1 TITLE: Sing along with Jack

AUTHOR: Feli

EMAIL: feli.ca@web.de

CATEGORY: Humor

SEASON / SEQUEL: anytime after S2

RATING: PG-13

CONTENT WARNINGS: nudity (it's a shower scene, folks…)

SUMMARY: Jack reveals some unexpected talents to Sam and the SGC

STATUS: Complete

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis and Fanfiction.net

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.

2

3 AUTHOR'S NOTES:

4 Thanks go to Kat for beta-ing,

5 to Gipsy for calling me chicken if I didn't post it,

6 and to Tere for promising to read it just because I wrote it

7

8

"Open the iris!" With that order General George Hammond turned around and hurried towards the gateroom. Although SG1 was only a couple of minutes overdue, he wanted to see for himself that his favorite team was a) complete and b) uninjured. 'Who am I kiddin?' he thought to himself. A few seconds later all four team members stepped through the gate.

"Welcome back, SG1!"

"Thank you, sir" came the reply from Colonel O'Neill, as he strolled, almost leisurely down the ramp. Right behind him was Major Carter with an easy smile on her lips. Even Teal'c's face bore a less stoic expression than usual. Only the last member of the team seemed disgruntled and unhappy, which could probably be attributed to the large hole torn in his pants and the horrid smell that emanated from his muddy BDUs.

"What happened?"

"Oh, business as usual, sir" answered Jack O'Neill. "Only a nice little planet with lots of trees."

"Sir, like the MALP footage showed the planet is uninhabited, only plant life and some smaller animals" Sam added.

"Some smaller smelly animals" grinned Jack, with a sideways glance at Daniel. Sam chortled and the look on Teal'c's face could only be interpreted as a grin.

"You know, sir, since we're a first contact team and there were no human life forms, Daniel decided to initiate contact with the planet's version of a housecat. Unfortunately, his diplomatic skills are a bit ..ahemm…rusty" Jack laughed.

Teal'c explained: "Daniel Jackson accidentally stepped on the tail of a local animal that does indeed bear resemblance to a cat, General Hammond. Only it is much smaller."

"Exactly, Teal'c. Which is why it chose to run up the inside leg of Daniel's pants and dance the local lambada with him." Jack was clearly having fun remembering the scene.

Up to then Daniel had been giving his best impression of a sulking archeologist; now he raised his head and spat: "housecat, ha! That ferocious animal tried to kill me! Cat from hell is more like it!" With that he stormed past his team members, intent only on getting to the showers before the tale of his 'first contact' efforts could spread any further.

Hammond couldn't suppress a grin at this outburst. "Okay, SG1 you're dismissed. Doctor Frasier is already waiting for your routine check-up. Debriefing will start at 1400 hours."

-----------------

Half an hour later Jack arrived at the infirmary. He'd had to explain to the General, in greater detail what had happened between Daniel and the 'housecat' and then he'd personally delivered the samples, of the violet- yellow plants, he'd collected, to the lab. He figured since it was the first - and probably only - time he'd ever collected samples, it was also his duty to see them brought to the lab safely. The look on the lab assistant's face alone had been worth it. Jack smiled to himself. He felt good.

"Hi Doc!"

"Hello Colonel. How are you feeling?" asked Janet, as she went through the routine check.

"I feel good, Janet." He really did feel good Jack realized.

"Okay, I can find nothing out of the ordinary, Colonel. If you hurry you can take a shower while it's still the men's time. Teal'c and Daniel have already been there."

"Yeah sure, you betcha" replied Jack, hopping off the infirmary bed. God, he felt good.



Whistling to himself he arrived at the locker room. It was amazing what two days on a nice little planet with lots of trees could do for you. A little rummaging in his locker revealed his shampoo and shower gel but somehow the gel's scent 'For Men Only' did not appeal to him.

'Didn't Sam get that nice tropical paradise gel for Christmas? After all we've been on a nice, almost tropical planet.'

One push against the door opened Sam's locker, a variety of shampoos, gels and body lotions neatly stacked on the inside. Jack grabbed the gel he wanted and put it on the bench in the middle of the room. Still whistling some happy tune he took off his boots, his shirt and BDUs. Within seconds his socks and boxers followed and with a move that revealed years of practice, he threw his clothes into his locker.

