Once More…Hug Me

A HariPo oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. A small one-shot featuring Lily and James. Actually, this was my first Jily story, but it's sweet. Read, review, and enjoy!

- ^-^3

"You hold me close naked, I don't feel a thing
Your zippers are the cherry, but I don't feel anything
Your mind is stranded down now, I am closing you in my arms
and I prefer overweight than plastic any day"

"Oh my god! Marlene, what are you listening to?"

Marlene McKinnon glanced up at me from her essay. "It's called music, Lily."

I shook my head. "But— Those lyrics—!" I stared right at her, my cheeks warm. "Aren't you in the least bit embarrassed by them?!"

She shrugged. "It's just music, Lily. Words have never hurt anyone."

"Words can hurt—as well as do a plentitude of other things, including making a fool of yourself." I walked over and turned her wireless down. "At least listen to something like that quietly if you're not on your own." But still, the lyrics floated out:

"Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me anyway

Your eyes are dusty, dirt porn magazines
You're lazy, selfish, but you were raised that way
It's a whore that here was bred
I'll take your pants, you take my hair, and let us dance
And cheers to happy and depressed"

I shook my head again, my dark red hair falling loosely over my shoulders. This song was just…ugh! It made me shiver. I mean, how crass can some of these artists be? And you would think that it'd be the seventeen-year-old boys listening to something like this, not the seventeen-year-old girls. I sighed as I sat down on my bed in the dormitories. Apparently I was the only one who seemed to realize that this was our seventh and final year at Hogwarts.

Marlene shut her book and finished her essay. "Really, Lily. It's not as though someone's singing this to you. You don't have to be so offended."

"Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me
Drug me 'til you love me, honey, love me any...Wait. Wait
I swear I've seen that face before
It's the very face I fell for in the human race.
I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by"

Ugh. Stupid chorus. … Okay, well, the chorus wasn't that bad. The girl was admitting that she had loved this guy all along, which was sweet…not. Nothing like that is romantic when you have someone always at your heels, waiting for you to fall for them, too. For me, that person was James Potter. That bloody idiot has never left me alone, not since we first met when we were eleven and arriving at Hogwarts for the first time.

Marlene eyed me, focused. "Are you listening?" Her eyes widened a bit. "James hasn't been singing something like this to you, has he?"

I vigorously shook my head. "Merlin, no! Thank heavens! I'd probably be in Azkaban for his murder right now if he'd sung this at me!"

"Have you ever tried talking to him, Lily?" Mary Macdonald asked, entering the room for bedtime.

I removed my Gryffindor tie while I answered. "Sure we've talked, Mary. It just usually ends up as a snarky contest. He goads me, I bite his head off, then he asks me out, to which I reply with a lovely 'no.'" I folded my skirt after pulling on some sleep pants. "I don't really want to engage him in real conversation, guys."

"Have you ever tried ignoring him?" Dorcas Meadowes inquired while she climbed in to the bed across the way.

"I'm just a girl learning to act as planned
I was programmed to be Catholic but I ran
I changed my race, I changed my name
I prayed to them, 'Please, what is brave'
I am loyal because I was simply raised that way"

"She does that every day to no avail," Marlene answered for me. Meanwhile, my attention was split between our conversation and ignoring the song.

"I mean, really tried ignoring him." Dorcas paused. "You usually give in and yell at him at some point. What if you tried coldness?"

I put on my nightshirt and placed the rest of my uniform in my drawers. "Dorcas, I'm not a mean person."

"Too true," Mary added. "Sometimes, you're too nice."

"Dorcas may be on to something," Marlene commented. She swung her legs over the edge of her bed and sat down on mine. "What about really ignoring him? As in, you only have to interact with him if you must during class, if you're partnered with him. Other than that, you're not obligated to speak with him."

I chewed my bottom lip. "I'm not very good at that. I have manners. Most people get a 'good morning' out of me."

"So don't treat him like most people."

"Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me
Hug me 'til you suffocate me, honey, hug me any...Wait. Wait
I swear I've seen that face somewhere before
It's the very face I fell for in the human race.
I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by"

God, that song was still penetrating, despite my turning it down so low that a third party might have thought I had turned the wireless off. Stupid, stupid chorus. "So what are you saying?"

Marlene rolled her eyes at me. "Duh, Lily! If you see him, don't make eye contact. If he approaches you, act as if nothing's there. You can't interact with what doesn't exist."

"That's awful," I stated with a horrified look, facing her. "And it can't work. I share too many of the same classes with him. Need I remind you that he and his friends want to be Aurors as we do? And he's Head Boy, as well. I don't have just classes with him but Prefect meetings, too."

"No, Marlene's right," Mary commented. "Be polite when you do have to deal with him, and then act as if he isn't there the rest of the time. It'll crush him, but guys leave girls alone when they don't get the attention that they want. I say do it."

"By the way, I never really liked your hands on me
Never liked your ideas of what's beautiful or real or truly holy
And I must say, you've thrown your apathy away
Grown back into your diapers, will you die first,
Before admit the truth"

I at least agreed with some of the song's lines this time. Meanwhile, Dorcas seconded Mary's motion, Marlene third'ing it. This quickly was becoming a losing battle.

"Wait. Wait.
I swear I've seen that face somewhere before
It's the very face I fell for in the human race
I can't lie, I was been brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by
I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by
I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by"

Okay, this chorus was far too catchy. It was now buzzing around in my brain. I was so going to kill Marlene for playing that damn thing. "But what about my weak will?"

"Lily, you're anything but weak-willed," Mary pointed out. Dorcas snorted and Marlene nodded in agreement.

"We can help you out," Marlene stated as she went back to her own bed.

"If you start to waver," Dorcas said from underneath her covers, "we'll get you back on track."

"As for the rest of the Marauders?" I asked.

"You don't say much to Peter to begin with," Mary stated as she put her clothes away. "Remus is okay; he's always nice. Just don't say anything that he can carry back to Sirius or James. And Sirius… Well, he's like James and he's always ticked you off, so you should probably give him the same treatment."

"Wait. Wait.
I swear I've seen that face somewhere before
It's the very face I fell for in the human race
I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest
In this brave new world that slowly passes by."

We finally turned the lights off, but our conversation continued. I tried focusing on the girls' voices in order to tune out that song, though it ended. The chorus still was buzzing around in my brain, after all. "I just don't want to get in trouble," I mumbled feebly.

"You won't," Marlene spoke. "It's as plain as day to the teachers that James is your stalker. Trust me, you're the victim here."

"I guess…" With that, the room quieted. A soft snore came all the way from Dorcas' four-poster, and I could hear Marlene's breathing in the bed next to mine. But my mind wouldn't switch off. That stupid song still was playing in my mind, sound bits of Potter's voice popping in every now-and-then—and the girls wanted me to try out this new plan for project Get Potter Out of My Life. I sighed, wishing I still had my best friend to talk to. …no. I couldn't dwell on the past. Sev had a new group of friends, dangerous ones. I couldn't associate myself with them, no matter how much I felt I needed Sev's ear or shoulder.

So…I had the girls. And they told me to ignore Potter. Might as well do what my friends say…right?

- ^-^3

A new morning dawned. And I groaned.

This was day one of the new plan. Could I really follow through with it?

I groaned again.

Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, and Alice were up already, each at some stage of getting dressed. I grunted as I sat up and tugged my fingers through my hair. Great. There were knots in it. I sighed and dashed to the bathroom after Alice, grabbing my brush along the way. I managed to tame my hair in record time, having enough time to dress and grab my rucksack before leaving for breakfast.

Okay. Outside the Great Hall. I can do this.

Right outside those big doors, I had to stop and take a deep breath. Mary gave me a reassuring smile, and Marlene and Dorcas pushed at my back. Well, time to head in.


There it was, that damn nickname Potter liked to call me. I kept my head down as the girls and I sat at the Gryffindor table a fair number of seats away from the Marauders. I dropped my bag and immediately started eating.


Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. Must focus on breakfast. It was the most important meal of the day, right? Without it, one couldn't concentrate. I liked to concentrate, therefore I had to eat breakfast.


"Ignore it," Marlene ordered when I glanced up from my plate at her. "Think of something else."

"We have that Potions test coming up," Dorcas reminded us.

Mary cringed. "Do we really have to think of that?"

"That won't be a problem for me anyway," I groused. Potions was an easy subject for me. No way was it going to distract me right now.


Great. Now he was hollering my surname at me. Dorcas shook her head at me. "How the hell have you put up with this for the past six—almost seven—years? It's almost March, too."

I shook my head. "I don't know. It became natural after a short while, just to argue with him and constantly reject him."


"Mr. Potter! Will you please be quiet?!" McGonagall snapped, coming up behind him. Her eyes blazed with fury behind her spectacles.

I watched him this time as he looked at our Transfiguration professor and Head of House with a shaky grin. "'Course, professor. Sorry, professor."

She drew her lips into a flat line. "I'm beginning to doubt your capability as Head Boy, Mr. Potter."

He paled at that. Ah, yes. If there was one way to get him to behave, it was to threaten his Head Boy position. It was the one thing that ensured he got to spend time with me. "It won't happen again, professor," he hurriedly breathed.

"Good," McGonagall retorted. "I'd hate to have to take away points from my own House." She walked back to the staff table, and Potter turned back to his friends.

I, on the other hand, had to stifle the great laughter welling up in my chest. That had been priceless!

Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas were chortling silently, too, and breakfast ended with the four of us having the giggles. We really scared Alice, too.

So far, this new plan was working.

- ^-^3

I made it through History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration, and Herbology without too much hassle. In Charms, I was indeed paired with Potter for a brief practice, but I went back to ignoring him as soon as Flitwick said we could resume class and stop working in groups. So far, this new plan was working.

The rest of the day was easy enough. A few more teachers called Potter out on his annoyingness, but I didn't give in to the taunts once. I found myself quickly getting used to this, though Potter sure was persistent. Come supper, though, I knew I was winning.

"You're fantastic, Lily!" Mary whispered to me over her plate. Her eyes were glittering in amazement. "It's as though you've done this forever!"

"She kind of has," Dorcas pointed out beside me. She finished her pumpkin juice and continued. "She's just taken it to the final level."

"A level that's working," Marlene stated, and we all nodded. While, yes, Potter hadn't shown any lack of interest—yet—he seemed desperate to get a real word out of me. As I wasn't giving in, I knew he would soon get the picture. Maybe then his nonsense would stop.

We finished eating and went up to the Common Room to work on our homework. The four of us joined Alice, and we all spread out our assignments, helping each other when we needed it. A few minutes later, the Marauders came up from supper.

I didn't look up as they walked past us near the fire. I didn't want to risk making eye contact with Potter, as Marlene said. After five minutes passed, though, I could feel eyes on me. I tore my eyes from my Herbology notes and stared at the floor. Surely, one of the girls would let me know if it was Potter.

When no one jabbed me with a finger or said anything, I took my chances and lifted my head. I tried to look as though I was getting the crick out of my neck—though I honestly did have one—and my gaze traveled across the room. Oh. It was Lupin. I looked back at him for a second before averting my eyes elsewhere, and then he disappeared up to the boys' dormitories.

Well, that had been easy. There was no way Lupin had read anything from a second-long stare. It was the kind of stare that meant "Oh, I see so-and-so's here." It didn't mean anything else. Least of all did it mean "Yeah, I know I'm being a real tosser to your best mate, but that's only because I want him to leave me the hell alone; it doesn't matter if his feelings are trampled on in the process." Of course it didn't mean that.

I went back to my homework, making myself believe that.

- ^-^3

The next three days were the same as day one of this plan. I acted coolly, completely disregarding Potter's persistence. I wondered if he would ever get a clue, but Marlene and Mary told me that it would be soon when he'd slow down. After that, they were sure he'd stop altogether.

I prayed for that to happen.

