Shock! She's writing a Sam/Jacob story? Is this probably because her name is Sam? Or maybe because she felt like it? The truth is because I felt like it. It's not really a huge thing—I just wanted to write something and this pairing just came to mind…go figure. Pretend BD didn't happen.
Aren't You Glad?
Aren't you glad you're not me? I'm a piece of disgrace and I betray everyone and I hurt everyone and no one deserves this type of pain, especially from a jerk like me. Aren't you glad that you're not a jerk like me? I'm a jerk. I'm such a jerk. Aren't you glad that you don't breathe my air? Because I'm contagious.
It's all my fault.
Aren't you glad you're not me? Not the hateful jerk I am. Aren't you glad that you don't bathe in the same pool of disgrace I come from? So much disgrace. Aren't you glad that you aren't brushed with the same paint of disloyalty I'm brushed with? Too much disloyalty. Aren't you glad? You must be.
It's all my freaking fault.
Aren't you glad you're not a monster like me? People should just run away from my hideous face. Aren't you glad that you don't break all your promises? I've broken all my promises. To the pack. To Leah. To Emily. To Jacob. Aren't you glad that you didn't watch Emily's eyes burn with tears when I told her I didn't love her? So many tears. Aren't you glad that you didn't see Leah's pained brown eyes as I told her I was sorry? It's not enough, Sammy, is it? Aren't you glad that you didn't fall in love with Jacob Black? I'm so deeply scarred by the smile of his face.
Aren't you glad that when you wake up into the morning and you look at the one you truly love, you know that you'd do anything not to betray them? I've betrayed them all too many times. Aren't you glad that when you look up into the sky, you know what wish you want and just hope that one day you'll have your wish come true? I have no more hope left in me.
It's all washed away.
All my fault.
The fearful, unbreakable Sam stands before you and he's crying his freaking eyes out because of his mistakes—I'm weak. I've fallen in love with one of my pack members, Jacob Black none the less and I'm afraid to tell him because I don't want to betray another person. How could I have fallen in love with him? How could I have left Emily? How could I hurt and hurt and hurt and break and break and break and stay so emotionless? So freaking emotionless and blank.
Her face crumpled as I told her that I'm in love with Emily. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she turned away. Her bitterness resided in her body as she turned around and said that she wanted nothing to do with me when she loved me. I knew she did. Just by the innocence that always laced her eyes despite the bitterness that lapped her eyes.
I just couldn't love her.
Her sweet baby face just turned into nothing crumpled in the same way Leah's did and her eyes burned with tears that she allowed to fall and ignite a fire to her face and I could see the trails of her tear tracks, so painful, and I could still see the pain that overtook her as she cried and cried and cried and I didn't know what to do but stare.
He didn't know that I loved him and he never will. I can't risk hurting another person; I can't stand seeing tears and pain and crumpled faces anymore. I just can't see stand it anymore even if I see him every day, even if all I wanted to do was brush my hand against the probable softness of his flesh, and I just wanted to feel him, feel him against me.
I was sick.
You're in love with a boy, Sammy.
Aren't you glad…?
I'm not sure what to think of this. It came to me and forced itself to be written so here it us. Don't flame because you hate the slash or the pairing. Other than that, God ahead, review, please.