Hey guys! So here's a Tag to episode 5.03 and a spoiler from 5.04. It's not exactly a spoiler since it's in the synopsis of 5.04 (it's about what Dean tells Sam when Sam asks to hunt with him again) but if you don't like reading synopsis's before the episodes you probably shouldn't read this lol Anywho I had two different storylines, which I ended up combining into one because it turned out better that way. Honestly, this was sort of rushed so I'm not too proud of this, it just doesn't have that "proud" feeling you get when you write something really good lol But I needed to write something because that episode was so friggin depressing! Lol Anywho hope you guys enjoy :)
Dean had just returned back from chasing down another Angel that Cas thought would know where God was, unfortunately, just like Raphael, this Angel didn't want to talk.
The hunt for this Angel was right by Bobby's place so Bobby had insisted that he crash there for the night. Dean couldn't exactly say no, the man may be in a wheel chair but he isn't any less intimidating. Besides, it be nice to stay in a place that felt more comfortable than a motel.
"Hey Bobby," Dean said as he entered the house and placed his jacket on the chair.
"Hey kid, in the kitchen,"
When Dean got to the kitchen he saw that Bobby was reaching for a cup on the counter.
"Here, let me get…"
"I got it!" Bobby got defensive.
Dean put his hands in the air innocently. He knew better than to try and be too helpful, especially when Bobby was trying to deal with the whole prospect of being in a wheelchair.
Dean smiled when Bobby finally did get a hold of the cup.
"Told you I'd get it," Bobby gruffed as he went past Dean.
A small smile crept on Dean's face, "Yea you did."
Bobby wheeled his way over to the kitchen table. Dean took a seat across Bobby.
"So how'd it go? The Angel talk?"
"Nope, not a single word…like literally…not a single word"
"The silent type huh," Bobby smiled as he took a sip of his water.
"Oh yea, a total emo," Dean smiled shaking his head.
"So uh, Dean, there's something…"
Bobby was cut off and Dean's head popped up.
"You expecting company?"
"Uhh…yea about that…it's for you, I'm just gonna…go"
Dean scrunched his eyebrows and made a "what the hell" face.
Bobby wheeled himself into the living room as Dean walked to the door.
Dean was shocked to see who was standing on the opposite end of the door.
"Hey Dean," Sam looked nervous and he looked pale.
"Are you okay?" Old habits die hard.
"Yeah…yeah I'm fine," Sam stood at the door as the brothers starred at eachother. "Uhh, can I come in?"
"Sam, its Bobby's house, you don't need to ask me permission to come in," Dean started as he walked back into the kitchen.
Sam slowly made his way over there too.
"Where's Bobby?" Sam asked looking around.
"Living room, let me guess, he set this up?" Dean took a seat back at the table.
"No, well, I asked him to," Sam made his way to the table and sat across Dean.
Sam was starring at the table for a few seconds before he found his voice.
"So, how are you?"
"I'm fine Sam," Dean replied flatly.
"That's good," Sam smiled as he nodded his head.
"Look, Sam, I've had a tiring day, and not to be rude or anything, but is there a reason you're here?" Dean saw the instant hurt flash across Sam's face and the side of him that felt bad was overshadowed by the side of him that was still angry at Sam.
"I...uh…I wanna come back," Sam said looking up off the table. "I wanna hunt with you again…"
This took Dean by surprise.
"I thought you weren't ready, needed to recuperate and what not"
"I did, I mean I do…I just, I can't do it alone…I don't wanna do it alone," Sam didn't look up from the table.
"I know I messed up Dean, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it up to you, but I don't wanna fight alone…I don't wanna be in this alone…"
Dean took a minute to consider Sam's words. Then he remembered the conversation he had with Castiel after they had found Raphael.
I'm good, I'm real good…especially without my brother. I mean I spend more time worrying about the son-of-a-bitch, I mean I've had more fun with you in the past 24 hours than I've had with Sam in years, it's funny I've been so chained to my family for years and now that I'm alone…hell I'm happy.
"Dean?" Sam was waiting for Dean's reply.
Dean looked up and for a second his heart broke at the hope in Sam's eyes.
Dean closed his eyes for a brief second, he really wished he wasn't going to regret what he was about to do.
"Sam…these past few days man, riding with Cas…I dunno, it's been different…but in a good way, I've been…happy," Dean instantly regretted the last part as he saw Sam's reaction.
Sam's smile was instantly wiped off his face. His brother was happier…without him.
"When we're together, I'm just always so worried about you, about what's gonna happen to you, that I ignore everything else. I ignore the job, I ignore the people in danger…I can't afford that right now Sam, there's too much at risk," Dean looked up at Sam with apologetic eyes. "I just think it's better if we stay apart for now, at least until…"
"Until the apocalypse is over…" Sam felt like he had just been stabbed in the heart.
