Title: Four Times the Kasanoda-gumi Are Confused About Waka's Sexuality and One Time Everything Works out Okay
Universe: Ouran
Theme/Topic: Anything Kasanoda
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing/s: Kasanoda-gumi (mentions of KasanodaxHaruhi and KasanodaxTetsuya)
Warnings/Spoilers: Vague spoilers for the series
Word Count: 4,125
Summary: Kasanoda continues to live the life of moe.
Dedication: Lorena- happy birthday! It has really been a long time since I've seen this show.
A/N: My knowledge of Ouran is strictly limited to the anime, so if any of the information contained here is wrong, it's because it wasn't important enough to make it into the show. Or something. XD
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.


1.

When Waka is in his first year of high school, the gang learns from Tetsuya that he is in love.

Which isn't strange because that is the natural course of all life; to the Kasanoda-gumi, no one in this world deserves love more than their beloved Waka, who, despite his scary face and bad posture, is to them, the epitome of a manly and kind-hearted high school prince.

But then they learn that Waka's first love also happens to be a prince himself, in the form of another boy. A pretty one, apparently, but a boy nonetheless.

That sort of news causes a bit more of a stir than usual.

Some of the men vaguely wonder if this is the sort of thing that will lead to the eventual downfall of the clan, worrying that perhaps the other groups in their Kanto alliance (like the hard-lining Sharp Fang or the wealthy Ryuusekai or the old-school Ooedo) will hear the news somehow and decide to break off all their ties to Kasanoda-gumi, or worse, try to squash the Kasanoda-gumi out of the yakuza world entirely, before their Kansai rivals find out that the eastern families have all gone squishy and queer.

Yakuza groups have swallowed each other whole for less before, after all.

It's something to think about for the higher ranked men, though really, it ends up being more of an afterthought than an actual concern in light of more pressing matters that come to light regarding the issue.

To be perfectly honest, the thing that weighs more on their minds than the potential upheaval of the entire Kanto underground hierarchy is what the current Boss will say when he hears about Waka's preferences, if he'll go so far as to increase Waka's Spartan education and make life even harder for such a secretly shy, kind boy.

Boss is a traditionalist after all, toting the ideals of yakuza honor and strength and hyper-masculinity. He'd probably send Waka to a temple in the mountains to train under waterfalls and force the homo-spirits out.

For the members of the Kasanoda-gumi, it goes without saying that if the Sharp Fang and the Ryuusekai and the Ooedo cut ties with them they'll just kick those groups' pansy asses.

But the mere thought of Waka alone and suffering makes tears gather in their eyes; they openly sob on each other and in front of each other just picturing it.

"We…we have to protect Waka!" the men decide unanimously, the night after Tetsuya reveals the news. "No matter what, Boss can't find out!"

They have to find a way to keep this secret just between Waka and the members, out of prying eyes of the Kasanoda-gumi's many enemies as well as the Boss himself.

After many hours of intense thought, they reluctantly come up with a plan. "I guess it can't be helped, eh," some sigh, and hate that it means Waka will have to hide his true self.

"We have to do what's best for him!" others reassure their comrades.

They put their plan into action, quickly

That night, Waka gets several of the more self-sacrificing members of the gang sneaking into his room, nobly taking off shirts and belts and pants while the bewildered teenager looks on, curled up in the corner of his futon with an expression of confused terror that slowly grows more and more horrified with the fall of each piece of stripped clothing.

"The hell are you morons doing?" he demands, when it gets to be a little bit too much.

"For your protection, please use our manly bodies to satisfy your homosexual urges in the safety of this house, Waka!" they shout in supplication.

Kasanoda blinks. Then screams, "Aah!"

Deep into the night, the pained shouts of those noble, self-sacrificing members of the Kasanoda-gumi can be heard coming from behind Waka's tightly closed doors.

Meanwhile, the other members sit in the hallway just outside, looking grim but approving. "Good to know he's still the man at least," they say to one another, consolingly.

2.

In Waka's second semester of high school, the Kasanoda-gumi members find out that somehow, Waka is very, very popular with the female population of Ouran.

