Companion piece to 'Slow Bleed'. Tag for 5.02. Spoilers for sure. Dean POV.
I watched him walk away and it hit me hard how much I've changed.
Hell had broken more than I had realized.
I wanted to stop him.
To stop him from leaving –
To stop him from blaming himself –
To stop him from hurting.
But apparently I didn't want to bad enough.
So I watched my Sammy leave…
I couldn't blink, afraid I'd miss my last second of him. Drinking in what might very well be the last time I ever saw him.
Memorizing every detail.
Almost breaking when his fingers caressed my baby.
I was never washing her again.
When my eyes finally started to burn, I shut them and kept them closed.
My heart started to pound and I waited for the tears to come.
But they didn't.
Not this time.
Not even one.
I was bone dry –
In so many ways.
I wanted him to come back.
Oh God, I did.
But not enough to stop him.
And not when I was afraid of what would happen if I did.
It wasn't just him that was the problem.
It was me.
Dean opened his eyes and looked upwards. Castiel said God wasn't in Heaven but, hey, old habits died hard.
"You'd better take care of him", he whispered, then stood up and turned to go.