Sam looked down at the table, his eyes filling with tears. His brother didn't want him back, Dean was happier without him. Was this how far off the deep end he had gone? The brother who always looked out for him, the one person who meant everything to him in this world, no longer wanted him in his life? It hit him hard right then and there, he truly was a monster, Dean's rejection proved that.
Dean saw the devastation in Sam, and although he knew he had done the right thing, it hurt to see Sam in pain, especially when Dean was the cause of it. He had to get out of there.
"Look Sam, I uh, I gotta go grab some stuff from town…you can hang out for a bit I'm sure Bobby will be happy to see you," Dean smiled a small smile at Sam, grabbed his jacket and keys and headed towards the door.
Just as Dean left the kitchen, Bobby was right there waiting for him.
Dean froze when he saw Bobby, he could feel a lecture coming on but was surprised at the lack of one; what he saw instead was worse.
Bobby looked disappointed…hurt even. Dean couldn't do this right now, he took one last look at Bobby and walked out the door.
Bobby entered the room and wheeled his way to the exact spot Dean was sitting earlier.
Bobby saw the lone tear that had streamed down Sam's face, he also saw Sam quickly wipe it away.
"Hey kid," Bobby's heart broke at the utter devastation in Sam's eyes.
Sam tried to get himself together, Bobby already had so much to deal with, he didn't need this too.
"Hey Bobby," Sam smiled trying to act like everything was okay.
"You don't have to do that Sam, I heard everything,"
Sam's eyes immediately shot up to Bobby.
Sam started to get out of his chair,
"I can leave if…"
"Sit your ass down boy! Don't make me come over there!"
"You thought what? That just cuz your dumb ass brother wanted you gone that I would too?"
"Well…yeah," Sam starred down at his hands which were down by his lap.
"He hates me," Sam's eyes were once again filling with tears.
"He doesn't hate you Sam." Bobby's heart broke at the utter devastation in Sam's child-like voice. "He's just hurting right now, and you know how defensive your brother gets when he's hurting"
Sam stayed silent and unmoving. His eyes looked so haunted so…lost.
"Look, let me just talk to Dean okay, make him see…"
"No…don't Bobby…Dean he…he doesn't care anymore," Sam was trying real hard not to let the tears fall.
"That's a load of bull Sam! You mean everything to your brother, you know that!"
Sam shook his head.
"I used to mean everything to him…why couldn't he have just left me dead back at Cold Oak…I bet he wishes he had left me dead back there too…"
"Don't say that, you hear me! Don't you ever say that!"
"Why not Bobby!? Huh? It's true, if I was dead there would've been no one to start the apocalypse!"
"You don't know that,"
Sam closed his eyes, all this was too much to handle right now.
"It doesn't matter anyways, not like I'm gonna make it outta this alive, so I guess I'll get what I deserve"
"Don't talk like that Sam,"
"Bobby, hunters already know what I did, demons obviously know, the hunters want me dead and the demons want me to turn, and I'll kill myself before I turn, so either way I'm dead"
"What do you mean hunters know?"
Sam realized what he had blabbed out. He never meant to say that out loud, he didn't want Bobby feeling guilty.
"Nothing," he said looking away.
"Sam," Bobby warned.
"I should go…before Dean gets back…"
"Take care of yourself Bobby…and take care of Dean…please." With that Sam walked out the door.
Bobby starred in disbelief. He didn't like the sounds of what Sam said about hunters knowing. So Bobby decided to call up the hunters he had sent to assist Sam.
Dean strolled in about an hour after Sam had left.
Just as he was about to head to his room he heard Bobby's gruff voice.
"Dean, get your ass in here!"
Dean rolled his eyes, that tone could only mean one thing.
"Bobby, I really don't wanna do this right now," Dean replied making his way into the living room.
"Well tough! You're gonna sit there and listen to me whether you like it or not!"
Dean knew better than talk back to Bobby when he was like this so he parked a seat on the couch, preparing himself for the lecture he knew was coming.
"I get you're hurting okay, you have every right to be, but Sam's hurting too"
This really made Dean roll his eyes.
"Well maybe he should have thought of that before…"
"I'm not done!"
Dean actually shook a bit by the harshness in Bobby's voice.
"Sam is in this alone…like completely alone, you get that right? He has no one Dean, you're the only one he has…the only one he's ever had."
"He has you,"
"But he wants you…he needs you! And besides, I can't exactly do much in this piece of shit on wheels."
Dean said nothing and just continued to look at the carpet.
"Dean, hunters are starting to find out"
This caught Dean's attention, and the worry showed.
