Chapter 4: HOLY S**T OUR HOUSE IS HAUNTED!
Note: I DEFINATELY do not own "BLEACH" nor Crayon Shinchan. They are both shows on Adult Swim. I decided to go with the Funimation dub.
one more time...
THIS FANFIC IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF
the creator of Crayon Shinchan
"To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis...
he has both..."
Shin wakes up from bed and says, "Carpet Denim! (Carpe diem, which is latin for "Seize the Day") No school today! Time to go outsite and look at the hotties!" Shin is about to walk out of the room until he hears Rukia say, "Hey Shin! Before you go out there screwing around, can you at least get me something to eat... and please don't feed me any more of Whitey's food!"
Shinchan then says, "Who do you think I am lady? The Pizza-man?" Rukia then pounds Shin and then tells him, "Just get me something to eat please... oh and can you help me find some clothes? I mean the last thing I have on me is one of your sister's "onesies"." Sure enough Rukia is wearing a barely fitting baby "onesie" that reads, "Naughty Lil' Girl". Shin drools and says, "Oh you're a naughty girl all right hee hee."
Rukia throws a stuffed Fred Fredburger at Shin as he runs off doing his usual thing.
(A hour later)
Rukia's stomach grumbles and she thinks to herself, "Darn that Shin! Being a bizarre 5-year old pervert is one thing but he forgets my request it's another and I'm so hungry... This might be risky but dammit I need food!" So Rukia's spirit slips out of her gigai as she floats down to the Nohara kitchen. Rukia then opens the fridge and finds some yakitori and sushi. She starts eating them and then she sees a can of what she thinks it's juice.
Rukia picks up the can and reads it, saying, "Hmmm.... "It's just like juice!" What a funny name for a drink... oh well.... down the hatch!" And with that, Rukia downs it.... and Mitzi shows up and to her horror she sees a invisible being drinking Hiro's alcoholic drink. Rukia failed to realize that "It's just like juice!" contains 15 percent alcohol.
Rukia then blushes and thinks to herself, "Hic! That drink shure tashted funny, I think I shall make shcary sounds.... OOOOOOOOHHHHHH! I AM A GHOSHT! OOOHHH!"
Mitzi drops her laundry and screams, "HOLY ASSCRACKERS! OUR HOUSE IS HAUNTED! HELP! GET THE GHOSTBUSTERS, GET GHOST SWEEPER MIKAMI, GET THE HOLY STUDENT COUNCIL, GET YOH ASUKURA GET KITARO, (picks up Hima and runs) GET THAT MIDGET FROM "POLTERGEIST"!"
(Another hour later)
Mitzi realizes that the "ghost fighters" she listed are just fictional characters... except for the ghostbusters and "that midget from Poltergeist". The house is surrounded in police tape and "spirit wards" and strange sounds keep coming from out of there. Suddenly, something flies out of the roof of the Nohara house and it screams in a high pitched voice as it flies to the sky, "HEAD TOWARD THE LIIIIGHT!" Mitzi and Hima then sees a Japanese Ghostbuster leave the house and he tells her, "Who you gonna call?.... Call someone else!" Mitzi then shouts, "Fine with me! I should've hired the New York Ghostbusters... or the other Ghostbusters with the flying car and the gorilla."
Shin comes back with a bag and sees what's going on and asks Mitzi, "Yo Mom! What happened in here? Did Travis the Chimpanzee have his revenge beyond the grave!" Mitzi pounds Shin and says to him, "Now's not the time to be making bad taste jokes about current events, our house is haunted and I have no idea where your father is!"
Hiro shows up drunk and he opens the door to his house, loud screaming is heard and Hiro runs towards Mitzi and says, "Oh...umm... hi Mitzi.... did you know our house is haunted?" Mitzi then frowns and says, "Well no s**t Sherlock and is that beer I smell... did you go drinking with your work buddies again?" Hiro then says, "Ummm.... yeah.... but I got a promotion out of it!" Mitzi cries tears of joy and says, "Oh Hiro! I knew one of these days your days of booze-guzzling would finally pay off... come here you big lug!" Soon Mitzi tells Shin, "Here Shin, hold your baby sister!" And the two start hugging and kissing... this bought Shin enough time to run into the house.
Shin then places Hima on the couch and says, "Looks like a hollow is here! I better "Bleach-out" and fight it!" Then Shin puts on Rukia's glove and punches himself in the head, ejecting his spirit out of his body so he can be a Soul Reaper. Then Shin pulls out his pants and shows Rukia his "little elephant" and she looks confused.
Rukia then says as she puts on a white sheet and a white mask, "Hey, what a fun game... I'll be a hollow and you be the soul reaper... let's wrassle!" Then Rukia starts throwing food at Shin as he dodges it and ends up grabbing Rukia as she shakes around and Shin pulls off the sheet and sees Rukia running around in a white robe and mask. Rukia then performs "the ass dance". Shin looks at her and says, "Hey she looks familiar... I know those boobs anywhere! And you smell like dad after a night at the "Moulin Rouge"."