They see it one day during summer vacation, when Waka is out buying food for a kitten he'd rescued from the rain the week before. Tetsuya and some of the more protective members of the family are following him just to make sure no punk-ass bitches try to jump him while he's on his own, and before long, his classmates also spot him, clearing the tourists off of the sidewalk with his scary face as he walks. A Rolls Royce promptly pulls up to the sidewalk, right beside Waka, and a very pretty bunch of oujo-samas get out to greet him, all high-pitched twittering and appreciative giggles when they see the bag of cat food tucked under his arm, despite the fearsome scowl on his face.

"Kasanoda-kun!" they sing-song, "we're just on our way to have some pastries at Shigeru-chan's papa's hotel! Come with us!"

He looks terrified. "I can't I…"

The girls don't take no for an answer, and completely unafraid of him, giggle some more to themselves before pulling him towards the car and declaring him their very good friend and very special guest this afternoon, despite the driver/bodyguard's terrified objections.

Waka's face is flushed and pink as he eventually gets into the car, muttering a slightly nervous, inexplicably charming, "I guess I've got some free time," under his breath while the girls "Kyaa!" openly at his mysterious and aloof figure from their seats.

The Rolls Royce soon drives off, and the family members who had witnessed the whole thing are deeply moved. "Does…does this mean Waka likes girls after all!" one of them declares, and starts openly weeping for joy on the street just like that, in front of hundreds of already startled tourists.

Tetsuya smiles benevolently and takes them home before they make a scene, while unbeknownst to them, Kasanoda finds himself walking into a five star restaurant arm-in-arm with four pretty high school girls who, for some reason, all appear to be backlit with what can only be described as an unholy sort of fire.

3.

In Waka's second year of high school, the members of the Kasanoda clan are once again confused when Waka mysteriously asks Tetsuya if he'll be his date to the school formal this autumn.

Everyone else in the room immediately stops what they are doing to gasp and stare.

Tetsuya, completely composed, simply blinks in confusion, and asks, "I'd be very honored, Waka, but won't this give your classmates the wrong impression about you again?"

Kasanoda looks mortified but resolved all at once as he pulls Tetsuya into a private room, away from the anxious ears of the other members, to explain.

And even though he's blushing furiously as he does it, he makes sure to look right into Tetsuya's eyes when he says, "There's this secret I staked my life on keeping for someone real important to me. So even if doing something like this means that everyone else looks at me weird, if it's something that helps to keep that secret safe, I gotta do it."

Tetsuya isn't sure what Waka means when he says that, but the look on Waka's face when he does makes him nod and say, "I'd be honored to be Waka's partner."


They go to Ouran's Autumn Formal together the week after that, dressed impeccably in suits, while girls gape openly and guys shy away from them for fear of catching the homo bug.

"Kasanoda-kun's date is so pretty!" some girls chirp, clasping their hands together, their beautiful, maidenly eyes lit with the flames of something truly terrifying.

"But see, but see? So those rumors about Haruhi-kun have to be false, because Kasanoda-kun only likes guys! Even if they are a little bit on the pretty side."

"I see, I see," everyone finally concedes, while Kasanoda dances with Tetsuya across the ballroom with his face redder and more resolved than ever.

Tetsuya laughs a little, and Kasanoda blinks. "What's so funny?" he asks, voice wibbling nervously under that fearsome scowl.

Tetsuya shakes his head. "Nothing. I was just thinking that Waka is a surprisingly good dancer."

Kasanoda ducks forward a little when he hears, a sure sign that he's pleased. "Aw shaddup," he growls, as he leads the two of them towards the opposite side of the room.

The familiar face of Waka's first love is in that direction, and Tetsuya thinks the boy looks incredibly touched and grateful when he asks if he can cut in to dance with "Casanova-kun" next.

Waka stumbles. "F-fujioka," he manages, staring dumbly. "Um…yeah, I mean…uh, if Tetsuya… I mean…"

"Of course you can cut in," Tetsuya interrupts on Waka's behalf, gracefully bowing out for the smaller boy while Waka does his best to keep some semblance of composure even though everyone can see that his hands are shaking terribly.

From there, Tetsuya watches the two of them dance across the room together; when Kasanoda smiles at Fujioka in a resigned but comfortable sort of way, Tetsuya suddenly finds himself thinking that in a very short time, Waka has grown up quite a lot.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family sits at home, nervously wondering if this means that they have to call Tetsuya ane-san from now on.

4.