"Some hunters…they uh…they tried to shove demon blood down Sam's throat"
Dean's eyes looked furious and for the first time since this conversation started Bobby thought he may have started to break through Dean's exterior.
"Dean…you're brother is alone out there with everybody gunning for him. And to make it worse, he doesn't think he's gonna make it out of this alive. And to be honest, if you keep him at bay, I'm afraid he's gonna be right"
Dean looked at Bobby for a second and then looked away.
"My god," Bobby's eyes went wide as Dean looked up at him. "You really don't care anymore do you…you don't care what happens to him anymore"
"That's not fair, I have responsibilities!"
"There's no fair and not fair Dean, there's fact! Right now it is literally Sam against the world, no one cares about it, no one wants him to stay alive…and the only person he's ever had to protect him doesn't want the job anymore…doesn't even care anymore"
"Bobby, it's the apocalypse, there's a world to save, I don't have time…"
"You don't have time to watch out for your little brother? You don't have time to help out the one person who worships the ground you walk on, the one person who you mean more to than anyone else in this world? The one person who used to mean everything to you? That what you were gonna say, boy?
"He chose a demon over me!" Dean yelled a little louder than he had wanted.
It was Bobby's turn to roll his eyes.
"He made a mistake! A terrible one at that, but a mistake nonetheless. Get over it Dean!"
"Choosing is not a mistake! My entire life I looked out for him, only cared about him, for god sakes I died for him! And he goes and chooses a demon over me! How the hell am I supposed to feel Bobby!"
Bobby took a deep breath. A hurt Dean was a difficult and stubborn one to deal with.
"I know son, I know he hurt you, but you haveta understand, he wanted to end this…all of this, for everyone, but especially for you"
"You weren't there Bobby, all those times in the motel rooms, wondering when he'd go off with that bitch, worrying if he'd be okay or not, and he could care less!"
"He cared Dean, he just thought he was doing the right thing, he thought he was saving you."
"Oh god, give me a break Bobby!"
Why wasn't Bobby seeing this! Sam had chosen a demon, a demon over the one person who had been there for him his entire life!
Bobby shook his head.
"You have no idea what he went through when he lost you…no idea"
This took Dean by surprise, Bobby really couldn't mean that.
"Excuse me…I lost him too"
"For a few hours…he lost you for months Dean…months…he fell so far into depression…you may not wanna believe it but that demon bitch was the only thing that kept him alive. Everything he's ever done is for you…sure he has a messed up way of showing it, but it's all been for you, so you wouldn't haveta go through hell again"
Dean starred defiantly at the ground, not wanting Bobby to see the pain.
"You realize, you keep pushing Sam away and you're eating right out of their palms, demons and angels"
This caught Dean's attention as he looked up at Bobby.
"This is all planned Dean, this has all been planned since the day your mother agreed to that deal with the demon. They knew Sam was going to be born, they knew that Sam should be the chosen one, they knew at Cold Oak Sam would not kill because he had too big of a heart and he would be killed because of it, they knew you'd sacrifice your soul for Sam's life, they knew they could break you in hell, they knew Sam would lose his way once you died, they knew ruby would be able to manipulate his broken heart, they knew Sam would set Lucifer free, they knew it would push you two apart…don't you see…they always knew! You and Sam, you're just game pieces in their master plan, you two have never had a say in it…until now Dean…you can choose to not let them win…you can choose to not play into their hands."
Dean took in everything Bobby said.
"Dean…Sam thinks your life is better off without him, he thinks you hate him, but worst of all, he thinks you want him dead"
"What…" Dean's head snapped up.
"He thinks you regret saving him in Cold Oak," Bobby took a second to see Dean's reaction, and for the first time, he couldn't read it. "Do you?"
Dean didn't even need to think twice.
"No Bobby, I could never…"
Bobby let out a relieved sigh, so all was not lost yet.
"You really need to tell him that Dean, your brother....he's in a real bad place right now"
Dean starred back at the ground. Sam thinks I want him dead…
"Dean look at me."
Dean's eyes reluctantly shot up to meet Bobby's.
"Is all of this; saving the world, restoring the peace, you know the whole nine yards, gonna be worth it if at the end of all of it, you're left cremating your little brother?"
Bobby saw the horror in Dean's eyes. He saw the pain and the heartbreak that image had brought to Dean. As much as Bobby hated to see Dean like that, it had to be done.
That image of cremating Sam's body flashed before Dean's eyes. Tears started to pool up in his eyes, he knew the answer to Bobby's question…it wouldn't be worth it…none of it would be worth it if he lost Sam.
Bobby left Dean in the living room to give him some space to decide what to do.
It had been two days since Sam walked out of Bobby's place with a heavy heart. Any hope that he had of being brothers with Dean again disappeared the minute Dean said they were better off apart.
