Character/Pairing: Uhura/Spock, Samara, Amanda, T'Mir, the Enterprise gang
Rating: PG13
Summary: The Enterprise returns home to Earth. Nyota gets surprised by her girlfriends.
Warning: None. Well, human female bonding during pre-marriage rituals.
A/N: Story takes place after Strange Noises. T'Mir is the creation of Jeanne Lorrah from The Vulcan Academy Murders. These aren't my characters, just borrowing. Samara, though, is mine.


Finally, Earth. After five years and some odd weeks, they were finally home. Nyota paused in her transmittal work and turned to look at the main viewscreen. There it was, hanging like a sparkling blue jewel, as breathtaking as ever. As fragile as ever.

The turbolift hissed and McCoy came over as usual to lean against her console while watching the ship approach Starfleet's Space Dock.

'One thousand eight hundred thirty five days, fourteen hours and twenty-six minutes since we were last at Space Dock. Roughly estimating of course.' Spock intoned before stopping abruptly. Although completely impassive to others, he shot Nyota a look she knew to be of pure surprise.

She quickly swiveled back to her console and hid a grin as she continued encrypting the huge load of data that would be downloaded to Starfleet Command. Spock had unwittingly replied aloud to her internal musings. Guess she wasn't the only one getting used to another person in her head.

Kirk sighed, 'Yes, Mr. Spock, roughly estimating of course. Thank you.' He laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back, as if to quell some of his restless energy.

McCoy nudged her and whispered, 'Looks like we're over the USA, Ny, I think I can see your house from here.' He squinted at the viewscreen, 'I see smoke, must be burning a fire to roast the fatted calf. Prodigal daughter and all that.'

She chuckled quietly and poked his leg with her stylus, 'You better watch it, mister. I'll seat you between two of my old lady aunts at the reception and then you'll be sorry.'

Hearing the two banter behind him, Kirk turned in his chair, 'We're almost there, Uhura. We're so close yet so far away.' He laughed, 'So what's the weather like at home?'

'Just stopped raining, partly cloudy, 16 degrees Celsius. Tomorrow high of 27.' She smiled and raised her eyebrows at him.

Kirk sighed again, 'Sounds...pretty good right now.' He turned back to the bridge, 'Okay, people, we've only got a few more days on the ship. So let's make them count.'

Several hours later, Nyota was still at her station reviewing more batches of data that her staff had put together for encryption. With everything going on the last few days, she desperately needed to catch up, as it stood now though she was almost there.

'Nyota, your sister is looking for you.'

Startled, she looked up at Spock who had somehow materialized out of thin air next to her station, 'Oh! I thought you were with the Captain!'

'That was two hours after our shift ended. We have concluded our business. Perhaps you should allow Ensign Ortiz to take over for you?' He looked down at her, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners.

'Well....' She paused and looked over her shoulder at the ensign who arrived hours ago to relieve her of duty. The ensign was a tall young woman with dark hair pulled into a bun and smiling, almond shaped eyes.

'I'm more than happy to continue the download for you, Lieutenant Uhura. If anything should go wrong, I'll be sure to call you.' Ortiz smiled expectantly and came over to stand next to Nyota's chair.

'Ok, Ensign. Thank you.' She smiled back at Ortiz and then left the bridge with Spock.

'Well played, Mr. Spock. I was almost finished though.' She sighed and leaned against the turbolift. She'd been sitting too long in one position and was stiff. She rolled her head trying to get the kinks out of her neck and shoulders.

'Mess Hall.' Spock held on to the turbolift handle, 'Your dedication is commendable Nyota, but you must not overtax yourself. Though I am aware that many officers do so in anticipation of spending as much of the quarantine period engaging in what McCoy refers to as shenanigans.'

She laughed as they got off the lift and headed down the corridor towards the mess hall. Nyota nodded and smiled at some of the crew they passed. 'Well, I'm innocent of that Spock, I really just needed to catch up on my work. But I'm up for any shenanigans you suggest.' She smirked up at him.

'Indeed. I almost have second thoughts in being a party to this.' They stopped in front of the mess hall doors.

'Party to this? To what?' She looked up at him confused.

The doors swooshed open and Nyota jumped at the shouted, 'SURPRISE!', that came from within. She clutched her hand to her breast in shock. Assembled in the mess were many of her female colleagues, all her friends that she had made aboard the Enterprise over five long years. Samara, Amanda and T'Mir were also there, laughing and clapping. Well, not T'Mir. She was clapping and looking around the decorated room with curiousity.

