Selfish

I'm dead. I'm going to pull the trigger and blow myself to kingdom come and no one is moving.

'Cuz nobody cares when Kenny dies. 'Cuz Kenny doesn't matter. Kenny's a bad friend and a bad boyfriend and a bad brother, and he might as well die since no one needs Kenny around.

It's funny. I guess I expected some sort of reaction. I've always said that I can't die, because someone would miss me at least a little… And yet…

.

"Kenny!" Kyle screeched as Kenny brought the gun to his head. He tore the guitar and its constrictive cords over his head, and launched himself at what he realized too late to be his suicidal friend.

.

Huh?

.

There was a confused struggle as Kenny and Kyle hit the ground and rolled off of the low stage with a thud. The gun flew out of Kenny's hand, and skidded a few feet away.

.

'Fuck you, Kenny.'

.

Confused and disoriented by his fall, he shook his head, trying to heave himself up and off of the floor. He caught sight of the gun, though, and made a wild dive for it, but Kyle caught his leg, holding him back.

.

"Dammit, at least he's right when he calls you a worthless son of a bitch!"

.

Kicking and struggling, Kenny threw himself forward, his fingers just brushing it.

.

"You wouldn't dare, you selfish piece of shit-"

.

People were screaming now, running in chaotic circles and trying to get away from the boys fighting over the gun. It was pandemonium.

.

"I swear to all that is good and holy, Kenny, if you hurt my friend I'll break your face."

.

"No! Kenny, God, don't do it!"

.

"Just hurry up and give me an excuse to kill you, why don't you?"

.

"Fuck you!" Kenny screamed in protest, wrenching himself out of Kyle's grasp and snagging the weapon.

.

"I- I think you should go, Kenny…"

.

Kenny fumbled with it, trying to get it turned to the right way, "God damn all of you!"

.

I'm sorry Kenny

.

Kenny pulled the trigger.

.

'Dude, I'm sorry.'

"I thought that was pretty good."

"Hey, Kenny!"

"Come on. Kenny, I've known you since we were three years old."

"You don't have to do that."

"Um… I do. Wanna come over?"

"You really should stop dying so much. One of these days, you aren't gonna get back up, y'know?"

"Kenny- how do you feel?"

"Kenny…?"

.

Kenny's breath caught in his chest, somewhere between his lungs and his heart.

He stared down at his shaking hands, covered by Kyle's own, who had made one final lunge toward the weapon, jerking it in his own direction.

Kenny looked up from the gleaming silver barrel to Kyle's stomach, where the cloth had been ripped to shreds, and the flesh beneath ravaged and burnt. Blood began to trickle out, as if by some delayed reaction it had forgotten its job.

There was a full moment of pure silence. Though the gym still rang with the echo of the shot, and the screams of those who still remained in the building grew only louder, along with Kenny's own tortured breathing, which had begun again, Kenny heard nothing.

"Oh." Kyle said finally, his face surprised as he looked at the bullet wound, gaping and ugly and unreal. Then his legs wavered, and Kyle fell.

Kenny screamed.

.

"Hey, Kenny?"

Kenny looked over and cocked his head to the side, "Eh?"
"You wanna hang out?"
"Duh." Kenny laughed, smiling beneath his hood.

"Sweet," Kyle grinned, "whad'ya wanna do?"

"I dunno, let's get some lunch and play a couple of mind numbing video games."
Kyle smiled, and took Kenny's hand in his, and led him beneath a great, bubbling silver arch, and wild flowers sprang up where he stepped. Kenny stared around him at the brilliant primary colours of the world and the sky and the building-less city made of lights and smiles with a look of wonder, but no confusion.

He sat himself on Kyle's couch with a plop, leaning back against one side. Kyle frowned.

"Asshole, you're taking all the space."

Kenny grinned like a madman, and pulled his hood from his face, "You'll just have to sit in my lap, won't you?"

Kyle's face flushed like a field of ripe strawberries, and he looked like he was about to protest, which Kenny heavily anticipated, but the look vanished, and Kyle shrugged, his smile returning like tulips after a cold winter.
"Okay."

Kenny blinked in surprise, "What?" But somehow, he found Kyle was already sitting between his legs, back leaning against him. Rather than protest to the situation, Kenny decided it was better to just roll with it, since it seemed to be rolling in his direction.

His hand reached to the floor for a discarded controller, and passed one to Kyle. He wasn't sure what he was playing, but he was playing it. Kenny couldn't fully describe what he was doing, or why, but it didn't seem strange to him. The screen moved with fluid, bright, incomprehensible images that he couldn't describe or remember as soon as they passed, and if he tried to, it just looked white. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Kyle spoke up.

"Hey, Kenny? When you said you that you loved me, were you serious?"
Kenny's face flushed this time, and he made sure to keep his eyes glued to the screen, "I don't lie."

"No, come on. I want you to say it for real."

"…I love you."

Kyle was silent.

"Kyle?"

Nothing.
"Kyle, now would be a
great time to respond…"

"I love you too, Kenny."