"I don't get it," some members say a while later, with their heads in their hands. "Sometimes Waka likes girls, and sometimes he likes guys, and sometimes he likes guys who look like girls, like Tetsuya."

"Maybe he's just confused," someone theorizes reasonably. "I mean, he's always been here surrounded by guys'n didn't have any feminine types around. So maybe part of him likes girls but since he's more used to guys, it's easier for him to go for the guys who look like girls instead."

Everyone takes a moment to digest that. "Fuckin' brilliant," they all agree, eventually.

"So we just gotta get him used to being around girls, right?"

"Right!" they all decide, passionately. "We'll get some girls, and get Waka used to them, and then nothing will be a problem anymore! He can have all the girls he wants, he's such a great guy."

Tetsuya frowns at the idea, raising a hand to tentatively point out its potential weaknesses. "But there isn't supposed to be anyone who isn't in the family in the house. It's one of the Boss's rules, isn't it?"

The family members all deflate at the reminder. "Oh yeah."

Everyone starts thinking again.

"Well," one guy starts after a minute, coughing uncomfortably, "we'll do anything if it's for Waka, right?"

"Right!" the rest of the men say, without a moment's hesitation. "Anything!"

And they really mean it too, as proven by the fact that when Kasanoda returns from school that day, he is greeted just inside the front gate by all of his brothers as per usual, except for the fact that they have all suddenly and inexplicably become sisters, the ugly terrifying kind that haunt you in your nightmares forever.

"Welcome home, Waka!" the members shout when they see him, voices high-pitched in an effort to be feminine and welcoming while each of them sports his/her own garish kimonos and badly tied obi.

Kasanoda stares.

The family members look hopeful.

And then Kasanoda's eyebrow twitches a little as he fully takes in the sight of them beaming up at him coquettishly from under their cheap wigs and badly done makeup (complete with stubble). But after a moment (and much to the men's disappointment) he doesn't say anything about their clothes at all; he just sighs in a defeated sort of way and walks wordlessly into the house.

The men are understandably distraught. "Not interested in women at all!" they wail.

"He's not like that; you're just too ugly to ever tempt a guy who's got taste like Waka does!"

"Yeah, what about you, asshole? You ain't no Maki-chan yourself!"

"Come over here and say that!"

In the ensuing fist fight, much hair gets pulled and many fake nails are broken while Kasanoda just sits in his room and does his homework. Truth be told, he thinks he can't really judge any of the men on their extracurricular activities right now, especially given that just yesterday, some of his classmates at Ouran had insisted on taking him to a Johnny's idol concert to help him forget his woes with Fujioka. There is currently a glittery penlight in the shape of a heart in his backpack, as well as an uchiwa with a guy-who-looks-like-a-girl's face on it hidden deep in the recesses of his sock drawer.

5.

During Waka's last year in high school, Tetsuya's father grows deathly ill and the elders of the Sendou-gumi declare that there will be all out war unless the Kasanoda-gumi returns Tetsuya-bocchan to them immediately. "He is to assume the role of the next leader," they say, in their letter written with grim yakuza calligraphy.

Despite the ridiculous form of the letter Tetsuya knows the threat behind it isn't idle, and so, for the first time in many years, he starts packing to go home.

"You don't gotta give in! We'll fight for you, Tetsuya!" his adopted family declares, up in arms at the thought of their beloved brother being whisked back to the group that had driven him out with their dishonorable dealings and their merciless ways. "They just want you back after all this time 'cuz all they care about is the Sendou bloodline, not what you think. I bet those bastards don't even know how to play kick the can!"

Tetsuya looks fondly at his friends, his second family, and shakes his head. "When the Sendou-gumi is this serious about something," he says, those pretty features hardening into something wistful and frightening, "there will be blood. They're cheap and they fight dirty and I don't want any of you getting involved in something like that. If I have to go back and take over that damned old man's place, then I will."

"But Tetsuya!" they sob, and look at him with big, watery puppy eyes that scream, "don't go" in the most yakuza-like, un-yakuza like way, a way that Tetsuya has come to associate only with Kasanoda-gumi's gentle style of life.

He wishes his own family was more like this, a little kinder, a little less fierce. "I've got to go," he tells the guys again, eventually. "But don't worry; even if I look like this, I'm pretty tough. I won't let that damned stupid family of mine push me around too much."

