A/N: HAPPY 2010 everyone!!
First thing: I would like to thank the wonderful beta's at Project Team Beta for all their help –the two for this chapter were Bailey Brittin and MaggieCullen. They make it all flow so much better!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the Robsessed DVD my husband got me for Christmas
I wanted to hold Edward forever and never let go. The feeling of being wrapped up in his arms was sheer bliss. I knew that any second he would let go and then reality would be right in front of me once again. I imagined that in that one perfect moment, he felt as deeply and passionately as I did, but remembering how he left things at my apartment, I had my doubts.
He nuzzled my hair and whispered words to me in a foreign language, and I wanted so badly to ask him what he said, but I was afraid to say anything. I thought that if the silence was interrupted, he would let go this would be the last time he would ever touch me. I wasn't willing to give any of it up quite yet.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Alice's car was gone.
That sly little sprite...how did she do it?
Edward finally started to pull back from me, and I reluctantly let him go. He dropped his arms and backed up a few paces. Golden irises met cerulean and we stared in silence. The expression on his face was impassive, giving no clues as to his emotional state.
He looked around for a second, then the corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he shook his head muttering, "Alice."
Edward finally looked at me again and started to back away. Still ready to fight for him and for us, I took a step forward for each one he took in the opposite direction. He was almost to his car, which was perfect because he would have nowhere to go but forward after that.
"Jasper, stop," he put his hands out in front of him in a gesture to halt my movements.
Not going to happen my friend…you will talk to me.
"No, Edward, I won't stop. We are going to talk like adults, no one getting upset and no one leaving. I need some answers, and you are going to give them to me." Determination had set in and "no" was not a viable option at that point.
He ran his hand through the bronze locks on his head. Even messy and exasperated, he was fucking beautiful.
"I know we need to talk, Jasper, but now is not the time. I need you to give me some space and the opportunity to sort things out in my head." He looked so lost, so I reached out my hand to take his. He yanked his hand away before I could grasp it.
"Don't," he hissed at me. "I just told you I need space, that was not an invitation to invade mine."
Well excuse the fuck out of me, grumpy.
"Listen, Edward, there is no need to be a jumpy prick. I was only trying to comfort you, not jump you. I am not leaving until we talk, besides, your car is blocking mine in. We can either do it out here or inside. It's your choice, but not talking is not an option for me."
Alice said I would have to be persistent, but I hope it doesn't push him further away.
He still hadn't budged; he just stood there without moving a muscle. It was bizarre; not even his chest was moving as he breathed. Looking closer, I noticed his lips were moving, but they were going so fast that I couldn't make out what he was saying.
The perfectly sculpted man in front of me was like a statue, so perfect that he belonged in a museum or botanical garden for everyone's viewing pleasure. The hint of sun trying to peek out from behind the clouds made him look other worldly, the alabaster of his flesh and bronze shade of his hair almost too good to be true. His skin was luminous, his face celestial, making him look like a seraphim. All that was missing were his wings.
Taking a really good look at this being in front of me, I almost felt unworthy to even be standing before him. Maybe that was why he had been alone for so long, people were afraid to approach someone so ethereal. No one could compete with him in the looks department. He was in his own league, and we mere mortals were ugly in comparison.
It was no wonder why he didn't want to be with me when he looked like he did. We didn't even really look like we belonged together.
He finally snapped out of the daze he was in and spoke in that melodic, silky voice I had already grown dependent on. "You are right, Jasper. I had hoped to have a few more days before we had this talk, but now it is. We can go inside the house." He stepped aside and let me lead the way to the front door.
I could hear his light footsteps following me as I walked up to the porch and waited for him to open the door. He paused at the bottom of the steps for a moment and looked up at me. That whir that crackled through the air when we were together was flowing between us, and my eyes refused to budge from his as we stood there and took each other in.
He gingerly stalked towards me, never removing his gaze from mine, and slowly halted. My hands were so desperate to grab onto him that I had to force them to stay in place at my sides. Edward stopped in front of me, fiery gold irises boring into brilliant sapphire.
Being that close, our bodies were powerless to stop the magnetic pull that drew them together. Edward slowly leaned his head in toward mine until our foreheads were resting together. My breath became harsh and ragged, and Edward had halted breathing altogether.
Unable to stop myself, I tilted my head to the side and brought my lips up to meet his. Inferno. When our mouths met, he exhaled the icy breath he had been holding in, and the flavor that was uniquely Edward filled my senses. Unable to control myself any longer, my hands came up and tangled in his hair as my tongue came out to trace his lower lip, begging for entrance into the hive that bore the silky, sweet nectar that my mouth was craving.
His resolve finally snapped, and he grasped me firmly and pushed me into the door as his tongue plunged deeply between my lips to dominate my own. A loud groan escaped from my mouth, and my fingers pulled tightly at his hair. His cold, strong hands removed mine and he pinned them on either side of my head. He clearly wanted to be the one in control of the situation.