Friday came, day six. Everything went well until I realized I had a Prefect meeting that day. Damn. It was at lunch, too, so there was no way I could escape it.

So, come lunchtime, I parted with my girlfriends and went to the Prefect room on the second floor, underneath Professor Slughorn's Potions classroom on the third. Luckily, the other Heads and Prefects were there. Not so luckily, Potter was already there. I begrudgingly sat beside him as McGonagall entered.

"We have an idea for at least two more Hogsmeade trips before the end of the school year," the professor stated at the head of the long table. "However, there seems to be some dispute as to when they shall happen. I turn to the Head Boys and Girls to make a decision on the matter."

I raised my hand. "One trip should be at the beginning of the last month of school, something to relieve the pressure of impending exams."

"An excellent idea, Miss Evans," the deputy headmistress stated. There were other sounds and murmurs of agreement all around the table. Well, one trip date was solved.

"What about the other?" a Hufflepuff Prefect asked. "Why not have it halfway between now and then?"

People started to acquiesce while Potter shook his head. McGonagall called on him. "You have an alternative date, Mr. Potter?"

"It's too far away," he whined. "Why not have it the first weekend of April?"

Argh! How could he?! Next month began with the Marauders' favorite holiday: April Fools' Day. The next month also began on the weekend. No way in hell, Azkaban, or at the end of You-Know-Who's wand was I going to allow that to happen! It took nearly all of my strength not to scold him or even scoff at his idea.

"I'm not sure that's a wise idea," McGonagall replied.

Yes! Hooray for McGonagall and her presence of mind! See? I didn't even have to say anything! Besides, I was having a hard time deciding to say something when she spoke up. If I had said anything, the plan would fall apart. I had a feeling he had brought up April's first weekend partially as a tool to provoke me. But where had that gotten you, Potter? Nowhere, that was where! And I hadn't even said a word.

"How about the third week of March?" the Ravenclaw Head Boy offered.

Everybody decided on that, and McGonagall adjourned the meeting so we could eat. It wasn't every time that we had a lunchtime meeting. I left the Prefect room and headed back downstairs, wanting to eat lunch with my friends. I was in such a pleasant mood that I found myself humming a catchy tune. I ignored the voice behind me.


Ho-hum… La-di-da, la-di-da, la-di-da…


Da-da da-da da-da…honey… da… me…


La-di-da-la da-da da-da… hug me…


Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me. …oh, shit. This catchy tune was that god-awful song on Marlene's wireless. No. No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't get this song at the front of my brain! I needed to stay focused on my plan of acting as though Potter didn't exist—Hug me 'til you suffocate me, honey, hug me…


His voice sounded hoarse this time. Merlin, it wouldn't sound like that if he just stopped calling out to me. Drug me 'til you love me, honey, love me… Urgh, this stupid, stupid, stupid song! That was it. As soon as I reached the Great Hall, Marlene would be beheaded.

"Lily! Talk to me!"

I tuned him and that crappy song out as best I could as my feet carried me to the Gryffindor table. I plopped down next to Mary and ladled some chicken soup into a bowl while Potter finally shut up and passed behind me, joining his mates.

"How are you doing?" Mary asked while I slurped the broth.

"Very annoyed, but otherwise fine," I replied after a mouthful of soup. God, it was good. Especially on a chilly day like today.

"He do anything at the meeting?" Dorcas wondered aloud.

I nodded curtly. "He wanted a Hogsmeade trip planned for the weekend of April first."

"That's awful," Mary said, scrunching her nose up at the idea. "What did you do? Usually you'd kill him or rant about how he's wrong in so many different ways."

"I didn't have to do anything. McGonagall said it was a bad idea. I'm sure she could see the school in utter chaos with all the pranks that could be pulled."

Marlene leaned on her elbows across from Mary. "You lucked your way out of that one."

"Don't I know it," I commented with raised eyebrows. "I really wanted to tear in to him, too."

"But you didn't," the three of them chorused.

I smiled slowly. "…yeah. I didn't."

