title: we'd be so perfect in another world
fandom:
Ruby and the Rockits
pairing: Ruby/Jordan
rating:
PG-13 to be safe.
summary: Ruby Gallagher isn't like most people.
warnings:
Thoughts of incest. Also, lots of angst.
disclaimer: Ruby and the Rockits isn't mine, sadly.

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When most people think of their cousin, they picture family holidays and annoying little habits and shrieks of children's laughter intermingled with the voice of the adult saying shhhh in a vain attempt to calm things down. They think of emails and photos. They don't like to admit it, but they love their cousins in family way.

Ruby Gallagher isn't like most people.

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She's not exactly sure how it starts.

She just knows that Jordan's smile gives her butterflies in her stomach and that slowly, the idea of what could happen in Jordan wasn't her cousin creeps into her head quietly. And then Ruby notices how cute he is, and she looks forward to seeing him every day, and she spends time in class writing a song about him instead of taking her notes. By the time she figures out that she likes (loves) him in a way that isn't cousinly, it's too late and she can't reverse the damage (it's like she's fallen down a rabbit hole and there's no way out).

.

She pretends everything's fine, acts like she's still comfortable with Jordan. She calls him "cuz" and rolls her eyes when he talks about hot girls (her heart is breaking but she has to do it) and tells Kristen that while Jordan can be annoying, she's still really glad he's her cousin.

But every part of her screams liarand she wants so badly to hug Jordan in a way that cousins shouldn't that Ruby starts to worry that her crush is going overwhelm her until she can't keep it secret anymore, can't fool people anymore. Her heart pounds so loudly in her ears whenever he so much as grazes her hand with his that she's sure Jordan can hear it. She's afraid that she's going to open her mouth at breakfast one morning to ask him to pass the Cheerios, and instead, all the truths that she's been hiding will come spilling out of her mouth in a disgusting mess and she'll be exposed. No more lies to hide behind, no more fake crushes on the hottest guys in school, just her sick love and her shame and Jordan's repulsed eyes looking straight at her (and she'd break into a million little pieces from the pain).

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She starts to avoid spending alone time Jordan when they're both home, in a desperate attempt to keep him from finding it out. It's a complicated dance of more lies, lies about having homework or plans with friends. It's a delicate house of cards that needs to be balanced by more cards than just the Ruby and Jordan cards alone together, or everything could come crashing down until no cards are left standing.

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Whenever Ruby gets into bed and closes her eyes all she can think about is Jordan, Jordan with his smile and his blonde hair that's so much like hers. It's not just because she likes him (loves him), even. It's that she misses hanging out with him. She misses singing songs with him and laughing with him and just enjoying spending time with him. It all feels so different now, like they have fake smiles just to please Patrick and Audie. There's no laughter bubbling in the air anymore, no random movie nights, no bond. It's her fault, Ruby knows. Her fault for avoiding him and her fault for being such a sick freak. But she can't go back, she just can't. Every time she talks to him, she pictures his disgusted eyes when he finds out about her love. Far better to just accept the reality of it and avoid him than keep hanging out with him and pretend they have a chance. It's the only way she can get through this.

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(Occasionally, though, she lets herself imagine a scenario where Jordan isn't disgusted by her, isn't horrified that she let herself become corrupted like this, because he has suffered the same temptation. They're both tentative and unsure but they just live, live with what they've become and accept that it's happening, and they maybe even let themselves find solace in each other.)

(Sometimes she sees something in him that makes her believe it could actually happen.)

(And it's nice.)

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A/N: Reviews are love. I mean it.

And sorry for the abrupt ending, but it's the best way I could think of to end it.