Title: Amour pour le lutin
Pen name: Dirtymaggiemae
Existing work: N/A
Primary Players: Jasper/Alice/Edward/Bella
Disclaimer: Smeyer owns Twilight but I make it better.
To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:
A/N: Thanks to my beta Crackbabby, love you long time.
I knew today was special, but I wasn't really sure why. I saw everybody walking around the house with these large boxes, so it almost looked like Christmas or someone's birthday. I didn't know whose though. It was then that I realized whose birthday it was, the event that was causing so much drama in this house: Bella Swan.
Bella was a fine young lady if you think fine means "annoys her boyfriend who annoys the love of my life, Alice". Bella and Alice did not get along, which is no surprise as Bella is a common as a $2 whore, and Alice is a princess among hobos.
Alice's twin brother (the only thing "twin" like about these two was the fact they share a birthday), Edward, was dating Bella. He had recently become very moody. Bella and Edward had been dating for a couple of years. Alice told me that Bella still hadn't spread her legs for Edward. This resulted in Edward becoming very vicious and mean. His anger seemed to be mostly directed towards me.
Edward is what I would call a cruel bastard, or as Alice says, "asswipe dick licker small penis fuck face loser". Last week, he put me outside while it was raining, and it rains heavily in Forks; I am not one who likes the rain. He also locked me in a cupboard so high that Alice couldn't reach it, and hid all my clothing which has caused Alice to shed quite a few tears. These actions made me determined to get back at him, to teach him a lesson he and most likely Bella would never forget.
Alice pranced into her room, her eyes glazing over the room when she realized I was on the bed.
"Hey there, Jasper. How are you today? Ready for Bella's birthday party? There's something I want to do first. I've been planning on trying to get Bella to open her legs for Edward. You are needed in my plan."
I jumped off the bed and followed Alice downstairs. Edward and Bella were talking quietly on the couch. Alice snuck up behind them and whispered, "Spread your legs, Bella, because you are seventeen now," into Bella's ear. This was something she had been doing quite often, and I found myself laughing every time she did it. It never got old.
I always brushed up against Bella and went between her legs when Alice said something like that. It was true; you could often see the beginning of cobwebs forming between Bella's legs.
As Alice and I walked in to the dining room I could see why Alice had been so busy all day. It was like Barbie had vomited, and all she had eaten all day strawberries. Every surface was pink; pink table cloth, pink glasses, a huge pink cake and pink balloons. Oh balloons, my favorite! They won't mind if I pop them. Alice looked at me right at that second and said, "Don't you dare pop those balloons, Jaspy! I spent hours blowing them up." Then she turned to Bella and quipped, "Blowing. Bella, you should try it."
Edward quickly responded, "She has no issues blowing, Alice, thank you very much." Bella had turned a deep shade of red. I was now on my back laughing and playing with a balloon. Bella stared at me. It made me feel nauseous.
Bella would always stare at me. It was almost like she was afraid to come closer, though I was never sure why. Whenever I was around her, her eyes would puff up and turn red. Edward always got mad and would throw me out of the room. This time was no different. He quickly pushed me away and dismissed me from the room.
I sauntered into the kitchen and sat on a chair near the door. I wanted to hear what Bella and Edward were talking about. I was extremely curious.
I heard Bella whispering to Edward about how even his family was starting to pressure her. She didn't want to give it up because she was scared of getting pregnant. Edward told her he wouldn't allow it to happen, that he would never let anything that she didn't want to happen, happen. Pshh, like he could keep that promise. I started to hope something bad would happen to Bella. Maybe it was time to set my plan into motion.
It was then the kitchen door swung open, "Jaspy what are you doing in here? You need to be out with us! It's not a party without you, my stud muffin, because you are the life of the party. You can't spend the whole evening in here and leave me alone with those nutters." She picked me up bridal style and went back in to the dining room. It was then that the ritual fighting started.
"For goodness sakes, Alice, put Jasper back in the kitchen! You know Bella is allergic to him," Edward yelled.
"This is Jasper's house, Edward. If Bella can't handle him, then the door is that way." Alice my love was standing her ground. She looked so strong. I love her.