Hoping those words reassure them more than they reassure himself, he grabs his bag and turns to head towards the door.

Where a human blizzard effectively snows him in.

"The hell do you think you're going?" Waka asks, leaning in the doorway with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and glaring fiercely. Others who didn't know him would be terrified at his sullen, murderous expression, but Tetsuya has been around the teenager long enough to know that all that look means is Waka is sulking tremendously right now.

"I'm going home."

Waka stares at his feet, determinedly. "Why?"

"Because my father is dying and my family wants me back," Tetsuya explains again, features automatically softening at the sight of Waka in such distress. "They want me to take up the name and make them stronger by any means necessary. That's all they've ever wanted, power."

Waka doesn't raise his eyes from his own shoes. "Do you want to go back?"

Tetsuya looks away. "Of course not."

Waka's sets his jaw. "Then don't."

Tetsuya starts to feel frustrated at the over simplification of the situation, as if all that really matters is whether he wants to or he doesn't want to. "Waka, Sendou-gumi plays dirty. If I stay, they'll target everyone in the Kasanoda-gumi. They'll go after the guys, their families, their friends, even innocent people they know who just treat them kindly, like the baachan who makes oden on the corner or the owner of the pet food store down the street. It's why I left in the first place," Tetsuya argues, trying to edge around Kasanoda's shorter frame and into the hallway.

"Then why go back?" Kaanoda demands, features curling in honest anger now. "If you hate it so much what's the point? We like having you here."

"We like it!" the others faithfully echo, nodding along with Waka's kind words.

For a moment Tetsuya is almost torn, but the fact that he cares about these people so much now is precisely the reason why he's willing to go back to his group when he hadn't been before, if only to spare them the pain that will come if he stays. "I have to go," he reiterates, stubbornly.

Kasanoda punches the wall; the wood splinters. "Like hell," he says.

"Waka, please," Tetsuya begs this time, voice barely above a whisper. "I have to go."

The two of them look at each other for a long time and don't say anything.

But eventually, the knot in Kasanoda's brow loosens somewhat, perhaps in defeat. He moves out of the way. "Fine, but you're still a member of this family!" he says, under his breath.

Tetsuya feels tears stinging the back of his eyes. He forces a smile. "I know."

For Waka, the family has always been the most important thing; it's what he's always taught the rest of the men, and Tetsuya too. That's why Tetsuya knows has to do this.

He wants to protect them. Waka, especially.

"Thank you for everything," he says formally, and bows to his friends as he leaves. The men cry shamelessly behind him, sobbing their eyes out and kicking the walls in frustration.

Tetsuya solemnly gets in the Sendou-family car waiting for him outside of the Kasanoda-gumi's front gates.

"Whatever it takes to be strong, right?" Waka shouts suddenly, running out to the street after him. "The Sendou will really do whatever it takes to be strong?"

Tetsuya isn't sure what that question means, whether or not Waka is insulting him or cheering him on, so all he does is nod once, before the door is closed behind him and the Sendou-gumi's sedan is pulling out into the night, ready for the long drive home.


Three days later, Tetsuya's old man finally croaks, crying and apologizing to his son on his deathbed over a life full of regrets. Tetsuya feels them deeply too, because he'd known all along that living a life without morals or limits only led to sorrow in the end.

He is sworn in as the new leader of the Kanto branch of the Sendou-gumi by the end of the week, a virtually useless title given that the family elders continuously reject all of his attempts to reinstate some sort of honor code amongst the ranks. They insist that they continue with their own style, because it's what's kept them alive for so many years. "We have to keep getting stronger to protect what's ours," they tell Tetsuya, like he doesn't understand anything at all.

They promptly start a turf battle with the wizened Ooedo group on one side of town, and in the power battle with the Sharp Fang that erupts on the other, several of their members are arrested after being beaten in an alleyway by the dreaded Tornado Makio.

In the midst of it all, hopeless and frustrated, Tetsuya finds he misses the simple peace of sweeping the front steps of the Kasanoda-gumi headquarters, waiting for Waka to return from school each day in the hopes of getting to play another rousing game of kick the can.

Part of him doesn't suspect that he'll get to see Waka's terrifying, charming face ever again.


Three days after he has those thoughts, he's suddenly proven wrong.

Because three days later, Waka and the rest of the family is at his front gate, Waka scaring the crap out of his lowlife men with that face of his as he demands to see Tetsuya now.

