Locker Room Talk

Pairing: Canon
Rating: Very mild T
Summary: What happens behind closed doors in the boy's locker room of Forks High? For Mike Newton, locker room talk can be both silly and insightful.
Current Book: Vampire Academy by Rachelle Mead
Current Fanfiction: "Training Day" by tara sue me (Yeah, I let out a squee when I saw she posted!)
Current Music: "You Can't Break A Broken Heart" by Kate Voegele


Mike POV


"Ugh!" complained Eric, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, effectively mashing his greasy hair to his sweaty forehead. "Why does Coach Clapp insist on playing basketball outside on the courts? It's, like, a million degrees outside!"

I walked through the locker room double doors, pulling off my shirt and throwing it around my neck, cooling off my shoulders.

Eric was exaggerating given we were playing while the clouds glided overhead. It only felt hot because Coach demanded he do an extra lap for sitting on the sidelines for the entire P.E. period with the girls. Pansy couldn't even handle a game of horse without sweating like Mrs. Mallory during church.

"Shut up, Eric," hissed Tyler, pushing past him and stripping off his white gym shirt. He paused once he reached his locker before dramatically turning around, offering us all a smile.

"Did you see Lauren today? She wasn't wearing a bra! So sweet."

"Heck yes!" said Connor, slapping Tyler on the back before wincing, brushing Tyler's sweat off on his pant leg, grumbling under his breath about 'B.O.'

I turned away, hiding my blush. Truth be told I did notice Lauren Mallory decided to forego the bra today. When the class started with the warm-up jumping jacks, everyone in the entire Forks area practically heard those puppies bounce up and do---

"And did you see Jessica?" asked Tyler, wiping himself down with a rag he'd left in his locker from last October. The thing smelled like the inside of a porta-potty.

"Pink bra. Don't girls know that if you wear a colored bra beneath a white T-shirt, it's going to show?"

"Please, Eric, don't be an idiot," said Tyler, rolling both his eyes and a deodorant stick beneath his armpits (thank goodness – I sit next to him next class).


"Those girls all know what they're doing. They want the attention. Trust me, I know both of those girls from personal experience."

Connor's obnoxious bragging about his sexual escapades didn't normally bother me, but for some reason, I didn't appreciate him talking that way about Jess.

It's just because you used to date her. Not like you have feelings for her, or anything, but you're just looking out for her.

"Trust me, neither of those girls have ever turned me down," he continued, smirking at a gaping Eric. "Lauren even gave me a little something when while we watched a movie on my couch the other night."

Suddenly, the deep laughter of Edward Cullen interrupted us all of our musings. All of us turned in his direction, no doubt masking the envy we all felt at spotting his six-pack. Last year, after a failed attempt of gaining abs of steel, all four of us agreed the Cullen Mansion must feature a gym the size of Safeco Field. No way in hell those Cullen boys all got them simply from eating properly.


Gracing us with his trademark half-smirk, the same smile we've all used and never received the benefits of, he began shaking his head.

"I just find your conversation interesting, Connor," he finally offered, sounding sarcastic. "You seem to have quite the repertoire with the ladies."

"You've heard?!" he bellowed, clearly eager to hear gossip about…well, his own gossip. "Has either of them said anything good about me?"

Shrugging, turning away and offering us a nice view of his disgustingly proportionate butt, Edward murmured, "I'm afraid not, Tyler. I was just noting what you've been saying and it seems you know an awful lot about the ladies of Forks High. That's all."

Smirking, leaning back against his open locker, he told him, "Don't worry, Edward. Bella is about the only chick I haven't done in this school."

Rolling my eyes, I stripped off my blue shorts and tossed them into my locker. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know Connor was full of crap. Lauren? Sure, but Lauren deluded herself into thinking Connor loved her unconditionally. Jessica, on the other hand, I know from experience is very limited when it comes to sex. As for the other girls, Connor barely knows all of the girls in the school let alone has bedded them. His sex life is about as active as a nursing home at midnight.

"Though, I'm sure you know all about Bella Swan, right? I mean, since the two of you are swapping spit and all."

I dropped my can of Axe directly on my big toe the moment those words were in the open. While I hated the thought of Bella with any man, especially my arch-nemesis, I couldn't contain the excitement that erupted from within at the prospect of getting insight on Bella.

Ignoring the searing pain in my foot, I faced Connor's direction though I kept my eyes trained on Edward.

"I don't kiss and tell, boys," he said, gracefully pulling on his dark jeans. They looked vintage; probably cost a fortune.

