AN: This is my first Bones fanfiction. Actually, this is the first fanfic that I have released in a few years. Makes me sound a little old but I'm really not. Anyway, I just want to say that I have issues with the whole past/present tense thing (which is not excusable, although I have noticed that it is not uncommon), so beware. There is some sex near the end. I have not watched Season5, Episode 2, so this does not include any information provided by that episode. As a disclaimer, I do not own "Bones" the series or the characters. Please enjoy!
Those Damn Clowns - A "Bones" Fanfic
Clowns. I don't particularly like talking about it but I remember watching "It" when I was only 5. My father, three days into a weeklong binge, decided that it was a kid's movie. I remember my mother protesting but he threatened her and that was the end of that. After that, I couldn't stand them. That is, until my surgery.
There it was, irrefutable evidence that my mind was not completely back to normal. I no longer felt the compulsion to shoot at clowns. And that thought is what has held me back all this time. I have been cowering inside myself for exactly 4 months and 5 days; afraid to let out what is in my heart for fear of it disappearing. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew that Sweets and Cam were right. If I admitted my love for Bones and it somehow wasn't "real", she would never be the same. That wasn't something I was willing to risk. Or maybe it did truly come down to my own fear.
So, here I am, 4 months and 5 days later, standing next to her, the love of my life (or dreams, I'm not sure), interviewing the wife of a murdered Senator. As we begin discussing the rather sensitive details, their baby starts crying. It's as if the poor child knows something is wrong – knows his father will never be coming home. The widow starts tearing up and I pass a quick glance at Bones. Somewhat to my surprise, her eyes are filled with a soft, endearing look. The look of a mother. I have definitely seen that look before, on Rebecca. With Bones, however, it held a thinly veiled longing. It hit me like a brick wall (simply because I'd completely forgotten about it in all the post-surgery heartache); she still wants to be a mother.
The ride back to the lab seemed longer than physically possible. It struck me as painfully ironic that Bones wanted to be a mother so badly and in my dream, she was pregnant. I often relived that scene in my dreams, each time waking up and almost allowing myself to believe that it wasn't just a dream. But even if I allowed myself such delusions, they were dispelled as I became aware of my cold, empty bed and subsequently, my cold, empty apartment. Even further, Bones' professional attitude at work. And yet, the dream would not go away, a constant reminder of my defective mind. Like a clown in my closet (a bad joke, I know).
As I dropped Bones off at the Medico-Legal Lab, she smiled at me while gathering her purse and jacket. I knew that smile. It wasn't the smirk she allowed to creep on her face when I said something she didn't want to admit was funny. It wasn't the bemused grin she portrayed when she finally worked out something particularly confusing on a case. And worst of all, it wasn't the glorious smile she very rarely allowed when she was just downright happy. No, this was the congenial smile she faked when she was trying to hide something. Placing her hand on the door handle, she spoke softly, "Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow?"
It was getting pretty late. However, I knew that this was her way of dismissing me. Telling me she was done with the case for today and she needed some time to think. I nodded but asked, somewhat despite my better judgement, "Are you all right?"
In return, she nodded and got out of the vehicle. Sighing heavily, I decided it was stupid of me to ask. She wouldn't have told me anyway. Once I returned to my office, I buried myself in paperwork until the cleaning lady had begun her nightly rounds. She startled me out of my thoughts when she came in to empty my garbage. Stretching lazily, I glanced at the clock. Quarter after 11. Time flies when you're having fun. In actuality, I knew I'd only accomplished half of what I could have if I'd actually been focused on what I was doing. Despite my best attempts, I couldn't stop thinking about the situation.
She wanted a child, desperately it seems, and some time ago, I agreed to help her. But, at the last moment, I retracted my offer and backed away like a coward. How could I do that to a woman who was so important to me? Dash her hopes like they didn't even matter. What a cad I turned out to be.
As I was driving away from the bureau, I wondered if she had considered going through with the insemination. I mean, my donation was probably still being held for her, why not use it? Of course, I knew she wouldn't do that without my permission. As logical as she was, my Bones would never do something like that. With a sudden burst of inspiration, I turned toward her house. There is no reason she shouldn't have a child – no reason why she shouldn't be happy. I will somehow make it clear to her that she can still use my… sperm.
Standing outside her door, I couldn't seem to slow the rapid beat of my heart. I suppose I was nervous. I'd never specifically asked someone to have my baby. Although, I suppose it isn't entirely the same, considering the circumstances. Maybe this is harder, pretending not to love this amazing woman while merely suggesting that she have my child – purely for her own benefit, of course. Psyching myself up mentally, I knocked on her door. I unconsciously held my breath while waiting for her to answer. Just as I had begun to wonder whether she was home or not, the door opened. Obviously dressed for a night in, she was a vision in a black tank top and dark grey capris. She looked genuinely surprised as she leaned against the door. Clearing my throat, I grinned, "Bones… Uh… Can I come in?"
As if being woken from a dream, she smiled that same smile from earlier and allowed me in. As always, her apartment was in immaculate condition. Judging by the placement of her laptop on the coffee table and half full glass of wine beside it, I figured that I'd interrupted her writing. Taking up her glass of wine, she took a quick sip then asked, with a slight undertone of curiosity, "Can I get you something to drink?"
