This Chapter is called 6a because it is 1:00am and ZnsI is exhausted due to sugar depletion. Thank you for your patience in our lack of updating, and we hope you enjoy this next installment of this wondrous concoction that we call a story.
Do not own: Zelda, Star Wars, Toy Story, Legend of the Seeker, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Robin Hood... unless there is a huge twist at the end of this story... which there won't be. :'(
Thank you to NobodyAtAll, an anonymous reviewer, who gave us a good idea that we here at ZnsI are grateful that we were able to use and hope it is to your satisfaction.
Chapter 6: The Long Awaited... Play?
Sheriff of Nottingham...Naborru
Prince John...King Zora
Allen of Dale...Ruto
Forore stood on the stage, beaming at her sisters in the audience. The clear crisp sky shone upon her on this wonderful occasion. Nothing could make this day go bad- nothing. nothing. nothing nothing... With these thoughts, Forore turned to the side stage and saw Sheik playing oh so nicely with Link. He smiled so joyfully as he stood over Link, axe raised. And Link practiced his cowering for the play. Forore thought to herself that it was a good thing that he had gone to the bathroom before the play... though it would have been nicer if he had used a toilet. She honestly hoped it would dry before the play started, because that would be embarrassing... for her, though this new side of Sheik was sightly more enthusiastic about performing this play than formerly usual.
The goddess called for attention. She had chosen this day, the form of a man clad in black and a cap... she felt so emotionally charged when dressed as a dying artist. "Ladies and gentlemen... and a king... and the two most bestest sisters in the immortal world that I know, I am proud to present on the this glorious day a ravishing play, both riveting and another big word that I can't think of right now. This superfulous acting of these fantasamatic people will cause you to feel splediferous!" Her voice boomed throughout the theatre and pierced the actors skulls.
Sheik had climbed his way up to the balcony, a noose around Link's neck, and dangled his enemy over the edge. When he heard Forore's words, he paused in his work. His grip loosened and Link thudded onto the stage next to Forore.
She looked at him, "Um, Link... what are you doing?"
"I fell," Link coughed. "What are you doing?"
"Talking..." Forore sighed. "We're not supposed to start yet."
Sheik jumped down from the balcony. "I'll handle this." He said and pulled Link offstage.
"Well, thank you..." Forore beamed. "I have no idea why people say you're rude and selfish. You've been nothing but kind to Link."
Forore returned to audience. "Please enjoy this marvelous rendition of "Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrobin Hood And His Merry Men!""
For the sanity of all involved, please take note of the play bill, which is conveniently located at the top of this document. The narration of this play will be using the names of the actors, rather than the characters... for sanity sake. if you are confused, refer back to this play bill at any point in time. If you can't figure it out, that there is no hope for you and you should probably not read the play. Sincerely, ZnsI... but I hope you can figure it out... it makes the rest of the story make SO much more sense.
Curtain opens on a scene, Durana and Sheik are in a tent, war clad and dirty.
Durana held his head high. He spoke loud and obnoxiously: "This War Will Never End!"
Sheik sighed in damusment. "Yes it will, King Richard the Lion Heart. Because this play will eventually end."
"Yes, But Until It Does," He boomed over dramatically, "This War Will Never End!"
Sheik blinked. "That makes no sense, King Richard the Lion Heart."
"But Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, Should We Not Continue-?"
"That would only prolong the play, King Richard the Lion Heart." Sheik droned.
Suddenly, and without any prior knowledge on the part of the participants, a strange shadow enters the tent which is on a stage. This shadow moved in the shadows and eventually made it across the room to where the two Men of England stood. And then, suddenly and with prior knowledge on the part of at least ONE participant, Sheik tripped the shadow... delightedly.
"Oh no..." Sheik groused. "I have stumbled upon a deadly assassin whom I have never seen before, and who I will never see again... oh dear. What will he do now that he is in the tent with the King of England, Richard the Lion Heart? Shall I kill him?"
The shadow stood. Durana backed away, overly terrified. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, This Assassin May Kill Me. You Must Kill Him First."
Sheik stood and the shadow drew a knife and advanced upon Durana. He thumped over and pulled the shadow back by the neck of his robes. "Be gone, you monstrous fiend." And fled because he was convincingly terrified of Sheik.
Durana beamed at his savior. "Oh Great Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, Thank For Saving My Life From That Very Real Assassin."
Sheik shrugged. "Because you were in real peril, King Righard the Lion Heart. The script says that I would give my life up to save yours. I don't see why... I wouldn't, but that's just me."
Durana took out his very real looking cardboard sword (which was sort of bent in the middle because he used it earlier to cut melted butter. Din, about this time, looked down at her toast and wondered why there were bits of cardboard sticking out of it) "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington-"
"You keep using that title... I don't think it means what you think it means."