Samara laughed at Nyota's surprised expression and pulled her forward into the hall, 'Yay! Thank you Spock for dragging her down here. I knew she wouldn't listen to me!'

Nyota looked back at Spock, 'Shenanigans! Thank you, Spock!' She laughed and hugged Samara and then the other women who came forward to congratulate her.

'Indeed. Enjoy yourself, Nyota.' Spock excused himself with a lifted eyebrow and a nod towards his mother and T'Mir.

Nyota looked around in awe, her hand still over her breast in shock, 'I am completely surprised you guys. The decorations are fantastic!' There were very deeply purple ballons and streamers festooned around the mess. 'Purple?' She asked in puzzlement. She liked purple, but it wasn't necessarily her favorite color.

'The combined power of Science and Ops!' Someone shouted from the back. Timmons, maybe?

Everyone laughed and the crowd parted somewhat to let Samara and Nyota closer to the front of the room.

Her eyes got big as she looked over a table practically groaning with food, 'And oh my god, that food looks so good!'

'We've been here less than three hours and we managed to get a whole bunch of your favorite foods on board.' Christine walked over and handed her a plate, 'You must be starved, so have something to eat. Let's dig in, girls!' The women cheered.

'Who managed all this?' Nyota scooped out a generous pile of guacamole onto her plate, 'My god, this looks so good.' She picked up a handful of home made chips that were still warm from frying.

'Oh, you know. Scotty has his ways. We put in a few requests and presto, he just beamed it all in here.' Christine took a couple of fried lumpia and put them on her plate on top of the beef teriyaki sticks. 'He knows a guy.' She giggled and licked one of her fingers.

Music started playing from somewhere and more cheers went up further down the food line. The party was starting.

Samara was in front of Nyota and opened a large white chest at the end of the food table. She reached in and grabbed a bottle to hand to Nyota, 'And! Mr. Scott was kind enough to get some appropriate beverages for the occasion.'

Nyota looked down at the cold bottle and laughed, 'Fantastic! Anyone got any limes for this!?'

Forty minutes later, her appetite sated and maybe just a little tipsy, Nyota made her way to each of the tables to chat and thank everyone for coming. She felt guilty that so many of these friendly, open women wouldn't be at her wedding and yet still came by to give her hugs and offers to stay in touch. She felt very loved.

At some point, Rand held up her hands and called for quiet, 'Nyota, I know a lot of us won't be there on the big day, but that didn't stop us from wanting to show how much we loved you. You're such a beautiful, amazing woman, whether finding the time for a chat or just being exceptionally brave in the field. You've been a great example of how we all can excel as women in Starfleet.' She lifted up her beer bottle as others around her raised their's in salute, 'And so, raise your glasses and toast the baddest, smartest motherfucker to ever walk the halls of the Enterprise!!'

The hall erupted in cheers and clapping and a few ululating cries.

Nyota laughed and cringed slightly at the swear, though she imagined that Amanda's heard worse.

'And to getting the Vulcan!' The roars were deafening. 'We did get you a card though.' Rand was laughing breathlessly as she handed Nyota a card in an envelope.

'Oh my god, you guys. I...really, thank you so much for everything!' She was flushed and breathless too from all the laughing she had done. She opened the card and saw it was covered in handwritten well-wishes to her and to Spock. Tears welled in her eyes as she read some of them. There was a plastic card inside as well, 'What's this?'

'That my dear, is a little bit of walking around money. We all pooled some credits together and got you a pre-paid charge card!' Cheers went up again, 'So, after you're sick of all the hot Vulcan sex on the honeymoon, you can go shopping! To Vulcan sex! Vulcan sex! Vulcan sex!'

Guffaws and rhythmic clapping started, followed by the answering chants of 'Vulcan sex! Vulcan sex! Vulcan sex!'

Hiding her face in embarrassment and laughing like crazy, Nyota didn't notice the five Vulcan men who entered the mess hall accompanied by two security officers.

The chants and clapping died down to a dead silence as women started whispering to themselves about the uninvited guests. They were all dressed in plain dark brown robes and were looking around the hall.

Nyota slowly raised her head from her hands to see why everyone had gone so silent. She could see Karelin and DePaul from security flanking the group of Vulcans. Dread formed in the pit of her stomach and her eyes flew to Amanda's face, who only shook her head in confusion.

Samara nudged Nyota forward, 'Go on, ask him what they want, Ny!'

