A/N: Well, here's the next chapter you have all been easily anticipating. Thanks for all of your awesome reviews, as always. I promise the confusing number of people begins to clear up within the next three chapters.
This story does not follow Dissidia Duodecim in any way.
Chapter Twelve: Pirates Versus Ninja
"Edge?" Cecil asked, looking curiously at his ninja friend. "What are you doing here?"
"Can you…um…calm down Rydia for me?" the ninja asked, looking fearfully over her shoulder. "She may have taken something I said the wrong way and refuses to listen to me, but she likes you so…"
"Well that depends," Rosa said. "What did you tell her to make her so angry in the first place?"
"It's a long story," Edge said. "It basically might have been implying she is extremely infatuated with me, but I may have phrased it a slightly more lewd way."
"Then I'm afraid that you are on your own for this one, Edge," Rosa responded calmly, eyes serious.
"Oh come on!" Edge exclaimed. "Cecil, you'll help me out, right?"
"I try not to get in between yours and Rydia's fights," the paladin responded. "There is less likelihood of me ending up dead that way."
"Do we get a front row seat to the carnage?" Kain asked.
"Kain!" Rosa and Cecil exclaimed, glaring at their dragoon friend.
"Forget I ever asked," he responded dryly.
"Hilarious," Edge muttered. "And as much as we know that you would like to see me dead or seriously maimed, I do have my own skin to protect, so…" He glanced around at the villains glaring at him. "Did I interrupt some epic confrontation between good and evil?"
"No, you interrupted the villains trying to figure out who started a bet because the two involved are pissed over what it was about," the Warrior of Light responded.
"And you are?" Edge asked.
"The Warrior of Light."
"Quinn," the Thief of Light and Zidane chimed together.
The Warrior of Light just rolled his eyes at the snickers that accompanied his name. He was used to it by now. He honestly did not understand why they found his name so amusing.
"And this bet was about?" Edge asked, eyes falling on a familiar figure in dark armor. "Holy crap, it's Golbez!"
The half-Lunarian Chaos Warrior nodded his head in acknowledgement of the greeting.
The sound of the doorbell ringing echoed through the house. "I've got it!" Luneth exclaimed, leaping to answer the door.
"No wait!" Edge responded, but the kid had already taken off.
"So about the bet," Mateus said, preparing a Meteor spell. "Who started it, so I know who to fry."
"The bet about your date?" Exdeath asked.
"It was not a date!"
"Exdeath started it with the Cloud of Darkness," Jecht responded. "But I put a lot of money from my 401-K in. Golbez, Kefka, and Sephiroth made the most off of it, but…"
"Why do you even have a 401-K?" Yuna asked. "Aren't you dead?"
"Eh? That's irrelevant."
"So you started that ridikulous lie," Ultimecia snarled, advancing upon the retreating tree.
"You know what," Exdeath responded. "I think I need to go photosynthesize some more." Before either Ultimecia or Emperor Mateus could retaliate, he had warped away.
"Well that solves one problem," Garland muttered.
"Why are you taking care of your problems in our living room?" the Warrior of Light asked, glaring at the leader of the Chaos Warriors.
"Why would we fight in our own headquarters and destroy our nice furniture there?" Garland asked. "Especially when we can destroy your stuff."
"I like that philosophy," Refia declared.
"Who's the brat?" Ultimecia asked.
"I'm your newest ally?"
"She's a villain?" the Emperor asked.
"I find her acceptable," Garland responded.
"Why can't we get new girl members?" Terra asked.
"She doesn't look like a villain," Ultimecia responded.
"Yeah, I need a kickass costume," Refia responded, "but I got nothing."
"Well I suppose we will have to help you with that," Ultimecia responded.
"Seriously?" Refia asked.
"Villains have to look cool," Jecht responded. "It's in our contracts."
"Contracts?" Tidus asked.
"Not my fault if Cosmos screwed you over on yours. You should have hired a lawyer…oh wait. They all work for Chaos, never mind."
