Just a little humourous idea I had. I may continue it, but consider it complete for now.
Writing in first person was difficult for me, so i want to apologize if I've slipped into third person and havn't noticed.
I don't own the Suzumiya Haruhi franchize or the characters.
There is a fine line between dreams and nightmares, and sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between the two, especially in the beginning. The sight before me was one of those times when I just wasn't sure which was which. There lay Suzumiya Haruhi, asleep with her head rested on my arm and her legs wrapped around one of mine. She was beautiful, and this scene would've been amazing if not for one small problem.
I had no idea how I got here. The last thing I remember was getting into my bed where I (presumably, you never can remember) fell asleep. I woke up this morning to the feel of Haruhi's mostly naked body pressed against my mostly naked body, and now was confused as hell.
I decided a checklist was in order. First, how dressed was I? A quick check revealed that I was still in the same state of dress as I was when I went to bed, a t-shirt and boxers. Second, how dressed was she? Another, very brief peek under the covers later told me that Haruhi liked to sleep in a t-shirt and panties. This suggested to me that, no, we didn't do anything. It was still possible, but much less likely.
Moving on very quickly, lest such thoughts lead to me accidentally poking Haruhi in the thigh and waking her, something that I decided was to be avoided at the moment. Hey, I'm a healthy teenage male after all. This led to another pressing problem though, Haruhi herself. Was she aware of my presence, or completely oblivious? Would it be best to try and untangle her limbs from my own and exit stage left, or was she expecting to wake up in my arms.
If all those mangas and stories I'd read were any indication this was a rather important decision, as if I make the wrong choice I would be facing a very angry Haruhi. This was something I wanted to avoid for multiple reasons, the first and foremost was that a truly angry Haruhi was one of the things that frequently haunted my nightmares, right alongside knife wielding girls with blue hair. It was just one of those things that was not allowed to happen. Partly because of the consequences to me personally, she would probably behead me for real, and partly due to what might happen to the world as a whole.
Perhaps I should explain that last comment. The SOS Brigade, a fairly innocent school club? I doubt anyone could mistake it for thus. A strange and illegal school club that got up to activities that could only be described with a 'What the hell are they up to now?' or to those more in the know 'What the hell is she up to know?' A much more accurate description I think, but still not entirely true.
The SOS Brigade, aka Saving the world by Overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi's Brigade was a brigade with the sole purpose of finding Aliens, Time Travellers and Espers and playing with them, at least to its founder, the titular Suzumiya Haruhi herself. To the other members, Nagato Yuki, Asahina Mikuru and Koizumi Itsuki and myself, Ta-, oh screw it, just call me Kyon, everyone else does, its purpose was to stop Haruhi from finding out these things really did exist and were standing right in front of her.
Nagato Yuki was a Data Interface from the Integrated Data Sentient Entity sent to observe Suzumiya Haruhi, the chance to achieve Auto-Evolution. Asahina Mikuru was a Time Traveller from the future sent to keep an eye on Suzumiya Haruhi, a source of temporal distortions. Koizumi Itsuki was an Esper whose job was to keep Haruhi entertained to stop her from recreating the universe. Finally, I was just a normal human that had gotten caught up in it all. And finally, Haruhi was a being capable of doing all of the above; she just doesn't know it and it would be for the best if she never finds out.
Too bored and she might re-create the world to be more exciting, too angry and she might just destroy the world, though that was the worst case scenario. Something I for one thought she was wouldn't do, as in the last year she had really matured.
Still, I wasn't going to push my luck.
"Haru-chan, time to get up for school!" a feminine voice called from below, and I froze. Haruhi didn't stir.
This led to another problem, something I hadn't considered earlier, where was I? The now obvious answer was Haruhi's house. For some reason the idea of being caught in bed by Haruhi's parents was frightening, probably because I get the feeling I wouldn't be leaving the house alive if I got caught.
Well, that settled that, I was sneaking out. Slowly removing my arm from beneath her head, I was careful not to wake her as I eased her head back onto the pillow. The legs were harder, but with careful shifting up and off the bed I managed to from myself.
