This very short piece came to me as I watched the season 5 premiere last night. I hope you all enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:
Sept. 21, 2009: I lied to Bones tonight. Except for when I didn't tell her that my death a little over a year ago was an undercover ruse, I've never lied to her. I could see in her eyes that she knew I was lying. I also saw something that amazed me. She was ready to hear the words. She was ready to take a chance on something that is so uncertain: LOVE. The range of emotions she displayed as I worked up to saying that all important phrase "I love you" and then my cowardly qualifier is complete proof of that. I never want to see that kind of disappointment on her face, and especially her eyes, ever again. I've never been more ashamed of myself than I am right now. I've taken a serious risk, but what else could I do? Cam was so right. If I succeed and break Bones out of her shell and it doesn't work, Bones won't trust anyone ever again. Then Sweets showed me something that makes me question my feelings. That wasn't enough, though, to make me question myself. No. It was that fucking clown. I hate clowns. And yet, I laughed at this one and enjoyed the joke. Maybe there is something to what Sweets said. It was at that moment that I knew that I had to lie to Bones. I want her, and I know she's ready, but I have to be sure that it's because I really want her, and not because I have something wrong with a part of my brain that's making me act a certain way. Bones deserves more than a declaration brought on by a brain abnormality. She deserves that declaration because I am more sure than anything that she is the one that deserves all the love, respect, and attention that I can possibly give, without any awkward influences. I only hope that when I am sure, she will understand that I lied to her in order to protect her. I don't want her going through life not trusting anyone ever again and also not being able to accept the love she deserves. I refuse to be the cause of that. Two things are going to happen tomorrow. First, I'm making an appointment with the neurosurgeon and talk to him about the scans Sweets showed me. Second, I'm going to confession and have a long talk with my confessor about what I did, and ask for forgiveness for deceiving someone who deserved a lot better from me. I only hope that when I am sure of what's real and what isn't she's willing to forgive me and give us a chance. Sometimes it really sucks putting others first, but Bones deserves no less.
From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:
Sept. 21, 2009: Booth lied to me. I don't think that's ever happened before, except when the FBI faked his death, and it's very disturbing. He told me he loves me. That much I believe. Then he placed a caveat on that long awaited statement from him. "An 'Atta Girl sort of way'"? What is he trying to do? He looked uncomfortable saying that, and I knew. Right then, and in a moment of complete clarity, I was able to read Booth as well as he reads me, and I knew that he was lying about the caveat. He's recovered from the surgery, and is able to work like he always has, but something is off. He's unsure of something, and I need to find out what that something is. I was ready, finally ready, to respond to him when he said he loves me, but then he added the qualifier. I'm ready to trust someone with my heart, as illogical as that statement sounds, and Booth is who I am ready to trust it with. Now I have to find out what is going on, and why he lied. I'm worried, and I don't know what to do. I only hope that he is alright, and that my own lie in return was believable.
A/N: I imagined Bones' journal entries would be short and concise, though containing a lot of depth, while Booth would have a more rambling feel to it and also that he would work his way through the elements of what was bothering him more fully in words that Bones would, despite the fact that she's the published author. She'd have a journal, but it would be brief in dealing with her feelings as it would be difficult for her to open up about herself, even on paper unless it was in the guise of a fictional character. I hope that this presentation of a pivotal moment works for everyone. Gregg.