Tidus just rolled his eyes.
"But about this villain costume?" Refia asked, looking eagerly at Ultimecia.
"Does the fakt that I am the only female villain present automatikally make me the person who has to take kare of this problem?"
"Pretty much," Garland responded.
Ultimecia scowled. "Fine little girl. We will make you a much more presentable villain."
"This is going to be so sweet!" Refia exclaimed.
"You can't just kidnap her," Arc protested.
"Can it be considered kidnapping when I'm going of my own free will?" Refia shot back.
"Isn't there some law that says…" Arc started to say.
"Arc," Refia said. Before the brown-haired boy could respond, she had lashed out, knocking him out to the ground. "Shut up."
"Did you just knock out Arc?" Luneth exclaimed as he walked back into the room.
"She does indeed have potential," Garland said.
"All right!" Refia piped. "Let's go."
"But before we leave…" Ultimecia started to say. Her golden gaze fell on the Cosmos Warriors. "Where did that SeeD kur go?" she demanded.
"Eh?" Zidane asked. "He and Rinoa were here a minute ago." A smirk grew on his face. "Hey Bartz, both Squall and his polarly-opposite girlfriend are missing. Coincidence?"
"I believe not," the brunette responded.
"Go get your camera and…"
"My camera broke when I threw it at Cloud to get away from his murderous rampage," Bartz responded.
"Well we can still investigate!" Zidane piped cheerfully.
"Don't even think about it," the Warrior of Light said.
"You're no fun," the genome shot back.
"I will have to kome back and torture him and the angel-winged sorceress later then," Ultimecia said before warping away with Refia.
"Where's Edge?" Cecil asked.
"Barricading the door," Luneth responded. "I just neglected to tell him that he was barricading the back door while the pretty green-haired summoner girl came in the front."
"This will end badly then," Cecil muttered.
Edge screamed like a girl before rushing back into the room. A young woman with long, flowing emerald hair and a furious expression followed after. "Edge, you lewd, outrageous…"
"Those can be considered compliments to a degree," Edge retorted before ducking behind Cecil.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Zidane input. "Let's get one thing straight: the only flamboyant person here is that guy." He pointed at Kuja. "Or should it be, get one thing gay?"
"I am not gay!" the outraged older genome exclaimed, indignant fury in his eyes.
"Your sense of fashion says otherwise," Jecht commented with a snicker.
"No, he's not gay," Garnet responded.
"And you would know?" Zidane asked cheekily.
"Yes. I would know."
"Because…Wait. What! What do you mean you know that he's not gay!"
Garnet turned her angry gaze toward the older genome. "'I will take you to a world of dreams'?"
"Did I say that?" Kuja asked airily.
"Wait, what!" Zidane exclaimed. "You said that to my girlfriend?"
"She wasn't your girlfriend at the time," Kuja responded.
"She's not your girlfriend right now," Garnet responded.
"If you're going to kill each other," Mikoto observed calmly, barely sparing a glance at her two older brothers, "Take it someplace where I don't have to clean up after you two."
Almost everyone in the room gawked at the youngest genome present. "You're very passive when it comes to your brothers' deaths," the Warrior of Light observed absently in an equally calm voice.
"If they get themselves killed, it won't hurt me," Mikoto responded.
"Just ignore her," Zidane responded. "She was raised by a crazy scientist on a dying planet; Kuja too. Maybe that explains why he's so messed up. I guess I have to thank you for dropping me on Gaia so I could be raised by Tantalus instead of by Garland."
"Garland?" the Warrior of Light asked skeptically.
"Not your Garland; an older, way-less-buff, different Garland," Zidane clarified. "Like Cid, but not as widespread."
"I would hope there was not a Garland on each of our worlds," the Warrior of Light responded. "Just the concept alone gives me a headache."
Meanwhile, the four Baronians and Golbez had directed their attention to the deadly stare-off between Rydia and Edge. Neither had said anything since their exchange had been interrupted, but if looks could kill, Edge would have been stabbed at least thirty-seven times by now.