Kenny's face lit up like Christmas, and he sat up, dropping the controller. Kyle turned around to face him, and for the first time, Kyle kissed him for real. No faking. Not for show. The real thing.

Kenny drew back and closed his eyes, trying to remember what Kyle tasted like when he was being real. What was it? A little like fresh strawberries, when they were still firm and juicy, and a little bit like vanilla, real vanilla, not the inexpensive fake kind that his mother had to use when she wanted to cook. Then his face fell.

"This isn't real." He stated.

Kyle frowned, "Not real?"
"Can't be real. I died."

Kyle only smiled, "Silly, that bullet didn't hit you!"

Kenny stopped. Didn't- where did the bullet go…?

His eyes widened in horror-

(BLOOD)SHREDS/RAVAGED[GAPING]AND/UGLY/BULLET!HIT!KYLE

and Kenny sucked in his breath suddenly.

"Then, you-!"

Kyle shrugged, and his smile didn't reach his eyes anymore, "Sorry, Kenny."

.

Kenny kept screaming.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One week later

It was raining.

Quite fitting, for a funeral. It was dreary, and gloomy, and in all essence, sad. Kenny had his head in his hands, unable to look up at the coffin resting on its stand beneath the tent.

He was biting his lip, putting everything in him into not crying.

God… Why did you have to DIE…? He thought, heartbroken. He shifted in his seat, letting his hands slide from his face to the sides of his head, pressing against his temples to try and block out his thoughts.

God, God, God! It's not fair! You didn't deserve to die… You just didn't… Why did you have to go and DO something like that…? I was the crazy suicidal one, so why did YOU die?! It's not fair!

Kenny heard someone, surprisingly close, start to cry, and with a jolt, realized it was him. But he couldn't stop, and just let himself cry. Hell. I'm at a goddamn funeral! I can cry all the fuck I want, now! He screamed at himself.

A comforting arm reached out from beside him, and wrapped around his shoulders. Kenny let his hands fall, and looked up with wet eyes.

Kyle just nodded, and Kenny pressed his face into Kyle's chest and let himself sob, while Father Maxi continued to speak over Karen's casket.

--------------------------------------------

Kyle twitched, wincing, and Kenny pulled back, making sure to wiggle a few inches away, "You okay?" He asked, worried, casting his eyes down to the brace wrapped around Kyle's abdomen.

Kyle shrugged, nodding. Kenny felt a pang of guilt, and cast his eyes just a fraction lower. Kyle caught it.

"Hey, hey. I grabbed the gun, you idiot." Kyle inched back over, but Kenny shifted away again restlessly, guiltily.

"Yeah, but… I was the idiot with the gun in the first place…"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm really glad you decided to try to kill yourself at school. How else would I have saved your ass?" Kyle moved back over, settling against Kenny's side, wriggling his way beneath his arm. Kenny gave up.

"You don't even know if I would've come back or not…" He mumbled, frustrated, and still plagued with feelings of self-hatred, but gladly, not in the sense of killing oneself.

"Doesn't matter. I don't wanna see you hurt yourself."

Kenny smiled grimly, "Then I guess I should've done it where you couldn't see, eh?"

Kyle punched him playfully in the arm, "Hell no."

Kenny sighed, relaxing as he leaned back against the ledge.

"I can't believe they kicked you out of school, though."

"Bull. I brought a gun and shot somebody with it. I'd be worried if they didn't get rid me. I'm just thankful I'm not in jail."

"Good thing my dad's a lawyer."
"It's kinda weird, though."

"What?"

"Shouldn't your parents, y'know, hate me by now?"

"What? Why?"

"Exhibit A: I shot their kid."

"…By accident."

"Exhibit B: Your parents are crazy strict Jewish, and I'm dating their son."

"They- they just want me to be happy, right?"

"Plus, they've always thought I was a bad influence on you, and they've never liked me too much anyway."

"Sure they have. I would know if my parents didn't like my friends."
"They're too soft around you sometimes."

"My mom's too soft?!"

"Sometimes, yeah." Kenny shrugged.

"Okay, okay. So maybe my parents don't like you. Doesn't change the fact that my dad stuck up for you in court."
"Yeah, though that was before you and me started 'officially' dating."

Kyle shrugged, "Whatever. What the fuck ever."

Kenny rifled around his pocket for a moment, and pulled out his phone, checking the cracked screen, "You should probably get back to school, though. Lunch is almost over."

"Aww… I don't wanna go back… I hate my next period…"

"Yeah, well, you gotta go to college, so up you go. No skipping for you."

Kyle pouted, "You used to damn help me get out of class."

"Well, I'm gonna be more responsible. So get your pretty ass in gear, zince you've got three minutes to get back across the street and campus."

"Three minutes?!"
"Sorry. I stalled."

Kyle made an exasperated noise and stumbled to his feet, grabbing his thin backpack. Kenny just waved as Kyle made a break for it. It would be a close one. But he'd probably make it. Oh, well. Kenny picked up the fast food bag and walked it to the garbage, humming.

A flash of inspiration caught his eye when he noticed how upbeat the tune was.