"What Do You Mean By That, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington?"
Sheik paused, "It's not my place to argue with you, oh Lord of Dunderheads. I will not presume to lecture such a rock-brain like the King of England, Richard the Lion Heart."
Durana: "You Presume Much. I Happen To Like Lectures!"
Sheik: "You don't pay me enough to lecture you!" His voice began to raise.
Farorer stepped onto the stage. "Um, guys," She said, "Improv is good, but now is not the time."
Sheik: "You don't pay me enough to Improv!"
Farorer frowned. "I'm not paying you at all."
Farorer's frown grew angrier. "Back to the script, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington!"
"NO!" Sheik said loudly.
Farorer, in her rage, picked up a spare copy of the script that had conveniently been placed near her and threw it at Sheik. "Yes!"
"Fine!" Durana added.
Farorer left the stage and the play continued. "Such enthusiasm," She mumbled happily. "I'll have to curtail that."
Durana sighed. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, With This Sword (and at about here, Din figured that she rather liked the taste of cardboard toast with jam) I Symbolically Cut The Binds That Keep You Here In This Strange Land. Return To England And Be A Wonderful Warrior There."
Sheik blinked- "Finally." And he trudged off the stage.
Farorer looked down at a copy of the script and found several pages of it were torn out.
Sheik knocked on a door and Malon answered it. "Hello Lady Marion. How are you this fine day where the sun is out and shining out your face making you look sweaty and other possible insults."
Malon smiled. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, It's good to see that you are enjoying this as much as I am. But, I must ask, why are you here, for it is written in the script that I do not know why you are here, even though everyone in the audience and on the stage already knows what the answer is."
The crowd laughed enthusiastically.
"How was that funny?" Sheik asked.
Malon pointed to Indigo who was holding up call cards. "He thinks this is a sitcom."
Sheik turned back to her, "Actually, can I get a cup of sugar? And I need some rope and an axe."
"I'm making a cake for Link- I mean Sir Guy of Gisborne. It only makes sense because he is an indubitable friend of mine and I know he would never ever do anything to make me be homeless or angry at the the government of this land." And Sheik coughed.
Malon sighed. "Of course, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington. Here," She handed him a cup filled with a white grain. "I don't remember which of these buckets hold the sugar and which came from the apothecary."
Sheik smiled. "That's fine, you're a true friend, and only a friend. I think of you in no other way."
The audience aww'd. Indigo smiled at his success in his new job as calling-card holder.
"That was in no way romantic!" Sheik told them.
Then the set changed to the inside of Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington's house and SCENE 3 happens.
Link showed up at his door. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, I heard there was a party and that you sent out an invitation to me but it got lost in the mail. I assumed that you wanted me to come and thus I came."
Sheik frowned. "Sir Guy of Gisborne, I hate you."
Link frowned. "The feeling is mutual, I assure you."
The lights dimmed and then they lightened (different word necessary but unfound). Sheik's house is then filled with various people who are laughing and talking and doing other various things that are pretty boring if you really think about it. Someone in the corner was obviously so bored that they fell asleep... or died. One of the two. Either way, at the end of this scene, they still had not rose to participate. Farorer also became bored, and threw a stale doughnut at Malon. Malon, who thought that it was Sheik who thew the stale doughnut at her, threw banana peal at Sheik. Sheik, obviously, assumed that the banana peal came from the hand of Link (even though, he was surprised that Link's aim was so accurate) and, in turn shoved Link's face in a pie. This caused everyone on the stage to pause. Someone... probably Farorer... shouted "FOOD FIGHT!" And, unless you live under a rock, I'm sure that you understand the concept and I don't need to explain every detail of every person's attempt to throw things at other people. The person who was asleep, or dead, remained asleep, or dead, though several things of a reddish brown color landed on his or her head.
One instance that I think I should tell you about is an instance that involved Link, Sheik, a banana peal and a chair- an innocent chair that was just idly standing by, waiting for someone to move it's four legs for it. This poor chair just happened to be stationed next to the culprit banana peal. This banana peal had fallen at just the right spot so that Link, trying to avoid Sheik's death grip, tripped over this banana peal and slid onto the chair. He did some sort of double back flip triple twist with a cherry dipped cone that was 3.25 at you not so local ice cream store and pushed the chair out from under him and he landed on his feet- which fell on the same banana peal that Link slipped back and fell into the strong loving and helpful arms of Sheik, who slammed him against the wall.
Because Link pushed this chair, Malon found her self suddenly sitting and sliding toward another person on the stage who is so unimportant that we won't talk about him at all, or the fact that he wasn't even a part of the play and Farorer had actually brought him over from Tatooine, and well, most people know the story from Luke Skywalker's point of view.
