Hello again, let's just jump right into it!
It had been a long battle against Cinderblock, but the Titans had finally won. Raven had been knocked down but Beast Boy had been there to protect her taking a lot of the hits for her. He had gotten beaten up pretty bad but in the end it was worth it. Raven and Starfire had showered Cinderblock with starbolts and metal bars from around the construction site they had been in.
Cinderblock went down and the Titans were victorious. Beast Boy had thought it was a good day. Raven on the other hand was not happy and Beast Boy noticed.
When the Titans arrived home, they split off going to their rooms to rest. Raven stayed in the kitchen to fix herself a cup of tea.
Beast Boy had gone to his room to change out of his ripped uniform. When he returned he saw Raven in the kitchen and went to her.
"Hey Rae, are you okay?"
He knew something was off with her mood. She barely said a word to him and kept her distance the whole ride home. He didn't understand what he did to make her upset with him.
"You don't seem fine. If I did something wrong, which I don't know what it could be, I'm just sorry."
Beast Boy didn't want to argue with her. His body hurt and he was just happy that they both got home alive. But it seemed that Raven wouldn't be satisfied for these reasons.
"Beast Boy I need you to understand something."
"Uh okay, what is it?" He asked nervously.
"Before this thing happened. Whatever it is that we have, I was a Titan. And I still am. Which means I don't need you to constantly save me."
"Is that what you're upset about?" Beast Boy said a little confused. "That I keep helping you in battle?"
"You're not helping me Beast Boy. You're using yourself as a human shield and it's stupid."
As much as Beast Boy didn't want to fight, he couldn't apologize for this. This was just plain stupid to him. Raven was instigating a fight that didn't need to happen.
"I can't believe this! You're actually upset cause I'm taking the hits for you. Normal girls would appreciate it." Beast Boy said getting tense. He started pacing around trying to wrap his mind around Raven's position.
"If you haven't noticed, I am not a normal girl. And I don't need you to take the hits for me. Just because you have this complete need to save people, doesn't mean you should make me into a damsel in distress. Because I am not." Raven said staying perfectly still.
"What are you talking about? I don't have a need to save anyone. I'm just doing something nice. Guys still do that Rae!"
"No Beast Boy, you're different."
"What are you saying?" Beast Boy wasn't sure what she was implying.
"What I am saying is that you are obsessed with having to save someone and it doesn't matter who it is. At first I thought it was a primal thing. An innate part of your animal nature, but now I see that it's psychological. Not a physical urge."
Raven seemed to calm down, but was now focusing very hard on something. She was almost thinking out loud and Beast Boy was lost.
"Raven, what are you talking about?" Beast Boy was growing very frustrated. He felt as if Raven was having this conversation by herself.
"What I mean is that you go far beyond what is required of you." When Raven saw the confused look on Beast Boy's face, she knew that she had to outright say it. "Take Terra for example."
Beast Boy's shoulders grew rigid and his breath caught in his throat. He tried to act as if the name didn't affect him, but Raven saw it.
"What about Terra?"
"There is no doubt that Terra had issues. She didn't trust anyone and she made a lot of bad decisions. Now I don't know why you stuck by her for so long, but what I do know is that you did everything you could to save her. Even when she was the enemy."
"She was our friend Raven."
"She was still sick and not stable and you looked past all that to try and help her."
"I don't see what's wrong with that."
"There's nothing wrong with helping. But when you put yourself into danger, that is when it becomes dangerous. When we were fighting Ternion* you left us to go after her and Slade by yourself and you almost died."
"Going into dangerous situations are part of the job description don't you think."
"Only when there's a chance. There's a difference between determination and being suicidal."
"You think I'm suicidal?" Beast Boy said, his eyebrows knitting together.
"I believe that you are so hell-bent on being the hero that you are willing to die unnecessarily."
Beast Boy actually paused there. He let his mind wonder on what she was saying. He saw nothing wrong with giving your life for your friends. That was the honorable way to die. To die in place of someone you care about.
"I cared about Terra. So much. I don't know if it was love or infatuation, but I knew that she didn't deserve to die, especially in that volcano. She could have had a life here at the tower but she ended up God knows where. And I failed her."
Beast Boy sat down on one of the bar stools facing the kitchen and put his head in his hands.
"I failed them."
"Who is 'them'?" Raven asked finally.
"My parents" Beast Boy said still looking down. "They died in a boating accident when I was a kid. It was after I got my powers. We went for a sail one day and all I remember was a lot of splashing and a lot of screaming. My mom told me to fly away and I did. That was the last time I ever spoke to them."
Raven did not want to say anything for a while. She didn't know any words that would make him feel better.
"I'm sorry." She said simply.
"Thanks. But no one is more sorry than me. I was the one with the powers, I'm the one who could have turned into a pterodactyl and flew all of us to safety. I'm the one who could have saved them."