"Alice are you crazy? This is her birthday party; you were the one who wanted to put it together, so why would you do something to make her uncomfortable?" Edward looked ferocious, like he was going to pounce on Alice. I looked over to Esme and Carlisle to see what their reactions were, but they looked as happy as ever.
I was starting to feel uneasy in this room, especially since Bella was still sitting on the couch, staring at me. I started toward her, but Edward blocked my path. Edward really did need to get laid. Maybe we could hire someone for him... a Bella look alike?
"Edward, it's fine. Jasper can be here. He doesn't bother me that much, just as long as he isn't sitting on my lap. You know that. Just let him sit by Alice, and everything will be alright, okay?" Bella said. She seemed like she wanted to diffuse the situation; thank god someone was trying. I didn't want to have to hurt Edward for being mean to Alice.
"But, my middle name is karma, and karma is a bitch." I brushed past Edward and jumped on the couch. I could see Bella was playing with something; it looked like wool but longer, and it sparkled in the light. I had seen Alice with something similar before. She wore it around her neck, only Alice had a better one.
I could sense how Bella was feeling (I could always sense people's emotions). She was nervous and scared. She wouldn't be so scared if she would just open her legs. Jeez there must be really big cobwebs up there by now! Bella was playing with the sparkly object, and Edward was looking at her the way I look at tuna yum dinner. I began to get obsessed with this sparkly fabric. I crouched low on the couch and POUNCED.
I wanted to play with that sparkly fabric. I could not wait to get my hands on it, to run my nails through it. Heaven! Mid-pounce, I felt something throw me back. I looked up and saw that Edward, of course, had knocked me away from getting to the wooly sparkles. Damn him, always ruining my fun. I saw Alice running toward Edward from behind. She jumped on his back and started pounding on his head with her high heel.
"Edward!!! How dare you throw Jasper like that! He could have broken a leg! What would you have done then? Edward!" Alice was screaming at him. I just sat on the ground astonished. I looked over at Bella to see she had red lines on her arms from me. I glanced towards her face to see she had tears running down her cheeks. She looked so uncomfortable.
I looked back at Edward and Alice. Edward was spinning around, trying to get Alice off him. "Get off me, you damn pixie!" he screamed.
"Don't call me a pixie, you freak. No one likes you. Not even your pathetic girlfriend will have sex with you, and do you know why? Because You. Are. A. Freak. Edward. Anthony. Cullen" Alice was screaming at the top of her lungs. I'd never heard her scream so loud.
Then I heard a big THUD. Alice had fallen to her the floor. She looked so scared; she had tears running down her cheeks.
Edward ran to Bella, who was hysterically crying "Edward, please can you please take me home?" She was pleading with him.
"Anything love. I'm so sorry. It's that damn cat." My ears poked up whenever he called me "cat". I was much more than a cat. Alice had told me this many times. I was a part of this family far more then that Bella thing would ever be.
I looked over at Carlisle and Esme to see their reactions again. Neither looked concerned. They actually seemed happy, almost like nothing bad had occurred. Edward quickly swooped Bella up and stalked towards me. I cowered underneath the table. I didn't want him hurting me, and I really just wanted to console Alice.
"Jasper, when I get back. You are going to be put down. I don't care what Alice says. You are just a cat. You don't belong around humans. You will die, TONIGHT."
After hearing this, Alice started shrieking and wailing. I was terrified, so I ran over to Alice. I nudged my way under her arm and curled my body against her neck. I loved her so much, and I could tell she felt the same for me. I knew that we could never be separated. I wanted to show her that no matter what, I'd always be with her. In return, I knew she'd never let anything bad happen to me.
"PUT DOWN?" screamed Alice "That thing should be put down" Alice was pointing to Bella, who was still crying. Jeez, depressed much?
"Oh twins, we are going to hit the sack it's been such a long evening happy birthday Billa. Goodnight, and goodnight to you Mr. Jisper." Oh, the common interruption by Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Charming folks, great house and even better credit cards.
