Pairing: Not giving that away.

A/N: This is a really old thing I wrote a while ago that I just dragged out of a hidden floppy disk. But I loved it then and I love it now. So I hope you enjoy it as well. This came to me at work; I tried to hide from it, but it. But it would not leave me alone.

Disclaimer: Erm I don't own anyone in this story…at all…haha…maniacal laugh.

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The sun was long gone, giving over its domain to the summer moon, a
light breeze tickled the meadow of wild flowers, and crickets chirped
peacefully singing a song of serenity into the night.

Quietly through the trees, lovers walked from opposite directions.
This was a special night. They were to meet up with their lover in
their secret place. Their hearts beat fast thinking of their one true
love. They could feel the breeze breaking through the trees announcing
that they were almost to the clearing. This was where they had always
come to show their love to each other. Love that was often hidden
behind wanton glances and chaste touches.

This was were the two women could be open and share in the love they
had for each other. This was the meadow.

At one end of the clearing a blond walked out of the shadows, the tall
grass tickled her exposed stomach and she felt her heart quicken when
she saw the shadow of her lover from behind the trees.

At the other end a raven haired brunette stepped out of the shadows,
running her tongue across full lips she gasped when she saw the blond
haired beauty.

They took one step after another closer to each other until they were
able to make out each others faces.

Silence…and then the blond spoke.

"Who in Zeus's name are you?"

"Who the hell is Zeus and who the hell are you? Where is Brooke?
What's going on? Why are you dressed like it's the 1300's?"

"I don't know who the hell Brooke is but what have you done to Xena?
Did you hurt her? I swear to the gods I will kill you!"

"With what your stick? Wait your Gabrielle? What the hell are you
doing in this fic? This is strictly a Sam/Brooke fic!"

"In your dreams you half-ass journalist! If you read the pairing line
it clearly states Gabrielle/Xena! Its right their in 12 point Times
New Roman…wait what the hell? `Not Giving That Away'? Narrator get
your ass down here!"

Heh sorry ladies…

"Sorry my ass, if you don't get Brooke here in 5 seconds I swear to
god your name will be all over the Zapruder in the morning!"

"Gods…"

"What?"

"Gods…there are more than one god…"

"Whatever…the point is I will print untrue statements about you
narrator!"

Hey you can't threaten me! I'm the narrator not you!

"Yah well I'm a scribe and she's a journalist. The way I look at it we
can write whatever we want to. This just in! Narrator eats kittens!"

"Hey I see your finger on that backspace key! You hit it I swear to
god I will"

"Gods!"

"Shut up!"

Ok Jesus I'm sorry! Here poof it's Brooke! Poof it's Xena! Happy?

"Yah but could you please get my girlfriend into her cheerleader suit
and out of Xena's armor?"

Oops sorry ladies. Poof…better?

"Much."

"Xena did we miss something?"

"I think so Brooke."

Ok can I finish now?

"Well actually since you're here we have some ideals…"

No way last time I listened to ideals I lost fifty bucks. I'm finishing this!

---Loud trudging noises are heard as a rather irate looking group of off canon Sapphic couples appear in the clearing---

Oh crap.

"Oh crap is right!"

Ladies…what are…all of you doing here?

"We've come to lodge formal complaints."

…-.-…Go ahead then.

"Well first off Alice and I want to know why you are using our Meadow!"

Bella that's hardly fair…it's really Edward's meadow.

"Hey don't talk to her like that!"

Down you evil pixie. Look I'm sorry it's just a meadow. You can't lay claim to it. Next problem.

"Hi, yah I want to know why I always end up the sad broken one, and Faith gets to be the badass."

You're not always the sad broken one.

"Liar! She always is! You never add any depth to my character, I have feelings to!"

Look I'm sorry ok! I promise my next Buffy/Faith pairing will have Faith the broken sad one. Better?

"Hardly! It's always the same in any Torence/Missy ones you do!"

Well that's just not fair. I only wrote one Torence/Missy story.

"Yah and it read like every other story you write. The blonde is always the damsel in distress while the brunette gets to be kickass! I think you have something against blondes!"

So not true! Look at my Bella/Alice. Neither of them are blonde and Bella plays the damsel.

"Oh please that's a crappy argument and you know it. Bella is just naturally a pussy no matter what color her hair is."

"Hey can it cheerleader or I'll rip you limb from limb."

"Oh yah you dumb little fairy? You forget I slay your kind in my other fandom!"

"You and what army Uber-dyke?!"

OH MY GOD! CAN IT YOU BUNCH OF HARPIES! I swear to god you are enough to make me swear off not taking medication to control my hallucinations. Ok here I go! Poof Alice and Bella are in their own damn meadow! Buffy is kick ass while Faith demonstrates her sensitive side! Ditto for Torence and Missy! And the blond and the brunette…and the other blond and brunette lived happily freaking ever after…! Are you all satisfied?!

"…cricket…cricket…"

Hello…oh my god can you guys not make out for more than one paragraph?! I need a drink…how come all my fics are blonds and brunettes?