a fan fiction by iinstantstarr
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. I own the plot. And, that's about it. Oh, and if I was Stephenie Meyer, Jacob Black would be mine. ;)
Chapter 1 – Decision
I never dreamed that Bella would actually listen to Edward when he suggested she have my baby to replace his. I don't know what he said to make her see sense… and I don't know if I ever will. When I came to the Cullens'… house, if that's what you wanted to call it (or coven, whichever term you prefer), I didn't expect for Edward to be waiting for me, either. He had said the tiny one, Alice, couldn't see anything with the future as long as it concerned me or La Push. So I was a little confused, to say the least.
"She agreed," Edward said, looking off toward the setting sun. "Just in the nick of time, too. Carlisle said that it would have only been another few days before the fetus would have become strong enough to cause serious damage."
I could tell he was hurting, but I wasn't sure of what to say. I tried to keep my thoughts to myself.
"I'm sorry," I said, sitting down across from him on the grass.
"Don't be," Edward said, sharply. "I'd rather have Bella than a child I've never met."
I nodded once more, telling my inner thoughts to shut up.
"You love her and you'll take care of her. That's the only reason why I'm agreeing to letting her stay with you during this… process. But you have to agree that the resulting child is Bella's and you'll have to let her live her own life with whomever she chooses. I realize that she may very well choose you after all of this is said and done. I love her enough to want her happy. As I told you before, if she wants a child, she'll get one." Edward seemed to only be talking to keep his mind busy at this point. I listened to him, mostly to keep my own thoughts from running wild.
"Did Carlisle already perform the… procedure, then?" I asked delicately.
"This morning," Edward said. "She's… distraught. She agreed to what I proposed, but she's still very upset. She realizes that her life was in danger and that there's no way I could have changed her while she was pregnant without terminating the pregnancy. But I don't know what could possibly fill that loss other than another child. I talked to Carlisle about when she could start trying again and he said her cycles will need to regulate themselves. He can give her a drug for that to speed it up."
I nodded. "Do you think she'd want to see me?" I asked.
"I think she'd be upset if she knew you were here and we sent you away without seeing her," Edward said, half smiling. "We moved her upstairs to my room. It has the best view of the mountains."
"Alright," I said. I headed in through the front door and spotted Blondie and the big one, Earl or whatever, curled up on the couch, sucking face.
"Get a room," I muttered.
Rosalie scowled at me but didn't say anything for once. I headed up the stairs, following Bella's scent, and took a right at the top of the staircase. At the end of the hall, I saw a bed in a room with the door open. I walked into the room, and saw Bella asleep with the faint trace of tears trailed down her cheek.
I knelt down next to her and tucked her hair behind her ear and then sat down next to the nightstand and leaned back onto it. I resolved to stay there until she woke up.
"Jacob?" a voice called from the hallway. It was Esme. "Are you hungry?"
"No," I said, as my stomach growled impatiently.
Esme smiled as she leaned against the doorframe. "I think otherwise. I figured you'd be coming today so when I made Bella's lunch, I made some extra. I put it back in the oven so it's warm. Lasagna. I'll bring you up a plate."
I smiled in embarrassment.
"Really, Esme," I said. "You don't need to go to so much effort. It's just me."
"It gives me the chance to actually use my kitchen. Don't feel like you're intruding."
I sighed. "Okay," I said, feeling it best not to argue.
Esme grinned and headed back down the hallway and down the stairs.
I leaned back and tilted my head up toward the ceiling and let my mind wander. I wondered what our baby would look like. Bella's eyes, skin a shade lighter than mine, my dark hair, her clumsiness, but tall like me. I tried not to laugh as I imagined our gangly kid tripping over his own two feet, just like his mom. The vision faded to me, lying in a bed, back at Billy's, banged-up leg and arm, while Bella worried and fussed over me. I wanted it more than I wanted air to breathe. And in some sense, I would get part of it. Bella and I would have a child together, but we would never be together. The knowledge of that stung like a thousand needles piercing my heart. I wiped the tears threatening to fall down my cheeks away with one hand and looked back over at Bella.
Her eyes were open and she was staring at me.
I jumped. "How long have you been awake?" I asked her.
"Since Esme mentioned my name when she was asking you if you wanted lasagna," she answered. "Why are you crying?"
"I'm not crying," I said instantly.
"Yeah, sure," she said, rolling her eyes. "I forgot. Jacob's the big bad wolf who never cries or shows any emotion whatsoever."
"Whatever," I said, crossing my arms. "How are you feeling?" I asked her, changing the subject.
"Sore," Bella said. "Esme's been a great help so far. I guess she understands more than anyone else can though. She lost a child and she knows what the feeling's like."
My stomach tightened. "I'm so sorry, Bella," I said sincerely. I knew she was hurting and as happy as I was that the leeching monster was out of her, I still didn't like to see her unhappy or in pain.
"I know," Bella said. "But I still feel like I'm getting more than my fair share," she continued. "You know how I told you that I saw our whole lives mapped out in front of us? If I had chosen you?"
I nodded warily.
"Well, if I have our child, then it's going to be like I'm getting part of La Push and that life and my life with Edward and being a vampire… and it just seems like too much for one person. It doesn't seem fair."
"Well, that's if you choose him in the end," I reasoned.
"Jake!" Bella said, exasperatedly. "I'm married to him!"
"Yep," I said, nodding. "I forgot. You're Isabella Cullen now." My lips could barely form around her new name.
"Have you and Edward figured out when we're going to…" she trailed off, her cheeks pink in an adorable blush.
"Well, he's going to talk to Carlisle and then Carlisle's going to tell us how long it'll be until your cycles regulate themselves. And then I guess it's up to you and me."
