sore eyes!"
"You bastard. You're probably loving this aren't you?"
"Yeah. I am." Mustang pulled up a chair and settled himself next to the cell bars. Ed didn't bother looking up. "Wanna tell me what happened?"
"You assaulted a police officer?" Mustang knew the answer, he was simply trying to get Ed to talk. Ed looked him in the eyes then, furious.
"Well what would you have done if you saw some asshole with his hands on your wife?!"
"Probably something a little more diplomatic."
"Of course you would." Ed let out a sigh and dropped his head. The frustration was radiating off of him. It hit Mustang then. Ed was being diplomatic, at least in his own way. As powerful as Ed was, he could have easily incapacitated the police officers who arrested him, or even bust himself and Winry out of jail, leave the city and never come back. But he let himself be arrested, sat willingly in jail, all for the sake of doing the right thing. Mustang figured that Winry's good reputation being on the line had something to do with it.
"Look," Ed said. "Could you at least get Winry out of here? She's been hitting me with that wrench since we were ten. She doesn't deserve to be in jail for it." To Mustang, he sounded dejected. He knew it was hard for him to ask for favors.
"Breda already informed the police chief that the State won't be pressing any charges on your behalf. She'll be out as soon as the paper work is finished." Ed's shoulders sagged with relief.
"Listen, I can get you out of here too, Fullmetal, but if this happens again my hands will be tied. You and Winry need find a better way to resolve your differences."
"I know," Ed agreed. "This was just a special circumstance." Mustang didn't like seeing Ed so down on himself. Whatever they had been fighting about, Ed was feeling guilty about it now.
"Why don't you tell me about it. Maybe I can help." Ed let out yet another sigh.
"I told her I wanted to go to Xing."
"That doesn't sound so bad."
"That's just stupid. Why would you ask that?"
"She's in no condition to make that trip. She's pregnant."
Riza Mustang sat patiently in her folding chair as she watched Winry pace back in forth in her cell. There was nothing to do but listen to her rant until she calmed down.
"How thoughtless can one man be? Xing? Xing?! For three to four months?! Haven't I waited on his ass enough in my lifetime? What the hell is wrong with him?!"
"Why don't you go with him?" Riza suggested. Winry stopped her furious pacing, a very sober look suddenly on her face. Her hands unconsciously went to her stomach.
"I can't make that trip." Winry let out a breath she was holding. "We found out I was pregnant about three weeks ago. Al's the only other one who knows so far." It was like a curtain was lifted for Riza. No wonder their fight had gotten so out of hand. Winry was a walking hormonal time-bomb. And the first thing Ed asked to do after learning she was pregnant was to leave? Riza decided she should buy her own wrench to bash Ed over the head with.
"What if something happened to the baby while he was gone?" Winry was close to tears suddenly. "He couldn't get to me for over a week! And what if some damn vigilante decided to make a name for himself by taking out the Fullmetal Alchemist while he was alone in a foreign country? I know Ed can take care of himself in a fight, but not even Ed could dodge a bullet if he didn't know there was a sniper! Why does he want to leave me? Doesn't he know I can't do this alone?" Winry collapsed on her cell bench and covered her face with her hands.
"I'm sorry has asked to go, Winry. Can I let you in on something I've learned though?" Winry nodded dejectedly. "For us women, that baby is real to us the second we learn it's growing inside of us. We become mothers in that very instant. But for men, at least the first time around, they don't realize they're fathers until someone hands them their baby for the first time. A pregnancy doesn't feel like a real baby to them, and you'll get very little sympathy or respect until after the baby is born and it hits them over the head what you've been doing for nine months." Winry's spirits weren't very lifted.
"That sounds terrible," she responded.
"It can hurt sometimes, but it all disappears when you see them holding your child for the first time. And this only happens with the first pregnancy." Winry raised her eyebrows in disbelief, so Riza elaborated. "When I was pregnant with our second, Roy knew what was coming, and he was much more excited and attentive. It was a completely different experience."
"So what do I do with Ed in the meantime?" Riza shrugged.
