Title: "Shinigami Facts of Life"

Author: Sashocirrione

Spoilers: Minor spoilers for up to the point where various videos are getting sent to Sakura TV. Spoiler for L's real name.

Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Sexual activities, swearing, violence. Grossness. Mpreg (sort of).

Summary: Ryuk never told Light how shinigami reproduce. He thought it would be more amusing if he let it be a surprise.

Pairings: RyukxLight

Additional Notes: All canon events previous to this have occurred as normal.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Light had just finished his homework and was about to start writing criminals' names in the death note. But, for some reason, he didn't. Light shifted in his chair slightly and pondered the issue. Why wasn't he doing it? He always followed his schedule, he was a very well-planned, controlling person, and he liked writing in the death note. He liked it very much. There was something incredibly appealing about it, the excitement infused into him by the act of killing anonymously. Sometimes his writing hand shook from the sheer joy of it.

But, tonight, he wasn't picking up his death note, and he didn't know why. It was odd. Light shifted in his seat again, and his stomach felt a bit sore with the movement. Yes, perhaps that was it. Light had been feeling tender in that area all day, but it was so slight that he kept forgetting about it. A minor illness may have gotten him out of the mood for killing. Just then, Ryuk drifted through a wall. He was grinning like crazy.

Light said, "What's up with you? You haven't bothered me for an apple all day."

Ryuk said, "I could ask the same about you, Light. I see you're still not writing in the death note."

Light walked over to his bed and lay down on it. "I think I might be sick."

Ryuk didn't say anything, but just continued to watch. Now that Light was lying down, his stomach did feel odder than when he'd been sitting and standing. He probed at it experimentally with his fingers. As he pressed there was an incredibly weird sensation, something between nausea and pleasure, swirling and moving each time he prodded.

Light pulled his shirt out of his trousers and reached in to touch the skin directly. As his fingers made contact with the skin of his stomach, there was an incredible jolt, a kind of skin-against-skin buzzing pleasure. Light experimentally slid his fingers around on his bare stomach. Yes, there was a fluttering, buzzing feeling wherever he touched, and the weird internal sensations were getting stronger too.

Suddenly, there was an explosion of heat in Light's groin, and he was getting hard so fast he could hardly believe it was happening; it was a throbbing need like he'd never felt before in his life. Light blacked out for a moment, and when he regained consciousness, his hands were in his pants, gripping the most engorged, sensitive erection he'd ever had. He was gasping and sweat was running down his face just from the pleasure of having his hands there, stationary, not even moving.

Light said, "Get out, Ryuk!"

Ryuk obediently drifted through the wall. A kind of strange, buzzing euphoria was threatening to overwhelm Light. He almost thought he was going to black out again. He quickly pulled off his pants and underwear, squirted some lotion into his palms from a bottle sitting on the shelves next to the bed, and then returned his hands to his aching, needy cock. Once again, a shock of intense arousal and pleasure went through him at the mere touch.

Light experimentally slid his hands upward, and a sudden, blinding orgasm hit him all at once. He couldn't see, he couldn't think. He was just a shuddering, white-hot point of pleasure for a moment. Then, while he was starting to come back to himself, he felt a distinct sensation of something large sliding out of him. He tried to hold it in, but it was slippery and came out anyway. Light was at once filled with intense shame at the thought of crapping on his bed, and he gingerly moved backwards, trying to withdraw from it without touching it with his legs.

He looked down and could only gape in shock. It wasn't anything normal. It was an egg, slightly smaller than a hen's egg, slightly rounder too, and bluish in color. Light reached out with his fingers, but they passed right through it. He could see the egg, and he had felt it come out, but he couldn't touch it now. The egg was like Ryuk when he went through walls.

Before Light could think what to do, his arousal was suddenly back, as strong as it had ever been. He almost couldn't control his hands as they moved down to stroke himself, and the orgasm was as quick and intense as the previous one. Light was dimly aware of himself crying out, a mindless, instinctual cry. Then, as he began to recover, he felt the same weird thing again. This time four distinct objects left Light's body, and he looked down to see four additional eggs, identical to the first one.

A sense of panic began to overwhelm Light, and he called out, "Ryuk! Come here, Ryuk!"

Ryuk entered through the wall just as another incredible wave of arousal hit Light. Light used all his willpower to avoid touching himself and said, "Ryuk, look at these. You must know about these!"

Ryuk said, "You're laying shinigami eggs. There are going to be a lot of baby shinigami, one for each person you killed with the death note."

Ryuk paused and then said, "You never realized you were using my reproductive organ to kill. And, you've been pregnant since the first name you wrote. Shinigami need humans to reproduce."

Light hissed, "The death note... is your reproductive organ?"

"Yes," Ryuk said, "you really felt something each time you used it, didn't you?"

