Bri Nara Production

This is a random fic I decided to do because I got bored. I don't own anyone.

Kakuzu, Deidara, Tobi, Kisame, and Hidan were returning to the base from a long night. Hidan held in his hands a trophy that said "Winner of the sailor mouth contest." Kakuzu held in his hands the five-hundred dollar prize that went with the trophy.

"Sempai?!" Tobi yelled. "Can Tobi take out his earplugs now?!"

"Yes, Tobi, un! The contest is over already, un!"

Tobi pulled the earplugs out. "Tobi can't believe Hidan-san cussed for a solid hour."

"I can't believe you win money for cussing for a solid hour," Kakuzu said as he put the money in his truck-tire sized wallet.

"Ha...Ha...Kaku...zu..." the silver-haired immortal said in a groggy voice. "I I could... make... money faster..." Then he started coughing.

"Whoa. Hidan, are you okay?" Kisame asked.

"I'm immortal...remember? I can't..." He coughed again. "...die."

"At least go to your room and get some sleep, un," Deidara said.

"Fine..." Hidan dragged himself off to the bedroom he and Kakuzu shared.

"Wow... Hidan-san really used up his voice," Tobi said as he walked off to his and Deidara's room.

"Yeah, but who knew his big mouth would be useful?" Kakuzu said as he ran off to hide his wallet.


Almost all the Akatsuki was in the kitchen eating breakfast. Kakuzu was in the best mood he ever had been. He was five-hundred dollars richer from last night; he found another fifteen in the morning (from Itachi's pocket); and Hidan wasn't up yet.

Then Hidan walked into into the kitchen in his usually grouchy mood before his cup of coffee. Then routine was the mood; cup of coffee; then his usual order at whoever was cooking that week, "Give me my damn eggs already". He sat at the table, gulped the coffee, but he couldn't order. Instead of his loud voice, a barely audible squeak came out of his mouth.

"What was that?" Itachi asked.

Hidan opened his mouth to ask the same question, but no sound came out.

"I think it was Hidan, un."

Everyone looked at Hidan, who had his hands clasped over his mouth.


He tried to say something, but the tiny squeak came out. Kakuzu grinned under his mask.

"What's wrong, Hidan? Cat got your tongue?" This earned him a death-glare.

"I say he's speechless," Zetsu said. "Hear, hear."

"What is there to hear, un?" Deidara asked sarcastically.

Hidan's face was turning really red, really fast. Almost everyone laughed.

Hidan got up from the table, went to his room and got a dry-erase board, and scribbled something onto it.

Kakuzu took it and read "If you don't shut the hell up about my f___ing voice, I'm gonna kill you." (Bri Nara censored)

"Someone has to go to the doctor," Deidara said evilly.

Hidan started silently crying as Deidara dragged him out the door by his ankle.

"Deidara! Wait! The doctor costs money!" Kakuzu yelled as he ran after them.

Chapter 1 of my Hidan-bashing fanfic. =D