She made her way through the crowd, gently pushing people aside. They must be T'Pau's guards, they were roughly the same muscular build and dress. 'Greetings, how may....'

'You are Nyota Uhura?' The one in front, the tall dark haired one addressed her in Standard, his cold eyes staring down intently at her.

'Yes.' Her eyes moved from his face to the four others behind him. It was amazing how similar their haircuts were, perfect bowlcuts. One of the Vulcans had ears that poked out from his head at a strange angle.

'She who is Spock's wife?'

'Yes....' She couldn't understand what on earth they could possibly want with her, unless T'Pau had meant to give her bad news about Spock or something. She searched the bond, but felt nothing unusual from him.

The tall dark haired one continued, 'Excuse me, madam, you are standing still in a no parking zone.'**

Flabbergasted, she replied, 'Wh...what?'

He stepped closer to her, 'You don't get a move on that body, we'll be forced to give you a ticket!'

Suddenly, the lights went out and the Vulcans shouted, 'So get with it!'

Then, colored lights, blue, pink, white, red flooded the hall and a heavy bass line started before a blasting, poppy beat came on. Nyota was still looking up at the swirling lights and trying to figure out what the hell was going on when Christine's piercing scream ripped through the air.

The Vulcans were in a triangle formation and all of them were frowning and staring at her. The one in front pointed at her. Then, two of his compatriots rushed forward and in a shocking movement, ripped away his robes. Underneath, he was dressed in Science blue. The others then ripped away their robes, also revealing similar Science blue uniforms.

Bewildered and getting a little scared, Nyota looked around the room to see if people were seeing what she was seeing. Rand and Christine suddenly started screaming again and jumping up and down. Slowly, it began to dawn on her what was happening as the lead Vulcan pumped his fist into the air twice.

'Oh no. Please tell me you didn't!' Nyota swung around to face the squealing crowd, eyes wide with a mock horror. She turned back to the Vulcans who had started gyrating in sync with each other. 'Oh my god! They're dancing! The Vulcans are dancing!' She pressed both of her hands to her cheeks, stunned.

Gasps, then more screams punctuated the hall as the lead Vulcan ripped away his blue top, revealing a muscled and bare chest, then started dancing toward Nyota. She shook her head and backed away laughing, 'No! Hell no!' She tried to move away from the dancers, but Samara came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist.

A room filled with almost a hundred screaming women and five stripping Vulcans? It was not a scenario Nyota had ever envisioned happening. Ever. And the noise! The whole ship, and everyone on Earth, could probably hear them.

She was laughing so hard now that tears streamed down her face. Samara had somehow found a chair to sit down on and Nyota was on her lap, held prisoner.

The 'Vulcans' were a very smooth and well rehearsed group of dancers and she wondered who on earth had the idea to hire them. Or how they even managed to get on the ship!

At a critical point in the music, all of the Vulcans gripped the front of their pants and pulled away the final barrier that shielded their well muscled butts and legs from the voracious eyes of the crew women. Well, not quite the final barrier. Not that it had mattered, since they were all wearing barely there thongs. Appreciative hoots and catcalls were made as the dance turned very suggestive.

The men were all very nicely formed, though maybe a little too built up for her taste. Still, it was hard for Nyota to turn away. Their arms were stretched wide again and their hips twisting in time to the music.

She realized suddenly why it was so distracting to be in the same room as Spock when he got naked and started doing suus mahna. His warm up movements were very similar to these dancers. She imagined installing a stripper pole in their quarters and convincing Spock the benefits of trying new forms of exercise. He'd be none the wiser.

Nyota groaned and tried to hide her face again. At the end of their routine, the strippers bowed and the women cheered mightily. Clapping hard for them, Nyota glanced over to Amanda and T'Mir, wondering what on earth they must think. But at least Amanda looked like she was enjoying herself, though she was engaged in deep conversation with T'Mir. No doubt trying to justify an undignified display of human sexuality, one that used faux Vulcans to boot.

She went over to the lead Vulcan and shook his hand, 'Thank you so much for coming, it was a fantastic performance! You definitely got me by surprise. Who hired you? How did you get on the ship?'

The man laughed as he shrugged back into his 'Vulcan' robes, 'Lady Amanda hired us. She asked Captain Kirk if we could come aboard.' He waved over to Amanda who smiled and winked at them.