I glanced up at her from the spot at my feet I'd been staring at. She wants to know why I'm here and in some senses, I want to know the same thing. Shaking my head, I decline the drink and watch her nod slightly as she sat down on the couch by her laptop. Drinking in her delicate features, I could tell she was struggling with something inside. Taking a deep breath, she gazed up at me, "Booth… Why are you here?"
Smirking at her typical straightforwardness, I opened my mouth with a quick quip on my tongue but catching the edge of exhaustion in her eyes, I closed my mouth again. Fumbling for words, I turned my eyes to my clasped hands, "I want to talk to you about something… About something I said before my surgery…"
As I trailed off, I looked up at her with my head still bowed, as though ashamed. Her beautiful eyes were a steely shade of grey that no longer possessed a shred of fatigue. Instead, I saw worry in them and my heart wrenched for her kindness. She asked softly, "What is it Booth?"
As I began to pace back and forth on the other side of her coffee table, I continued to struggle for words, "I know I said if I can't be involved in your child's life, I don't want you to have it… but I think that was the tumour talking. Or maybe it was just because of Stewie. Anyway, it's not fair of me to hold you back from having that happiness in your life. I was being selfish and unfair and I think that you should have a child because I know you'd be a great mother. And what I said outside the O.R. proves that I really don't mind if you want to have a child and you need my… little guys to do that. I understand and I want that for you…"
Putting her hands up to stop my ramblings, she gave me a bemused smile, "Booth, you're not making any sense. Slow down."
Running a hand through my hair, I gulped, "I want you to have my baby."
Eyebrows raised, she simply stared at me, assessing me and the situation. After what felt like an eternity, she chuckled, "Booth…"
Now it was my turn to stop her, "Bones, wait. Just wait. I know that came out wrong. Just listen for a second. Please," I paused to ensure she was going to listen, "Okay. I think there is no reason for you to not have a child. I agreed to help you with this and I don't want to go back on my promise."
Readjusting on the couch, she didn't say anything for a moment. I knew she was analyzing my words and deciding upon the most forthright response, as rational as ever. After another quick sip from her wine, she sighed, "Booth. I'm not sure why you think you've broken a promise to me. I gave you the choice if you were uncomfortable with providing your semen. You feel a need to be connected; I can't and wouldn't change that."
Taking a deep breath, I ceased pacing and sat down beside her on the couch. Facing her, I rubbed my hands together, trying to focus on how to make her understand, "Then accept it and let me."
Her brows furrowed at this and she asked what I meant, to which I responded simply, "Let me be a father to the baby. You can be the primary parent but I just want some… rights. That way, we both get what we want."
Well, I mostly get what I want anyway. She shook her head and smiled congenially, "Booth, what makes you think I still want a child? I have thought about it recently and I realize that in actuality, I am too busy for a child at this stage in my life. I work insane hours at the Jeffersonian, I spend all my time outside of work writing my books and every holiday I get, I go to third world countries to identify remains. How would that work with a child?"
"Well, that's what I would be here for," I responded eagerly, "It's just like with any other parents. It's about sharing the responsibility."
Seeming somewhat startled by something I'd said, she held my gaze and for the first time in quite a while, I couldn't read her expression. Losing myself in her eyes, I found my mouth moving of its own accord, "It's logical. You want a child. I can help you with that. And, I can be there when you need help. It's a win-win situation."
After trailing off, she continued to gaze at me as though she was assessing my seriousness. Biting my lip, I desperately hoped she didn't think I was crazy. At the same time I wondered if she knew that I still fancied myself in love with her. Those damn clowns kept me as confused as ever. Finally she broke the silence, "Are you sure about this?"
My heart leapt into my throat, "Are you saying you agree?"
Looking down at her hands, she mumbled something that I couldn't quite understand but just as I was about to ask what she'd said, she interrupted, "I'm saying that… We should decide upon clearly developed parameters if we expect this to work. For one, I want to create a schedule of various learning activities and we would have to-"
"So that's a yes?" I exclaimed.
Chuckling a little at my outburst, she nodded, "I think so. You made some very excellent points about sharing time and responsibility. Plus, you already have a son and would have valuable knowledge on early development that I would only be able to read about."
Smirking in my trademark way, I couldn't resist pulling her close for a hug. She tensed ever so slightly at first but relaxed into the embrace after a moment. As happy as I was about her acceptance, in my heart, I knew it would be hard to not show how much I still love her. Having her in my arms, the woman who was going to have my second child, just felt… so right.
"Umm… Booth?" She asked from our embrace, "Are you going to let me go?"
Never, I thought as I pulled back.
And so we sat for hours, talking about the various possibilities for early learning techniques and products that would be essential for both of us to have. We talked about parameters for our personal relationship as well, which was particularly painful for me when she brought up the fact that we would have to remain a partnership, not a relationship; meaning that we were not making a romantic commitment to each other. Of course, she was the only one that wasn't making a romantic commitment but I wasn't going to point that out to her lest I scare her off. All the while, I kept trying to convince myself that I was doing this for her, not for myself.