- ^-^3

I made it through the weekend and the following week with pretty much the same reception that I had from the first four days of the plan. The only thing that worsened was that I was recalling more and more of the song.

"Wait. Wait. I swear I've seen that face somewhere before. It's the very face I fell for in the human race. I can't lie; I was brainwashed to be honest in this brave new world that slowly passes by," I found myself singing under my breath on Wednesday. Damn it. It really was catchy, honest. Too catchy, if you asked me.

I hummed the tune quietly in the library that evening while I put away some history books: A Guide to Medieval Sorcery, Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century—Seventh Edition, and Sites of Historical Sorcery. Merlin. The last thing I wanted to do was have Madam Pince jump on me for serenading everyone with such a song. At least the humming I could deny came from me, if I did it near someone else or if I did it quietly enough.


Damn. I should have known. That song pops up, and he follows suit. He was in front of me this time, too, so I had to turn around to get to the Divination books.

"Lily, speak to me," he pleaded.

I was not going to face him. I knew it would blow all the work I had done away. As I saw it, this plan was me building a brick wall between Potter and me. If I paused, if I halted placing another brick onto the cement, I knew that wall could be torn down.

"Lily, I know you know I exist," Potter went on.

"I know you know I exist"? Come on. Of course I know that! Why else would I be trying this different route of action?! Internally, I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. Miss Evans, I would like to speak to you about a Head Boy and Head Girl matter," he stated.

I looked at him. "Continue, Mr. Potter."

"Aha!" he suddenly said, and I tore my gaze away, cheeks aflame at being deceived. "See! I knew you could still talk to me! I made that up to see if you would fall for it, and you did!" He paused, waiting for a reaction.

Well, I didn't give him one, of course. I got the books I wanted and turned away, heading back to the carrel where I had left my bag. Potter's heavy footsteps were right behind me.

"Evans, talk to me," he spat. Uh-oh. I mean, good. He sounded angry this time. "There really is a Head Boy and Head Girl matter."

He sounded sincere… I looked up and saw his smoldering hazel eyes. Crap. I had fallen for that one again.

Just as I turned my head away, he opened his mouth. "That statement's true, you know. We do have a matter: You're Head Girl and I'm Head Boy, and you're not speaking at all to me. You're being unfair."

I sat at the carrel and flipped through my parchment. I still had to get my Transfiguration essay done… Wait. Wait. I swear I've seen that face somewhere before. It's the very face I fell for in the human race. I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest in this brave new world that slowly passes by. Of course. The song again.

"Lily," he breathed. His tone made me think he'd said my name as a prayer. "Lily, you're being cold. At the beginning of this year when Dumbledore made me Head Boy, I told myself—I told you that I was going to clean up my act. I haven't pulled any pranks, I haven't gone after Snape, and I toned down my wooing of you. But you always rejected me to my face."

My hand rested mid-page-turning. His words…

"But now, you turning your back every time… That's something no one heals from."

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. Wait. Why was this piercing me so badly?

"You had always been so much more than this. At least, that's what I thought." He didn't say anything more, and I wondered if he still stood behind me. After nothing from me, he walked away, and it was quiet. I knew he wasn't waiting around to see if I would give in and go after him.

I finally looked up and stared down the aisle. No Potter. I rubbed my chest over my heart, still hurting from those words, his words. I mean, what was he lumping me in with? Other girls? Other girls who, like Black, paid their human toys a bit of attention and then dropped them like a hot coal? I was not other girls, and I sure as hell was not Black.

But maybe this was working. Even though he hurt right now, he'd get over me. I turned back to my homework. Yes, he'd get over me. That was the whole point of this plan.

- ^-^3

The Hogsmeade trip came and went uneventfully. I did a spot of shopping with Dorcas, Mary, Marlene, and Alice for a while, but then Alice left us to meet up with Frank Longbottom, her boyfriend of the past two years. The rest of single us decided to head back to the castle at that point, and I spent the remainder of my day reading Witch Weekly on my bed.

Potter hadn't been bugging me recently, either. He hadn't even approached me during the outing, and the girls reassured me that this was the Golden Plan. It finally placed his attention elsewhere.

