Formerly known as 'Gonna Give You Something', this is a story about love, lust and sex. If you don't like to read about any of that stuff, please do not continue! Also contains foul language, for mature audiences only. Thank you and you have been warned.
I am not Stephenie Meyer, she just created the characters for me to mess around and get perverted with – and for that, a big thank you to her.
So… this is the remake! Seriously, this is all revamped, a bit more angsty and a whole lot more sexin', and it's ready to be read and reviewed! YAY! And thank you all so much for joining me on this crazy ride!
Jacob POV – Fighting With Myself
"Concentrate, Jake… Stop staring at her like a fucking moron," I hollered at myself.
This was typical behavior on my part as of late. There were constant reminders to myself that I shouldn't stare, and I was being obvious about my ogling of Renesmee.
She just looked so good, so soft and…
My mother surely taught me better than that, but I was a man, after all… Edward would most definitely kill me if he ever read the thoughts I was having about his daughter right now. This wasn't the first time I'd pictured her this way. It had been getting much harder to control now that Nessie was 18.
Well, technically speaking she was 9, but her body definitely didn't look like a 9 year old. My body realized this more and more, hell, I was a 26 year old, red-blooded male.
And she was all woman…
"Jake, come on," she laughed, a soft, throaty sound that I had come to love. "You want to come with me or what?" Nessie smiled at me quickly as she tossed her curls over her shoulder.
'You have no idea,' I scoffed in my mind as I ran up to her. She wrapped her arm around my waist gently and tugged at the hem of my shirt. My dick twitched in my pants at the simple gesture. She had no idea what she did to me on a regular basis. I had never had to jerk-off so much in my life, and she didn't even do anything remotely sexual. A touch here, a smile there… all innocent things; except to me. It all went straight to my dick and made me realize how much harder it was getting (no pun intended) to be around her and not tell her just how much I wanted her, how I needed her.
"What are we going to do today?" she asked as she smiled up at me.
I shrugged and sighed as she leaned her head against my arm. She had no idea what she was doing to me. How hard it was to keep my shit together and not toss her down on the ground and ravish every inch of her body. Everything about her was changed, different. Most people wouldn't notice it, but I did… even her smell had started to change, more feminine and sexy. Everything about her was making me crazy with lust, and I wanted to kiss her so bad. Her soft, plump lips were just begging to be kissed. Soft, rough. Slow, hard and fast... It didn't matter how it happened, I just wanted to kiss her any way she would let me. I shook my head to clear those thoughts, as they'd get me nowhere. I tried a smile as she looked up at me.
"Where were you just now?" she asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly puzzled. "I'm right here." I smiled.
"You know what I mean Jacob, your thoughts are always running away lately," she sighed. "It's like you go off to some other place where I can't follow you."
"I'm sorry, Nessie. I just have a lot on my mind. I'm fine though, really," I reassured her. She seemed content with my answer as she tucked her head back against my arm.
We walked quietly together, it was always so easy with her… she didn't expect me to be an open book, though she knew me better than anyone else ever had; her mother included. With Nessie, I could just be… and that was okay. No expectations, no awkward pauses or silences… it just was.
We were just natural, like I said - easy. Everything with her was easy as breathing… except the pull of the imprint. Was it all just about her body? About making a stronger line of wolves? Or was she truly my soul mate?
So many questions, and there were just no answers to be found. The Elders had no idea what imprinting was truly all about, and I'd seen first hand how it could fuck with you.
Sam, Emily and Leah were all torn apart because of some stupid magical bond. I didn't want it to just be about that for Nessie and me.
I did love her… truly; and I would do anything for her… but would I have been set on this path even without the imprint? My entire being craved her, I could see her, smell her, taste her… she was the air in my lungs, the beat of my heart and the tears in my eyes.
Everything I did was for her…
I sighed heavily as she pulled away from me and plopped down on the grass, folding her long legs underneath her. I sat down next to her and pulled her against me once more. It was like a drug addiction, I was constantly waiting for my next fix. It was to the point now where I actually felt pain when I wasn't around her.
It hurt me deeply that it felt so one sided now. Sure, she cared for me; but she didn't love me the way I loved her. She knew nothing about the imprint, all the things that had happened the day she was born. I didn't want to be the one to tell her about that, it was so hard to explain anyway. How do you tell someone that they're destined to be your mate? That my whole reason for living and breathing was her… That without her, my world just simply faded into a deep, dark nothingness, completely worthless and empty.
"Jacob… there's something I want to ask you. I'm just not sure how to say it," she sighed finally, breaking into my internal monologue.
"What's up? You know you can ask me anything," I grinned down at her.
"I love you," she whispered. "You know that, right, Jacob?"
"I love you too, Nessie," I nodded slightly. "Ever since the day you were born."
She sighed and picked at the grass beside her leg. I was starting to worry, what was going on? Maybe she knew… maybe she knew more than I thought she did, or maybe she had found a guy that she liked. My heart sank in my chest as I thought about her with another man and a low growl sounded in the back of my throat.
"Do you really love me, Jake?" she asked looking up at me with her chocolate brown eyes.
"Of course I do, you know that."
"How much do you love me?"
"More than you could possibly understand, Ness. I mean that," I answered and grabbed her face between my hands. "I have no words to express how much."
"Then you have to do something for me."
"Okay… I'll try my best," I swallowed the lump that had suddenly risen in my throat. Why was I suddenly feeling so vulnerable, like I had something major to lose here? The answer to that was simple; I did have something to lose, I had everything to lose… but wouldn't I be willing to give it up if that was what she asked of me? After all, I had to give my imprint whatever she wanted…
"It's easier for me to show you. I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete idiot."
"Okay," I whispered and let my arms drop back to the ground beside me.
