Title: I Wouldn't Change a Thing
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: angst, schmoop, sexytimes, slash. Also, spoilers and speculation for 5.04 promo and for the clips released.
Summary: Written for the deancaskinkmeme on livejournal for the following prompt:
Dean wakes up after his misadventures in the Croatoan!future and is relieved to find Present-day Castiel watching over him, alive, well, and drug-free. He then proceeds to show Castiel just how much he appreciates him for being the socially awkward overly serious Castiel we've all come to know and love.
Awareness hit Dean like a punch to the gut. He started awake, gasping heavily. His heart was pounding, though considering the nightmare-like future he had just come back from, that wasn't surprising. If only I could write it off as just a nightmare, he thought to himself.
"Dean," a familiar voice said.
Dean jerked his face up in the direction from where the voice had come, reaching for the gun under his pillow purely out of habit. Seeing that Castiel was there, he abandoned the gun and sat up more fully on the bed.
"Jesus, Cas, is that really you?"
Castiel frowned, the distress in Dean's voice preventing him from remarking on the misuse of the Lord's name.
"It is me," he said, confusion apparent in his tone, "Dean…what is the matter?"
Dean swallowed. His throat felt dry, and as much as he was trying to fight it he felt his body beginning to shake. After everything he had seen, he wanted more than anything to reach out and hug Cas. He needed reassurance that this, around him, was all real. He didn't hug Castiel, however, but began to haltingly explain.
"It was your buddy Zach…He sent me five years into the future," Dean let out a humorless laugh, "He probably figured…it would make me agree to be Michael's bitch."
Castiel had gone tense at the mention of Zachariah, but if he wondered how the angel douchebag had contacted Dean, he didn't interrupt. He shifted closer, sitting beside him on the bed, as Dean continued talking.
"It was-…there aren't words. Sam agreed to be Lucifer's vessel. I…I lost him. And I…I was scared of myself. I thought that after Hell that I couldn't become more fucked up." Another laugh, "I guess I was wrong. The stuff that I…that he did…I never thought I would be capable of that."
Dean chanced a look at Castiel, and the angel was staring at him with a depth of concern that startled him. He felt himself shaking more at the memories, and Castiel reached out a hand to rest on his own, stilling him. It gave him the strength to continue his story.
"You were there, you know. But-" he paused, trying to think of the best way to explain it, "you were different. You weren't fallen, not fully, but you had barely any of powers. It wasn't just that, though. You were stoned…and hosting orgies."
Castiel's brows furrowed. He was perturbed, but Dean could tell he was also considering the best way to respond.
"It would seem, then, that I do not die a virgin?"
Dean tried to laugh. It was a rare occurrence when his angel cracked a joke, but right now it fell flat.
"That wasn't what bothered me," Dean lied, "You weren't doing those things because you wanted to…you were doing them because you felt there was nothing left you could do. And…well…you've always been the strong one, in my mind. Even when you questioned your crap orders, you never questioned your faith. I guess I admired that, because I never really had that kind of faith."
Dean faltered a moment, tears threatening the corners of his vision, before continuing, "Sammy and I…we get pushed into all these different situations. And sometimes, we break. But you, Cas…you always seemed so unshakable. Five years down the road, though, and no God in sight, it broke your faith. And that-…seeing that hurt me as much as seeing Sam possessed by the devil. Because it wasn't you, Cas. You're infuriating as hell sometimes, but that's who you are. And…God, I've missed you."
He hugged Cas then, the last barrier in his mind crumbling as he embraced the angel. He was crying now, but he didn't care, he needed to feel Castiel in his arms. And Castiel, after a second's hesitation, hugged him back. The angel didn't say anything for now, he just held him tightly, rubbing small circles into Dean's back with his thumbs. Dean felt protected in that embrace. He felt loved. It was a good feeling.
After a few minutes, Castiel pulled away slightly, just far enough so that they could see each other face-to-face again.
"It doesn't have to be that way, Dean. Nor is it your only alternative to accepting Michael into you. Zachariah is manipulative, and it is likely that he embellished on certain details in order to sway you."
"But-…" Dean began, but was silenced by a finger to his lips.
"Shhhh," Castiel said. He moved the finger to sweep a tear from Dean's cheek. "You know a possible future, and knowing will help you prevent that from happening. Destiny is malleable…there are many different roads that will lead to a similar destination. But…if it makes you feel any better, from what you've told me, I remain by your side. I will always remain by your side."
"Just…promise me one thing, Cas."
"Don't lose your faith, no matter what happens, Cas. Even if you never do find God, don't stop believing that he's out there. Because…I need you to be strong. I need that constant in my life. I need you…"
Dean trailed off again, realizing what he was saying. But Castiel wasn't pulling away from him, he was gazing at him sadly. Dean realized he had never seen Castiel's blue eyes this close up before, and then they were sliding behind lids as the angel leaned in to press a soft kiss against Dean's lips.
Dean was stunned for a moment, a low tingle spreading from where the lips were still pressed against his, before returning the kiss. He kept it slow, allowing Cas to lead the kiss, and the angel began curiously exploring across his mouth. He broke off, capturing Dean's gaze again.
"Dean, I promise not to lose faith," Castiel said, and Dean noticed that the angel didn't specifically say who he would have faith in.