Picking up his shampoo and Sam's gel he walked into the closest stall. When the water was flowing generously down his body Jack went from whistling to singing. Yeah, life was good. And he felt good, too! Splashing some of the gel in his hand Jack started lathering it onto his skin. Right arm down, right arm up. Left arm down, left arm up. A little twisting distributed the gel up his back and then in leisurely circles down his chest and stomach. And down. Oh yeah. "She loves me yeah yeah yeah, she loves me.." Let's not forget the legs. So left leg down, left leg up. Right leg down, right leg up.

Jack turned up the water some more and let it cascade down and over his body. "She loves me yeah yeah yeah" - hip to the right - "she loves me yeah yeah yeah" - hip to the left - "with a love like that.." - full circle and step out. With shampoo still running down his back and front Jack extended his dance floor to outside of his stall. "She loves me yeah yeah yeah, she loves me.."

-----------------

Sam looked at her watch. 1300 hours, finally. That meant ladies' time in the showers. She hurriedly closed the journal she'd been writing in and left her office. Although the mission to the planet had been rather pleasant she felt sweaty and sticky and was looking forward to a long shower. A long and undisturbed shower since she was currently the only female soldier on-world. On the way to the locker room Sam started humming a Beatles song.

"She loves me yeah yeah yeah, she loves me.." Sam entered the locker room and was stopped dead in her tracks by the sight that greeted her. "She loves me yeah yeah yeah, she loves me.."

"Colonel?! Colonel O'Neill!"

Jack had just finished with a particularly well executed set of hip swings and was really proud of himself. He also felt mighty good!

"Hi Sam, what's up? Wanna take a shower, too?"

"Yes, sir. I mean..no, sir. Sir??!!"

Sam couldn't believe what she saw. Not only was her CO standing in front of her completely naked, he was also dancing. Swinging his hips (and another part of his anatomy she certainly should not have been noticing let alone watching) and singing. Rivulets of shampoo and water were freely running down his body, droplets spattering to all sides with every one of his moves.

Where did her CO learn to move like that? Certainly it wasn't part of special ops training, was it?

"Sam, are you alright?" Jack stopped dancing and started towards Sam.

Although she was determined to focus solely on his face or anything else above the height of five feet, her eyes were drawn to where the last remnants of his shampoo were pooling in the curly hair of his lower body regions.

"Sam?"

Totally bereft of words Sam only managed to point her hand in the general direction of his midsection. Jack looked down.

"Oh!" With an embarrassed grin he turned and walked back towards the shower stalls. Mere seconds later she heard him turn off the water and come back to the locker area - without suds and without a towel as well.

"Better?" he asked, smiling at her.

Sam swallowed convulsively. Better? Yeah, she'd better sit down. She took a few steps back and sat down but still the sight of the man in front of her - the sight of her CO, her naked and blithely unawares CO - left her speechless.

"She loves me yeah yeah yeah, she loves me.." Jack started singing and wiggling his hips again while he unsuccessfully searched his locker for a towel. "You know, Sam, you really should get those BDUs off you and take a shower. Feels good!"

Sam groaned and let her head fall into the palms of her hands.

With one leap Jack was before her, crouching down to look her in the eyes, gently placing his hands on her knees. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, colonel. I just…I just can't.." Sam shook her head. She just couldn't remember the last time she'd had a naked man crouching in front of her while she was still fully dressed. But he'd told her to undress, hadn't he? Was she to consider that an order?

Inwardly shaking with laughter Sam gave up any attempts at coherent speech. Moaning she raised her head and almost bumped into his. Sam gasped when she realized how her wandering thoughts had almost brought her hands wandering to his very close chest.

Jack, who had been watching her with growing concern, had had enough. "Sam, I don't know what's wrong but you're apparently ill. I'm calling Doc Frasier."

With that he went over to the phone mounted on the wall, pressed a button and called: "Medical emergency in the locker room. Med team to the locker room, please!"

Then he returned to Sam. "Sam, where are you hurt? Let me check."

-----------------

With her stethoscope in one hand and her big medical bag in the other Janet hurried to the locker room. Opening the door she rushed in, only to freeze completely in her movements at the sight of the two people in the room.

On the bench, almost hidden from view, sat her friend, Major Samantha Carter, while in front of her - with his very naked backside towards Janet - stood Colonel O'Neill, slightly leaning forward over Sam's bowed head. Slowly Janet let out the breath she'd been holding; surely this was not what it looked like.