Sam decided to completely give up fighting…again. He couldn't do this anymore, he didn't have a purpose anymore. Hunters were out to kill him, demons were out to turn him, and Dean…Dean wanted nothing to do with him. The latter was what hurt the most.
And then there was the whole revelation about being Lucifer's vessel. Lucifer telling him there's nothing that Sam can do, that he would ultimately be Lucifer's vessel.
But Sam knew what he had to do, it was all he had left now…he had to find a way to kill himself without anyone being able to bring him back. He owed that much to the world, to Bobby….to Dean.
So that's what he was going to do, his mind was made up. That would be his mission now, his only purpose.
Sam decided the best place to start would be the library, so he grabbed his jacket and headed out.
It wasn't long before Sam found the alleyway which lead to a shortcut to the library. As he walked through the alley he started to get an uneasy feeling like he was being watched. When he started to hear footsteps behind him he turned to take a look...nobody. Sam got the eerie sense that he was being followed so he quickened his pace, he really was in no mood to fight off demons today. Just as he was about to round the corner two large men stepped around. Sam turned to walk the other way when he saw two more large men step around the other corner and then two more from the side. He was surrounded.
"Hey there Sammy boy" grinned the man he was facing.
"Who are you, what do you want?" questioned Sam. Sam knew that whoever they were and whatever they wanted was going to be in his best interest.
"Do you see that Tony," the same man said as he looked at his partner with the beard.
"The boy doesn't even know a hunter when he seems them anymore."
"We sure are Sammy, can I call you that?" mocked the man who was covering his side exit.
Sam knew this was bad, whether they were actually hunters or not, he knew he was screwed; for one he was outnumbered, and two he wasn't packing.
"You see Sam…we heard a little rumour about you"
"Oh yeah, what exactly did you hear?" Sam tried to play it cool but his voice waivered a little.
"A little birdy told me that Samuel Winchester, the son of the great John Winchester and brother of the admirable Dean Winchester, started the god damned apocalypse."
Sam's heart started to beat faster, his heart was racing so fast that he couldn't speak.
"Oh, so you're not even going to try and deny it?" questioned the bearded man as he got closer to Sam.
Sam kept his mouth shut, he couldn't deny it because it was true, he had lied enough, he couldn't keep doing it.
"You son of a…."
"BERNIE!" warned his partner. "All in good time."
"So how did you do it huh? You open the door for Lucifer yourself?"
Sam couldn't speak, his mouth had gone completely dry.
"So you start the Apocolypse and then decide not to explain yourself, classy Sammy, very classy"
That was the last thing Sam heard before his knees were kicked in and he fell on the ground.
Two of the men jumped on him and started throwing fists in his face, his abdomen, practically anywhere they could.
Sam tried his best to shield his body but with both the guys on him it was really hard. After a couple rounds of punching the shit out of him the guys stood up.
Sam started to cough up blood and quickly turned to his side.
"We also heard another rumour that your brother finally had some sense knocked into him and let your sorry ass walk away without coming after you. In my books, that's the smartest decision he's ever made."
Sam had finally got his breathing back under control and rolled onto his back. Within seconds he was hauled back onto his feet as two of the men held him by his arms.
"You're brother finally realized what a monster you are huh? Finally realized you're hell spawn. You're a nobody now, your own brother doesn't even want you anymore!"
Sam instantly looked at the ground, he knew he was a nobody to Dean right now, he didn't need other people reminding him. But then again, he deserved this, he deserves everything he gets.
"What? Nothing to say Sammy? No smart ass comment? No defending yourself?"
Sam looked up.
"No," he said weakly.
The man talking to him looked definitely into Sam's eyes.
Sam fell to a heap on the floor.
"Let's go Sammy, you and me one on one, you beat me, you can walk away without us killing you," said the man as he took a step back.
"What?" Sam looked up to see what the hell the man was talking about. Sure enough the man was standing there with his arms spread, enticing Sam to get up and fight.
Sam started to rise slowly and got to his feet.
"I'm not gonna fight you," he replied weakly.
"What do you mean you're not going to fight me! It's your only chance to live, so what are you waiting for!" The man was clearly getting inpatient.
"I'm not gonna fight you, you're another hunter, I'm not gonna fight you," Sam stood his ground. He had messed up so badly lately, he couldn't do this too, he couldn't possibly hurt a hunter…he wouldn't, he couldn't do that to Dean.
"You can do whatever you want to me, but I'm not fighting you," Sam said as he starred defiantly at the man.
"Suit yourself! Boys….teach Sammy here a lesson he won't forget…"
And with that the man walked away as the other five jumped Sam and beat him unconscious.