"No you couldn't have."
Beast Boy finally looked at her.
"How can you say that? I was perfectly capable of doing something . Anything!"
"Beast Boy I don't know the situation. I wasn't there to see what you could and could not have done. But it is obvious that your parents loved you very much, and it was because of that love that they decided to save you. You were destined to be here with the Titans and to save peoples' lives but you were not meant to be reckless." Raven walked over to him and put her hand on her shoulder to comfort him.
"You're a hero because in spite of feeling responsible for your parent's death you continue living. You continuing fighting. Putting yourself in harm's way will only make their efforts in vain."
For the first time things were clear to Beast Boy. His behavior, his pain, and his confusion.
He still felt guilty, but he now felt a different way to use it. He felt his guilt as motivation. To stay alive as long as possible and to live the life he knew his parents wanted him to live.
And he was glad Raven gave him the insight.
She didn't coddle him or try and convince him that it wasn't his fault. So many people had given him the speech of how there was 'nothing he could have done' but that didn't make him feel better. It made him angrier. And he swore that if he couldn't save his parents, he would save everyone else, or die trying.
But Raven showed him why that was the wrong way to go about it. His parents did not die a pointless death. They died for him. They thought he was special enough to give up their lives for. And he repaid them by putting his life in danger.
Just the opposite of what they wanted.
"Rae, I don't know what to do. I always thought that I failed everyone around me. That all the people I had lost should have been me."
"Or maybe you have two guardian angels watching over you. Still protecting you even in the afterlife."
Beast Boy looked like lost child who was finally being brought home. Such revelation and happiness washed over him. He accepted these new feeling allowing them to soothe his pain.
"You really think so." Beast Boy had a hopeful tone laced in his voice. He had never thought of what happened to his parents after they had died. He didn't want to. But the thought of them still protecting him and watching him grow up brought joy to Beast Boy's heart he had never thought he would feel again. He felt lighter.
"Yes Beast Boy. In fact I'm positive. So why don't you make their job a little easier and stop putting yourself in danger?"
Now it was Raven's turn to be confused.
"What do you mean maybe?"
"I mean that maybe my parents were protecting me. Maybe I was supposed to live this long because I was supposed to find that special person, the right person that I could give my life for." Beast Boy looked into Raven's eyes and took her hands.
"You were right about everything Rae. And I promise I won't be stupid in battle anymore, but you can't make me promise to stop taking the hits for you. I'm always gonna pick you up and brush you off in the heat of battle. I just won't be as obvious with it anymore."
"Beast Boy, I think you've missed the entire point of this conversation."
"No, I see everything clearer now thanks to you. I'll keep taking the punches, but I'll make sure it's never something too lethal. If I've lived through all the crap that I've been through, just to get to you, then it would be stupid to let myself die now. I wanna stay around for as long as possible with you Rae."
Beast Boy stood up and wrapped his arms around her. He held her tight to his body while Raven hugged him back very weakly. She wasn't very comfortable showing this much affection in one day. Especially out in the open. But she figured he needed it for today.
When they broke the hug, Raven excused herself to go to her room and meditate. Beast Boy soon went to his room to catch a quick nap.
He hadn't really shown it, but his body felt very sore from the fight earlier. But before Beast Boy went to sleep, he reached under his bed for his notebook.
1. First time having a crush on Raven.
2. First time complimenting Raven on her looks (And making her blush. I think.)
3. First time having a fight with Raven (A pillow fight! Not a real fight! We had too many of those already)
4. First time making a sundae with Raven (on Saturday! Got a new tradition out of it too)
5. First time meditating with Raven (didn't realize how good it feels and how much I actually think about her).
6. First time going to the bookstore with Raven (finally found something we could do together!)
7. First time knitting with Raven (Made her a scarf, but I feel like she's hiding something from me)
8. First time joking with Raven (saw a whole different side of her today!)
9. First time me and Raven understood each other (guess we should have our conversations in the morning from now on)
10. FIRST TIME GOING ON A DATE WITH RAVEN! WOOHOOO! (And yes I did kiss her on the cheek. Whose smooth? That's right, I am!)
11. First time playing pool with Raven and let her win (She gets soooooooooo jealous but I was a gentleman and took advantage of it)
12. First time saving Raven…and being saved by her (Thanks mom and Dad…I owe you guys big time)
*Ternion was the name of that plasmus, cinderblock, overload thing. Well that is what they called it in the video game.
1. I'm actually really happy with this chapter, even if it is shorter than the last one. But I always thought that the reason Beast Boy worked so hard to save Terra, despite his love/like relationship with her, was because he was guilty for his parents dying. This could also be said for his behavior in the Doom Patrol episodes but that's a little different.
Hope you guys like the seriousness I put up here and can't wait till next time.
Peace, love and animals….