The importance of being honest

'Pick up, Nate. Pick-up, pick-up, pick-up.'

"Fuck." Brenda killed the call before he could and hurled the phone onto the bed. Her mother had been right; she had her own demons to face and "sweetheart, there is a legion." "Fuck." She said again. She'd had her first proper relationship since high school, and now she'd messed it up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" This wasn't fair. 'Stupid prostitute.' This was her fault, though, all her fault. 'Stupid Lisa woman, seducing my Nate.' That wasn't fair either; the girl was probably the unlucky one, enthralled to Nate's unhealthy attractiveness. No, it was her fault for sleeping with those two guys… and that couple, and that person who gave a lecture on the lie of romance or whatever.

She picked up the phone again and spoke aloud to the dial tone

"Please, Nate, please just pick up."

"Hi, this is Nate Fisher; I can't pick-up right now, so leave a message. Okay?" She let out a sob, throwing the phone again. She didn't bother with words, she just screamed. She didn't even bother with tears because there were none left. She needed somebody else to blame for this, somebody else to hate for all eternity, but in the end she was the one responsible.

"Why did it feel so good when they left?" That book. That had been her project. Was she trying to self-destruct? It was like that novel had spoken to her from the computer screen and forced her to do what she did. This was so humiliating on so many levels. Ruth's prejudice had been for good reason. She'd fucked him in the airport supply closet, and she'd fucked him where the grievers normally sat 'well, almost fucked him; I would have done if she hadn't interrupted.' That was just the thing though. That was the girl she was, really, the one who slept with anonymous people in anonymous places and never ever called back. Except she had, because she'd had to. No: she'd called him back because she'd loved him. Okay, maybe not then, but soon after. He was different, and he'd said he'd changed when he met her. He'd lied though. They both had. All the way through their relationship, they'd lied to each other and themselves about who they really were. People change, but not often because it was just so much easier to stay static. She went back to the previous thought 'I loved him.' She let out another heart-rending howl and fresh tears formed anew. 'I love him.' And now it was all over, forever.