Standard Disclaimer: All characters seen on Hannah Montana are the intellectual property of the Walt Disney Company. All characters seen on Star Trek: Voyager are the intellectual property of CBS Paramount.
A/N: This is another one of those wacky ideas that I'm writing just to get it out of my head.
Without further ado...
My Photonic Friend
30 miles southeast of Barstow, California
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" asked Miley Stewart, who was quite uncomfortable in her Hannah Montana outfit in the cab of a box truck with no air conditioning.
"Positive," replied Robbie Ray, who had elected to drive the truck himself so as to keep the operation as discreet as possible. "The last set of directions was to follow County Route 288 for fifteen miles, and we've been on that road for the last ten."
"Sorry to drag you along," apologized Hannah to her best friend Lilly Truscott, who accompanied them in her Lola Luftnagle persona.
"This isn't so bad," assured Lola. "Actually, it's kind of peaceful out here."
"If by 'peaceful,' you mean hot, bright, dusty," complained Hannah. "I'll be glad when this is over."
After a few more miles, they came upon an abandoned cinder block building. Robbie Ray parked the truck, and the three of them jumped out.
"Are you sure this is the place?" pestered Hannah.
"Hey-O!" greeted a familiar, but irritating voice from behind the building, before Robbie Ray could answer.
"Yep, this is it," commented Lola, rolling her eyes.
Around the corner walked the diminutive Latin entrepreneur Rico Suave, clad in a fedora, sunglasses, a Hawaiian print shirt, and khaki shorts.
"Remind me again why we're doing business with this twerp," groaned Hannah.
"Oh, I think you'll change your tune once you've seen the merchandise," boasted Rico with his usual sleazy grin.
"Yeah, about that," interjected Robbie Ray as he produced a clipboard for Rico to examine. "There is the small formality of protecting Hannah's identity."
"Oh, please," quipped Rico, snatching the clipboard from Robbie's hand and examining it for a moment before signing. "Like I've never seen a non-disclosure agreement before."
Robbie examined the clipboard to make sure the signature was actually Rico's.
"All right," said Rico. "Let's head inside and do business."
Robbie took a quick look around to make sure all the windows were properly boarded before signaling an OK to Hannah and Lola.
"Okay, Miley and Lilly," said Rico. "You can take your wigs off, now."
"You knew it was us the whole time?" said Lilly in disbelief as she removed her wig.
Rico snorted. "Please, I figured it out months ago."
"Why didn't you tell anybody?" asked Miley.
"You think I'm going let that sort of high-quality blackmail go for free?"
Miley nodded. "Well, I'm glad you're willing to turn blackmail into a business opportunity."
Rico smiled. "Always."
Rico resumed work on the electronics he'd been tinkering with when the truck arrived.
"So," continued Rico. "I make it a point to know my customers before they walk in the door. There are certain things Hannah needs to do – book and CD signings, movie premieres, miscellaneous photo ops – that Miley doesn't always have time to do."
"Never for concerts, though," interjected Miley.
"Of course not," agreed Rico. "But there are still times when you need to be in two places at once."
"And that's when Jackson informed us that you have a state-of-the-art holographic system," added Robbie.
Rico chuckled. "Holograms? Mister, I don't deal in second-rate merchandise. What I'm offering is a next-generation isomorphic projection system."
"Technobabblespoutintwerpsaywhat?" exclaimed Miley.
"I'm talking about more than just a trick of the lights, toots," explained Rico. "An isomorphic projection system uses force-fields to actually manipulate objects the physical world. Imagine a virtual Hannah double that can actually shake a fan's hand, indistinguishable from the real thing."
Miley donned a Cheshire grin. "Now you're talking. Just demo this baby for me, and you've got yourself a deal."
Rico grinned in reply. "Just a few more adjustments and that'll be right up for you."
A few minutes later, Rico had the system wired up and ready to go.
"Hit it," instructed Rico. Robbie Ray threw the switch, causing the system to activate with a light show and a loud electrical hum.
Miley offered Rico a USB stick. "Here's all the data you need about me, including my measurements. Which, by the way, every single celebrity rag has gotten wrong."
"Hold on," instructed Rico as he waved her off. "There's a program in the holo-buffer."
"Can you terminate it?" asked Miley.
"Not advisable," explained Rico as he keyed in a few more commands. "It could destabilize the holo-matrix. Maybe if I activate the program and let it run, it'll self-terminate."
All present stood silently in shock as a medium-height, mostly-bald middle-aged man in a style of military uniform none of them recognized appeared in the middle of the room.
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," requested the photonic man.
End of Chapter One
A/N: I know, it's short. I wanted it to be a kind of cold-open. Let me know what you think! More to come!