Random thoughts...this came out of it. No lemons, just a scenario that was in my head. No story will come out of this. just FYI. you all know I suck at updating, so we'll just lave it at that.

The music started and I sauntered, correction prowled, to the pole, gripping it with one hands as I spun around it and then yanked my legs up into the air, above me. They wrapped around the pole as I let go with my hands and ripped the white blouse from my body. I bit my lip at the cool air, savoring the tingle on my flesh, tasting the salt from my lips at my arousal. Something about exposing myself gave me a rush as I slowly slid down the pole, my legs in perfect V-format. I swung around, my back hitting the pole, as I put one hand above me, gripping it firmly, and slid down as I spread my knees, letting the bald-headed man sitting next to the stage a nice view of my bare flesh.

The music was the perfect tempo, making me want to run my hands through my hair and down my body as I let the pleasure shine through on my face. I couldn't see past the few ogling men by the stage, the rest of the club was dark. I grabbed the bottom of my skirt, shimming it down to my heels, pursing my lips at the men, watching them automatically lean forward in their seats, mouths agape, watching, waiting, expecting, just as excited as I was. I kicked the discarded skirt across the room, knowing Patrick (the bouncer) would grab them for me for my next performance. I went back to the pole, jumping up and wrapping my legs around, loving the feeling of cold, hard metal rub against my heated core as I spun around.

My bra was next to go, letting everything out, watching the men scream and shout in exuberance as they stared directly at my chest. It didn't matter to me; the paycheck is what mattered to me. I shook my chest, as subtly as I could, while crawling to the men, taking their $1's, $5's, and even $20's out of their hands, stashing it in my G-string.

I straightened out on my knees as I rubbed my hands all over my body, bending backwards as the music continued and the lights warmed my skin, masking me in a slight sweat. I jumped up on my heels, twirled and went back to the pole, twirling, jerking, spinning, and rubbing against it. I was so turned on; reminding me of another reason this job wasn't so bad:

One, it paid well.

Two, it was great exercise.

Three, it skyrocketed my self-esteem.

Four, and maybe the most important, but I would never say it out loud: it turned me on.

I smiled to myself as I thought about how many fantasies I would be in tonight after the club closed. I went on with my dancing, grabbing the pole and bending backwards as I dragged a hand down my throat, my chest, and then my stomach, going lower and lower while the men cheered above the music. I smiled to myself as I touched the sensitive flesh and then grabbed even more money from the greedy men. I was just as greedy as they were, if not more. We all thrived on getting "more and more" out of life, I knew that firsthand.

The song started slowing down as I went back to the pole, placed my leg around it, leaned back as the song stopped and the stage lights went dark. All I heard was hooting, hollering, cheering, clapping, and yowling. I walked off the stage, the girls all smiling and chatting while they got ready for their performances. I sat down at my counter, throwing on my t-shirt as I started taking off my fake eyelashes, the clip-in hair extension, and started using babywipes to clean off all the caked-on makeup.

"How'd it go? I heard the men out there, girl, you were on fire!" Leticia, also known as Kitty, exclaimed as she put cat-ears in her hair – all part of her leather, tight "Mistress Kitty" outfit.

"Thanks, it went as it always does," I laughed as I threw my hair up in a messy bun on top of my head and started taking off my pumps. I rubbed my sore feet while our boss, Mark, came in and explained the more important clients of the night. He was a great boss, knowing that just because we took our clothes off to make money, we still deserved respect. He hired the best bouncers in the county, just to make sure all the girls felt comfortable. He truly cared for his employees and was very generous when he thought you deserved it.

"Now remember, ladies, he could be helping us to be getting the money for a remodel backstage. What does that mean for you? It means possibly having dressing rooms," he smiled as the girls squealed in delight. "So Patty and Tammy, I want you guys working the crowds while Leticia is on stage, and Monica, no more punching guys for grabbing your ass. We've gotten complaints."

"Hey! That guy deserved it, he was grabbing all night," I heard from the corner where Monica sat, putting on her pink bikini.

"Just try to let the bouncers take care of it, Kendall was already coming over to tell him to knock it off before you gave the guy a black eye," Mark lectured, half-jokingly.

I turned off the lights at my table; put my legs in my sweats and my shoes in clogs. As much as I loved dressing up and looking sexy I was a sucker for a pair of baggy pants and an over-sized shirt. I stood, grabbed my bag full of make-up, outfits, shoes, and accessories and placed it on my shoulder, waving to everyone as I made my way to the door.

"Bella?" I turned around to see Mark holding an envelope to me. "This is for this week and tonight; I really appreciate you helping me out on the Ford's case. He seemed to really like you."

I took the envelope with a smile, "Mark, he was in love with on-stage Bella, the sexy vixen, he didn't really like me. He just liked my sex-appeal. But thank you for saying so."

"Well, still, you did a great thing for me and I hope you continue here for some time."

"With my bills, I will be," I laughed. "But I need to get home; I'll see you on Thursday?" He nodded and I turned to the door as Henry, one of the bouncers, walked out with me to my car. It was a rule for the dancers to be walked with, making sure they were taken care and Mark said it was a liability thing, but I think he just generally cared for us.

"Great show tonight, Bells," Henry spoke as he held the door open. I knew he didn't mean it in any other way than polite, that's just how Henry was.

"Thanks, but I'm glad to be going home for a few hours of sleep."

"Busy day, tomorrow?"

