Super mafia bros.
Chapter 4: Meet the Gang!
Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo, The Mario franchise, the characters, Dean Martin, or any other Italian Mafia or videogame references.
The time: Who gives a hoot?
The place: King Koopa's bar, the Koopa building.
In the smoke filled bar of King Koopa, there was a rather shady looking group of characters hanging out in the bar. A couple of them were playing billiards and smoking cigars, some were playing cards and smoking cigars, eating spaghetti and smoking cigars, and doing other stuff while smoking cigars. In short, EVERYONE in the place was smoking cigars. (Just like real mobsters and hoodlums.) Besides the smoke filling the room, a song from Dean Martin (Or whatever it is Mafia guys usually listen to) was playing on the record player.
"Ey, did ya guys hear 'bout what happened to Kong Capone?" asked the guy eating spaghetti.
"Na Koiby, wat happened?" replied a short mushroom headed man with a Brooklyn accent.
The guy who was eating the spaghetti was known as Kirby. He was King Koopa's top fixer and mechanic for all his cars. Despite his cute appearance as a small, pink, fluffball, he spoke in a rough and gravelly voice, and out of all the guys smoked the most and ate the most food.
"Well, from what I've heard, I heard Kong got whacked by just two ordinary plumbers." answered Kirby as he resumed eating his spaghetti.
"What? Nah, c'mon man, the boss whacked him, what're ya talking about?" replied the Mushroom man known as Toad.
"No, he's right." answered a tall brown haired and bearded skinny man.
"C'mon Snake, you really think just two plumbers can come out of nowhere and whack Kong Capone? How do ya know anyway?" asked Toad.
"I heard it from the boss himself from his car phone." answered the man known only as Snake. "He even says he's bringing them here."
"Just two plumbers? What does the boss really see in those guys anyway?" pondered Toad as he sipped his mug of ale.
"Maybe you can ask them yourself when they get here." finished Kirby.
"When do they get here anyway, cuz I got a lotta questions I wanna a-"
Before Toad could finish his sentence, the boss himself arrived with the two plumbers and his right hand man Link, barging through the front double-doors. Koopa then shouted in a booming hearty voice,
"Boys, I would like to introduce you all to our newest members of the family! Say hello to the Mario Brothers! This one is Mario, and the skinny one is Luigi."
The whole room fell silent, and the only audible thing were the rumors being whispered about.
"Those are the new members?"
"Those two are not really plumbers, are they?"
"C'mon, there's no way those two schmucks whacked Kong Capone."
"Boys, you go ahead and introduce yourselves to the gang, I'll be in my office." said Koopa as he walked towards the hall.
"Doing what in your office?" asked Luigi in a curious tone.
"Gotta answer some phone calls. You boys introduce yerselves to the gang. I'll see ya soon." answered King Koopa as he walked down the hall, filling the hall with the smoke of his cigar.
The brothers looked pretty intimidated by the gritty individuals in the smoke filled bar. One by one, they were greeted by evil stares and glares. The brothers tried introducing themselves properly to the gang of cut-throats, renegades, and hoodlums.
"Hello there friends, my name is Mario, and this is my younger brother Lugi."
"We heard that the first time already, sheesh." replied toad in a rude manner as he puffed his cigar.
"Ignore that prick, no one listens to him anyway. The name's Kirby, pleased to meetcha fellas." said the pink fluffball with the 5-0 clock shadow and a gritty, gravelly voice. He shook their hands one by one.
The short mushroom man also had a short temper.
"Hey. Excuse me! What the hell did I ever do ta you to deserve that, Koiby!"
"Well, as I recall," answered Kirby, " You stole my car behind my back and wrecked it, ya owe snake over there about over a hundred bucks for blowing it all on that little misadventure at "The Club", and ya badmouthed Link's girlfriend right in front of her face!"
As he walked around the bar, breaking it down one by one, the rest of the guys in the bar agreed with him one by one, and each time Toad's face grew paler and paler. He didn't have anything smart-ass to say back like he usually did, so he just walked off like an angry child. Before he left, he turned back one last time, and muttered something in a quiet, sinister slur:
"Y'er gonna regret this Koiby..."
"Remember "THE CLUB" Toad!" yelled Snake as he raised his mug in the air.
Everyone in the bar laughed, and an embarrassed red faced Toad ran off.
"What exactly happened in "THE CLUB" anyway?" asked a curious Lugi.
"Eh, that's a story for another time, I'll tell ya later about it." answered Kirby as he walked them over to meet the gang.
"As you know, the name's Kirby, I'm Koopa's number one fixer and mechanic for all his cars. You've already met toad, he's in charge of the gambling and betting for all the sporting events, the little slimeball.. and that tall one over there is Snake. If ya need something that goes BANG or BOOM, Snake's your man, he can get it for ya."