"MOM, how can you let him talk about Jasper like that?" Alice was clinging onto me a bit too tightly. I start to wriggle in her arms so I could get free.
"Oh twins you'll sort it out. Who knows, Edward might just get lucky tonight." With that Esme winked at Bella, who now looked like a tomato. Her face had gotten fatter. She shouldn't have eaten so much cake.
I wiggled free from Alice and stealthily followed Edward and Bella out of the room. Bella was whispering to Edward that it wasn't a big deal. He shouldn't overreact so much. Edward was ignoring her. I knew what he wanted.
He finally put her down. "Wait here Bella. I'm bringing the car around, and you can get in then." She nodded in response. I walked over to her and slid between her legs. She knelt down and ran her fingers through my silky coat.
"Jasper, I know it's not your fault at all. I'm going to talk to Edward about calming down. I just can't be around you so much because I am allergic to cats. I'm sorry. I wish things didn't have to be this way." I just stared up at her. I wasn't sure if she was being completely serious, seeing as nobody ever really talked to me, except for Alice that is.
It's official. Bella Swan is crazy. Who talks to cats when they are not the owner? Oh, Bella Swan that's who!
I weighed my options; I really didn't want this wacko touching me. Who knew what had been inside of her, or where she had been? Oh, that's right! No one had been inside of her, ha ha. I raised my paw slightly and extracted my claws; I moved my paw towards Bella and scratched her on the hand that was coming towards me to rub my fur. I glanced at her and saw the look of shock on her face, then scurried away like a mouse.
I found Alice, still wailing on the living room floor. I pounced on top of her back trying to get her to cheer up. She just laid there like a beached whale, but not. Alice was tiny. When she was laid out flat on the living room floor like this, she reminded me of a star fish… mmm fish. I am a bit puckish, but I must deal with pixie first.
I walked on Alice's back and up to her head. I nudged at her neck, and I could hear her sobbing. I decided I would go eat. I jumped off Alice's back and headed to the laundry to find my food. Mmm, it was tuna and chicken with gravy. My favorite.
It was then that I heard the loud bang of the door being slammed. I heard keys being thrown on the table and that awful sound-
"ALICE!" It was Edward. He was home, and he was mad.
My ears immediately perked up. That jerk better be nice to Alice. She better have every single one of her hairs still on her head when I was done eating my dinner, or he wouldn't have anything left to put inside Bella, if she ever opened her legs.
When I finished chowing down my fishies, I sauntered out of the laundry room. On my way out, something hit the other side of the wall. I heard the dryer shake; I looked up and saw a bunch of clothes. They fell right on top of me, and I couldn't find my way out.
I was sure I was dying. I couldn't see, I was stuck, and it was dark and sparkly. I was stuck in array of multicolored clothing. Suddenly I could see a light. I was going to be free! I freed myself from the mess of clothing, and I looked at the pile. It wasn't just any clothing It was underwear. The twins' underwear. Ewww, I touched Edward Cullen's underwear. I began licking my paw. I had to get all traces of his underwear off me, otherwise I would surely die.
I walked around the corner, only to find the obvious. Pansy boy had hit the wall with his fist. Too much pent up sexual frustration, in my opinion. Alice was still crying, but at least she was sitting on the couch now. I curled up in her lap. She started stroking my tail while sobbing to Edward.
"Jazzy-poo doesn't mean any harm, Edward. He just isn't used to outside people. He sees that you are associated with that crab, and thinks that she will be mean to him as well."
"Alice, that is a load of crap. She told me what happened while she was waiting for me to come around with the car! He purposely scratched her, even after she was trying to make nice with him. Seriously, it's a goddamn cat. Why don't you people realize this? IT IS A CAT. NOT A HUMAN. IT DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS OR A BRAIN. IT CAN NOT THINK." Edward was seething, and my eyes were glued open.
Well, I for one, had never been so offended in my life. I began to growl and hiss, because this boy was getting on my nerves and making my Alice angry.
Her leg was tapping and jittery. I knew what this meant. She was going to rage, and it's not going to be good.
She stood up, and I fell off her lap. It was rude, and I was offended.