"I've got the opening shift at the diner, then class, and then I think I'm going to take the closing shift at the diner."

"Ouch, you know, I'm sure if you talked to Mark…" Henry began but I cut him off.

"No, I'm not a charity case, I don't need an advance, gift, or donation. I'm fine," I laughed and waved him off.

"Alright, Bells, but don't be afraid to talk to me or anyone here, we're here to help," Henry spoke as I unlocked my car door and got in, I thanked him one last time as I turned the key in the ignition and had the car roar to life, the muffler waking up sleeping neighbors, it was on my list of things to buy…when I got the money and the time.

I drove home, enjoying the silence and the peace, letting the moon be my only light. I turned the corner after a few miles, pulled into the parking lot, grabbed my personals, locked the car and then started the walk up the seven flights of stairs. I put the key into the lock, turned and was greeted by the aroma of Mac 'n cheese and the lights in the kitchen on. I put my stuff next to the door, closed the door and locked it, looking for any sign of movement. I threw my keys on the counter as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard, placing some of the artificial cheese-mixture into it, along with a tall glass of water, and heading out to the couch.

I set my glass on the coffee table, the one I bartered for half an hour at Goodwill's, as I looked up to see the copper-haired man set down his calculator and pen, running his hands through his hair as he smiled at me.

"Thanks for watching her," I whispered.

"Hey, she's my kid, too," he yawned as I took a bite of the lukewarm food, letting the mushy texture run down my throat. "How's the food?"

"Delicious," I lied. It was all I could afford; we didn't have the luxury to complain. "I know she's your kid, but you don't have to come over and watch her all the time, yet you do."

"Well, I got you pregnant, I take half the responsibility. Plus, I like it here, I get to be by you and her, I don't know why you won't let me move in."

"I just think we should take things slow," I said as I took a sip of my drink.

"Well, I'm going to finish classes in a few weeks, then I graduate, get a job, and we can buy a nicer apartment together, one with a working air-conditioner," he teased. "Even a new stuffed animal for Ness."

"I think you're living in a fantasy world," I replied.

"No I am not, I just think that things are going to be tight for a little bit longer, but not forever. I have hope."

"Hm," I nodded.

"How was the club tonight?" He asked as he put his arm on the top of the couch as I turned sideways. I grabbed the envelope out of my pocket and laid it on his lap.

"That, along with what I already made, should take care of the rent, groceries, and utilities this month," I sighed. He whistled as he counted the money. "Now you just need to get the money for new school clothes for our daughter and then we can use what we have already saved to pay for school."

"Okay, I can do that. I got another shift at Johnny's tomorrow night, does that work for you?"

"Yeah, I was going to grab another shift at the diner, but I can stay home with Ness, bartending pays more anyways."

"We could get my mom to watch her," he responded.

"No," I replied quickly. "No, we don't need any help. Besides I could use the time with her, I haven't seen her in two days, it's my turn."

"You sure?"

"Definitely. What time are you leaving for your shift tonight?"

"In a few minutes. Have you seen my blue shirt?"

"Yeah, I ironed it this morning while I was up, carrying Renesme, trying to rock her back to sleep."

"Thank you," He kissed the top of my head. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Walk around shirtless?" I joked as his body shook with laughter. We sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the silence and finally being able to be with each other. We hadn't had a night like this in over a month. We weren't married, he didn't owe me anything, he could leave whenever he liked. But somehow, he never did. He lived with his mom, I paid for my rent, and we both paid for stuff for Renesme. Sure, it would have been easier if he lived with us, but technically we weren't dating and it just would have been confusing for Renesme. Are mommy and daddy together? Are they friends?

Even I knew what I was doing was stupid, that Ness would have no problem with Edward living here. But if I was truly honest, I knew it was because I wasn't ready for him to live here. I wasn't ready to have him so close. He had gotten me pregnant and then he just left us' I was 19 and alone, without anywhere to go to. So I picked up more shifts at the diner and then one day, Edward came back, saying how sorry he was and how he would never do it again. I had no choice but to trust him, having nothing to lose and being more vulnerable for a man then I would ever tell a soul.

From that day on he always helped out, watching Ness when I had to be at the club, taking her to school, and even getting dinner on the table on nights like these. When I had Renesme, I would stay up all night studying, reading my history book aloud to her so she would fall back asleep. Suddenly, I had my figure back with fuller breasts, curvier hips, and was staring at the ad in the paper about needing exotic dancers at O'Malley's. I told Edward about it, who freaked about me taking my clothes off in front of strangers, but when told him the reasons I wanted to do it: the money, the self-esteem, and that if he left again, I could support myself on the salary, he seemed to stop shouting and listen to me. He told me that he would prove he was never going to leave again and that if I really wanted to do this, there needed to be rules, he would need to meet my boss and go to the club. He also wanted to see me dance, but I never allowed him too. That Bella and this Bella were two completely different people, he wouldn't even know that Bella.

"Looks like I've got to go," he whispered as he checked the clock. "Talk to you later?"

"Yeah," I nodded as I started picking up the dishes, he putting his papers back into his backpack, throwing it over his shoulder as he ran to get his blue shirt, changing in the living room. I heard a startled cry from Ness' room so I waved him goodbye, not before he kissed me on the cheek, as I ran back to our daughter, holding her and soothing her from her bad dream.

I was hoping someone would hold me and soothe me from the bad dream I was living.