Sam had somehow managed to walk/crawl his way back to his motel room without being seen. He stumbled into the bathroom and landed on his side on the tiles. Everything was so fuzzy and all he could see was blood. He got himself to a sitting position to try and make everything stop moving. He knew he had a concussion, which means he knew he shouldn't close his eyes now either, although that was a very tempting thought.
His entire body hurt. He could feel each and every bruise and cut on his body and it was taking every ounce of strength he had not to black out.
He missed Dean, god he missed Dean. He felt so alone, completely, and utterly alone. No one would care if he died right here and now…except for Lucifer. Sam laughed at the irony in that. The only person who would care if he lived or died was the devil himself…go figure! But he couldn't give Lucifer that satisfaction, he had to go out his way, go out in a way that wouldn't allow Lucifer to bring him back. That thought propelled him into action as he reached over to grab the first aid kit, which wasn't too hard considering it was almost right beside him. Ever since Dean died and went to hell Sam made it a habit to keep the first aid kit on the ground in the bathroom, there were too many times where he'd come back, beaten and bloody, with no energy to get up once he passed out on the bathroom floor. The first aid box being on the ground made staying alive a little easier.
It had been a week since he rejected Sam and had that talk with Bobby. Seven days of complete confusion and emotions he didn't even know he had left. What Bobby said really hit a nerve, as mad as he was with Sam, as hurt as he was by what Sam had done the past year, he couldn't even fathom the idea of Sam dying. Just the thought of Sam being permanently gone, hurt in ways that Dean couldn't even describe.
Dean did had done some real soul searching these past few days and he questioned a lot of things, among them, he questioned himself. He questioned who he had become, how had he gone from dying for Sam, to telling him they were better off apart? When had he stopped being the big brother and become the person who sits in a car telling an angel that he's happier without his family?
And then there was the whole thing Bobby brought up about this all being planned from the day Sam was born. If that was true, and there was a lot of evidence to prove it was, could Sam really be blamed for any of it? Well, maybe a little, but he really didn't have a say in anything, he was practically screwed from the minute he was conceived.
Dean didn't know what to think anymore, just a couple days ago he was fine doing the job with Cas…well okay, maybe not fine, but he was functioning at least.
Dean took a deep breathe. He knew what he had to do, but first he was going to go take care of the omens Bobby was talking about.
Dean saw the run down pub and pulled over into the parking lot, cutting his engine. Grabbing his gun and some salt water he walked in. The pub was absolutely dead, except for one man standing around one of the pub tables.
Just as the door swung closed he turned around and started walking towards Dean.
"You must be Dean," said the man with a ridiculous smile on his face.
"In the flesh," Dean remarked back.
"I'm Martin, glad you can make it man, we've only heard good things about you," said the man as he shook Dean's hand.
"Huh, is that so," Dean said looking Martin. He noticed how young, and completely goofy looking Martin looked. The kid looked like he was starring at his favourite comic super hero or something. "So how can I be of assistance Martin, Bobby said something about omens."
"Yea for the past week there have been several omens showing up all around town, nothing's happened so far but I'm afraid if we don't act, something will."
"Yea you can bet your ass something…" Dean was interrupted by the back door swinging wide open.
"Hey guys," Martin greeted the men. "Guys this is…"
"Dean Winchester," filled in one of the men before Martin could finish. "We've heard good things."
"So I've heard," Dean replied raising his eyebrows. He wasn't sure why but he got an instant bad vibe off these guys. "And you are?"
"James, and these are my guys, we're hunters too."
"Yea…I sorta gathered that," Dean mocked.
James smiled and walked to the other side of the table.
"You bringing him up to speed there Martin?"
"Yea, I was just doing…hey Dean where's Sam, I was under the impression you two only work together."
Dean looked up at the men.
"Yea uh, Sam and I decided to go our separate ways for a bit, you know cover more ground," Dean lied, well the latter part was a lie.
"Why…did you two fight or something?" questioned Martin genuinely concerned.
"Dude…" Dean looked at him incredulously raising his eyebrow. "Really not any of your business."
"Oh…yea…right sorry," Martin blushed.
"Well there's no need to worry, Sam's uh…been taken care of for the time being," chuckled one of the guys in the back.
Dean's head automatically snapped up at this comment.
"What did you just say," Dean said as he angrily approached the chuckling man.
"Well we just sort of paid him a little friendly visit a few days ago, just to make sure everything was on the up and up," smiled James.
Dean's breathing picked up.
"What the hell does that mean!" Dean's calm yet deadly voice surfaced as he got in James's face.
"Are you kidding me! You're seriously going to get mad at me for beating that hell spawn!"
Dean's hand automatically went to his gun.
"Say that again and see what happens to you!" Dean starred down James.
"Wow," James said taking a step back. "You're actually gonna stand by him, after what he did."