He pulled away from me, his lust-darkened eyes flicking from my swollen mouth to the vein beating wildly in my neck. Leaning down, he kissed a cool, leisurely wet path from my collar bone to my jaw with his velvety tongue. My aching cock was begging to be licked as well, and I bucked my hips into Edward's.
He buried his face into my neck and let out a loud, feral growl as our rock hard dicks ground into each other.
Holy shit, that was fucking hot!
He let my hands go and grabbed my hips forcefully, holding them in place with his unyielding hands. Our cocks were lined up against each other, and I was desperate for friction, but his grip wouldn't allow me even the slightest movement.
He kissed me again, once, twice and then pulled back. He no longer looked like an angel but more like the Prince of Darkness. His hair was in a wild disarray around his head, eyes onyx with a flaming gold ring around the edges as he stared at me through his lashes. That crimson mouth was open, and his teeth gleamed a bright white in contrast to the red. His chest was heaving and letting off a barely audible purring sound. It was heavenly for my soul to be wrapped up in the divine perfection of Edward Cullen.
My cock was still desperately trying to grind against his. He held me even tighter and roared loudly, "Enough!"
We kept our eyes locked for a few moments, mine stunned, his determined. After a bit, he brought his head down to mine and rasped, "How much do you think I can take? How strong do you think I am, Jasper? I can't do this, I can't put you at risk, don't you see?"
With that statement, he let me go, unlocked the door and walked into the house.
I am so fucking confused…put me at risk? Is he a criminal or something?
More determined than ever to get my answers, I followed him through the front door.
"Edward, where are you? We aren't done," I called into the house. "Quit fuckin' hiding. Don't be a pussy, get out here and talk like a man!" Yelling into an empty room had yet to produce Edward… where the hell was he?
"You can stop raising your voice, Jasper…I am right here." There he was, standing in a dark corner and looking predatory. He definitely gave off a vibe that made me want to stay away for the time being.
"You have to give me answers, Edward. Even if you tell me to leave you alone and never come back after we are done, please do this for me." We stood in silence for awhile, neither one of us uttering a word. I sank down on the couch and waited.
It seemed like hours had passed, but really it was only about thirty minutes before Edward finally emerged from the corner. He slowly began to pace back and forth in the living room. Never once did he raise his eyes to mine, like I didn't exist in that room. It almost looked like he was having a silent argument with himself, and I was not going to be the one to interrupt. Silence seemed to be what he needed at that moment.
When he finally stopped, I looked up at him, and his eyes finally connected with mine. Walking over to the chair across the room, he gracefully sat down and began to speak.
"Jasper, please let me get out what I need to say without interruption. There are some things I need to tell you. I want you to listen first, then you may ask your questions of me and I will answer them to the best of my ability."
I nodded my head at him, not saying a word. The need to hear what he had to say overpowered my need to speak at the moment.
He ran his hand through his hair and took a big breath. "First, allow me to apologize for the disgrace I made of myself at your apartment. My behavior was reprehensible. I never should have left without giving you a chance to speak, and I have felt terrible ever since."
First note: ask him how the hell he got me and my truck back to my apartment.
"I need you to understand, Jasper, that the way I acted the day I brought you to my home is not how I normally act. The instantaneous connection I felt with you was an unfamiliar emotion for me, and I am afraid I handled myself poorly."
He was looking at his hands, disgusted with himself, and I hated it. I promised not to speak, but it was so difficult to see him agonizing.
"There was absolutely no respect for you or your well-being in my head at the time, or what happened never would have come to pass. My only concern was to put my hands and mouth on you and to see if what I felt across the café could possibly be real."
Oh, Edward, it was real…it still is!
My heart couldn't take his suffering anymore, and I made to get up, but he shot a hand straight forward to stop me.
"Please," he gasped. "You promised me. Let me finish." The pleading in those honeyed eyes was almost too much for me to take, but for his sake I would stay put.
"Jasper, please don't think for one single solitary moment that I am in any way discounting the feelings that were there. I'm not. What I need from you is to understand that I do not see a feasible way for this to work. It just isn't possible."
Well that is fucking it! He can't spew shit like that and expect me to sit there like a fucking mute while he dumps my ass in the garbage.
"Fuck that shit, Edward!" I cried out. "Now I am fuckin' pissed." He was taken aback by my outburst, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. He didn't seem like the kind of person that was used to being yelled at, but I needed to get through to him, and I didn't know how else to do it.
"What do you mean the feelings that 'were' there. They are still there, jackass. You felt it on the porch, or you wouldn't have ravaged my mouth the way you did, and your dick was just as hard as mine, if not harder!" My heart was pounding, and I tried to catch my breath, but I was so furious.
He bellowed right back at me. "Do you think this is what I want? Do you? You have no idea the position I am in, Jasper. To want something so much and for it to be just out of my fingertip's reach. It is worse than smoldering in the fires of hell for all eternity." His voice broke at the last word, and that sound snapped me out of my anger.
"I am not out of reach, I am right here," whispering to him, I slowly made my way to where he was sitting. When I got close enough, however, Edward got up and went to stand at the window.