Light groaned. His hands inched forward. He was losing the battle with his own arousal. Ryuk just floated above him, grinning. Light was going to jerk off in front of Ryuk, and there was nothing Light could do about it. He reached down, grasped himself, and with the smallest slide, the tiniest friction, he was coming again, feeling like he was going insane from the intense pleasure, yet at the same time he was aware enough of his surroundings to see that Ryuk was twisting and moaning, rhythmic pulses moving through his body.

"You bastard," Light said, "what are you doing?"

Just then, two eggs slipped out of Light's body.

Ryuk said, "I feel every single one of your egg-laying orgasms. It's the only way a shinigami can experience that kind of pleasure. We're both going to be having a very long, wonderful night."

Light couldn't answer. His arousal was becoming even more insistent, and he touched himself, feeling that he should be burning with shame but somehow not caring as he released his seed in front of Ryuk and the shinigami shared his sensations. This time a whole bunch of eggs came out of him in a steady stream.

Light tried to calculate how many people he'd killed. Probably over three thousand. And, he seemed to lay a random amount of eggs each time. Even if he could control the number, and laid twenty or so eggs each time, that would be way, way too many orgasms. Light wondered if he could even survive it.

But then, the next part of the cycle was controlling him, building his lust to an irresistible high, and he was helplessly pulled into the same actions once more, him and the shinigami both moaning in pleasure as they climaxed together. This time, Light concentrated and tried to expel as many eggs as he could. Yes, it was a lot of eggs! This could work! And, it was all so hot, a peak of intense sexual bliss, and Light didn't really have a choice anyway, he should just give in. He continued to touch himself and climax, over and over, his brain fogging with both lust and the incredibly sweet feeling of experiencing so many releases in a row.

Light never failed to get hard again instantly, but after the tenth orgasm he started having dry climaxes. There wasn't a drop of semen left in him. Through it all, he tried to concentrate on expelling eggs, as many as possible. The more he let himself go into pure instinctual lust, relaxing fully and giving in to his desires, the more eggs came out.

Light lost his cool, his collected reserve, turning into a panting, sweating mess and dirty talking to Ryuk. He felt a kind of lust toward the shinigami who had brought him such unexpected ecstasy, such an inhuman, secret bliss. No girl had ever made Light feel anything like this. It was their hidden pleasure, a sexual act the world would never know about or understand.

When Light's bed became filled with eggs, Light crawled to the floor and continued climaxing there, crawling around to deposit eggs everywhere. Since he couldn't touch them once they left his body, they stayed wherever they fell. Light's whole body felt like it was on fire now, every nerve tingling, random jolts of electricity shooting down his arms and legs into his fingers and toes. His mind was fraying at the edges, and sometimes Light heard a crazy kind of laughter and only after a few moments realized it was his own, or Light would black out and wake up in a different part of the room, with even more eggs pouring from his ass.

After a long time, he became aware that he was curled up in a fetal position, lying on his side on top of his computer desk. At some point, the computer itself had been pushed off onto the floor, but Light didn't remember doing that. He wasn't worried about it.

He wasn't worried about anything, not the cum encrusting his thighs or the fact that he had no clothing on from the waist down, or that he'd just been repeatedly aroused and satisfied by an otherworldly creature who was both male and incredibly unattractive. Light just lay there in a kind of stunned ecstasy, not really able to think, but feeling vaguely proud of the vast pile of eggs on the bed and the sea of eggs littering the floor. He'd done that. He'd made them.

After another long interval, rational thought appeared in Light's brain once again and he sat up, getting off the desk, wading through the incorporeal eggs and feeling around under them for his clothing.

Light said, "Ryuk, I assume these eggs are invisible to those who haven't touched the death note?"

Ryuk said, "Actually, they are invisible to everyone except you and me. They'll follow you around, too, as if they're all being dragged on the end of a rope."

Light looked at Ryuk, and got a giddy feeling inside. He wanted... something. Was he falling for the shinigami? Rather than follow that train of thought, Light said, "So, we're going to become parents? How soon do they hatch?"

Ryuk said, "It isn't like that. I didn't want to ruin your fun, or mine, so I haven't told you."

Light's eyes narrowed. "Haven't told me what?"

Ryuk said, "Well, you're not what I was expecting when I dropped my death note in the human world. Most people only kill once, or a few times. By the time I first met you, you'd already killed hundreds, so it couldn't be stopped anyway."


All in one mashed-together rush of words, Ryuk said, "The eggs hatch in five days, and then they devour the human parent. Those humans who only lay a few eggs often survive because the babies only take a bite. But, you're going to die."

An intense horror washed through Light's body. His limbs were trembling and his breath was coming out in little gasps. He started stomping on the eggs on the floor, his feet moving directly through them with no effect.