"And what exactly is it that you think my brother did huh?" Dean starred threateningly.
"Dean even you haveta know by now, things don't say secret in the hunting world for too long, and something as big as setting Lucifer free…it gets out," James said as he got in Dean's face.
Dean's fists clenched immediately and he wanted nothing more than to pumble the guy right there and then.
"What…he let Lucifer free?" Martin gasped. Martin's eyes resembled that of a 5 year old boy who just found out that his super hero was really a villain. But Dean didn't have time to deal with Martin right now.
"Listen here you pompous ass, you don't even know the whole story!" Dean replied in his deathly calm voice. Dean looked calm on the outside but his mind was racing on the inside. What the hell did they do to Sammy? How badly is he hurt? How the hell did these guys find out? Who the hell told them! The questions were bombarding his mind.
"I know enough! And I gave him a chance to fight and the idiot decided to choose that moment to act all righteous saying he won't fight another hunter…so he releases Lucifer but won't try and save his own life…your brother's a moron!"
Dean had had enough, he swung back and knocked out James as hard as he could. The other men were about to jump at Dean when Dean pulled his gun out, he would've beat them all to shit if he had the time but he didn't know what condition his brother was in, a day could do a lot to an injured body and he didn't have the time to personally teach each of them a lesson right now.
"If my brother is not okay, you bet your ass I'll be coming for all of you…DO YOU HEAR ME! He may have not wanted to fight you but I sure as hell have no problem doing it!" Dean stormed out of the room and headed straight for the Impala.
Dean hung up the phone with Bobby, who had just informed him of where Sam was staying, and headed onto the interstate.
Dean felt sick, the thought of how close he may have come to losing his little brother made him want to puke.
His mind was racing to all different scenerios on how he was going to find Sam. Would Sam be badly injured? Would he even be in his room? Would he be bleeding to death? Had he gotten himself checked out?
And then the scene at Bobby's kept playing over and over and over again. He kept seeing the utter devastation on Sam's face when he had told Sam that they were better off apart. It had killed him to say that to Sam, but he just didn't know what to do anymore. He still didn't trust Sam, as much as he wanted to he couldn't, and when you're trying to stop the apocalypse having a partner you trust is the only way to save the world.
And then the guilt hit. Dean blamed himself for whatever condition he was going to find Sam in. Sam's so guilt ridden that he wouldn't even fight a hunter to protect his own life! The big brother side of Dean knew that rejecting Sam was inexcusable, and all the guilt that had be stowed away since Lucifer was set free came rising to the top.
And then Dean started having all these flashbacks of when they were growing up, how Sam used to follow him everywhere, listen to everything he said, look up to him like he was some sort of super hero. He even started having flashbacks to a few years ago when they'd be hunting, the simplest things came to mind like their prank wars, the little joke they pulled on those ghostbuster jokers, and the Christmas that Sam had set up at the motel for Dean.
Everything was hitting Dean all at once as he finally realized everything Bobby said, if he lost Sam tonight, none of this would be worth it, saving the world would not be worth it if he lost his little brother. With that he stepped on the gas pedal.
Sam was sitting at the table reading up on some of information he had found on the internet about ways to stay permanently dead. It had been a few day since he had had that less than exciting encounter with those hunters and he figured that a trip to the library in his condition would raise too many questions, so he opted to do some internet research instead.
Just as Sam was about to get up and grab some coffee he heard a knock at the door. Sam was a little hesitant walking to the door, for all he knew it could be more hunters who found out and wanted to kill him.
As he turned the knob and opened the door slowly his heart stopped when he saw who was standing on the other side.
Dean had finally made it to the motel. He sat in his car for a few seconds preparing himself for what shape he'd find Sam in.
Finally he stepped out of the impala and walked towards Sam's room. Dean stood in front of room 16B where Bobby had said Sam would be. He took a deep breath as he prepared himself to see Sam in whatever shape he was in.
The first two knocks got no response and Dean was starting to get agitated, but on the third knock Sam opened the door.
The first thing Dean noticed was the black, blue and purple colours all over Sam's face and arms. The second thing he noticed was the shocked look on Sam's face and the emptiness in his eyes.
"Hey Sammy," Dean stood awkwardly starring at his brother, wanting to pound those guys' faces into the ground.
"Dean…" Sam was speechless, Dean was the last person he expected at his doorstep.
"Nice face," Dean's attempt at a joke was shot down when Sam didn't even smile, he was too shocked to smile. "Can I come in?"
Sam nodded but still remained speechless.
"What are you…"
"I heard about those hunters…I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Dean said looking at Sam's bruises.
Dean looked at Sam, and this time he actually looked at Sam. Sam was serious, he was truly confused as to why Dean would care what those hunters did to him.