Castiel kissed his lips again, then said, "As long as I am alive and on earth, I promise I will be here for you."
"Do you promise not to get stoned and have orgies?"
"I promise you that I will abstain from substance abuse, and all hedonistic acts unless they involve you," Cas said, a sly smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Dean surged into him, capturing the angel's lips, claiming them. He pressed his body up against Castiel's, feeling the heat of the angel's body even through several layers of clothing.
"Is this the sort of hedonism you had in mind, Cas?"
"Perhaps," Castiel said softly, bringing his hand up to comb through Dean's hair. The gentleness of that action was so surprising that it caused Dean to tremble again, though not out of fear, or trauma. He felt exposed and vulnerable under the angel's gaze, but at the same time he knew he was safe. "What is it that you want, Dean?" the angel's face slipped a moment, and Dean could see insecurity hidden there, "With my powers…diminished…I cannot perceive the emotions and thoughts of others as I once could. Do you seek physical comforts because of what it is you experienced in the future?"
"Okay, creepy stalker powers aside, Cas, it's not like that. The things I saw in the future were terrible, but I'm not looking for a pity fuck. What I want-…I want you, Cas. All of you. And…I've wanted this for a while now, but it took going to the future for me to finally admit it to you."
This time, when Dean leaned in towards Castiel, he did it slowly, allowing the angel to meet him partway there. This time, the kiss was slow but passionate, increasing in intensity the longer it continued. Castiel's fingers trailed along the hem of Dean's t-shirt, tugging it upwards. Dean lifted his arms, allowing the shirt to be pulled off. He set to work on Castiel's own torso, pushing the trench coat and jacket off together, then dragging the tie out of its poor knot. He began unbuttoning the shirt, looking back up at Castiel's face as he did so.
The angel was staring at Dean's chest, his expression unreadable. Dean fidgeted nervously under his gaze, but quickly finished the last buttons on Castiel's shirt, and pushed it off. Castiel hadn't stopped looking at Dean's torso, but his eyes had moved from the anti-possession tattoo, fixing on the handprint branded on his shoulder. Castiel's right hand twitched, but he didn't lift it.
"Cas, would you…like to touch it?"
"May I?" The angel's eyes connected with Dean's again, and there was so much hope in those blue eyes that Dean couldn't have refused even if he wanted to. Unable to trust his voice if he responded, Dean nodded his assent.
Cas raised his right hand towards the print, hesitated a moment, before pressing palm to skin. Dean couldn't suppress the wrecked moan that escaped his throat at that contact. His entire body seemed to hum in response, like a plucked guitar string. He fucking resonated. The sensation went straight to his dick, and he was hard and aching within seconds. Imagine that, Castiel the angel, better than any porn.
Dean bit down hard on his lip to prevent himself from coming in his pants. He unbuttoned his jeans and dragged the zipper down to offer some relief in pressure. Castiel didn't remove his hand from the print, choosing instead to begin outlining it with the pads of his fingers. Dean breathed in sharply, the trace of fingers feeling as though trails of fire were being lit along his skin. While Castiel continued his attention to the handprint, Dean slid out of his jeans and boxers, hissing at the cool air hitting his aroused and leaking cock.
"Cas…not gonna last long if you keep that up," Dean said, a bit embarrassed by how desperate his voice sounded. Castiel's face had a look of intense concentration on it, tinged with curiosity, as he continued to stroke the handprint.
Castiel removed his hand, and Dean gave a sigh of relief. Not that it hadn't felt amazing, but he wanted to last long enough to show the angel some pleasure as well. His relief was short-lived, however, as Castiel leaned in towards Dean and began tracing the handprint with his tongue.
Dean moaned loudly and fisted his hands into the blanket. The wave of pleasure took him completely by surprise, and a moment later he was coming across his stomach. Dean shuddered through his orgasm, breath coming in short pants. As the rush of feeling subsided, Dean slumped backwards, allowing himself to fall back onto the bed. He felt blessed-out and exhausted. It was, hands down, the best orgasm he had ever experienced, and his cock hadn't been touched once.
Castiel looked down at Dean with a curious expression, head tilted to one side. He looked so familiar, all innocence and confusion, and Dean felt an ache within his chest. This was the Cas he knew, the Cas he now realized he cared about. Dean reached up, combing his fingers through the angel's surprisingly soft hair, and then pulled him down into a languid kiss.
"Cas, what about you? You haven't-…" He began fumbling with Castiel's belt, trying to get it undone.
Castiel stilled his hands, "Sleep for now, Dean. There will be time for that when you wake up."
Dean couldn't argue the exhaustion overtaking him, but he still tried to argue. "But…you're still a virgin. It's not fair."
Castiel smiled. "Rest, Dean. My virginity can wait a couple hours more. Sleep, or I will make you." He waved two fingers threateningly towards Dean's forehead.
Dean batted the hand away, and pulled Castiel down on the bed next to him. Castiel raised an eyebrow suspiciously, but Dean said, "If you're going to make me sleep, then you're gonna lay down beside me. No arguing."
Castiel smiled again and pulled Dean close to him. He began running fingers through Dean's hair, and Dean felt himself being lulled to sleep.
"The next time you inform me that you are in Kansas City, you would do well to inform me of which Kansas City you are in."