Ryuk said, "It's no use. You can't affect them, and neither can I. Until the young ones swallow a bite of your flesh, they aren't real shinigami and it's like they're on a different plane of existence that either one of us."

"What," Light choked, "what should I do?"

Ryuk shrugged and said, "Figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. If you do kill yourself, though, I'm going to insist that you do it in a way that leaves your flesh intact. I've waited a long time for these little ones and I don't want them to die because you decided to burn up your body or something like that."

Light sat down and thought for a few minutes. He was still shaking inside from the horror of it but, no, he wouldn't be eaten alive. He'd kill himself first. There wasn't much else to do as Kira either. Judging criminals for a few more days wouldn't really accomplish anything.

And, as far as saying goodbye to his friends and family in some kind of big way, that wasn't Light's style. He knew he didn't really care about any of those people. They were either pawns to manipulate or window dressing for his perfect life. They didn't really matter. There was only one person who mattered.

Light said, "I'm going to kill L. He doesn't come to university any more, so I'll need to trade for the shinigami eyes and go see him."

Ryuk said, "Should we do it right now?"

"No," Light said, "I'll give you a signal, like this."

Light made a complex gesture with his hand. Then, he got out his cellphone and dialed L's number. That guy never slept, and he always took calls from Light.

L said, "Yes, Light?"

Light said, "I'm wondering about the progress of the investigation. When do you next want me to come in and help?"

L said, "There's no additional data. That diary sent by the second Kira covers a lot of dates. I don't think we'll get another communication until that plan has succeeded or failed in establishing contact with the original Kira. We won't need you for a week or more."

Light said, "It's a big investigation that's short on personnel. I really want to help, and I'm sure there's something I could do. Just let me come down there. Maybe I can think of a genius plan to catch the second Kira if we brainstorm together."

L said, "This sudden urgency seems suspicious. Considering that the second Kira needs only a face to kill, your desire to see me at once could be a way to expose my identity. I think we should wait until I need you."

Light gritted his teeth. His orgasm-addled brain still wasn't thinking clearly. He should have realized L would consider such a move to be suspicious. He only had five days, he couldn't wait. Well, there was one way to see L, and since keeping his Kira secret wasn't important any more, he could do it.

Light said, "You misunderstand me. This is very important. I think I might be Kira, and I'd like to make a bargain with you. I'll give you a full statement of all the reasons I think I might be Kira, including ones I've hidden before now."

"I understand," L said, "but what do you want in return?"

Light let through his fear about being eaten alive, and his voice broke with emotion as he said, "You have no idea the terror I've been living under. I'm afraid of the second Kira. If you determine me to be Kira, I want an extremely swift execution, within a few days at most."

L was puzzled, but he agreed, and after they worked out the details of the arrangement, Light got himself cleaned and dressed nicely, put his death note into a bag, and left for L's hotel room. On the way there, he kept glancing behind him, seeing the eggs gathered into a huge pile, sliding along after him no matter where he went. He made the shinigami eye deal on the way over. No use holding back now.

Light hesitated outside the door to the hotel suite. This felt so much like defeat. But, it wasn't. He'd take his enemy down with him. He smiled to himself, then erased all emotion from his face, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

All the task force members were waiting there, except L. Light stepped into the room and looked around. He saw L's logo on a laptop monitor, and L's electronic voice said, "I'm sorry I couldn't be there, but considering your behavior I had to take precautions. If you truly are suicidal, then the precautions I've taken in the past are no good. And, if you're not suicidal, then your actions don't make sense."

Light started laughing then. At first, it was a quiet laughter, but soon it became louder, and progressively insane, and then he started thinking about little baby shinigami, his own children, eating him bite by tiny bite, and all the craziness of everything that had happened bled through into his laughter.

He could see the truth on the faces surrounding him, even his own father's face. That laugh, just by itself, had convinced all of them that Light was Kira. He leaned over, bending his knees at the same time, and sank down, crouching on the floor in an almost L-like posture, rocking back and forth, and continued laughing. Now that it had started, he couldn't seem to stop it, though it gradually became less loud, turning into a train of little giggles.

Still giggling, Light said, "They're going to kill me. They're all going to kill me. It was worth it, though."

L said, "Before we begin, please search his bag. He could have a weapon."

Light looked directly at Ryuk and said, "I know you're neutral, but if you have any feelings for me at all, you'll leave the room."

L said, "Everyone should stay here, unless Light wishes his father to leave."

Light said nothing, but he saw Ryuk going through the wall into another hotel suite and relaxed. Light said, "Kira's weapon is in that bag. It's a notebook that kills. I'll show L how it works, but only if he comes here in person."

The investigators took out the death note, looked at the instructions on the inside of the front cover and paged through it to see the names within. They all discussed it and agreed that it seemed like a joke, something any kid could have made. L was confused, but he was not so sure it had to be fake.