"Because you're my brother Sam"
Sam looked at Dean then looked at the ground and walked past Dean and took a seat on the bed. Dean watched Sam walk to the bed and noticed Sam's limp. Dean clenched his fists, he really wished he had shot all those guys.
"Your leg ok?"
"It's fine Dean," Sam said still starring at the ground.
Dean walked over to the bed across from Sam and took a seat facing his little brother.
"You never could lie about injuries, you were limping, did you ice it?"
"Dean…stop it…please," Sam said his voice shaking.
"Stop what?" Dean asked incredulously.
"Just stop…stop acting like you care, it just makes everything so much harder," Sam could've sworn Dean looked hurt by that, but he knew it was probably just wishful thinking.
"Of course I care, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Well you made sure, so you don't have to stay now," Sam said as he got off the bed.
Dean couldn't believe this, he came all this way to get kicked out by Sam.
"Well sorry for wanting to see if you were still in one piece!" Dean said furiously.
"What do you want from me Dean!" Sam snapped as he turned back around. "You asked me to leave so I left! You haven't called or checked up since I left, and now you come and I'm supposed to act like everything's okay, in what world is any of this okay!
Dean was taken back by Sam's sudden outburst.
Sam immediately felt embarrassed by his outburst.
"Look, I don't want your pity okay, I know I deserve everything I get," he said more calmly. "Thank you for checking up on me, but I'm okay."
Dean stood up from where he was sitting.
"Sam, I didn't come here out of pity, and you don't deserve to get your ass kicked" he exclaimed softly, all of Dean's anger had subsided because he saw how much Sam was hurting. "Unless of course it's by me," Dean joked with a little smile. But once again his joke fell onto deaf ears.
Sam looked and Dean for a few moments and then sagged back into a sitting position on the bed.
Dean went back to his seat on the bed across Sam.
"Sammy," Dean started. "When those guys…when they said they had taken care of you…"
"You saw them?" Sam's head shot up to meet Dean's.
"Yeah, I uh, I was actually supposed to do a job with them, until one of those idiots opened their mouths about what they did to you."
Dean saw Sam nod his head and took that as a cue to continue.
"When they said that they had taken care of you…to be honest man…I got scared," Dean's eyes immediately met Sam's. "I mean there were 6 of them, 1 of you…and we both know how vengeful hunters can be. "Man, Sammy, I wanted to kill them, all of them, right there and then. I didn't know what kind of condition you were in, hell I didn't even know if you were alive."
Sam could see the truth in Dean's words and emotions.
"I know I said we were better off apart, but that was my pride talking. You hurt me and…I guess I was trying to make sure that never happened again."
Sam nodded his head.
"And I thought not having you around would make the job easier, would make saving the world easier, 'cause I wouldn't haveta worry about protecting you since I wouldn't know what was going on with you…but man…not knowing is the worst. I mean I didn't know what these guys even did to you till one of them told me…and they could've killed you!"
Sam eye's started to tear, Dean was being serious, he truly did still care.
"Speaking of which, why the hell didn't you fight back!" Dean asked angrily.
"I didn't want you to think I was more of a monster than you already thought I was," replied Sam quietly.
Dean was taken aback by Sam's answer.
"What are you talking about Sam," Dean said a little calmer.
"How would it have looked if I hurt a hunter Dean?" Sam replied looking directly at Dean, his eyes filled with emotions. "It would be his word against mine, and I know I'm not exactly a credible source in your books anymore."
Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing, Sam had let himself get beat to shit all because he didn't want Dean hating him more. What had he done to his little brother. Dean got up and started pacing the room.
"Sammy, first of all, it would be self defense, and secondly…despite how I've acted recently and despite what I may have led you to think, I will always…always, take your side over anyone's, don't you ever doubt that," he said looking directly into Sam's eyes.
"Y-you mean that?"
Dean couldn't believe how young Sam sounded, how vulnerable.
"Yeah Sammy, I mean that," Dean smiled. Just then Dean's eye's caught a glimpse of what was on the open laptop.
"What the hell," Dean whispered out loud as he walked over to the laptop.
Sam noticed where Dean's line of site had gone and he immediately jumped up to try and close the laptop, but he was too late, Dean got there first.
Dean grabbed the laptop off the table before Sam could shut it. He started to read what was on there and Sam started to back away as he saw Dean's eyes go wide with fury.
Sam knew it was over, once Dean found out that he was Lucifer's vessel there was no way he'd stick around.
"What the hell Sam?" Dean asked furiously. "Eternity death spells? What the hell is this!"
"If you don't start talking…"
Sam's breathing started picking up pace and the room seemed to be closing in on him. Dean was going to find out and he was going to hate him. All of a sudden the room started to spin and everything felt fuzzy, and the next thing he knew he was making a straight B-line to the floor.