Stupid, rich butthead.

"Oh come on, give us the dirt!" yelled Connor, slipping his head through the hole of a raggedy Stones shirt. While Cullen's gear looked classic and timeless, Connor's just looked old.

Stupid, rich, well-dressed butthead.

"Bella and I have agreed to keep our relationship private. What we may or may not do behind closed doors isn't of anyone's business."

Stupid, rich, well-dressed, Bella-respecting butthead.

I could have sworn I saw his lip twitch up in a smile.

"It's just us guys, Edward. Some locker room talk, you know? This is what men do."

"What exactly do men do?" asked Edward, easily sliding his belt through his pant loops.

Shaking his head, he sighed, "Tyler, help me out here."

Scanning his backpack for his locker key, which he probably locked inside of his locker, Tyler said, "Men talk chicks and cars."

"Precisely, and since we already know you have the nicest car in the parking lot, short of the BMW your sister drives when she comes to pick up Alice, all that leaves is the chicks!"

"Bella is no chick, thank you very much. She is a lady."

"She's probably more like a tiger, I bet. Right, Edward? Tell us what she's like?"

Connor clearly missed the change in Edward's demeanor as he cackled on.

"Excuse me?" he asked, his voice taking on a harsh quality.

"Well you should know, right? You're the one that's tapping that, after all."

I suddenly felt very cold.

I could have sworn Edward's eyes were an actual color, like hazel or something. His abnormally dark eyes (are they friggin' black?) gave me the overwhelming urge to bolt from the locker room.

We watched as Edward slammed his locker shut, the sound reverberating throughout the room, making us jump and Eric screech.

When I looked back towards Connor I noticed his skin blanched about two shades. He almost appeared as pale as Cullen himself.

Edward finally hissed, "I would appreciate it if you would not speak about Bella in such a way."

Connor nodded without hesitation.

"I uh…I didn't mean any harm, Edward. We all know she is your girl, and I meant no disrespect by implying anything."

Still emitting waves of hatred and looking like he wanted to rip Connor's limbs off, Edward threw on his leather jacket and marched towards the door. Just as he was about to open it, he turned back around.

"You boys want to know how to get a girl like Bella Swan?"

The question was rhetorical.

"Treat her with respect and dignity. Treat her like she is the most precious thing to ever grace this planet. Make sure she knows how special, smart, and beautiful she is. And if you're lucky enough to get to experience a connection with her, physically or otherwise, never brag about it behind her back."

His words struck a cord.

I feel like I'm getting a lecture from my granddad.

"Oh and Connor…" Edward started, his smirk returning, "I wouldn't be bragging too much about Lauren."

"W-why not?" he choked out, still whiter than snow.

He chuckled, "Just because I haven't heard anything good about you doesn't mean I haven't heard anything about you."

Connor's ears turned red, his complexion suddenly blotchy and a little green.

"W-what have you h-heard?"

"Bella told me that Lauren told the girl's locker room all about your date. Went on and on about how sensitive she thought you were for crying over The Notebook. See you boys later."

What? Connor cried while watching that Nicholas Sp…or some guy's romance movie? Oh, Connor will never live this one down.

After five minutes of blowing Connor kisses and pretending to cry, the four of us left the locker room and directly went to the cafeteria. After grabbing a slice of pizza and a bottle of lemonade, I plopped down beside Jessica. To my left I could see Cullen whispering something to Bella, making her blush and giggle adorably.

His words clearly work for him.

Maybe I should try the whole 'make a girl feel special' thing.


She turned toward me, snapping her gum and keeping her eyes focused on her cell phone.


Letting out a deep breath, I said, "Your hair looks really pretty today."

She stopped chewing and lifted her eyes to mine, gazing in them like Mary Jane did with Spiderman in the third film.

"Thank you, Mike."

Confident, I asked, "You want to go to a movie tonight?"

As she gave me a radiant smile, I knew…

Locker room advice is golden!

A/N: As a few people know, I've got a critically ill family member right now and his illness is taking up nearly all of my time. When I'm not working or at school, my focus is on him, as it should be. I'm trying to finish the next chapter of Carmine and I know I suck about it, but I won't rush it. The next chapter is crucial. I appreciate patience and understanding.

This was just a little plot bunny that I wrote while in the waiting room. After listening to hospital gossip, I was inspired to write this. Hope you like it!

Locker Room Talk is the work of fanfiction. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the featured story is mine.