This lead to a new problem, clothes. I had none, and I was most certainly not running all the way to my house in nothing but a t-shirt and boxers. I needed help. I couldn't call my parents; they'd ask too many questions. That left the SOS Brigade. Asahina-san was out of the question, I doubted she could get hold of clothes my size, or better yet the school uniform. Nagato probably could help, but I get the feeling she would be rather upset to find me in this situation. That left Koizumi. This will not be pleasant.
Picking Haruhi's phone from the nearby table, I called Koizumi.
"Ah, Suzumiya-san, what can I do for you so early in the morning?" I could practically see the smile; he's such a kiss ass.
"Koizumi, it's me, I need your help." I whispered.
"Oh, it's quite a surprise to hear from you so early, especially from Suzumiya-san's phone. I wonder what you could be doing together."
Just what are you trying to say! Never mind that, meet me at Haruhi's house, and bring a change of clothes, preferably a school uniform.
"Of course, I'll be right over." Then the line went dead.
You better hurry Koizumi, or this could end badly.
"Haru-chan! You better be getting ready or you'll be late" the voice, presumably Haruhi's mother, called again, this time from just outside the door.
This time she did stir, but thankfully didn't wake up. This was getting dangerous!
Tip-toeing to the window, I was glad to see that it was big enough for me to squeeze through. However, there was one small problem. This wasn't the ground floor, it was the first, meaning it wasn't exactly a short fall.
I cracked open the window in case I needed to make a quick get away, and not a moment to soon. Haruhi's mother was making a third attempt at rousing her daughter, and this one was going to be a little more interactive if the opening of the door was an indication.
I panicked, took one look back and to see a beautiful woman with a very shocked look on her face and I jumped through the window. A heavy landing later, and I quickly limped away, hoping Haruhi and her mother didn't get a good enough look at my retreating form to recognise me. In the end I was just glad Haruhi didn't jump out the window to chase after me.
Twenty minutes later, I spotted a grinning Koizumi, thankfully carrying a full change of clothes, and I waved him over into the garden I was hiding in. He passed me the uniform, taking much too long to avert his eyes than I was comfortable with before finally giving me some privacy. I was just lucky we were more or less the same size.
Now fully dressed, I needed to get home to pick up my stuff, or I would've if Koizumi didn't hand them to me moments later.
How did you get my stuff? What did you do, break into my house?
"Of course not, your mother let me in."
Bastard, what did you tell her?
"Only that you had to leave early and you had forgotten something important that you asked me to pick up. I must admit though, I am curious about why you were with Suzumiya-san in that state of dress."
Again, what exactly are you trying to say. All that happened was I woke up in her room, called you and ran.
"Really, is that all, are you sure?"
Quite sure. Why would that happen though?
"Hmm, do you really not understand, after all she appears to have literally transported you to her room in the middle of the night."
Nope, not a clue.
"I have been sensing a mounting desire in Suzumiya-san lately, and she has continued to grow more frustrated about the issue as time passes, if that helps you in figuring this out."
Nope, I can't say it does.
Koizumi's smile slipped just a bit. "I must say, your ability to ignore the obvious is incredible."
What are you talking about? You make it sound like you already know why this happened.
Koizumi just shook his head and carried on walking.
I arrived way to early this morning, and with the long wait and Koizumi's insistence that he had to go, I decided to take a nice nap on my desk to pass the time.
I woke up to a very painful job in the back and when I turned around to complain I ended up faced to face with an angry Haruhi. Oh shit.
I've got to feign ignorance over everything she mentions about this morning.
"What's wrong with you this morning?"
"My mum thought I had a guy over last night and she didn't believe me when I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently he was my age and he hurt his leg when he ran. If I ever find that perv I'll make him wish he'd never trifled with Suzumiya Haruhi, Brigade Chief."
Is that so, that's too bad. Did she get a good look at him?
"Yeah, she did actually. She said she wants me to introduce her to my male friends at the club, so you better not be late!"
Oh crap, that meeting would not end well.
I'm afraid I can't come to the meeting today.
I don't want to meet your mother because she'll recognise me, but I can't tell you that. I'll just have to settle for my parents needing me at home because they need my help with something.
"If you're not at that meeting it'll look really suspicious."
That's because it is.
"If it's really so important, I guess it can't be helped. I'll just have to bear with my mother's scrutiny until such as time as you two can meet."
I'll dread that day until it comes, and then I'll run away. For today I'll just hope you don't notice my limp.