But… His words still bothered me. I didn't want to hurt him— Let me rephrase that: I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. Emotionally. Physically…I wouldn't have minded slapping or punching him once or twice.

You hold me close naked, I don't feel a thing. Your zippers are the cherry, but I don't feel anything. Your mind is stranded down now, I am closing you in my arms and I prefer overweight than plastic any day. And then I still had that song in my head. Well, at least I knew the words now.

"Lily," Lupin spoke during Potions that last week of March. "You should speak to James. He's done nothing—well, not nothing wrong, but nothing different from how he's always been."

You hold me close naked, I don't feel a thing. Your zippers are the cherry, but I don't feel anything. Your mind is stranded down now, I am closing you in my arms and I prefer overweight than plastic any day. Argh, this song! I couldn't get the first stanza out of my mind! But at least it gave me something to occupy my brain while Lupin tried to stand up for Potter.

"Speak to James," Lupin repeated.

You hold me close naked, I don't feel a thing… Your mind is stranded down now, I am closing you in my arms… Oh, crap. No, no, no, no, no! My imagination was wandering into dangerous territory: I was picturing myself in Potter's arms as these lyrics played out! I could feel my cheeks grow warm and red as the song skipped to the next stanza. Your eyes are dusty, dirt porn magazines.—Okay, that was kinda true; Potter often looked at me with what were clearly "bedroom eyes." He had a filthy mind. You're lazy, selfish, but you were raised that way.—He was both, and he probably was. It's a whore that here was bred.—So not true; I hadn't had any real boyfriends, but I didn't sleep around. I mean, I was still…still, you know (a virgin). I'll take your pants, you take my hair, and let us dance and cheers to happy and depressed. Oh, god. That did it. All my mind's eye could see was me losing myself in him, my hands on his naked chest, his fingers in my hair, everything leading to something much more—Aaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhh!

"…supposed to use a bronze ladle, Lily, not silver!" came Lupin's hysterical voice at the last second.


Well, that brought my mind back to the present. And my first-ever F-category potion.

Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me… Hug me 'til you suffocate me, honey, hug me… Drug me 'til you love me, honey, love me… Nooooo!

- ^-^3

Professor Slughorn excused Lupin's and my potion after class, letting us pass. I think he realized I wasn't myself during class. I also think he feared the answer if he asked what was wrong. Good thing male teachers didn't ask for fear of hearing about menstruation.

But that wasn't even remotely close anyway. My mind… My mind had wandered into lewd thoughts of me and James Potter! Together! I heaved a large sigh on my way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I needed the talk to Mary about this. I had to tell someone, and Marlene and Dorcas would tease me, but Mary would sympathize. At least, I hoped.

Unfortunately, Lupin grabbed the seat next to Mary during that class. At first I thought he did that to force me to sit with Potter, but then I saw that the only available spot was next to Black. Oh, Merlin. A brand-new hell had opened.

Class began, forcing me to sit down hastily. I took my text out and unrolled some fresh parchment. I set my bottle of ink and quill next to the paper and then stared at the blackboard. The girls had told me to treat Black just like Potter.

"Hey, Lils," Black said cheerily while the teacher spoke. "How's it going?"

Ignoring, ignoring, ignoring—

"Nice scheme of late, you know."

Ignoring, ignoring, ignoring—

Black leaned on one hand and stared at me. God, what was it with people staring at me?! First Potter, then Lupin, then Potter again, and now Black!

"I always thought you were a heartbreaker."

Lovely to know, but I wa busy right now. Busy ignoring, ignoring, ignoring—

"I never pegged you as a soul destroyer, though."

Ignoring— Wait. What the hell was that?

"Oh, yes, you heard me right." Black shifted and leaned closer to me, his tone turning murderous. "It's awful what you're doing to him, Evans. You've torn him to shreds, rejecting him so coldly. Now listen to me and listen well: Talk to him one last time and properly stop this farce. If you use words, I'm sure he'll finally give up. But you're killing him." He leaned in even closer. "No one hurts my mates, least of all my best mate. Continue this, and James won't be able to protect you from my wrath."