"Jasper, love, this isn't going to happen. We can never be happy together because at some point we will have to go our separate ways, and it will be so much easier to do it now rather than later when we both have too much of our souls invested in the relationship."
I wanted to bang my head against the wall; he was killing me.
"Why will we have to part ways? Why can't we even try? I need you, Edward…can't you see that?" Not caring that I sounded like a pathetic fool, I took a step closer to him.
"I want to try, Jasper. I really do. I just don't know what to do. I want to say you are mine and to make a life with you, I just don't know how."
I will show you how, angel, we will make it work, just listen to your heart, listen to mine call out to you.
He continued on, "Even if we did give it a try, it would have to be by my rules, do you understand that? The rules would be for your protection, Jasper. Could you even be in a situation like that?"
There he goes, being cryptic again.
"All I know is that I want you, Edward. The rest can and will work itself out."
He started to shake his head again. He was so fucking frustrating.
Talking to Edward was like talking to a brick wall. He seemed to be so dead set in how or if we would even attempt a relationship.
"Edward, how can you be so ready to walk away from something so right?" I pleaded with him.
He turned his stunning eyes toward me and finally met my gaze. "If anything happened to you because of me, Jasper, I couldn't bear it," he whispered. "You are everything I have looked for. You are worth it to me, I just know that being with me will not be worth it to you in the end. Please trust me on that."
He looked down at the floor once again, and I knew he was teetering between a yes and a no, so I did the only thing that might get through to him. Walking up to him, slowly yet determined, I reached out for his hands. The contact with his skin sent that searing flame through my body once again. It was heaven.
Looking into his amber gaze, I softly spoke into his ear, "Don't you feel it too? It will never be like this with anyone else, please don't let us go without a fight."
I stood there, terrified at the words that would escape those crimson lips. They would either mean happiness and love or despair and heartbreak. It was the longest wait of my life, but I had hope that he would choose love.
"I want this, Jasper. I want to be with you, I just don't know how." He sounded so lost, so dejected, and it was painful to listen to him.
"Edward," wrapping my arms around his granite torso, I laid my head against him. "Just don't say no, say you will try, say that you need me as much as I need you. Please, let me love you."
He gasped and pulled away from me in an instant, and I was left feeling cold and empty.
"What did you just say?" Looking at him with confusion on my face, I tried to recall what part he was talking about. Then a light bulb clicked in my head.
"I said to please let me love you." This was definitely one of those make or break moments; he was either going to send me packing, or he was going to accept our love for one another.
"I…I, " he sighed. "I need you, too, Jasper."
Not quite the reaction I was hoping for, but at least he admitted to feeling something.
"Then don't give up so easily, Edward. We can do this, even though I don't know what we are up against. You have me at a disadvantage there." I felt him reach out for my hand, and I allowed him to pull me back into his embrace.
He held me for a long moment before he whispered into my ear, "Can we just hold each other? I don't want to talk anymore right now, please?"
He wants to hold me? Who am I to argue with that? The problem was that I still had questions I needed answered.
Wrapping my arms around him I realized how exhausted I was from all the events that had lead up to being here.
"Edward, what I need right now is to rest. My mind is emotionally drained. Is there somewhere we can lay down and hold one another? I still want to finish our talk when we wake up, but more than that, what I need right now is to be with you."
A brilliant smile broke across his handsome face, and he kissed me lightly on the forehead.
"Yes, I think that sounds like a perfect idea, my Jasper. Let's go to my room and lie down."
I was only too happy to follow him up the stairs. We entered a huge room that was about the size of my apartment. There was a massive bed in the center of the room that didn't look like it had ever been slept in. The bedding and pillows looked like they belonged in an interior design magazine. The comforter was navy and gold, and it looked way too inviting to a man as tired as I was.
Edward walked over to the bed and removed the pillows with one sweep of his hand. He patted the bed for me to get in, and I jumped in and snuggled down. The sheets were cool against my flaming skin. It was so relaxing.
I felt Edward crawl in behind me, and he curled his body around mine. We laid there together, enjoying the feel of being wrapped up in each other's arms. I burrowed down a little further because, although I love being cuddled up to Edward, his skin was always so cold.
Must be a Cullen thing, because little Alice's hand was freezing too.
Right before I felt sleep take over I turned my head and kissed his sweet, satin lips. I felt his slick tongue dart out to taste my mouth.
"Sleep well, my Jasper," he sighed into my hair as I fell into a peaceful, deep slumber being held by my love.
A/N: ok…here is the rest. First of all, sorry this took a little while, my holidays were insane!
This was only the first half of the conversation they need to have, but I wanted to leave it somewhere we would all feel a little happy for them…they deserve it, no?
Jasper will ask a lot of tough questions for Edward, so don't think he is wussing out.
To all of you who have left reviews, you are the best…they mean so much to me, so thank you.
I will send a teaser out to those who review…so please do. If you do not get a teaser within 24 hours please PM me, you most likely left an anonymous review and I can't respond to those, but if you PM me I can respond with the teaser to that.
Until next time….