Shin then fills out a bucket of water and throws it at Rukia. Rukia then screams and yells out, "AAAAhhhhh... I'm melting! Melting! oh what a worl... Hey Where am I? And who's the kid hugging me?" Shin then sees Hima hugging Rukia and says, "Wow, not only were you "fit-shaced" but Hima can see you!" Rukia replies, "Oh no I just remembered something... I left my Gigai just for food and I accidentally drank this funny drink."
Shin looks at the can and says to Rukia, "I know that drink... it made me clean my room and be polite to mommy when I drank it!" Rukia rolls her eyes and tells Shin, "You know, your parents will eventually know about me and I can't hide in your closet like some kind of Evil Monkey... so how can I get out of this one?"
Shin then thinks and comes up with a idea that would convince Hiro and Mitzi that the "ghost" is gone and how to keep Rukia in the house. Suddenly Whitey shows up begging Shin for some treats as Shin returns to his normal self.
(15 minutes later)
Hiro and Mitzi then realize Shin and Hima isn't there but then they see Shin in his Action Bastard costume, Hima, and Whitey "attacking" a white cloaked apparition and Shin then says, "Hey you ectoplasmic scum, if you come back and haunt us we're going to kick your ass!' Hima just runs with a toy gun in her mouth and Whitey just barks at it.
Mitzi then says, "I can't believe it, Shin actually kicked the ghost's ass." Shin then goes up to Mitzi and says, "This house is clean..." While Rukia, dressed in a nice yellow dress and brown boots walks behind him. Mitzi then says, "Umm do we know you?" Shin then says, "Mommy, you know how you said you need extra help around the house and you would pay very little for it?" Mitzi then asks Shin, "Why are you asking me this... and I'm not hiring a gooback for the job!" Hiro replies, "Shin you know we can't trust goobacks,one day they're going to take my job!" a random drunken salaryman walks by shouting, "TAY TURK MAH JERB!" And a rooster just crows.
Rukia then shakes Mitzi's hand and introduces herself as she curtsies, "Hello Mrs. Nohara, My name is Rukia Kuchiki and I am Shin's new teacher at the school, anyway if it isn't much trouble but I just moved here from Kyushutu and I have nowhere to go and nothing to eat so anyway can I stay with you as your housemaid and nanny since I heard how busy you parents must be."
Mitzi thinks and says, "Well as long as you request food and board for your services that would be fine... plus I can't say no to you since you're homeless and you came from Kyushutu... I'm from Kyushutu myself!" Hiro then says, "Well looks like we got ourselves a maid, plus if she is a kindergarden teacher then that means she is good with kids... and would encourage Shin to do his homework instead of scratching his balls and watching "Action Bastard"
(Nighttime at the Nohara house)
Rukia feeds Hima strained carrots while the family has dinner. Rukia then ends up eating cucumbers and eggs much to her delight. Mitzi then says to Rukia, "Ok we set up your futon in Shin's room, that way you can keep a watchful eye on him, plus the baby monitor will let you know if Hima is needed. Rukia then smiles and says, "Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Nohara for your hospitality, your son is a great student.... now if only he could stop showing off his "pet elephant".
After dinner Rukia looks at the TV and she asks Shin, "Umm what is this thing?" Shin replies, "Oh that's a Television, it lets you see cool stuff and tv shows like the ones on Adult Swim, it's pretty awesome!"
Rukia then turns on the TV and it plays a commercial:
The commercial begins with a relaxing scene of a white car driving down a grassy hillside to soothing music. When the car passes behind a large tree, the camera follows. The camera then pans off the tree, but the car is gone. A zombie with a frightening scream then suddenly pops into the scene, scaring the viewer. Then it shows the slogan: "So wach warst du noch nie." (translated "You've never been so awake") and, after a bit, shows the product it advertized, the K-FEE Coffee Turbo Drink.
Rukia was so scared she lets out a fart and blushes. "Shin then says, "I wish they didn't import that German drink, that commercial was so scary that it made you frightened enough to let out some ass gas." Rukia replies, "Shut up Shin! Girls can fart too!" Shin then says, "But why does it smell so rotten?" Rukia then says, "It must've been the eggs, it makes me like this but mostly when frightened."
Shin then says, "Umm Rukia, I got you the eggs and Cucumbers because I knew you'd like them and I'm sorry for feeding you Whitey's food." Rukia smiles and says, "You might be a little stinker but you're so sweet, how about tomorrow we resume your training, until my powers return you're going to have to fight the hollows." Shin then said, "Umm Rukia did you fart again? Rukia then playfully replies, "Maybe..." Shin then says, "Look like I got a taste of my own medicine!
NEXT TIME: Rukia's first day as Shin and Hima's nanny... umm why is Boo talking to a Parakeet? Shouldn't be looking for a new "Phillip"?