Finally when it was close to 3:30am, she ushered me to the door. Just before putting my shoes on, I turned to say goodbye. She had this small but wonderful smile on her face that melted my insides. It was the first time that I'd seen her so truly content in a long time. It left me wishing that I wasn't going home but rather that I was already home, here with her, like in my dream. Allowing my heart to pretend, I reached out and brushed a strand of her hair out of her eyes and whispered, "You're going to be a great mother."
Tears sprang to her eyes and she smiled shyly. This response was so different from that of when we'd originally talked about having a child. My hopeful mind couldn't help but wonder what had changed. Placing my hands on either side of her face, I smiled fully, "We're going to have a baby."
As she laughed softly at my child-like enthusiasm, I felt something take over my body and I kissed her. I knew it caught her off guard because at first she didn't move. I ran my hands through her hair and waited for her to push me away. To my surprise, she didn't. In fact, a moment later, she was kissing me back. Swept up in the moment, I pulled her tight against me, refusing to release her. Before I knew it, I had backed her against the wall, still in the hallway, and our lips had refused to separate. She ran her hands slowly down my chest to where I'd tucked in my white dress shirt. Yanking the bottom free, she deftly began unbuttoning it. My hands found their way under the bottom of her tank top and roamed the impossibly soft skin on her lower back. It wasn't until my shirt was on the floor that we pulled our lips apart and stared at each other.
For twice in one day, I simply couldn't read her expression and cold fear swept over me, "Bones… I'm – I…"
Taking a step closer to me, she pressed her body against mine again – the warmth of which was not lost upon me. Snaking her arms around my neck, she silenced me with a kiss. Not one to refuse this woman, the woman I know I love more than anything else in this world (maybe even tied with Parker), I flicked my tongue against hers and was rewarded with a soft but spine shivering moan from deep in her throat. Unable to hold back any longer, I gathered her up in my arms and headed to her bedroom. I knew where it was and yet I realized that I'd never actually been inside. In this particular moment, however, the décor was completely lost upon me. My concern and interest lie solely upon Bones.
Setting her down once we'd reached her room, I again tried to speak, "Are you su-"
This time, she cut me off by pressing a finger to my lips. Apparently she was intent on not talking about this. Once she was fairly certain that I was not going to continue to try to talk more, she traced her hands languidly down my bare chest and rested upon my "Cocky" belt buckle. The anticipation was killing me but I let her take my belt off with slow, deliberate movements. By the time my pants had hit the floor, I had my lips crushing hers again. We paused only in the removal of clothing until she and I were both down to our last pieces.
Pushing away from my kisses, she moved over to the bed and lay down. Locking her gaze upon mine, she waited. I knew what she meant by this quick intermission. This was my last chance to decide. I could walk away now and nothing would change between us. Or I could stay and have even just a glimpse of what I had in my dreams. There was absolutely no other choice in my mind, crossing a line or not, I was not about to leave her.
Using the same conscious motions she had, I crawled onto the bed and positioned myself on top of her, between her beautiful legs, careful not to crush her lean frame under mine. I rested my elbows on the bed to hold my upper body up and allowed my pelvis to rest against hers. The warmth of her skin against mine made me shiver in anticipation. She giggled at this and ran a foot along the back of my leg. I'd never heard Bones giggle before, so it caught me unawares. Ignoring my somewhat puzzled expression, she reacted up and connected our lips. Engulfed in sheer passion, we removed the last barriers of clothing and set about making a baby.
Although I knew she wasn't shy about sex and the like, it amazed me how good she was at it. I paused before entering her and asked that silent question. She nodded and smiled. And when I did thrust into her, she didn't cry out but rather, she gasped and raked her fingers across my shoulders. I lowered myself and whispered between kisses placed in a meandering path along her neck and collarbone, "Temperance… You feel…"
I trailed off, as she moaned into my ear. Apparently she had a very sensitive neck. In any case, it wasn't long before my thrusts became more quick and our kisses more fervent. She cried out my name a few times, which served only to heighten my arousal immensely. Before long, I felt the intense wave of orgasm and spent myself inside her. Frozen in that moment, we remained still as we mutually tried to catch our breath. Sweat glistened on her alabaster skin, visible only due to the light provided by the moon sneaking through her blinds. Once we finally regained control of ourselves, I pulled out of her and fell onto the bed next to her. Turning towards me, she smiled and traced along my jaw. My heart skipped a beat and I pulled her close. When she didn't protest, I kissed her softly, hoping that on some level she understood that I meant to be by her side forever. Without speaking, she curled up against me and seemed to drift off to sleep. It wasn't long until I joined her but as I was succumbing to exhaustion, I couldn't help but think that I'd never dreamt that she would be a cuddler.
It was sometime within that passionate, whirlwind of a night that I realized no matter how I felt toward clowns, I would always be in love with Temperance Brennan.
AN #2: I am leaving this as a one-shot for now. I have an idea to continue the story and I might if there is an interest in it. Please feel free to review, even criticism (although, I will likely ignore flames). Thanks!