As Sam's eyes started to open slowly he heard a voice that sounded a lot like Dean's.
Sam eye's focused in on his big brother.
"Yea kiddo, it's me," Dean replied as he helped Sam off the ground onto the bed.
"What…what happened?" Sam said as he started to make his way to a sitting position.
"Well you took a little swan dive a few minutes ago," Dean replied as he walked over to the kitchen cabinet.
"Oh…my head hurts," Sam said touching his forehead.
"Yeah, seems like those assholes did a number on you," Dean said sympathetically as he handed Sam two asprin and some water.
"Thanks," Sam said as he took the asprin.
They sat there quietly for a few minutes.
"Don't Dean…please…I can't…I don't wanna talk about it right now"
"Well I do, this is all my fault, if I hadn't been so hard on you, if I hadn't asked you to leave you would never want to…"
"This has nothing to do with that, so don't feel guilty,"
"Then what does it haveta do with? 'Cause it looks like you're suicidal Sam, and I'll be damned if I let you…"
"I'm Lucifer's vessel," Sam blurted out. There, it was out, Dean knew.
Dean's eyes went wide, and for the first time he was speechless.
Sam kept staring at the ground, his eyes filling with tears, he was too scared to look at Dean, too scared of the resentment he would see in his brother's eyes.
Dean stood up from where he was knelt in front of Sam and walked towards the door.
Sam was sure Dean was about to leave, but then Dean stopped in front of the door. Sam figured he might as well tell Dean everything.
"Lucifer…he…he came to see me, he told me I was his vessel," Sam said with a shaky voice.
Dean couldn't believe this. Sam…his little brother, was the freaking Devil's vessel.
"I knew he needed my consent and I told him I'd die before I gave him my consent," Sam continued. Hoping his brother believed that. His voice got quiet for this next part, he dreaded this next part. "He told me…he told me that I could kill myself as many times as I wanted, that he'd just bring me back to life, and keep bringing me back to life until I consented."
Dean's heart froze when he heard those words, it was like the world just stopped moving.
He remembered Hell, he remembered how they kept ripping him apart and putting him back together until he agreed to get off the rack…oh god…was that what they were going to do to his little brother.
"That's why I need to find this spell, I need to find a way so that he won't ever be able to bring me back," Sam trailed off his voice shaking. Sam mistook Dean's silence for hatred and the tears were threatening to pool over.
"I'm so sorry Dean," Sam said looking at the ground shamefully.
Dean was trying hard to keep his own tears at bay. The devastation in Sam's voice ripped a hole through his heart. Bobby was right…this whole thing, every little thing had been planned all along, Sam and him…they had no chance in hell for any of this, at least not till now. Things were going to be different now, he wasn't going to leave Sam alone to fight this, heaven and hell could go screw themselves, he was staying with his brother!
Dean finally turned around and made his way to Sam. He sat across Sam with their knees almost touching.
"Don't you dare apologize Sammy, not for this," Dean's voice was raw with emotion and his heart broke when he saw Sam's sorrowful eyes reach his. "This is not your fault, you hear me! Granted we've both made some pretty bad decisions this past year and I'm not completely unpissed at you, but man we never stood a chance in hell! Everything's been planned from the get go! You had no control over Lucifer choosing you. But not anymore, we're not letting those bastards win!"
"Dean, I'm Lucifer's vessel…you're Michael's vessel," Sam choked out as tears finally started streaming down his face. "That means…that means it's gonna be you against me at the end of this, when all is said and done…it's gonna be you against me, and I can't…you're all I have....I can't," Sam started shaking his head as that terrifying realization settled in.
A tear streamed down Dean's face as he too realized what could end up happening at the end of it all, but Sam had it wrong it wasn't going to be him against Dean.
"Sammy…Sammy look at me," Dean said as he waited for Sam to look up.
Finally Sam's blood shot eyes looked up and met Deans.
"You mean more to me than anything in this entire world. I would go to hell for you again in a heart beat. But most importantly Sammy, you need to know that it will never…and I mean never, be you against me, okay…they may take over our bodies and it may come down to Michael against Lucifer….but never you against me, I promise you that little brother," Dean said as he grabbed Sam into a hug.
Sam grabbed the back of Dean's jacket and held on like he was holding on for dear life.
"It's you and me against the world Sammy, the way it's always been, we'll find a way through this, and even if we don't, we'll go out together…guns blazing," he smiled as he held onto Sam.
Sam held on tight to Dean, to his anchor, and for the first time in a long time, he had hope again.
And as for Dean, he finally truely understood that in order to save the whole world, he'd have to save his whole world first.