I lay on the hard lumpy bed of my hotel room; insomnia keeps me from drifting off into the dreamless sleep that was all too common for me. I close my eyes trying to drift off again and a familiar face flashed across my vision. More than anything I wanted to speak, heck glimpse, my Eric; long lost to me over time. It had been so long sense I had seen him, every fiber of my being drove me towards him. I drifted off into restless sleep.
I wake from a nightmare that quickly slips away leaving no trace of the content behind. All that was left was a sense of uneasiness of not knowing where I was or what I was doing there. I pushed the uneasy dreams away, I looked over at the clock on my bedside table, it was 1:30 in the morning. I had managed a whole half hour of sleep.
Resigned to another night without sleep I go out into the chilly night to wander the streets and try and think until I wore myself out. Why do I have naggings at my memory, of a time where my life was different? The harder I try to grasp at the memories the faster they slip away. I dream, of a man, my man, my big blond Viking, is always the focus of my dreams and memories. Where is he?
I no memories of a time before a year ago. I was drawn here, for someone's own selfish purposes. I know within the depths of my soul that my being here will change the life of my blond Viking man. I knew that he was unaware of my presence here. I knew that as soon as we were together big things were going to occur. Some of them good and some bad, I tried to fight against the impulse to see him, to reconnect with him. I just could not do that. I loved him and he was the only thing that could fill in all those blank spots I had in my Swiss cheese brain.
I looked up and was staring at a large brick building with Red blinking neon. The sign read Fangtasia. He was here, oh good gods, my absent minded walking had led me right to him. Without thinking I crossed the street and went into the bar. I slide into a secluded booth in the back of the bar. My knee was bouncing in nervous anticipation of seeing him. I knew any moment I would see him, soon so soon. Would he have all the answers that I needed?
I could feel him approaching, I turned my head to the right and there he was. He strode across the room a man with a clear purpose, his blond hair billowing behind him, this man I once loved and loved me in return.
My heart skips a beat. I stand to approach him to throw myself into his arms. He had stopped he was close now and I could see him looking down at a pretty little blonde girl. They were having an animated discussion about something but what I notice is the girl looking up at him with love in her heart. She loves the man I once called my own.
I turned and walked out, what was I going to do? I had to see him, but I was torn and confused with the presentation of this girl into the equation. Even though I cannot bring my memories into perfect focus, I can feel the great expanse of time that has passed sense we last saw each other. I feel a tear slowly slide down my cheeks as I walk through the night back to my little hotel room. This will take some thinking, how will I approach him and tell my love that I want to be his again?