Author's Note: I'd like to dedicate this oneshot to all of the Cutters fans out there. :D This is for you guys. I really hope you like it. Please be sure to tell me in a review!
Disclaimer: South Park © Matt and Trey/Comedy Central.
Cartman stared Butters down from across the lunch table. His glare was so heated that Butters could practically see the flames blazing in his pupils. He narrowed his eyes into two dangerous slits. "I swear to God, Butters," he began in an extremely threatening voice, "if you tell anyone about this, I'll fucking murder you. Understand?"
"H-Huh?" Butter asked, clacking his knuckles together the way he usually did whenever he was nervous.
Cartman's intense gaze grew even fiercer. "You heard me, asshole," he replied, maintaining the ominous tone in his voice.
The terrified blonde boy gulped. "Well, gee, Eric, w-what makes you think I would tell anybody?" he asked innocently. "Don't ya trust me?"
"What the hell makes you think I can fucking trust you, Butters?!" Cartman snapped.
Butters instinctively winced back in fear. "W-Well, 'cause, I'm great at keepin' secrets. Honest!" he sheepishly tried to convince him.
Cartman, however, wasn't buying it for a second. "Oh, please, that's total bullshit!" he shouted. "Remember that time you showed everyone that video of me dressed up as Britney Spears and dancing with a Justin Timberlake cut-out?"
Butters' face started to flush out of guilt. "Well, y-yeah, but-"
"But nothing!" Cartman interrupted, slapping his hands on the table and rising up from his seat. He pointed his finger accusingly at the naïve boy. "What you did was unforgivable, Butters!" he said harshly. "I mean, seriouslah, I thought we were friends!"
"Of course we're friends!" Butters said quickly.
"Then you'd better not tell anybody, or so help me God, Butters, I'll kill you in your sleep," he warned. "I'll sneak into your room in the middle of the night, kill you, and then, when you wake up the next morning, you'll be dead."
Butters stopped bumping his knuckles back and forth. "But Eric, if you kill me in my sleep, my parents will ground me!" he protested.
The plump boy let out an angry sigh. "I don't care, Butters!" he said impatiently. "Just promise me you won't tell."
"I-I already said that I wouldn't tell, Eric!" Butters said, now worrying about whether or not Cartman actually believed him.
"Good," his friend said, much to Butters' relief. He slowly sat back down again.
After that, the two boys fell silent. Cartman returned to devouring his lunch, while Butters seemed to have lost his appetite. He absentmindedly stared at Cartman without saying another word. Eventually Cartman noticed the look Butters was giving him and immediately became irritated by it.
"What?" Cartman demanded.
"N-Nothing, it's just that," Butters said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, I… I really don't see what the big deal is. I mean, so what if you're gay?"
"SHHHH!" Cartman shushed as he quickly jumped up to clamp a hand over Butters' mouth. "Shut the fuck up!" he commanded in a loud whisper.
"S-Sorry," Butters mumbled, his mouth being forcefully pressed underneath Cartman's hand.
"It is a big deal," Cartman hissed. "If those guys ever found out…"
"What guys?" Butters inquired in his muffled voice.
"You know, those assholes I always hang out with!" Cartman said hastily. "Stan, Kenny, and Kahl!"
"O-Oh, right," Butters said.
Cartman finally took his hand away from Butters' mouth. "Yeah," he said, "if any of them ever found out that I was… you know… they'd fucking rip on me for the rest of my life!" He paused and mumbled to himself, "Especially that no good, fucking Jew rat…" He trailed off from there, his mind beginning to wander.
"W-Well, if they really were your friends, they'd learn to accept you for bein'… uh…" Butters stopped, pondering another way to say it. "For bein' queer."
Cartman put a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. "Butters, Goddammit," he said in a disappointing tone.
"Honestly, Eric, what's so bad about it?" Butters wanted to know. "I mean, deep down, I think everyone is a little bi-curious. I know I am."
Cartman opened his eyes. "You're just a fag, Butters," he said matter-of-factly. He brought his arm down and rested it on the table. "Believe me, I know a fag when I see one."
"O-Oh," Butters said meekly. He began knocking his knuckles side to side again.
"Look, all I'm asking is that you don't say anything. Alright?" Cartman pleaded.
"A-Alright, but… if I promise not to tell anybody, then I'd like somethin' in return," Butters said.
Cartman was taken aback by this. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked curiously.
"I-I want you to do somethin' for me," Butters explained.
"The hell?" Cartman asked, tilting his head to one side. "No way, fuck that! You can't blackmail me, you sneaky little son of a bitch!"
"It's not blackmail, Eric!" Butters reasoned. "It's just a little favor, that's all."
Cartman rolled his eyes. He was becoming increasingly more annoyed by the second. "Fine, what?" he asked, finally giving up.
Butters suddenly averted his gaze from Cartman and looked down at the food sitting in front of him. He had something in mind, but he was severely afraid to actually come out and ask for it.
"Goddammit, what?!" Cartman yelled, pounding his oversized fists on the table. "Just fucking tell me already!"
"Okay, okay!" Butters said frantically. He took a deep breath. "I… I want you to…" He could feel his face getting hotter as he muttered these next few words: "Give me a k-kiss."
Cartman nearly fell out of his seat. "WHAT?!" he screeched.
Butters' face was completely red now. "Y-You heard me, Eric," he stammered.
Cartman's entire body went numb as he simply gawked at Butters. He tried his absolute hardest to consider his other options, but he was coming up empty handed. He came to the unfortunate realization that if this was the only way he could be sure that Butters wouldn't reveal his secret, then he really had no other choice.
"Goddammit," he quietly said to himself. He placed his hands on the table and lifted himself up from his chair. His stomach was churning, but he ignored it as he hesitantly leaned over the table. He tightly closed his eyes and puckered his lips. He inched closer to Butters, and then, very gently, he placed a kiss on the small boy's cheek. He pulled away quickly, and when he opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was a tiny smile creeping onto Butters' lips.
Butters put a hand to his cheek. "Thanks, Eric," he said, his face even rosier than it was before. "A-And don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
Cartman felt his own cheeks starting to heat up. "Yeah, yeah, cool," he murmured, although he suddenly no longer cared about that, because all he could think about now was how soft and warm Butters' cheek felt against his lips, and how he secretly wouldn't mind kissing Butters again.
Only it wouldn't be on the cheek.