"Keep it up, Keep it going,

Trust me, it always stops snowing

On your pretty summer day

Yeah, winter goes away.

Everybody's waiting, let's see that pretty face

Come on, move along, life ain't a race

No no no, it's all about us, yeah it's you and me

Don't listen to nobody who says what you're "supposed t'be"

Keep it up, Keep it going,

Trust me, it always stops snowing

On your pretty summer day

Yeah, winter goes away.

Do it-to it!

Keep it up, Keep it going,

Trust me, it always stops snowing

On your pretty summer day

Yeah, winter goes away.

Don't listen when they say do this be this

Listen up listen well cuz all they do is dismiss

No no no, your life ain't fair game,

Trust me, cuz even snowflakes aren't the same.

Keep it up, Keep it going,

Trust me, it always stops snowing

On your pretty summer day

Yeah, winter goes away.

I think I just might, just might

Be alright, alright!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Draik: Well, that was just a little bit psychotic.

Kenny: Awww. You didn't kill Stan. ^^

Stan: Sweet! I live!

Draik: Whaaa? Do I kill Stan often or something?

Kyle: 'Broken Toy Soldier.'

Stan: 'Glass Children.'

Kenny: And you were pretty harsh on him in 'Kenny are You Doing Okay,' too.

Draik: …

Kenny: Why are ALL of your stories about me?

Draik: Whaat? They're not ALL about you-

Kyle: Yeah they are.

Stan: Every one of them.

Draik: What?! *checks page* Hoshit. Sorry Stan and Kyle. 0_o

Kenny: I'm kinda sick of dying. You always torture your main characters.

Draik: That I do…

Kyle: You've really got a thing for K2, don't you. 0.o

Draik: Actually, my favorite pairing is Style, go figure. It's just that I lovelovelove Kenny. ^^

Kenny: Aww.

Draik: I find it absurdly easy to write from his perspective on life. It just sort of flows, y'know?

Kyle: Mm.

Stan: Eh. I guess.

Draik: Ohh. That's another thing lovelovelove.

Kenny: What? 0_o

Draik: Writing dialogue. ^^ I always try to write how people actually speak words, sorta slurred together and whatnot.

Kyle: Our words don't always slur though.

Draik: Well, if I tried to do it TOO realistically, it'd b'soundin' sorta like'is, y'know? 'Cuz when'yer aroun' frien's, pe'ple dun't pronounce stuff to caref'lly or pronounce 'd' too of'n.

Stan: Dear god. It looks redneck.

Draik: Well, try saying it out loud. It doesn't sound near as bad. Besides, I DO come from the 'deep south.' Port City, eh? Lol… I live no where near the ports… XD Actually, I don't even live in TOWN… It amuses my friends who live half an hour away. =_=

Kyle: Huh. I just walk to school.

Draik: Well, that's the end of it. Thanks for reading, guys. :D I actually might have a sort-of sequel stemming from this. It probably won't be, but I still wanna use the basic plotline. But it just matches up like puzzle pieces with "Selfish" Kenny, so, I dunno.

Broflove: Sufficient stopping, hopefully? XD Thanks for being a loyal reviewer. :3 You always made my day.

iseealivepeople: Nothing I actually wrote, it would be too long and tedious and pointless. To keep the plot rolling, I just sort of said the Kyle explained, well, basically, the first three chapters to him. XD

Emo-Nerdy-Insane-Writer: Don't I always? X3 You always ask that, you'd think I'd be predictable enough by now! Lulz, thank j00 for reading, though. :D Stalkers from old stories like you make be all warm and fuzzily.

xxSay: I missed Yom Kippur? I was wondering where Seth went… (Seth=Jewish lol) Nuu! Don't cry! Look at the happy! LOOK AT THE HAPPY! They actually do all have really rough melodies… Nothing final or anything, but very rough (and I do mean ROUGH) tunes. Guitar here, pause here, drumbeat here, sad solo here, piano here…. Etc, etc. Very sad no one will ever hear them. XD Well, I guess Kenny would want to do it like that because he wouldn't just want to fade away, be forgotten. Sort of a personal revenge, like he wanted everyone to know just how bad he felt, and know they could've helped him, but no one did. Sort of sad, really. :(

Caturday: There. Underlined AGAIN. ^_^ Just because you are special. Not because I was being lazy and copying and pasting names from my review list and forgot to de-underline yours… no, no, of course not… XD Oh, but isn't he? Kyle amuses me.

Um… Bands… *thinks way too hard about it* Red is probably my favorite, and I really like Skillet and Evanescence… Three Days Grace, Imogen Heap, Marianas Trench, the Offspring, SR-71, Simple Plan, Within Temptation, Thousand Foot Crutch… Some others, I guess… Then some random songs like 'When You Get Home, You're so Dead' and 'Jeremy' and 'Your Guardian Angel.' Mostly I just end up listen to soundtracks, thuough. XD Dr. Horrible and Brave Little Toaster are my favorites. :3 Wow, that was long…

YOU ARE ALL AMAZING LOVE AND COOKIES TO YOU