Title: I am Batman
Word count: 900ish
Summary: Dean. Castiel. A date.
Warnings : Crack!
The cinema was dark and on the screen Christian Bale was kicking ass in Hong Kong because he was just that awesome and Dean Winchester, who had paid for two tickets to see this cinematic experience in a one off showing in a town he couldn't pronounce, having missed the first run when he was in Hell, was there. It was a detail that Alistair reminded him of daily by telling him just how amazing that the Dark Knight was without any embellishment, and that Hell was running day trips for demons who exceeded expectations.
Dean had assumed it was more of the demon's lies until he'd actually got topside and saw that everyone seemed to be of the same opinion as Hell had been. And he had missed it.
So when he saw tickets for sale in a small town where they were hunting he bought two intending to bring along his brother, who had, it was later revealed, already seen it. Because obviously his going darkside, demon exorcising scary grief had not prevented him from catching the motion picture event of Dean's death.
So Dean took the two pre-order only tickets, for a one time showing, and went on his own.
He took the seat next to the one next to the wall, popped his gummy bears and bucket of soda into the cup holders and sat down to watch.
Castiel appeared just before the movie started, just popping into existence in the empty chair, although Dean had not even thought to call for him.
"Hey," Dean whispered.
"Hello," Castiel said, not bothering to whisper, "I." He began
"Shush," the man in the row behind them said.
Dean decided as Christian Bale used cellophones for some strange dark purpose that Dean didn't really understand, that this was a date with the angel, which was fine by him, but that he was never taking Castiel anywhere ever again.
"So this man, is a bat, but he's not a bat, he's a man." Castiel just couldn't get his head around it.
"Yes, he's Batman." Dean whispered back.
"But he is clearly more man than bat so surely he should be Manbat."
"No, that's someone else."
"I am confused, so there is a man who pretends to be a bat and he is batman, but there is a bat that pretends to be a man and that is manbat."
"Shush" came the voice from the back row.
"And Catwoman is not a cat?"
"And this joker he is not amusing, in fact he has told no jokes, he has only done a magic trick, which was not very magical, so surely he should be the Magician." Dean groaned.
"Shush." insisted the man in the row behind them.
"It is very difficult to follow this film with the gentleman behind us." Castiel went on to say.
Dean rolled his eyes, "he's trying to watch this, Cas, and you're disturbing him with your questions."
"Oh," the angel said and then went quiet, for all of three minutes. "So he is not really a hybrid of man and bat."
"No, that's Manbat."
"Oh," there was a pause, "so he dresses like a bat."
"Will you just shut up?!" hissed the man in the row behind them.
"It is very hard to concentrate on this," Castiel said turning, "with you speaking."
"That's it!" Dean said standing up, "I give up, the universe does not want me to see this film," and with a few excuse mes left the theatre with Castiel following behind him.
"I do not understand."
"I know!" Dean snapped, dropping his rootbeer into the trash. "And it's not your fault, you can't understand superheroes, it's not you. It's...." The words were gone.
"I am sorry." Castiel said bluntly, "I knew that you were looking forward to that and I wanted to share that with you."
Dean almost melted at that. "It's okay," he lied, wondering how long it would be before the film came out on dvd and then he could explain things to Castiel properly, and then, the second time he could watch it all on his own.
"It could have been worse," he admitted. "It could have been the x-men." Because that film had rocked and would have been a million times harder to explain.
"I know that," Castiel said brightly, "isn't that when people have gender reassignment surgery?"
"I'm still in hell," Dean thought to himself, "that's it, I'm still in Hell."
"I would like to hear more about this Manbat." Castiel said standing behind Dean. "I think he would be a good soldier in the war."
"He's not real, Cas," Dean told him
"But he was life size, and not small like the people in the television." He blinked as he thought, "were we not watching his true exploits."
"No," Dean told him, "he's not real, Bruce Wayne isn't real, super powers aren't real, although Batman doesn't have any, other than being rich and really sneaky."
"Then he is like you." Castiel said with a smile, "for you are rich in love and very sneaky, and you are a better soldier than he could be." Dean didn't have a word for that, he just knew that when he went to see the Watchmen he was bringing an angel hex bag.