Nyota laughed, 'Well, isn't that interesting? I hope you can stay for a bit and have some food. We've also got cold beer in the back. Come on, guys!' She waved the others over, who were hastily throwing their robes on in full view of an appreciative and still quite raucous audience.

It was well past three in the morning before the party started winding down. There were still a few hardcore partygoers bopping along to the music. Once the hall lights went up and the music was killed though, they surrendered and made their way to the door.

Between the beer and the extra long shift on the bridge, Nyota was feeling loopy. She waved woozily as the last thirty or forty people left. The dancers had left a couple of hours ago, escorted back to the transporter room by Karelin and DePaul. They were a good group of guys, she thought, professional and friendly. She'd definitely keep them in mind for future parties. Apparently, they did birthdays and had a wide variety of costumes to keep their act fresh. Policemen and doctors were also popular.

All the food and beer had gone a long time ago and, with some crew who volunteered to clean up whistling in the background, she hugged Christine and Janice in thanks for the surprise bachelorette party. Christine hugged her tightly and looked like she was going to say something more to her, but just wished her good-night and left with Janice.

Amanda and T'Mir had gone as well, with only Samara left to sling her arm around Nyota's shoulders as they left the hall. She was surprised Amanda had lasted so long at the party, but clearly the woman had stamina and still enjoyed herself. She'd even partnered with one of the dancers in a twirl around the hall that amused everyone to no end. Nyota wondered if Sarek ever stayed up at night waiting for his wife to come home.

Giggling and singing terribly naughty drinking songs, Samara and Nyota staggered their way to Nyota's quarters.

'You want to crash here, Ny?' Samara whispered as she started hopping around outside her room's door. She had to pee.

Nyota just waved her off and said good-night. When she got to Spock's quarters, she leaned her forehead on the door for a moment before going in, trying to clear her head.

It was dark inside when she stepped into the room. Spock was sitting at his computer, the white light of the screen putting his face in stark relief. He was bare chested and wearing his grey pajama bottoms. He was in mid-sip from a cup of something steaming. Probably tea. Probably waiting up for her.

'Hey, babe!' She grinned stupidly at him. So much for keeping it together, but it was hard to maintain a straight face with him. He looked so damned sexy just sitting there with his muscular shoulders and coolly raised eyebrows. 'Wooo, you missed the action tonight!' She wobbled over to his bed and collapsed on the covers, groaning in exhaustion. 'I am soooo tired!' She sighed and closed her eyes.

She could hear him get up and come over to the bedroom. He started tugging off her boots, letting them drop on the floor. She giggled when his hands reached up under her skirt to slowly peel off her underpants and pantyhose, his fingers lingering along her hips and thighs.

'You are drunk.' He pulled the zipper down and pushed the uniform open and down her arms. He sucked in his breath as she arched her back and wriggled on the bed as she shucked it off and over the side.

'Yes, I'm sorry.' She raised her arms and put her hands behind her head, her eyes sleepy as she grinned up at him. She knew how she must look to him, naked, save for her bra, and stretched out before him like an all you can eat buffet. She laughed. Vegetarian of course.

'There is no need to apologize, the side effects for me are quite stimulating.' His eyes were in shadows, but she knew that they were burning down into her. She could feel them on her skin.

She smiled, 'Did you know about the Vulcan strippers?'

His eyebrows flew up into his bangs, 'Yes, I did. In fact, several people took it upon themselves to inform me of these so-called Vulcan male strippers. The Captain called, Mr Scott called and of course, McCoy called and even suggested that I go down and 'quell the fracas' as he put it. I, of course, knew better than to do such a thing.'

'Bones was just baiting you, babe.'

'Indeed. It is not my place to interfere with human pre-marriage rituals, especially ones approved by the Captain, no matter how raucous they have become. My father then decided to visit me but only to say that my mother had not kept her promise to return to their quarters at a reasonable time. I believe he expected me to do something about it.' He sat on the bed next to her.

Nyota laughed and cradled her sore stomach. She had laughed so much tonight. 'Oh Spock! I don't know how she knew those guys, but they were really great!' She curled up on her side as Spock spooned her from behind and sighed tiredly. 'It was really amazing, Spock. I've been really lucky.'

He softly kissed the back of her neck and whispered, 'Sleep, Nyota.'

His words seemed to worm right into her brain and so she closed her eyes as Spock lulled her into sleep by lightly stroking her arm. 'G'night, Spock.'


A/N: ** With apologies to Midnight Star: No Parking, Baby! And check out my wordpress site where I post some great pics w/ all of my stories.