"Get what exactly?" asked Mario.
"Things that go BANG or BOOM." answered Snake lazily.
"You mean you're an arms dealer?" questioned Luigi.
"What? No, I don't deal in ARMS or LEGS, but I do have a lot of guns, if that's what you're asking." answered an obviously confused Snake.
The brothers were quite creeped out by this guy. Luigi then forgot to mention something as he pointed to Link.
"Hey, what about that guy, the one who knocked us out cold with that bat!"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that fellas, I forgot to introduce myself. The name's Link, King Koopa's right hand man, accountant, chauffeur, and, uhhm, right-hand man.." Link didn't know how to finish.
"Basically, you do everything right?" corrected Mario.
"Uhh, well.." Link kept twiddeling his thumbs and didn't know how to answer properly without feeling embarrassed.
"YES." said everyone in the bar in a lazy tone.
"SHUT UP! I don't do every single freakin' thing for Koopa!"
"Sure ya do!" answered a random wise-ass. "Who else is there to give him a sponge-bath?"
"Or who else is there to read him bed-time stories and tuck him in at night!" added the wise-asse's drunken idiot buddy.
As they both laughed in an obnoxious uproar, a lot of the guys in the bar surrounded them and began to pummel the crap outta them, and then throw their asses out the door. The brothers were quite shocked at this random act of violence.
"Does this usually happen a lot?" asked a frightened Luigi as he backed up against the wall.
"Yeah, occasionally there are a couple of drunken goons and their idiot buddies, but hey, this is a tough bar, whaddya expect?" answered Link as he regained his composure. The brothers then noticed a small masked man sitting in the corner of the bar all by himself.
"Who's that guy?" asked Mario as he pointed at the little masked man.
"Oh, him? That's the Shy Guy." answered Kirby as he joined in on the topic.
"The Shy Guy?"
"Yeah, he never talks to anyone or ever says a word, he always orders the same drink and sits there every day in that corner, all by his lonesome self. Pretty weird fella if ya asked me." answered Kirby.
As they kept wondering who the guy really was, Link interrupted with an important announcement for the brothers.
"Fella's, the boss wants to see ya in about an hour. Just make yourselves at home, have a couple o' drinks, and get to know the gang some more. I'll come up with ya when it's time to leave, alright?"
The boys passed the time by having a couple o' drinks, asking some questions about the other guys, and they just started to ask about Toad's misadventure at "The Club."
Kirby was just about to start when Link came back.
"Alright boys, the boss wants to see ya now. We gotta go."
"Aww, it's already been an hour? But I wanted to hear the story about "The Club"!" whined Mario as he pounded his mug on the table.
"Like I said, I'll tell ya fellas another time. Nice to meetcha by the way." replied Kirby as he shook their hands.
The brothers went up the elevator with Link. While it was going up, Luigi asked him another question.
"So, why exactly so they call you Link?"
"Why? Well, I guess because I know everything there is to know, and people always go to me for questions. They say because I got certain "Link's" of information, and if they need to know something, they go to me."
"So you're also Koopa's information officer?" asked Mario.
" It's not really my official title, but I guess you could call it that if ya want.." answered Link as the elevator came up to their floor.
They approached the office of King Koopa himself, and entered through the fancy wooden doors. The boss was sitting on the desk with the phone in his hand, and had a concerned look on his face.
"Something wrong boss?" asked Link as he walked in with the brothers.
"Ya got a phone call. It sounds pretty serious.." answered the boss as he handed Link the phone.
Link had a serious grim look on his face, and he had a certain fear he knew who it was. With a calm, cool, professional voice, he answered:
It sounded like someone was yelling on the other side of the phone, like an angry nagging woman.
Link immediately lost his cool calm composure, and looked extremely embarrassed.
"Zelda, baby, that's not what's happening!"
He ran out in the hall with the phone, and his exchange over the phone was still echoing.
"No Zelda, I'm not hanging out with my "Mafia" friends! They're not mafia, why do you keep calling em that! What! No, I got work that day! What! NO, not that kind of "work!" Can we go the movies another day, when I'm not busy? What- wait wait wait, No baby, please don't hang up, please!"
The brothers and Koopa could still hear the exchange going on, and they all had dumb confused looks on their faces. A couple minutes later, an extremely depressed Link walked into the office and returned the phone.
"Angry girlfriend, sorry you had to hear that.."
He then walked back out into the hall, his pride and dignity shattered.
Luigi was about to ask another question, when Koopa quickly answered.
"I don't wanna know.."
A few uncomfortable minutes of silence was finally broken when Mario finally asked what he wanted to see them for.
"Well boys, since you're both now officially part of this family, I got a special job for ya that needs taken care of..."
Next Chapter, The first job! See ya then!