"Look," Edge said, "if you're going to summon one of your Eidolons to smite into oblivion, can we get this over with?"
Rydia pointed toward the door. "March outside mister."
"What?" Edge asked, brow furrowing in confusion.
"Why can't you do it in here?"
"Because I don't want to cause any damage to their house," Rydia responded. "Now outside."
Edge smirked. "No. If you will only attack me outside, then I'm staying nice and safe in here."
"Really?" the Warrior of Light asked. "You are seriously concerned with causing damage to our belongings?"
"Yes," Rydia responded. "I mean, if you really don't mind then I…"
"I mind," the Warrior said. "I mind a lot. Please don't destroy anything here."
"Like this?" Garland asked, launching his sword out to crash through one of the few remaining undamaged walls.
The Warrior of Light stood up calmly, one of his eyebrows twitching slightly. His luminescent blade appeared in his hand with a flash of light.
Almost instinctively, the White Mage of Light, the Black Mage of Light, and the Thief of Light leapt to their feet. "Looks like we're going Final Fantasy I on his ass again," the Thief said with a wry wink. "This should be fun."
"Final Fantasy I?" Rosa asked, looking over at Cecil curiously.
"I have no clue," the Paladin responded, returning his attention to the child cradled between them.
Once the four original warriors of light had defeated Garland yet again, all attention returned to Rydia and Edge. The summoner was trying to shove Edge out of the room so that she could beat him up. However, because he was so much bigger than her, he was able to resist her pushes.
"Let me help you out," Faris suddenly input, before flipping the ninja prince over on the coffee table (easily causing its legs to give out beneath the sudden weight).
"What the hell!" Edge exclaimed furiously.
"That's what you had coming to you, Ninja scum," Faris spat.
His eyes suddenly narrowed in understanding. "Pirate," he said with a venom.
The entire atmosphere in the room suddenly changed. "This is so freaking epic!" Luneth whispered to Arc, violet eyes wide in awe. An actual ninja versus pirate war. Then louder, he exclaimed, "We can finally get an answer to that bet!"
"That bet is staying unanswered," Cloud responded.
"What bet?" Terra asked, looking between most of her fellow Cosmos Warriors curiously.
"Who would win in a Pirate vs. Ninja battle," Luneth responded.
"Everyone knows that it would be a pirate," Bartz responded.
However at the same time, Tidus exclaimed, "Ninjas FTW!"
"What?" the Warrior of Light, Firion, and Cecil asked.
"For the Win," Cloud explained. "FTW."
"Did all you participate in this bet?" Terra asked. "And why didn't I hear of this until now?"
"Because the punishment of the bet is non-applicable to you," Cloud said.
"And this punishment would be?" Sephiroth asked.
"Hey Cloud," Zack interrupted. "Aerith and I are heading back. It was nice seeing you."
"Can you take Sephiroth back with you?" Tifa asked.
"That depends," Cloud said. "Is he going to stay dead this time?"
"As long as you have darkness in your heart," Sephiroth said, "I will continue coming back."
Tifa glared at Sephiroth for a moment before calmly reaching over to take one of Cloud's hands in hers, squeezing it tightly. A bright flash of light filled the room, and when it cleared, Sephiroth had vanished.
"What the heck just happened?" Zack asked, glancing between Tifa and Cloud curiously.
"I wasn't exactly sure that would work," Tifa admitted.
"Sure what would work?" Luneth asked, clearly confused by the exchange.
"Just like Kingdom Hearts II all over again," Squall muttered, reentering the room, Rinoa at his side.
"At least you got into that," said dark-haired sorceress muttered.
"So where were you?" Zidane asked in a suggestive voice. "Having a quic…"
"Zidane Tribal!" Garnet and Terra exclaimed sternly at the exact same time.
"A quick what?" Luneth asked innocently.
Squall looked like he was about kill Zidane. However, Rinoa was able to quickly calm him down.
"Oh nothing," Terra assured the younger boy.
