"-Snuffles, please tell me what I should do. I'm very confused about all this, and I thought you would be the best person to ask. Love, Harry," Sirius read aloud to Remus with increasing panic. He shook the letter in the werewolf's face. "There's a complete stranger in his house! And Harry let him in! Good god, someone needs to teach him about stranger danger. Harry could be killed! That impostor could be anyone - a criminal, a serial killer, or even a rapist!" Sirius rambled.
Remus mused to himself, "Hm, I always knew that Lily's trip to North Africa to find rare potion ingredients sounded a little fishy. No wonder!"
"Oh my god. What if he's a rapist? Harry's alone with a RAPIST! A rapist who is pretending to be his brother! We must go save him!" Sirius shouted. He finally noticed that Remus was paying absolutely no attention to him. "Remus!" he exclaimed. "Didn't you hear me? Harry is in danger!"
Remus blinked. "Ah, yes. I heard you," he replied.
"Well then," Sirius made a grab for his coat, "what are you waiting for?"
Remus, with his superior reflexes (because being a werewolf did have its perks), snatched it up first. "Oh no you don't," he warned. "Remember the last time you acted without thinking? We ought to contact Albus and see what he thinks first. Furthermore, you are a wanted criminal in both the Wizarding and Muggle World. That sort of reputation precedes you and makes it quite difficult to get around."
Sirius nearly tore his hair out in frustration. "Don't you care about Harry at all?" he asked.
"Of course I do," Remus snapped. "But I'd rather not put all three of us in danger by doing something foolish. Now, send a message to Dumbledore before I strap you down to the chair."
"Fine!" Sirius screamed. "I will!"
"Good," Remus said calmly.
Sirius made a frustrated moan that sounded something like, "Guarghahh - goddamnit - youandyourbloodylogic!" and stalked out of the room. He also slammed the door closed in spite. Remus only rubbed his temples. He was fired from teaching at Hogwarts, so just why was he still babysitting?
Sirius had immediately sent a message to Albus, consisting of 90% conjecture and freaking out. After waiting for five minutes impatiently, he received a reply. Dumbledore had written back that he was quite sorry, but that would be too dangerous at this point, and why didn't Sirius just sit down and have some tea because Harry surely could handle himself, hadn't he dealt with much worse things?
Sirius said back that yes, while Harry was the Boy-Who-Lived and all that rubbish, he was also only fourteen years old, plus he was Sirius' GODSON, and Sirius really believed his going to Surrey would be best for everyone, just in case.
Their conversation had continued, with Sirius' side getting increasingly more vitriolic. In the end, he mailed a short letter that went like this:
You've helped me out a lot this summer, and I appreciate it.
However, Harry is my godson. And right now, he's in danger.
So kindly piss off, you old codger. If you need me, you can owl Privet Drive, because that is where I am GOING.
- Your Beloved Snuffles
Sirius reentered the room and said brusquely, "We came to a mutual agreement." Mutual agreement being that they both knew Albus was a bastard and only one of them would actually say this out loud.
"Alright," Remus sighed. "Glamours it is."
The doorbell rang, and Harry hopped up to get it. He smiled at Gaara, "It'll just be a second." But who on earth could it be? He opened the door and said with disbelief, "Sirius? Remus? What are you two doing here? No, what are you wearing?" The two men were dressed in suits, presumably to blend in. However, Sirius' tie was neon green with flamingos, and he was wearing his trousers backwards. They had obviously been in a hurry if Remus hadn't had time to force Sirius into something normal.
Sirius rushed into the house and patted Harry down. "Oh, are you alright Harry? I got here as soon as I could," he said worriedly as he checked Harry's eye for dilation. Finding no visible problems, he hugged his godson tightly.
Harry laughed, "Not that this isn't a great surprise, but why did you come? I was expecting an owl, not you two in person!"
Sirius' smile morphed into a scowl. He stalked into the living room. "You!" Sirius growled at the slightly surprised looking boy sitting innocently on the couch. He started stomping over to him when Harry tugged on his sleeve.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sirius, what's with the angry face? That's Gaara! Didn't I tell you about him?" he tried to ask.
Sirius' face softened at Harry's words, and he said gently, "Yes you did, Harry. And that was very smart and very brave of you. You don't have to be scared anymore. Now, I am going to break that rapist's face, so you may want to close your eyes for this bit."
Remus was thumping his head on the wall nearby. Harry looked extremely confused now, "But...Gaara's not a rapist."
Sirius said horrified, "Oh no, he's brainwashed you. Is this what Remus was talking about? The Stocker Holming syndrome! It's worse than I thought."
He whipped around to face Gaara and withdrew his wand. "You!" he said again. "How dare you hurt my godson! I'm going to hex you into next Tuesday!" He raised his arm - only to have Harry tackle him. Neither of them noticed that Gaara had tensed up or that a small trail of sand had risen in his defense.
"Sirius! What the hell are you doing?" Harry yelled.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Remus apologized. "I couldn't stop him. You know how Sirius is once he gets an idea in his head."
Finally, Gaara spoke up. "It seems that we all have much to explain."
Author's Note: Sorry, this was a spur of the moment thing. I know it has plot holes large enough to drive a truck through, but it made sense in my head. So, er, suspend your disbelief shortly? Reviews are always welcome! I think I made a few errors so point them out for me.