"HOW DARE YOU, Edward! Just because your girlfriend won't give you any loving does not mean you can take it out on the rest of us. Goddammit, I hate you Edward Cullen!"
I looked up at her beautiful face. She had tears running down her cheeks, and her face had gone bright red. When I looked at Edward, I was scared for a moment. He was glaring and scary. I've never seen him like this before.
I wanted to run and find their parents, but I knew that they would think this was another way for the twins to play with each other. How could Edward even attempt to square off with someone almost half his size?
"Alice if you do not take that damn furry rat upstairs right now, I will do something that I won't regret but you will."
Alice looked him in the eye. She gradually stepped closer to him until her finger was almost poking his chest. She brought her arm back and rammed her finger into the middle of his chest.
"Listen up bucko. I may be small, but I am fierce." She seethed through her teeth. She turned around and said, "Mr. J, let's roll." With that Alice walked over to the table, grabbed the Volvo keys, and walked out the front door with me on her heels.
I love going in the car with Alice. I sit on her lap, and she puts the heater on for me. It's lovely.
But I could tell this time was not going to be fun. For starters, Edward followed us, shouting, "ALICE, give me back my keys! That is not your car. You cannot take your rat for a ride in my car"
"Get over yourself, Edward. I can take this car if I want. It was a present for the both of us from OUR parents. You are such a self-absorbed twat." Alice screamed this time.
She snatched me up off of the ground and started running towards the car. It was pouring outside, and I hate getting wet. I tried to crawl under Alice's shirt.
"ALICE, DO NOT PUT ONE HAND ON THAT CAR!"
"Watch me Edward. I will drive this car into the nearest tree." Oh, Alice please don't. I'm too pretty to die. She managed to unlock the car, and she threw me across the console into the passenger seat. She flew into the car and locked the door. The next thing I knew, Edward had leapt on top of the car and was pounding on the hood.
Oh, no what was Edward doing? He was standing on top of the car and jumping up and down. Alice screamed. I wasn't surprised. It felt like the roof was going to cave in on us.
"STOP IT, EDWARD, JUST STOP IT!" she screamed.
"Then get out of my car, you stupid pixie. You always get your way, but not this time" I'd never heard him so angry.
"Come on, Jaspy. We're going to go inside, and I'm going to beat Edward's ass." Oh Alice! She had such a sweet voice; she's the most perfect human being in the world. How I love her so!
She picked me and opened the car door. She looked up at Edward and repeated some extremely rude words that should never be uttered by a young lady such as Alice. I was more than shocked.
She stormed in to the house and slammed the door. Edward yelled out what I believe is the human term for a dog, which Alice most certainly is not. She marched up the stairs and put me down when we reached the landing. She continued marching into her room. I followed behind her and jumped on her bed.
"Don't get too comfortable, Jasper. We are not staying."
I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say. I looked around as she stormed into her closet, occasionally muttering to herself about needing this and that and throwing clothes and shoes out of her closet. When she reappeared, she fell to the floor. I crawled to the edge and peeked over. Alice was half under the bed. When she came out, she was lugging a suitcase with her.
"Jasper, we are moving out. I do not want to stay here another minute. These people are ridiculous; they don't care about anybody but themselves!" She kept muttering but I couldn't understand her.
I continued to lay there while she threw clothes into the suitcase; I heard the front door open and slam shut. Then, I heard a booming voice, "MARY ALICE CULLEN!!!"
My hair stood on end; I didn't want to watch what was going to happen.
She was muttering to herself something about "don't call me that" and that he was something to do with a summer's eve bag. I don't know what that is, but Edward Cullen was one. I heard him pound his way up the stairs.
"MARY ALICE CULLEN, LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN TO ME NOW!" I have never heard anyone scream like this. My fur was on edge. I quickly ran under the bed, because I didn't want to hear this.
'Edward, don't yell in my room. You scared Jasper. NOW GET OUT"
"What are you doing? Why are you packing?"
"I'm moving out, Edward. I can't handle you anymore."