"Oh," Bella said, looking out the window toward the mountains. "Where would we…"
I already knew the unspoken half of her question. "No offense, but I really don't want to do it here." I didn't want Edward reading my thoughts while I was sleeping with his wife. That would just be awkward.
"Of course not!" Bella looked aghast.
"I could probably get Billy to have Charlie come down for dinner on the nights we needed to be together," I thought. "And then, maybe at Charlie's in Forks?"
Bella nodded. "I still have my old house key." She sighed.
"What?" I asked, searching her face.
"I just never realized that being a mother was something I wanted. Not until I got pregnant. I just can't believe I'm actually going through with this. It just seems wrong," she said.
"Yeah, well, who decides what's right and wrong?" I asked. "Certainly not me or you."
I heard Esme coming up the stairs. She walked into the room with a heaping plate of lasagna.
"I hope this is enough," she said. "I wasn't sure how hungry you were or how much would fill you up."
"Thanks, Esme," I said, smiling at her appreciatively.
"You know," Bella said, "I never did get to see you eat that whole cow."
I blinked at her. "I don't think you'd want to see that," I laughed.
"I can have Emmett go snag one from one of the farms in Oregon," Esme joked.
"I don't think that's necessary!" I exclaimed.
"What's going on with you and the pack?" Bella asked abruptly. Esme graciously let herself back out the door and I found myself telling Bella all about the current issues with Sam and how Leah and Seth had separated themselves from Sam's pack and formed the little gang they called "Jacob's pack."
Bella's eyes grew wide.
"Now, I can really call you Chief Jacob," she giggled.
"More like Alpha Jacob," I said.
"Yes, Most High Alpha. What can I do for you today, Oh Great One?"
"There are several things you could do for me, but none of them I can say right here," I said, grinning.
Bella's jaw dropped and she smacked me over the head.
"Jacob!" she gasped.
"Hey, I'm kidding," I laughed.
"You better be," she said, crossing her arms. She sighed. "So what are you going to do?"
"About what? Seth and Leah's obnoxious plan to make me Alpha of a second pack?"
"Exactly," Bella said, looking at me with concern written on her face.
"I don't know yet," I admitted. "Leah already says it's hard enough to be around Sam without him being able to look into her head and see exactly what she's thinking. And in a way, I know what she means. It's just… I don't know what to do right now."
"I'm sorry," Bella said, looking guilty.
"For what?" I asked, confused.
"You said you kind of know what she means… to be around someone when you love them but you know you can't be with them. I guess that's my fault."
I looked at her, aghast. "Bella, don't think like that. You can't choose who you fall in love with. I've known that for a while."
She looked back out the window.
"You know, I could kind of see you and Leah being together," she said, grinning.
"Yeah," I huffed. "Right."
"No, really. You seem to have a lot in common."
"Like what?" I challenged.
"Losing a parent, being a werewolf, having your heart broken…" she trailed off.
"Bella, quit trying to tell me who I should be with. That's really none of your business," I said, a little sharper than I intended.
"I know. I'm sorry," she apologized again.
"Stop apologizing," I said, looking down at the floor.
"I just want you to be happy," she said. "That's all I've ever wanted for you."
"I know," I sighed, looking up at the ceiling, trying not to look her in the face.
"You have no idea how much I wish I could love you like you want me to love you," she murmured. "But in the end, I can't choose you over him. He's just too much of who I am. I can't explain it right. You're my personal sun, but I need him like I need air to breathe."
"He's like a drug, Bella," I said. "I've always said that."
"I respect your opinion, but in the end, I chose to marry him. I do love him. He's not just around for convenience, Jacob."
"Okay," I said, finally looking at her. "As long as you're happy."
"I am," she said, smiling. "I am happy."
"Good," I said, trying to think of something else to talk about.
"You know, our kid is going to be pretty freakin' gorgeous," she said, laughing.
"Really?" I asked, feigning surprise. "I had no idea!"
"Just think," Bella said, looking up toward the ceiling. "Dark hair, dark skin, brown eyes, tall…" she trailed off.
"Well, its skin won't be as dark as mine and you have to factor in that you're going to be its mother… hopefully it won't be so clumsy," I teased.
Bella nudged me.
"Whatever," she said. "Tease me all you want now. Eventually, I'll be as big as a whale and you won't be able to tease me."
I grinned. She had no idea how much I was looking forward to seeing her body round with my child. It sent a thrill through me.
A soft knock at the door made her look up. I had been so enthralled in the conversation that I hadn't even noticed Edward's approaching footsteps.
"How are you feeling, love?" Edward asked, coming over to sit on the bed next to her.
"I'm fine," Bella said, crossing her arms.
I swallowed back the vomit threatening to spew across the French duvet Bella was wrapped in.
"Are you cold? Hot? Hungry?" he asked, searching her eyes.
"I'm fine," she said a little louder.
I found it funny that I could tell what she was thinking and how she was feeling quicker than he could, with his whole mind-reading thing.
Edward glared at me as that crossed my mind.
Bella shifted to draw her feet closer to her.
"Your feet are cold," Edward said, frowning.
"Obviously. Now can you not touch them?" she snapped.
I glared at Edward and reached my hand under the duvet and touched her feet. They were ice cold. She jumped at the warmth of my hand and pressed her toes eagerly against my hand.
"Jeez, Bells. Your feet are freezing!" I gasped.
"Let me get a space-heater in here," Edward said, turning to head into the hallway.
"You know that's not really necessary," I said. "I'm right here, running a toasty 108.9."
Edward just glared at me menacingly.
"You two knock it off," Bella sighed.
I've been playing with this idea in my head for a while now. I just now had the opportunity to write it all out. I'm a Jacob/Leah shipper myself, but the brief mentioning of this in Breaking Dawn was enough to get my fan fiction writing gears a-turnin'. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please remember to review.