I looked into her eyes as her hand came up to my face and I leaned into her small palm. This was something else that I had grown used to since Nessie had come into my life, she was amazing without all of the vamp upgrades, but I loved seeing her feelings and how she saw the world through innocent eyes. It made me believe that not everything in this world was bad or screwed up, that this little piece of my world was still untouched and pure… that she was still innocent and saw things to be beautiful and amazing.
I looked down at her as she started to show me images, first she showed me myself, looking at her. Not looking… staring. So she had noticed the change there; that I looked after her like I wanted to jump on her and fuck the shit out of her. I hung my head as she continued to flash images in my mind. Next she showed me an image of her looking at me followed by a look on her face that can only be described as full of confusion to my reactions to her touches. I was starting to understand; she thought I didn't want her to touch me anymore.
"Ness," I breathed. "I'm sorry."
"What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything; that's why I'm here," she smiled after she pulled her hand away.
"It's hard to explain. Today is one of those days that I wish I could show you what I'm feeling," I sighed.
"Can't you try to explain it to me? I'm a smart girl," she giggled.
The pit of my stomach tightened at the sound and I looked down into her eyes again and felt my hand coming up to her face again. I gently stroked her cheek and ran my thumb against her bottom lip.
"See, I… God, how do I even start?" I couldn't think of how to say this and not scare her. She looked up at me with curiosity in her eyes.
Would it really scare her? I couldn't live with myself if I scared her away from me. But she was old enough to know what was going on, and she was a smart girl. It was just Edward that I was worried about. He was adamant about not wanting me to tell Nessie about the imprint. She still had a choice in all of this; she could still turn me down and walk away. I was the one that had to accept it if she walked away from me.
"You can tell me, Jacob," she whispered gently. "I'm here, you can tell me."
I nodded my head and inhaled a deep breath. I could do this, I could tell her… besides, no one would ever love her the way I do. No one would ever be able to treat her the way I could… I could… I would treat her the way she should be treated, like a precious jewel that deserved care, tenderness… love. I could do all of that and… it wasn't because she was my imprint.
I love her… I truly love her.
"Love me, Nessie… just love me the way I love you."
I was breathing more heavily and she was staring straight into my eyes, waiting… watching.
"Okay, Ness… I'll tell you…"
"It's okay, Jacob, take your time," she rubbed my cheek gently as I chewed my bottom lip. This was harder than I thought it would be. Why couldn't I just spit it out for fuck sake?
Edward knew it would end up like this, he knew that he would be stuck with me now… I'm sure that all of this hadn't been in his plan when he changed Bella, when he took everything else in my life from me and turned it all upside down.
But I wasn't bitter… Fuck no, I wasn't bitter.
I did have something though, something he couldn't take from me… Only she could take away all I had left. She could easily make my life a living hell, tear my heart and soul from my body and leave me broken and bleeding for the entire world to see… She could do all of that with just one word. Is that why I questioned the imprint? Because I was scared that she would turn me away?
I was scared… scared of not being enough for her. I was scared that I would never be enough for anyone. I wanted to be enough for her…
"Ness, its… well it's fucking complicated is what it is," I scoffed. "More complicated that I think even I can understand."
"Like I said, Jacob, I'm a smart girl."
"I love you," I whispered softly.
"And I love you, Jake."
"No, Nessie… I mean…"
She nodded gently as if to encourage me, and it did bring a tight smile to my face. I couldn't help it; she brought out the best in me. She made me want to be better, even though that was a huge fucking cliché…
She made me want to go up into the heavens, collect the stars and bring them back to her just so she knew how special she was to me. But then again, maybe this wasn't the time to hash this all out. And just maybe, Edward was right… She did deserve to make her decision… without me pushing the imprinting thing at her. After all, she could find someone else…
The thought made my throat close up and I felt a burning behind my eyes. I couldn't do this, not now… I couldn't tell her.
"I don't know what I mean," I whispered. "Sorry, Nessie."
"Jacob, what is going on with you? Why can't you talk to me?"
I couldn't look at her; I would break down if I did. I would break down because I couldn't make her love me the way I loved her… She had to make that choice on her own, without my help.
"Nessie, everything is fine, I'm fine."
"You're such a liar, Jacob Black," she pulled her hand away from my face and stood up quickly, staring down at me as I sat there like a pitiful fucking child. "I don't want to see you until you decide that you can tell me exactly what the hell is going on here. I know something is going on, so don't bother telling me that everything is 'fine', because I know it's not. And you - you of all people should know that you can tell me… no matter what it is."
I continued to sit there as she chewed me out, staring down at my hands as I plucked pieces of grass between my fingertips.
"Fucking look at me!" she screamed.
My head whipped up and I met her stare. She was even more beautiful in her anger and I couldn't help it, I stood up quickly and took the two steps toward her until her body was pushed against mine.
"Tell me what's going on. You can't carry this burden by yourself," she whispered. "Please."
"I want to, believe me… But I can't, you have… you have a choice."
"A choice about what? What are you talking about?"
She was getting frustrated now, and I knew that, but I still couldn't tell her. No matter how badly I wanted to, I just couldn't. I didn't want to take away her choices, not like mine had been taken away from me. There was a reason that I couldn't tell her, I was to be exactly what my imprint needed, and it was obvious it wasn't as a lover, because my soul… my wolf would know if that was what she needed.
So no… I wouldn't tell her. She had to make her own choice… And I wasn't going to force her hand and tell her that I wanted her. It would only make her realize what I knew all along… fate could be a bitch, and you can't get away from it, no matter how hard you wish you could.
"Don't bother calling me," she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek. "I can't take secrets, Jacob."
She turned on her heel and ran… and I did something I'd never thought I would again… Something I swore I'd never let another woman do…
I let her go…