"Oh great, Alice, running away from your problems and taking your pussy with you!" Edward yelled at her.
I could hear Alice's breathing accelerate. "I have had it with you. That is why I am moving. Jasper is amazing. He never does anything to anyone, and I don't want him to have to put up with your abuse anymore! God, Edward, you are such a horrible person!" Alice continued raging on. I was still shuddering under the bed.
It suddenly became brighter, and I realized that someone had lifted the bed curtain. I looked over and saw Alice with tears in her eyes. I quickly scrambled over to her, trying to show her my love and affection. I wanted her to know how much I truly cared for her, especially after she had stood up for me against Edward.
She cradled me in her arms and whispered to me that everything would be okay once we moved out. I was wondering what Carlisle and Esme would think of this. Would they even really care? If they didn't want her to move out, would they support her? Or make her pay for everything on her own? If Alice had to get a job, we probably would never have time together. I didn't think that I could handle being away from Alice for long periods of time.
I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't have Alice around me all the time. I would surely die.
Then I saw it. The dreaded cage, or as Alice called it "the kitty box". It was pink and sparkly on the outside and like hell on the inside. You couldn't move and it smelt. I hated it. I began to hiss. I was not going to go in that cage, because it was hell.
"Come on, Jasper. It's just for a moment. I promise."
Though her words were comforting, I knew better. That box was a horrible place to be, and I wanted no part of it.
"I'm sorry, Jasper, but I have to do this"
She grabbed me by the back and forced me in the box. I tried to turn around, but I only ended up scratching Alice.
"Ouch, oh my Jasper, you scratched me. You've never scratched me. This is all Edward's fault!" Alice was pouting now.
Her big pink suitcase was by the door. All of a sudden, I felt the world around me begin to shake. She had picked up the cage, and we were leaving.
I was whimpering. Couldn't she just let me walk with her? I'd follow her anywhere. Surely she knew this.
"Jaspy, come on stop whining. We need to get going, and I can't listen to you whimpering. It is upsetting me." My whining was upsetting her? I was upset! I didn't want to be locked in this cage.
My cage was too heavy for her to carry, so she was sort of dragging it behind her, and I realized once we got to the stairs, there was going to be a huge problem. Alice would not be able to get me downstairs in this contraption.
"Oh my! Well, Jasper I'll have to take you out for now, but you are getting right back in there Mister! Don't pull any funny business. I need to know where you are during this time!"
She opened my door, and I ran out. I circled around her leg to try to calm her and show her that I would never want to be locked away again.
Then I saw him, Edward.
"Where the hell do you think you're going? And why do you have your massive stupid pink suitcase, Alice? You aren't seriously moving out, are you?" He said the last part with a happy smile. Edward Cullen truly is a sick and twisted prick.
"Edward, don't talk to me. I hate you. Goodbye." Alice didn't even look at him as she was speaking. She just flipped the handle up and began the trip downstairs. The suitcase made loud thudding sound with each step.
"Make more noise next time, Alice!" he yelled
"There won't be a next time," she mumbled.
I followed her down the stairs. She headed to the backdoor and opened it. I quickly realized where we were going, and I was relieved.
We were headed to the tree house. I don't know if it can really qualify as a tree house considering it is not in a tree. She stormed over to the house, opened the door and threw the suitcase inside. She came back over to the back door, picked me up and slammed the door.
I nuzzled my head into her breast, my favorite spot, and we made the trip across the lawn. I had never been inside of the house before, as the door was always closed, so I was excited to see what it looked like.
When Alice neared the door, I saw a full kitchen. Of course the Cullens would give their kids everything they want, including a fully equipped tree house.
"Now Jasper, this house has everything we will ever need, including a bathroom, bedroom with a king bed, and a full kitchen. I am going to ask my parents for a car, and then we will never have to talk to Edmeana again."
We walked further into the house; she started putting away all her clothes in the walk-in closet. I watched her from the bed, as usual. When she was finished, she plopped onto the bed, and I snuggled into her side. My life was finally perfect. No more Bella, Esme, Carlisle, or Edward. It was just Alice and me. That was the way I loved it.