This is an add on to last weeks episode that I wanted to post before tonights new episode, and is a direct continuance to Bones' journal entry from that episode where she said she needed to talk to someone important. I have had several people make guesses as to whom I was referring, but no one guessed it. I hope that this short chapter is one that you all enjoy as I think it shows the growth that Bones has exhibited right from the start of this season, showing that while she may very well have made an error in deciding to go to Maluku, she made good use of the time to really think about her life and how she wants to live it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Bones pulled into the parking space and sat in the driver's seat for close to ten minutes. It was early morning, about 5:30, but she'd been up all night doing some hard thinking. What had been a stray thought at the end of her journal entry had become almost a need that had to be dealt with. With a deep sigh, she grabbed her purse, and the small jewelry box next to it, and got out of the car. She walked with purpose until she came to a halt. She shivered at the knowledge that her Mother's remains lay beneath the ground she was standing on, and the only tangible indicator of that fact was the head stone.
"Hi, Mom," she managed to get out, though she felt foolish. Booth had made such a big deal of coming to visit and talk to him, or his grave, rather, if he should die before her, that she reasoned that there must, no matter how illogical, be something to it. She had never truly admitted it, but when it came to emotional realities she had yet to find a situation where Booth had been wrong. Maybe if she had listened to him with more than passing courtesy on a lot of those occasions, she wouldn't be dealing with the reality of him being with someone else right now. Taking a calming breath, she continued.
"I don't really know what to say. Maybe I'm sorry for not coming to see you for a long time, though I'm unsure what that would accomplish," she rambled a bit. "Maybe I'm sorry for not knowing that you were in Limbo for so long before I found you. Do you know how I felt when I discovered that you were dead and had been right there all along?" she asked rhetorically, though her voice hitched when she said that. "For so long I wanted to hate and distance myself from anything emotionally entangling because of what happened when you and Dad left me. I have Dad and Russ back in my life, thanks to Booth, but it hurts so much that you're not here, too."
She felt a few tears fall when she admitted that last. In the past she would have chastised herself for the emotional weakness, but not now. She wanted to say this, and not let anything, even a few tears and deeper emotions stop her.
"I'm a scientist now, and the best in my field. I've traveled all over the world a number of times, and am a published author. For a long time that was enough, along with the occasional casual lover to satisfy my urges, but something has changed," she explained. "Almost seven years ago I met a man named Seeley Booth. He's an FBI Agent and he wanted my help in solving a murder. Ever since then, despite how much I know I've hurt him by my casual flings and at times mocking bickering about his religion, he's been my best friend, though it took a while for us to know what we were for each other."
She recalled all of the late night debates on everything and anything. She remembered the profound ideas he propounded, especially his explanation of making love. She spent time saying all this to the still air and the head stone to her Mother's grave. She told of all the times that Booth had made her see herself as someone special, someone worthy of a lasting friendship, and that there was someone in her life that wouldn't leave her. Then she told of what happened almost nine months previously.
"I made a horrible mistake, Mom," she said softly. "This incredible person who showed me that there was a life outside the lab, and my casual flings, told me that he wanted more than just a partnership and friendship. He wanted a genuine relationship. Someone that would love him for thirty, forty, or fifty years. Booth chose me. Me, the broken scientist who has tried so hard to avoid entangling emotional connections. It was like a dream come true, and I said no. I said I was a scientist and couldn't change."
In her minds eye she replayed that night and felt indescribably sick over her rejection of Booth. Steadily she continued on.
"He said he needed to move on. We were still partners, but the friendship was awkward, at best. Then I had a chance to go on an important dig in Maluku for a year. At the same time he was asked to go back in the Army for a year in Afghanistan. He has some good reasons for having gone, but there is just something inside me that says he left because I was leaving.
"I put the time we were apart to good use and finally realized that to be with him I didn't have to change who or what I was at all. Once I realized that, and was honest with myself, I was able to admit out loud that I love him. I was so ready to tell him when we met up again, but I never had the chance. While he was over there he met a woman and is now involved with her. My most important desire is that he be happy. He seems happy with Hannah, but I also can see that it is not what he wants. I can now read him like he reads me. I saw how he looked when she called herself a nomad and that was her explanation for only having a few bags when moving in with Booth."
A visceral emotion clouded her mind right then at Hannah having said that. How dare someone say that to Booth, making it almost plain that this was not anything more than a stopover? She could now see how Booth must have felt when she was with all those casual lovers, and also her short time with Sully. She explained this all in her continuing monologue to her Mother.
"I don't know what to do," she ended her long story. "I want him to be happy more than anything, and while I know I can make him happy, I hurt him so badly when I rejected him that he may not ever be willing to take another chance with me once this relationship with Hannah ends. I wish you were here so you could tell me what I should do. Like when I was a young girl and you would talk about life and all of the beautiful things in this world."
Before she could do anything a memory came to her with no effort or any pondering. She was with her Mom and she was about 12 or 13. They were talking about boys and she had asked her Mom if she had ever had any doubts about marrying her father.
"Not one," Christine said with a warm smile. "Even though it took a while, and I resisted for a time, I knew that he was someone who would not disappoint me. When that special someone comes along, don't lose hope. It may be difficult, and it may hurt sometimes, but when it resolves itself, the hope, the desire, and the patience are all just a small sacrifice compared to the happiness you'll find."
Bones' eyes widened. It was a memory, and she could explain all the science and psychology surrounding the power of memories, and their triggers, but a memory didn't have that warm feeling that was now going through her. It was like her Mom was right there with her, letting her know something important. She closed her eyes and could almost smell the scent of her Mother's favorite perfume, or the brush as her Mom would brush out her hair when she was young. Booth had been right again, and she was more than willing to admit it. She vowed right then that she would without hesitation follow Booth's wishes if he should die before her.
She crouched down and pulled the small jewelry box from her jacket pocket. Opening it she saw the dolphin ear rings, the dolphins made of diamonds, that she'd had commissioned some time back in memory of her Mother. Closing it, she dug a small hole about one foot down and gently placed the box and ear rings in it, then covered them up. It seemed appropriate that she give something to her Mother like this, since she herself treasured her Mother's old ear rings so much. Standing, she smiled. She knew that while the future was unclear, and she may have to move on at times herself, she now had the patience to see this situation with Booth for the reality it was. She wanted long term with him, and when he was ready to take another chance on her, she would be ready. She placed her hand on the head stone.
"Thanks, Mom," she said softly. Then without a backward glance she walked back to her car and left the cemetery. She had a job to do, and a whole new world view to work within.
A/N: I wanted this to be like this, though it may be a bit too sentimental, or move the character too far ahead. I hope that this works for everyone, and that in the end the show validates the growth that this chapter shows. Thanks for the continuing support on this story. Journal entries for this weeks episode will be posted this weekend. Gregg.