"Squall!" Bartz exclaimed.
"At the rate you and Zidane worship him," Lenna muttered, "I'm beginning to worry about our relationship."
Not hearing her, the mime continued. "We can finally find an answer to the bet."
"What bet?" Squall asked.
"The bet," Bartz responded, motioning between Edge and Faris, already facing off for an epic battle.
"I'm not entirely sure that I want to know the answer to that bet," Squall responded.
"What exactly is so bad about it?" Terra asked.
"It's complicated," Firion responded.
"Meaning?" Maria asked.
However, the conversation was never finished because at that moment, Edge had lunged forward, straight at Faris. The pirate easily sidestepped his first attack, bringing one of her swords up to block his kunai. However, he easily maneuvered his knives to slide under her blade, grazing her side. Faris forced her weight forward, knocking him back several feet.
The fight continued back and forth for several long, epic minutes. Everyone in the audience watched the legendary fight, enraptured by the battle. Suddenly, Edge reached out and seized Faris' wrists, flipping her over his shoulder to the ground. The fight seemed to be finished.
However, something suddenly seemed to click in Edge's mind. "You're a girl?" he asked in confusing, looking at Faris in a new light.
"Yes," she said with a wry smile, before digging her knee into his groin. Every man present winced at the attack. She then somehow proceeded to reverse their position, flinging Edge onto the ground. The force of the attack was enough to knock him unconscious.
"Yes!" Zidane and Bartz exclaimed, leaping into the air. "Pirates for the win!"
Cloud, Cecil, Luneth, and Tidus were left to gawk at the unconscious ninja. "Leviathan damn it," Cecil muttered.
"Hey!" Rydia exclaimed. "You can't take the name of my adopted father in vain."
"Okay," Maria said. "What was the punishment for this bet that makes everyone react so violently?"
"The losers had to go spend the evening in a gay bar," Squall responded calmly, a small, victorious smirk on his face.
"She cheated," Luneth protested. "She used her gender against him."
"Edge is a womanizer," Rydia muttered.
"No one cares Luneth," Zidane responded.
"A gay bar?" Tifa asked, glancing at Cloud curiously.
"The bet was supposed to remain unanswered," the blond swordsman responded darkly.
"Well," she observed slyly. "You have had to seduce a man before."
Hysterical laughter broke out throughout the room as Cloud gawked at Tifa. "Et tu Tifa?" he asked, clearly wounded by her jest. She merely smiled sweetly back at him.
"I say that I should be exempt because I am married," Cecil began to protest.
"It's not like we're asking you to do anything specific," Firion replied. "You just have to go to a gay bar. It's not that bad."
"I still say that the pirate side cheated," Luneth muttered darkly.
"You are not taking Luneth to a gay bar," Terra said. "Or any bar for that matter. He is not even old enough."
"Then why would he join the bet in the first place?" Kain asked,
"Technically Zidane and Squall are underage," Cloud muttered.
"What?" Tifa asked, staring at the SeeD commander curiously. "That can't be right."
"Terra and Tidus are both older than Squall," Cecil said. "He's only seventeen."
"Almost eighteen," the brunette instantly replied.
"You're only seventeen?" Maria, Rosa, Garnet, and Lenna asked at the exact same time, gawking at the much older-looking teen.
"Yeah, so?" Rinoa shot back, snuggling up to her boyfriend.
"Photo op!" Zidane exclaimed, mimicking taking a picture of the couple.
Squall rolled his eyes while Rinoa beamed.
"Excuse me," a smooth, flirtatious voice said. "But I was wondering if you could lend a hand to…Well hello Terra."
A/N: Yes, Faris won the match just by distracting Edge by being a female. He is such a flirt. As for Tidus being older than Squall, since I am using Final Fantasy X-2 Yuna, I made Tidus 19 (as he should be if you complete the good ending and bring him back *spoilers*). And the trip to the gay bar for the losers will not be a part of this story, so use your imagination. :D Hope you enjoyed the chapter!