However, her conviction was badly shaken when she saw Jack leaning further into Sam, running his hands in slow circles down her back and coaxing her "Come on, Sam, please!"

"Colonel!! Sam!!"

At Janet's cry Sam shot off the bench like a cannon ball. Jack, however, was slower to react. Inadvertently Sam crashed into him in her flight and the colonel landed in an ungainly heap on the floor of the locker room. He immediately passed out.

-----------------

Jack came to slowly and a little disoriented when he realized that he was in an infirmary bed. A quick inventory of his body showed no injuries, only the worst hangover he'd had in decades. He suddenly remembered one party night back in college. Yeah, going to college in the early 70's had been … . God, his head hurt royally.

A noise that sounded suspiciously like snickering brought him back to the present. On a chair at the foot end of his bed sat his best friend, one Daniel Jackson, with a gloating smile on his face.

"So Jack, how do you feel?"

Jack groaned and put his arm up over his eyes. "What happened?"

"Well, according to the rumors that circulate on base you organized some kind of an orgy in the showers. You know with music and dancing… . And Sam!"

"Sam?! What?" Jack shot up. Ouch, bad idea. Really, really bad idea.

"Colonel O'Neill, are you sure you wanna be sitting up already?" Janet entered the room and headed straight over to him, grabbing his hand to check his pulse. "How do you feel today?"

Today? How long had he been out of it? And what was it about this business with him and his 2IC in the showers?

"Doc?"

Janet put his hand back on the bed and patted him on the shoulders.

Daniel explained: "remember the plant samples from the nice little planet that you collected personally? Apparently they have a small side effect when you breathe in their pollen."

Janet took over. "It's similar to some liberating drugs that were quite popular in the 70's, colonel. Makes you kind of uninhibited."

Jack groaned again and buried his head in his hands. "So Sam breathed in some of that stuff, too?"

Janet gave him a strange look. "No, she didn't . She's the one who .. ahem, found you."

Daniel grinned. He was very satisfied with this turn of events. No one was talking about his run-in with that crazed animal any more and now he also had something to rub under his friend's nose for years.

"Okay, colonel, the last blood tests I had running show no remnants of the pollen in your system. Except for the headache you're fine. Please rest for another couple of hours and then I'll let you go."

"Thanks, Janet."

"Oh, and Jack? You've certainly been the best-smelling patient I've ever had!"

With that last gleeful statement Janet left the infirmary while Daniel settled back into his chair, eager to fill Jack in to all the details he obviously couldn't remember.

-----------------

After having been released from the infirmary Jack made his way to Sam's office. The sideway glances and silent laughter of the SGC personnel he encountered on his way were solid proof of the internal rumor mill at work. Jack didn't feel good.

Knocking on the door to Sam's office he almost wished she wasn't there. But an immediate "Come in" dispelled his hopes.

Cautiously he opened the door and peeked around it. "Major?"

"Sir!" Sam got quickly to her feet. "I didn't know that you had already left the infirmary. How .. ah.. do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Carter. Janet says there's nothing left of that plant stuff in me."

"That's good news, sir."

Jack went over to her desk and picked up one of the gadgets she had lying around. One of those strange things he never knew what to use it for. Absentmindedly he started fiddling with it.

Sam smiled to herself. Jack straightened and looked at her. "Listen, Sam, I .. I don't remember much of what happened .. actually I don't remember anything, especially not .. ehm .. dancing and stuff, but.."

"It's okay, sir" Sam interrupted him. "You were a little beside yourself, that's all. I found you and called the medical team."

Hope glimmered in Jack's eyes. "That's all, really? I didn't make any unwelcome or inappropriate advances?"

For a moment Sam got caught in the thought if she would ever consider advances from the man in front of her unwelcome. Now that she had all necessary informations to embellish her dreams accordingly.. .

But before she could totally drift away on a fluffy pink cloud she forced her concentration back on the conversation.

Sam smiled. "Yes sir, that's all." Jack visibly relaxed.

"Okay then, wanna go to the commissary and grab a bite to eat? I'm starving."

Sam nodded and turned back towards her desk. When Jack started towards the door she held him back.

"Sir, I've got something for you here. I downloaded it from the internet and thought you'd like it."

"What is it?" Curiously Jack opened the cover and read the CD label.

It said, 'Jack's favorite Beatles sing-alongs'

FIN



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