Suddenly there was a pounding on the door. Link froze against the wall, Sheik stopped hitting him against the wall. Malon stopped talking to the strange man from Tatooine about the love of his life dying in her giving birth to the two children he would eventually try to kill, and or maim. And this man from Tatooine tried to do something, but failed dramatically because he's winy and ought to be put in time out.
"Who's that?" someone asked.
"It can't be!" Someone said.
"Can it be?" Someone asked.
"Should someone get the door?" Someone pointed out.
Slowly, slowly, oh so slowly all the someones moved toward the door, creeping and tiptoeing loudly.
The person at the door said loudly: "Did someone order from Pizza Planet? The Zurg Special? With fried Buzz Lightyear Wings?"
And then, it was open season on the random pizza delivery guy. This poor boy fled through the Rabbit Hole from whence he came, abandoning the due payment on the Zurg Special with the Buzz Lightyear Wings from Pizza Planet.
As they gobbled down that Pizza Planet Zurg Special with Buzz Lightyear Wings, no one noticed Naborru approach them silently. She cleared her throat.
Everyone stood and screamed: "AHHH! HOT HOT HOT HOT! TOO SPICY AHHH!"
Naborru smiled. "Is that my pizza you are eating?"
Everyone paused and teared up, some from spicy hotness of the Wings, and some from the spicy hotness of Naborru. "No..." Someone ventured.
"Where's the toy? The Zurg Special comes with the toys. I want the toy. Give me the toy. I am Vaisey, Sheriff of Nottingham. I want my toy- do I share? A clue: no."
Malon held up a package. "Here's the toy, Vaisey, Sheriff of Nottingham. We apologize about the pizza."
Naborru smiled and opened the package. The lightsaber flashed open and hummed dramatically. "Mwahahahahahahaha! My collection is now complete!" She laughed. "And now, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, I am evicting you from your lands so you can feed off of the wondrous loyalty of your people and build a resistance against me and ultimately over throw me and my minions! Mwahahahahahaha!" She pointed her lightsaber at Sheik. "You are now Robin Hood, Former Lord of Locksley and the Former Earl of Huntington. Much more impressive title, don't you think?"
Link: "No I don't think-"
"We know that!" Sheik said.
Naborru: "This is why you overthrow me, and this is why Guy fails me!"
She and Link walked to the side of the stage where no one except for the audience could hear them- which probably means that everyone else could hear them too. "Sir Guy of Gisborne, I want you to follow Robin Hood, Former Lord of Locksley and the Former Earl of Huntington around until you can infiltrate his ranks, find out some amazingly useful information and then report back to me only to have yourself eventually killed by Robin Hood, Former Lord of Locksley and the Former Earl of Huntington because you betrayed him."
And for the sake of time, there is a sudden following of drunken men and women that Link was able to infiltrate, which is not difficult to do when they are all drunk all the time.
This particular drunken night, they were standing around toilets and singing and dancing: "We re men, we re men in tights." Mido poked Link in the face. "We roam around the forest looking for fights." Impa punched him. "We re men, we re men in tight." Zelda became offended because she is not a man... we think. Haven't had a chance to check. "We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that s right!" To which Zelda cried, because she herself is rich. "We may look like sissies!" Ruto becomes offended by this because she is not a sissy, and took her anger out on her husband, Link, who refuses to acknowledge their relationship. "But watch what you say, or else we ll put out your lights." Ruto covered his face and Link accidental stepped in dog-do. "We re men, we re men in tights." Mido, who found earlier that he couldn't reach Link's face as well as he wanted to, decided to kick Link in the shin. "Always on guard, defending the people s rights." Here Link failed to protect his rights as a La?" Ganon here, found it necessary to hold Link down whilst he attempted to sing soprano. If you has ever experienced a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, then you know how Link felt. "We re men manly men, we re men in tights. yes We roam around the forest looking for fights." There was a near dog pile upon Link at this point. "We re men, we re men in tight. We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that s right! We may look like pansies," Zelda shouted loudly: "But I'm Not A Pansy!" "but look at us wrong, or else we ll put out your lights." Ruto and Impa paused, think over the logic of that statement. "We re men, we re men in tights TIGHT tights Always on guard, defending the people s rights. When your in a fix, just call on the men in tights! We re butch!" -Except for Link! Sheik said.
"I don't pay them to do that," Sheik promised the audience, who sniffled quietly at Indigo's command.
And as these strange men/women finished the 1,258th round of that song, a strange shadowey animal pet thing that might have been a muskrat, but probably wasn't because it talks, (ChaosMaiden wants it to be Pumba, Zeta thinks she means Timon. ChaosMaiden scowled and sulked) showed up.