"You can't see Boss!" one of the braver unfrozen men declares hotly, and makes a charge at Waka with a bokken.

Tetsuya moves before he knows what he's doing; he's out the door and down the walkway and planting his foot right in the middle of his own family member's head with a fierce, unforgiving smack.

The man gurgles and thuds into the wall behind Waka, the bokken smashed into the ground by his feet.

"Waka, what are you doing here?" Tetsuya demands. "You'll get hurt!"

Kasanoda still scowls, but not enough to freeze anything over anymore. "Don't call me that, Sendou Boss," he says, eyes trained on the floor as he heads towards the main compound. "I'm here 'cuz I've got a proposal for you."

Tetsuya blinks. "A…a what?"

Kasanoda turns a little bit red and keeps walking faster. "Just call a meeting with your people, will you?" he demands, deeply embarrassed.


"Aah?" the Sendou family elders gape eloquently, when they hear the Kasanoda-gumi's proposal. "Like hell we'll let you Kasanoda-gumi big shots swallow our family with this stupid treaty! We'd rather die than become your underlings!"

"I'm sayin' you won't be our goddamned underlings!" Waka spits back, and effectively freezes the eldest member of the Sendou with a well-timed glower. "I'm sayin' we'll be joint heads; me'n Tetsuya together. Our families would be really strong if we're together, right? And since we're friends with the Ooedo and the Ryuusekai and the Sharp Fang too, you guys can stop getting your asses kicked by them every week!"

A few blinks. Then, a cough. "Excuse me, Kasanoda's Waka," one of the Sendou people begins, after he thinks about this for a minute, "do you mean to suggest that your proposal is sort of like, well, a political…marriage?"

Kasanoda looks embarrassed, though to the elders of the Sendou-gumi, it looks like he's pissed as all hell. "Yeah, I guess you could call it that," he admits, eventually, while the Kasanoda-gumi members sitting behind him all just look kind of resigned over the whole thing. Like they've been through all the ups and downs a million times before.

The Sendou elders haven't however, and start to murmur amongst themselves while giving Kasanoda some rather judgmental sidelong glances.

Kasanoda explodes. "Look you stupid old men, do you want to be stronger or not? Kasanoda-gumi is the strongest goddamned family in Kanto, assholes! I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime! Sendou's biggest goal is to always get stronger, right?"

Tetsuya stares. "Waka…"

At the sound of Tetsuya's soft voice, Kasanoda immediately turns his gaze down at his knees. "I mean, you don't mind being political married to me or nothin', do you, Tetsuya?"

Tetsuya laughs. "No, Waka," he says, sincerely. "I don't mind at all."

"Well, it is a pretty good offer," the financial head of Sendou-gumi's empire decides in the meantime, after he finishes going over the papers.

"And the Kasanoda are strong," the head of Sendou-gumi's recruiting department agrees.

"And Tetsuya-bocchan hasn't shown any interest in no girls since he was born anyway," Tetsuya's father's former aide chimes in from the back, rather inappropriately.

Kasanoda and Tetsuya both hold their breath.

"All right, we accept Kasanoda-gumi's offer," the elders eventually decide, and figure trading one pretty-boy pansy Boss for access to all of Kasanoda-gumi's resources without having to fight them for any of it anymore sounds pretty damned good.

Also, they would really like it if the Kanto Sharp Fang would stop grabbing their guys off the street and dunking their heads into toilets for fun whenever they feel like it. That would be nice too.

Kasanoda sighs when he hears the news, apparently in relief. The look on his face as he does sends several Sendou-gumi elders scrambling under the table for their lives on instinct.

Tetsuya just finds himself laughing again, after what feels like a long time of not.

By the end of the week, after the papers are signed and the treaty is put into full effect, everyone in the Kasanoda-gumi does actually start to call Tetsuya ane-san officially, which is a little bit embarrassing and a little bit weird to both he and Waka for obvious reasons.

But at the same time, the Kasanoda-Sendou alliance becomes the strongest, most honorable yakuza alliance in all of Japan.

More importantly, Waka looks so happy to have Tetsuya back that he could just about burst.

And everyone in the Kasanoda-gumi figures they're a-okay with that, even if it all means that Waka turned out to be a raging homo after all.

END