Heh, heh… A little, uh, melodramatic…aren't we? He was actually quite scary when he talked about protecting James. But— But this was ridiculous! I mean, I didn't have to take this! Pushing the girls' rules out of my mind, I turned on Black, my fierce glare meeting his sanguinary one. "Don't mess with me, Black. You don't want to be paranoid about having poison slipped into your goblet, do you?"

Black only stared back before breaking the gaze first. Finally, I could return my attention to class.

- ^-^3

"So that's why Remus wanted to sit next to me," Mary said from beside me during our break later.

"I think Black wanted to take his shot at me," I stated, cupping my cheek in my palm. "But threats are empty on me."

Mary frowned and stared at her book. "So…you really pictured…what you did earlier?"

I sighed as the images resurfaced. I'll take your pants, you take my hair, and let us dance and cheers to happy and depressed. Yeah… "Yes," I answered.

"Oh, Merlin, this has gotten out of hand. He's not leaving your brain!"

"Nor is that stupid song. Would you like to help me disembowel Marlene?"

Mary made a disgusted face. "Lily, face it. James is just…a part of your life."

I whipped my head around. "No, he's not!"

She averted her eyes. "Anyway… I can't believe what he said to you."

"Yeah… I mean, I do want him out of my life, but Potter…made it sound as though I was no better than his womanizer best mate." I grimaced.

"But why let it bother you? The plan's almost come full-circle. Don't stop right now, Lily." Mary stared at me. "Promise me you won't give up. You want too much to have him stop coming after you. Promise me, Lily Evans."

I rolled my eyes. "I promise, Mary Macdonald."

She nodded. "Good. It's not nice to break your promises."

"I get it, Mary."

- ^-^3

Um, breaking promises…? Shyeah… It happens all too easily…

"Wait. Wait. I swear I've seen that face somewhere before. It's the very face I fell for in the human race. I can't lie; I was brainwashed to be honest in this brave new world that slowly passes by," I silently sang to myself on the way to Charms that weekend. Ah, yes. April Fools' Weekend. I could only pray that Potter didn't decide suddenly to resume his persistence.

Well, anyway, it had been a lovely Friday, with little interference from Lupin and Black. The only interruption I had was from that damn tune. Again, the chorus got me:

"Wait. Wait. I swear I've seen that face somewhere before. It's the very face I fell for in the human race. I can't lie; I was brainwashed to be honest in this brave new world that slowly passes by," I crooned a little louder. The halls were empty. It was still during class time, but I had a break right now, and I was getting a head start to Charms. I didn't want to be late and sit near Potter again. I didn't want to be partnered with him ever again, really.

The weather outside caught my attention. It was drizzling. Interesting. I always thought April Fools' Day should have clear skies and sunshine instead of depressing rain. Huh. I guess Mother Nature had something else in mind.

"Wait. Wait. I swear I've seen that face somewhere before. It's the very face I fell for in the human race. I can't lie; I was brainwashed to be honest in this brave new world that slowly passes by," I finished, deepening the last note as the end of the song did.

Pure silence welcomed me. My audience. I chuckled softly. Yes, silence. I could get used to this.

"Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me… Hug me 'til you suffocate me, honey, hug me… Drug me 'til you love me, honey, love me…"

"Okay, I'll bite."

I jumped at the sound of his voice. My books and bag clattered to the steps underneath my feet, two of my books tumbling all the way down to the next landing. I turned around and found I couldn't, because Potter enveloped me in his arms. Wow. He had really big arms. Strong ones that made me feel tiny.

Oh, my—I was in his arms.

I kept my mouth shut, but it wasn't much work. I didn't really have any words to offer. I was too blindsided by this warm…really warm…embrace…

"I won't drug you or suffocate you, but I damn well love you, Lily," Potter said slowly. His breath was warm, too… It fuzzed my brain. His face was beside mine, his lips near my ear. "I love you, Lily Evans."