"Just keep him well informed on how you're feeling and what your going through. Try and make him understand how the baby inside you is growing. Maybe it will click with him."
Mustang didn't know what to say. That wasn't news he had expected. But despite that, Roy needed to make Ed see what a grievous error he had made.
"So, mind telling my why you want to leave your newly pregnant wife alone to fend for herself for months at a time while you trot off across the dessert to a foreign country where you'll be almost impossible to reach should anything happen?" Ed grunted and shook his head. Maybe he already understood the problem with what he asked Winry.
"It's something I've wanted to do ever since I saw the ruins of Xerxes. I want to study their alkhestry. But after the Promised Day I had to nurse Al back to health, and then you needed help with the reformation of the state. I had decided that maybe me and Winry could go together after she was done with her surgical apprenticeship, but then this pregnancy came up. I know I can't leave her after the baby comes, so I thought the best idea would be to get the trip over with beforehand. Clearly Winry didn't agree."
"In her eyes, Fullmetal, the baby's already here. To her it probably sounds like you want to ditch her."
"Of course I don't want to ditch her!"
"I didn't say that. I'm just saying you probably scared her. What if something went wrong with the pregnancy while you were away and you couldn't get home to be with her? Bad timing, Fullmetal. Now's not the time to take a research trip."
"But I can't go after the baby comes. I'd never do that to her."
"Listen kid. Xing's not going anywhere, and you have you're whole life to make it over there. You've got to stop being in a hurry for everything." Ed nodded his head. Of course Mustang was right. Ed already knew what an asshole request it was after Winry started crying at the dinner table when he brought it up. But the fight had escalated faster than he had expected and now they were both in jail and miserable. Winry deserved better than that. He had no right to make her wait on him anymore.
When Ed didn't respond, Mustang took that as his cue. He stood from his chair and signaled the guard waiting at the cell block entrance. The guard used the switch board to unlock Edward's cell, startling the alchemist out of his pessimistic thoughts.
"Come on," said Mustang. "Our wives should be waiting on us." Ed was instantly on his feet and out of his cell. "Breda's been on the phone with the police chief since before I even made it here. You and Winry are free to go. Just don't mention this to anyone."
"Believe me, I won't."
Ed and Winry embraced tightly in the lobby of the police station when they were reunited. Winry was tearful. Ed was relieved.
"I'm sorry I asked you such a stupid thing," he began. "I guess I forgot to think about how you've been feeling." Winry buried her face in his chest and nodded her agreement.
"Just don't ever think about leaving me again, Edward Elric," he heard her say. "I'll beat you over the head so hard you won't even remember you're own name."
"And I'd deserve it." He put his flesh arm over her shoulder and began to direct her out of station, vowing silently to himself never to return. "Let's get the hell out of here."
Roy and Riza followed a safe distance behind the couple, satisfied in their ability to help.
"I can't believe those two are going to be parents," Roy said to his wife.
"Yes," Riza agreed. "It's going to be a long nine months. We should get used to being called here during late nights." Roy stopped in his tracks. He found too much truth for his liking in his wife's lighthearted comment.
"Hey Fullmetal!" Ed and Winry stopped walking and turned to face the older couple. "A little friendly advice?"
"I didn't ask for any," Ed snarked.
"Even so, take your wife and move back to Risembool until after your spawn is born."
Winry scowled at the term he used to refer to her child, and Ed asked, "What the hell do you mean?"
"No close neighbors to hear you screaming at each other and call the police over it."
Ed rolled his eyes and proceeded to lead Winry out the door.
Two days later, Mustang found Edward Elric's change-of-address form on his desk ready to be signed.
Author's note: Thanks for reading. Hopefully this was amusing. I had this idea for Ed and Winry to get in trouble for screaming too much and this little story was born. But then I needed to give them a reason for fighting harder than usual, and I think it might have ended up a little too melodramatic in parts. Anyway, I'd appreciate any reviews letting me know how it turned out. I've never attempted a semi-funny story before. Thanks again!