Light said, "That thing has many secrets. None of you know much about it. You'd be surprised. I can prove to L that it works."

L said, "We won't allow you to kill just anyone. We can get permission for it to be tested for an execution. Then we'll know if it is real."

Light asked, "How long will that take?"

L said, "Probably a week."

Light groaned. "I don't have a week! The second Kira could find me at any time. There's a way I can prove the notebook's power is real without killing anyone, but I'll only do it for L in person. L is the only one who deserves to defeat me, not these stupid cops. My full confession is also something I'll just give to L, nobody else."

There was a pause, and then one of the doors at the back of the hotel suite opened and L emerged. Light almost wanted to laugh at the guy's name. He'd had half of it all along. L had been using his real first name, confident that nobody would expect him to have a single-letter name. Now, there was just waiting for the right moment of distraction, and Light knew he could create it. Seeing Ryuk for the first time could do that to anyone.

Light said, "Everybody except L has touched the notebook. Let him touch it, and then I'll be able to show you it's real."

L said, "Considering that Kira can kill and control people, it makes me afraid that he might be able to do one of those things to me if I touch the notebook. Since everyone else here has already touched it, I could now be the only one who might be immune to Kira's power. It is entirely possible that Kira knows he has lost and is here on a revenge mission. If he can't kill L, it may be pointless to kill anyone else, so my life preserves the other investigators as well."

Light let out a kind of growl and launched himself over a couch, pulling four times at the knob on his watch as he did so, sliding out a hidden compartment with a scrap of death note. He had half of L's name written down when L kicked his hand and then his face in rapid succession. Light saw the scrap of paper some distance across the floor, but then when he tried to lunge for it, he felt another kick to his head and he passed out.

He woke up in a jail cell two days later. Ryuk was hovering over him, and the eggs, the eggs were everywhere. Then, Light spent hours arguing with L's electronic voice about whether he could get a speedy execution or not. L insisted that, despite the presence of Ryuk and Light's confession of being Kira, the notebook had to be tested first, and it would take two or three more days to procure a suitable victim.

Besides, by trying to kill L, Light hadn't really held up his end of the bargain, and also Light was surely protected from the second Kira now. Additionally, L was quite interested in the idea of arranging for a milder punishment for Light in return for any additional assistance in trapping the second Kira.

Finally, Light said, "Shut up, L!"

Light turned to Ryuk and said, "Ryuk, do you love me enough to kill me? I don't want to die like that."

Ryuk smiled and said, "I was just waiting for you to ask."

Light said, "Then, before I go..."

And Light grabbed Ryuk, pulled him down onto his cot, and passionately kissed him. He fully explored the monster's mouth with his tongue, closing his eyes, tasting and tugging, biting and slurping. Ryuk kissed back exactly the same way, and his mouth was so big it was almost frightening. Light wasn't scared of anything any more. What would ordinarily be fear was now just another jolt of adrenaline to him. Light quickly became almost painfully hard, remembering the night of unbelievable pleasure he'd shared with Ryuk.

L's electronic voice said, "Light, what are you doing?"

Even through the voice filter, Light could detect an incredulous tone. Well, if he couldn't spend his last moments defeating L, he could at least spend them freaking L out. Light began moaning shamelessly, pulled his erection out of his pants, and dry-humped Ryuk noisily and passionately, with plenty of dirty talking, until he came.

Then, as Ryuk wrote Light's name in his death note, Light made an obscene gesture at the camera and said, "Ryuk and I had many children. I hope one of them gets you."

Soon after Kira's death was announced, a video from the second Kira was delivered to Sakura TV. It was a suicide video, saying the second Kira had killed herself in response to Kira being gone. L did not understand why things had unfolded the way they did, and he thought that Light had somehow tricked him, but he was never able to figure out anything about it.

When Light's body disappeared from the morgue, leaving nothing but a smear of Light's blood, L suspected the worst and spent months tracking down every slightest lead in connection to it, with no results. In the end, even though the world considered the Kira case to be solved, to be another example of a closed case in L's unmatched winning streak, L himself never thought so. In L's mind, Kira had managed to somehow defeat him, leaving him a mystery he could never resolve.

A/N (Author's Notes):

Well, once again I've got another kinky one-shot inspired by a suggestion on the death note kinks livejournal community. I had thought this one was going to be super-gross, with Light getting eaten alive, but in the end it turned into a semi-fluffy RyukxLight love thing. I have no idea how that happened. Sometimes stories have a mind of their own. I was really trying to write something horrific and awful.

I know the entire concept of this story doesn't work for a canon Rem and Misa (Rem would never do that to Misa!) so I guess you should imagine that their relationship is different, or maybe that Rem actually made all the kills that were attributed to Misa in canon. Anyway, since this occurs slightly before Rem and Misa are introduced in person, it probably doesn't really matter much.