Something caught in my throat. There was a thing in his voice—something that had never been there before. It stirred something inside me, and I cracked. "James…" No, no, no! He was Potter!

"Lily, please…," he breathed. "Do you want—Do you need me to stop? It tears me apart, but if it hurts you more, then I'll leave you alone. I'll stop. I'll get—I'll get—I'll…get over you," he finally managed. It sounded as though he was pushing back a sob.

My god. Had I really done this to him? But I knew the answer as my hands moved on their own to his arms, and I felt the brick wall that was almost complete crumble. My fingers interlaced with his and squeezed his hands. God, his hands felt so safe… The song floated in bits and pieces into my mind.By the way, I never really liked your hands on me.—Well, I had never really felt them before. They were— They were— Merlin, they felt right in mine. Never liked your ideas of what's beautiful or real or truly holy.—Most of his ideas were stupid and I didn't like them, but I recalled his words from the library. He was right about me; I wasn't one of those girls. I didn't want to hurt him. And I must say, you've thrown your apathy away, grown back into your diapers, will you die first, before admit the truth.

Crap. It wasn't him that had to admit anything. It was me.

I was attracted to James Potter.

…oh my…Merlin. Do you see now what I meant about how easy it was to break promises?

"J-James," I stuttered.

"Hmm?" He couldn't even get out another real word.


"Okay, Lily. I get it. I give up. I leave you alone now. Enjoy your life." His head left my shoulder, which was now cold. He began to withdraw his arms.

But wait! If he did that, then this warmth—this warmth would go! It would go away! I squinted, unfamiliar tears coming to my eyes. What the hell was happening to me?! I squeezed his hands, not ready to let go, to leave this embrace.

He seemed frozen behind me. "Lily…?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, not knowing the repercussions of what I was about to do. "James, don't go."

Clearly, I had thrown him through the loop. "What?"

"I said, 'Don't go.'"

His arms tightened around me. "What?" he repeated. Obviously I had him flabbergasted.

I turned around faster than I had ever thought possible. I yanked his hands down, pulling him down into a kiss. Clearly, he was surprised. So was I. But, like his hands in mine, this felt right. I deepened the kiss, and he welcomed my tongue in his mouth. Merlin! Who knew that the best taste in the world was the person you loved?

Yes, I admit it. This couldn't be a mere attraction. I'd had boyfriends before. I'd snogged before. But nothing compared to the sparks of James' kiss.

When I pulled away, I slowly opened my eyes. He did, too. I giggled. His glasses were foggy. He coughed. "I won't go," he stated.

"Good." One last time, the chorus buzzed in my brain: Wait. Wait. I swear I've seen that face somewhere before. It's the very face I fell for in the human race. I can't lie; I was brainwashed to be honest in this brave new world that slowly passes by. Hmm. I really couldn't lie. I suppose I had been a bit brainwashed, what with James always coming after me, but… I had fallen for him. I wonder when that had happened? I vaguely thought of day one of my unsuccessful plan to get rid of him once and for all. I vividly remembered the library. But it also occurred to me that maybe these feelings had been lying dormant for a little while before all this.

His hazel eyes bore in my bottle green ones, and I gave him the first smile he had seen in weeks. James smiled back and lifted me up, planting another wonderful kiss on my lips. And that song? It was replaced with a different tune then. I don't even remember Marlene's wireless song anymore, though I still thank it every day.

…stupid song.

- ^-^3

And there you have it! My first Jily! Awesome, no? I enjoyed writing every twenty-four pages of it, even the end where Lily sarcastically adds "…stupid song." I think we all know how much she really loves James. Btw, the song used was "Hug Me" by Meg and Dia (so please don't pay mind to the fact that the song isn't from that decade).

Thanks for reading, and please review!

-mew-tsubaki :]

2016 note: It feels odd to return to this fic to edit it almost a full seven years after I originally wrote this, but it was nice. I admit, some things I changed and some things I added, but I actually still am glad I wrote this, so I hope you liked this, dear reader, and read James' POV, "Once More…What If." Tyvm!